Thursday, April 30, 2009

UGH...

I don't want this blog to be a downer...so I didn't post yesterday. I am feeling so funky from that stupid zoloft ( or really lack of it ). Good thing I know this won't last forever. It's almost like I've got tracers today. ( don't know what tracers are...ask ) NEVER NEVER NEVER again will I take that stuff. I feel like a whinner. UGH.. My knee cyst is giving me fits too. I guess in order for the cyst to go away, I need to have the tear fixed. DANG IT. I am so afraid that if I get the surgery I won't get back into the groove of walking. Plus there is the whole pain pill thing too. I have been doing so good. Every day WALKING. I feel like I need a good cry. That usually makes things better. Maybe I will watch a sad movie and cry about someone else's problems.

OK Whinning DONE! OVER AND OUT. I am eating so much better this week. I am not as hungry and my H2O intake is rockin! I am eating a good breakfast. Taking the time after my morning walk to fix something filling. Seems to be working.

Work is slowing down alittle. I feel better now that I am almost ready for the audit. Be prepared and ye shall not fear.....right? Right! I am going to my grandson's kindergarten graduation tonight. Watch for pics to be posted. I am going to look at another house too.

My daughter and the kids came to my house last night for dinner and park play. She and I had a miscommunication last night and we were waiting for each other at 2 differant places. Funny thing, we both thought something must have happened to each other. We left messages for each other, almost identical, that said "where are you", "you better not be dead at the side of the road". You know the drill. The mom freak out call. Anyway, we both had to laugh. We are so REALATED!

Going to take it easy today. Try to stay in the right frame of mind. Be grateful for all the wonderful blessings I enjoy, and try to kind to those around. It's harder then you might think, right? Or is that just me? I loved the post by Barefoot Pixie at thelastingchange.blogspot.com. She talks about wanting to live a more Christ centered life. AWESOME post. She tells a story that had me crying at 4:30 AM. Check it out.

Make it a great day

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Happily surprised

I still manged a 1.4 lb loss last night at WW. I know it's the walking that is saving my butt. I will take the loss and will continue to improve my food choices and increase my H2O. I still don't drink enough water, and I love H2O. I went food shopping at Sprouts after the meeting and got some more waffles ( they really stayed with me yesterday morning ) and some pop chips, love those things. I also pick up some celery....I ate some at book club and it was so sweet, almost like candy. I am hoping that mine is as good. I bought a pricey watermelon last week and it was no good. I hate that. Waste of money!

No word on the houses yet. It's going to be a little bit longer of a process to find out. Both houses have a few bids. I am going out again tonight to look at another one. I am bound to be a home owner! I can wait. When I have a backyeard I am going to have a garden. I am feeling better and better about moving. Not as scared...at least not right this minute.

I know this might sound dumb, but I never noticed how I tied my shoelaces. I read on some blogs about how people where saying that the bow is off to one side because it is hard to tie shoes and be fat. I looked down, and yep, shoelaces where off to the side. Well.....I have been making sure that my bow is in the middle of my shoe. I am not sure why this is so important to me. Everytime I tie my shoes now, I smile, cause my bow is in the middle. I can bend over and tie my laces IN THE MIDDLE............that's a new NSV.

I am going to stay busy at work today......I'll be glad when next week's audit is over. Not so tingling today.....so YEA. Off to walk........

Stay positive.......

Monday, April 27, 2009

back to work..

It's hard to go back to work after such a nice weekend. But here I am. I have been cleaning and filing all morning. Getting ready for an anual audit here at work. I want things to go well, and to be able to find things. I feel much better knowing that I have done my best here at the office.

I told my landlord that I had put bids in on a house. He was very nice, and told me he hoped I'd get it. He is my boss too...lol. I went back over and looked at the houses yesterday when I took the boys home. I am really anxious to see what happens with the bids. I should hear something on one of the houses today.

I was up at 3 am this morning. I went to bed very early last night, I was on a binge and wanted to stop the madness! I can't sleep in, but I can go to bed early to make for it! I was pooped anyway since I didn't sleep well with the 2 boys kicking me out of bed the night before. I got alot done this morning around the house and then got 60 minutes of walking in this morning before work. I really like having walking partners....it makes it much more fun.

I am feeling very "tingling" from the zoloft withdrawl......I wish I would have done it with more tapering down, instead of almost cold turkey....stupid, I know. Kind of dizzy too. I am not driving, and actually feel better then yesterday. I went to Walgreen's last night to get some stuff, and I almost had a freak out in the candy aisle. I had a battle with myself right there. damn candy! I "thought" I wanted chocolate. I don't even like chocolate, and besides, I have enough treats at home. I walked out of the store with sugar free gum instead. I ripped open that gum and stuffed a peice in mouth. That's when I decided to just hit the sack!

I have a weigh in tonight. My eating was not the best over the weekend. I tried, and know that I did my best. Things could have been alot worse. So whatever happens, well I have no one but myself to blame. I need to remind myself that I have NSV's that really mean more then that number......REMEMBER that. Life happens and I have to be flexible and kind to myself. My knee, or actually that cyst behind the knee is giving me fits. I walked every day this weekend. So that's good too.

Best get back to the grind.....These bills aren't going to pay themselves...

Good Monday!

Sunday, April 26, 2009

the bird park
















Had a great evening last night with my grandsons. We had spagetti dinner ( their favorite ) and then watched a movie all of us in bed with popcorn. Turkey spagetti and lite popcorn. They didn't even know they were eating healthy! I had made a bed on floor for the 5 year old, but somehow in the middle of the night I was kicked out of my bed to the bed on the floor. It was the only way to get some sleep. I was up my usual time, the butt crack of dawn, and was waiting for them to wake up. We had Kashi waffles, turkey bacon, and strawberries. Then we headed to the bird park. We somehow managed to lost, again. ( I secretly like to get loss, then I get in more steps ) By the time we were almost back to the car, the 3 year old refused to pudge, so I had to carry him. They both said they were ready for a nap.....what a laugh that was! I took some pictures this morning and thought I would share them.
I will admitt I binged yesterday....but on low cal healthy stuff. I did however get to that uncomfortable full stage. Hated it. Wished so bad I hadn't done it. That was before 4pm. I did mange to get back on track, but still felt full when I fell asleep. I weighed at my daughter's. I don't know why I do that it's not right. Anyway, I weighed the same as last week. WW WI is tomorrow night, so we'll see what happens. I am ok with it. Sometimes the death of a loved one, no matter how much of a blessing, can throw me for a loop. I lost my husband on Christmas day in 1996, my dad 10 days later and my mother was gone by September of that same year. It was a rough year. death doesn't scare me, or freak me out. It's being left behind. sometimes.....
Enough of that....all in all feeling good. I am making good choices today. I have made arrangements to get some counseling, and I feel good about that too. Hope everyone is having a beautiful Sunday. I am off to get ready for church. I hope I don't sweat to death today...I'd like to stay the entire time.
Life is good..........stay grateful

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Sweet Nadine

My sweet friend Nadine passed away at 11 am. I will miss her so much, she has been such a big part of my life for 2 years. I know that her sweetheart of 65 years was there to meet her and they are having a happy reunion. I love you Nadine.

Cleaning house

I woke up at 4 am and decided to start on the house, saying I would only go for like an hour. It is amazing what you can get done in an hour...ok probably closer to 2 hours by the time I stopped. What did I do, well....

1. cleaned kitchen, mopped, swept, clean out the fridge, straightened cupboards
2. clean out drawers and closet in got rid of fat clothes.
3. got the laundry ready to go and started.
4. changed sheets and deep clean bedroom.

Then after I was done with that I went for a 3 mile walk! I feel so FREAKING good. I almost sat down and cried this morning after I finished cleaning. It makes me feel so much better when everything is in it's place. If only I would keep it like that. I still have to do the bathroom, but that will be a breeze. then I am going to go to the movie this morning. $5 movies before noon. I am going to see The Soloist. Then over to see my Sweeet Nadine. The sweet little old lady that I have helped take care for 2 years is unresponsive and not eating, so I know that it won't be long now. I was so sad last night coming out of her house to know that she won't ever make me laugh again. I love her so much. Her family made me feel like their family and I will miss the relationship that I have had with them. I always maintain the relationship with the families, but it's never like it was. CHANGE......it is the only thing that is for sure in this life!

I am feeling better today, much better. I have been tapering off my zoloft, and I have been feeling kind of weird. I had a really bad with draw from Paxil about 8 years ago, so I am being careful, that could also account for why I have been more anxious over the past couple of days. I have talked with the doctor, I am going to start on hormones. So we'll see what happens. I am hoping this will help me out with a number of things. Time will tell. Making good decisions today. Good eating, moving and most of all good THINKING. Thanks for all your encouraging words.

Have a good weekend, and be positive!

Friday, April 24, 2009

by the way..

Still no sign of the cats, but the food is disappearing. So I think it's safe to assume they are still alive.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

off the subject.

Okay, this really isn't weight loss realted, only in the sense that I was on my walk when this happened. My neighbor asked if I would look after her cats while she is away this week. I said yes, even though I don't know her very well, and she is a ...well a "cat woman". I had not been there since Monday. While I was there this morning, while I was on my walk, I didn't see any cats. She has 4. So I was kind of freaked out. I don't want to be the neighbor that killed the cats....so I went looking in the apartment for signs of kitty. When I went in her room to look for them I was SHOCKED to see HUGE WALL PAINTING OF A CAT. If was like something you would see in a B horror movie. I was waiting for the walls to bleed ( insert scream ). Anyway, last time I do something this neighborly! Plus, the place smelled so BAD. How does someone live like that. Not that I judge ( whatever )

Food is good, on plan. I had a small dish ( 1/2 cup ) of low fat forzen yogurt last night. That stuff was AWESOME! Yummy. Walk alittle this morning, but I will do more on treadmill later. No word on the houses yet. It's hard to get everyone do jump when you need them too. I guess people are allowed to have lives....lol.

I have my book club tonight. I love to read! This month's book is Three Cups of Tea by Greg Mortensen. I think this is an extremely important book for the Western world to read. ESPECIALLY with what's going on in Paskistan right now. This man's mission is to build schools there and in Afganistan. Another book I am reading right now is the biography of Warren Buffet. People's real lives are so much more interesting then fiction. At least I think so.

I downloaded an episode of The Closer to watch while I walk on the treadclimber....Brenda lee Johnson rocks. I love that show.

Be Positive.....good day!

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Do I have any bidders

Good morning! I was up and out the door to walk this at 5:30 am. Walked about 3 miles with my neighbor and had a nice chat. What a great way to start the day! I have a NSV to share ( I found out what that ment ) I am fitting comfortably into a size 18, and really can't wear my size 20's anymore. I have to keep pulling them up! So yea! I need to go the food store. I really hate to go. However, I do like to eat. Tracking is going better, and I am OP. Trying to drink at least half gallon of water today.

I am putting an offer in on 2 houses so we'll see what happens. I switched realtors and this kid is a go gettter! I called the other guy yesterday, and he still hasn't called me back. This kid has already got me into see the homes I wanted to see, plus he will have the offers ready today. Feeling good about the move, still alittle scared, but truly what have I got to loose. One house is just one street behind my daughter. She is excited too.

Today I feel confident in me. It's a good feeling

Have a good day....be confident! You can do it!

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

WW weigh in.....239.2 lbs down 2.4 lbs

I am in the 230's. Yippee! I knew that I hadn't loss 5 lbs. My daughter's scales are wrong. I am happy with the number. I am down a little more then 25 lbs in 8 weeks of Weight Watcher's. I am going to track better this week, I still don't track very well....I just eat alot of the same things over and over. I know that my tracking is going to have to improve. Maybe I should do it online. Anyway, I am going to move more, and drink more water. The water really gets the shaft over the weekend.

I am going to look at another house tonight. Then spend some time with my daughter and the grandkids. Best get dressed, I am going walking in about 15 mins. It's getting too hot to walk in the afternoons. It was 97 degrees yesterday. It's almost time to swim! I need a new suit!

have a good Tuesday........I will do the same.

Monday, April 20, 2009

the grandsons

These are the grandsons at the older one's adoption. Javi and Carson (left to right)

sisters



I just found out how to do pics. Here are my granddaughters, Tatum in the highchair and Alivia in the dress. They are just the sweetest sisters.

she made me.....25 lbs thinner




My coworker thought I looked extra skinny today....no I don't sign her checks! Here it is. I don't really see a difference, but you be the judge. I did buy a new bra, and I'm still hanging low....SAD.

be kind......to yourself too.

I had a nice weekend. It's getting hot here already. 100 degrees within days. Dang it. I am not ready for the heat. Went walking on Saturday and Sunday. My knee seems to be bugging me a bit. I just strolled through the bird park with my grandson Sunday morning, went for mile. He loved it! He was such a good boy for his overnight. My daughter decided to stay home and paint, so I didn't have to sit. I just took my 5 year old grandson home.

I went to church yesterday, but I was dripping in sweat. I left early. Nobody else seemed that hot. My sweating problem really can effect my life. It is embrassing to have the sweat GLEAMING off your face and down your back. My hair was soaked half way up the back of head and running down my back yesterday. I am waiting for my Seven Plus juice to come in the mail. Maybe today. I really think it helps my knee and my hot flashes.

I felt alittle tense and anxious yesterday afternoon. I felt exhausted after church, so I just napped and watched TV the rest of the day. I was, of course, up at 3:30 AM That's ok, I wasn't starving, and wanting to eat like an emotional wreck.......like I was yesterday. I feel beeter this morning though. Weigh in at WW tonight. I have to admitt, I weighed at my daughter's and I was down like 5 lbs from the WW weight last week. I don't believe it....so I am nor even getting my hopes up. We'll see! The most important thing is I am paying attention to what I am eating, I really doing the best I can, and I am FEELING better. Both physically and emotionally. Sometimes even both...on the same day! I was able and wanted to spend time outdoors with my grandson instead of sitting in the house watching a DVD. I know I am looking better, cause people are actually asking me if I've lost some weight. That is nice, but there again, I know I need to keep going. I am almost down to my lowest weight from when I lost weight last year. My goal is to NOT SABOTAGE MYSELF!!! Give myself a break, I am dealing with lots of stuff. I just will not quit.

We looked at homes on Saturday, but they are bank owned and kind of yuck. So I am still going to look around. Something will happen.

Have a good Monday......Remember how quick Friday came last week. I am going to go get myself spiritually centered. Or as some people call it...PRAY. Say kind things to others and yourself today!

Friday, April 17, 2009

Friday

Well it's the end of another work week. School is almost over. It is going to be sunny and warm today. NICE. I went out and looked at houses last night, took the kids to the park, while my grandson had his footbal practise. I was so upset. I lost my new pedometer. ON THE 1st DAY using it. My walking buddy gave it to me. It wasn't a cheap one either. I looked and looked, but no meter. So I am going to buy a new one, so she doesn't find out what a dope I am. My fat roll kept popping it off my pants. DAMN IT. I was over 10,000 steps too. I loved using it. I ran again last night, further then I did the other day. IT FEELS SO GOOD! So far so good with the knee.

I went to my little church get together last night. Women only! So nice. I love my church!

Different women brought a shoe that ment something to them. It was so inspiring!! Everyone has a story. Nobody lives an ordinary life.....nobody. I love the thought, it allows me to be kinder to those around me. Sometimes I forget that the world doesn't revolve around me. That others have a harder road to walk then others. It's at times this that I thank my Heavenly Father for my PROBLEMS. I have it good! The food was great too. I had a little of everything I "wanted" , even the cake.....but just the cake, no frosting, and just half. Yummy. I still feel good about my choices! Drank lots of water, almost a half gallon.

I am looking forward to the weekend. I will walk in the morning with my walking buddy, and on the treadclimber later today. Going back out to babysit my grandkids as a favor to my son. My daughter and he have an arrangement, she pays him to sit every weekend. He has to go to his best friend's college graduation. I am hoping it might inspire him to start college...BRAT..lol. If only people would do what I say........EEk....don't even kid about that!

Have a great day......remember the Golden Rule

Thursday, April 16, 2009

happy

I walked before and after work yesterday. I walked about 5 miles. I was quite pleased with myself. My knee was feeling funky this morning. I didn't go walking before work with my friend, but I did just put in time on the teadclimber here at work. It was kind of cold this morning. Ate very well yesterday and stayed OP. I still need to increase my water, but overall I am feeling really good about my efforts.

It looks like the house next to my daughter sold. Dang it! I will continue to look. There are quite a few bank owned homes out there in her neighborhood. Bad for them...good for me.

I am feeling good today. No anxiety. It feels great. I want to remember this, cause the bad times will come back around. So does the GOOD TIMES! It's one eternal round! I am going to try to keep the good mojo going. I think increasing my activity has alot to do with my emotional health. I am going to see my grandkids tonight and I am going to try to go to church function tonight too.

Be happy!

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

didn't die

I ran alittle, very little, this morning.....and I didn't die. Who knew?

The Day After

Well yesterday was a great day. Walked 2 miles before work. I am going to get a pedometer. What is a good one? That way I will know how much I am really walking. I ate well yesterday, everything OP. My son had a great B-Day. A sweet friend, whose family owns the school made him a double chocolate cake. I did not budge. I really do not like chocolate. He was in heaven. We sang happy birthday. He got like a million litle kid hugs and lots of pats on the back, I work for awesome people! I am so grateful for that!

We went to a park for a bring your dinner and then he had another cake. It was kind of last minute, and just a few people came. He was so totally happy with his day. I thought he might have taken today off so he could go out and party with his frineds, but he was in bed by 9 pm. He has to get up at 5:25 am every morning. He is a great kid, and I am a lucky mom. I have so little worries with either child.

I was noticing last night how easy it was for me walk around at the park. We "hiked" back away from the pond ( too many toddlers ). I found it so easy. I almost sat down right there on the sidewalk and cried. It just feels so freaking GOOD. I like to be able to wear everything in closet, for the most part.lol. But it is a different feeling entirely then the JOY and GRATITUDE I felt last night. I am grateful for my willingness to follow thru on me. To be able to follow thru and being truthful to myself. I have told myself millions of time that I will start the process and eat better and move more, but sadly never followed thru. I would tell myself that even when I knew for sure it was a lie. Today I feel a measure of self confidence and a sense that maybe I really am worth it! I know for sure that that is the key to loosing and maintaining your weight.

Have a good day........be grateful

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Where's Annette

I miss seeing Annette ( Annette's Awaking ) Does anyone know if she is ok...Annette we miss you!!

Or no Change?

I weighed in exactly the same as last week. EXACTLY! I was ok with it. I was very ok with it. I was careful last week what I ate, and I still didn't write everything down. I kept a running total in my head.....and I try not to stress about it. Cause when I do that, I eat. I was looking at this book Think Like A Thin Person. Thin people don't freak about everything they put in their mouths. Anyway, I know I am not thin, and I do have to be careful, but I think that stressing out about eating, adds to what ever eating occurs. This seems to be working ok for me now. I am maintaining my walking and my knee seems to be ok, little bit sore this morning. I am drinking water, but not enough. This week I will do better. The scale will move DOWN next week, so let it be written, so let it be done. ( yes I watched the Ten Commandments over the weekend )

It looks like the house right close to my daughter's has had lots of offers above the asking price. That's ok, it's got me looking forward. I have a realator now, and I am going to move forward on getting qualified. Thank you so much for the encouraging comments. I am such a whimp when it comes to adult stuff. I need to put on my big girl pants ( yes I own a pair ) and DO IT. And by it, I mean do pretty much everything.

It's only 4:30 am. I will walk before work, makes my day go so much better! Work will be busy. time will fly. It's my baby boy's 20th Bday. I haven't really planned anything. No money, since I had to fix my car last week. He is such a great kid. He is thoughtful, SO FUNNY, kind and too freaking smart for his own good...he thinks he knows it all. Anybody else have on of those? I think I will get a cake and take it to the school and take it out to the playground and let the kids sing Happy Birthday to him. He loves to be the center of attention. I can't imagine where he gets that from ( look at me ). He drives a bus/playground aide at one of my schools. The kids love him.

I am really a lucky gal!

Monday, April 13, 2009

Change....

Well my daughter called me last night and said that the house down the street from her is for sale. For a killer price. I have never owned a home, and the thoughts of the process really frighten me. I HATE change. I moved last year into a nicer townhouse, but still haven't even hung pictures. It doesn't feel like home and I hate the stairs. So I think that I am going to try to do this. I am kind of excited! I will have to set up some ground rules with my daughter so we don't drive each crazy, but I think this could work! I am going to call my friend and get the ball rolling. I know that I can count on my kid's to help me thru this process. I really am scared, but you know what, I am going to try anyway. What's the worst that could happen, I can't get a loan? Ok, but at least I tried.

In weight watcher news, I had a pretty good weekend. Busy! I walked Friday and Saturday, skipped yesterday and will walk on the treadclimber this morning. Last chance workout before I weigh in tonight. I was not stellar in my eating, but I did ok. My daughter had dinner at her house and she didn't put a glaze on the ham, and had weight watcher recipes for the green bean casserole and I didn't even eat a roll. No candy either. I did love the strawaberry shortcake I made for everyone. Low cal, low fat!! I didn't over eat, but felt full. I kind of over did it throughout the week, and I know that, but it's ok, and whatever the scale says, well, that will be ok too. I was thinking this weekend how much easier it is for me to move just since I've lost the 23 lbs. It is amazing to me. I really missed walking yesterday too.

I have been looking for a goal. Something big, but attainable. Other then weight loss of, I think I will try for the house! Face this fear! Better get to work.....and drinking my water. I really am thirsty today from all the salt yesterday.

Friday, April 10, 2009

real quick

I had a great day! Had the day off, woke up early and walked 3 miles. then I came home and cleaned around the house and then got sucked into TV. Did anyone else watch Oprah today, or yesterday for that matter ( I didn't watch yesterday ). I was shocked! Those of you that watched will know what I am talking about. I heard the word masterbation more in the few minutes it took me to find the remote, then I've heard at one time in my life!

The show was really a good thing, cause it forced me to get out the house this afternoon. So I went and washed my car, cleaned it inside. Then I went and got a diet soda and then went to Barnes & Noble and read magazines, and just looked around. Then I had my hair appoinment, and my hair looks pretty good, if I do say so myself. The girl at the salon even asked me if I was thinner! How sweet...I did of course double her tip...lol.

Tonight I am going to sit with my sweet Nadine. My old lady friend, that I love to death! Her daughter is going out with family and she needs a friend to sit with her for a couple of hours. I always come away from sitting with her with feelings of gratitude for my own life, and just amazed at her faith in her Heavenly Father and the plan of salvation. I love her!!

I haven't been drinking too much water today. I will do better tomorrow!
Better tomorrow then today, I can live with that!

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Good day yesterday and today. Stayed really busy at work, I am feeling better about the job front. It's out of my control anyway. I am just feeling better period. I have eaten well, and have been walking alot. I went 3 times yesterday with 3 different friends. I was nice. so yesterday I probably walked 5 miles. Knee is holding up good. I went to Sprouts last night and got some fruits and veggies and fish. YUM. I am going out to my daughter's tonight to watch the grandkids for about anhour then and fix scallops for my daughter and myself. We'll see what the kids want to eat. Getting up and walking by 5:45 makes me feel great! I am up at around 4 am everyday, and so that is great for me. I have the day off tomorrow and the rest of the weekend. Lots of walks at the bird park for me. I am alittle bit afraid about my weigh in on Monday, the day after Easter dinner. I will be careful, I really don't like chocolate, but I do love me some rolls, and green bean casserole, ect, ect, ect. I will keep on guard though....those feeling can sneak right up on ya!

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

At Work Early

I am at work early today. By 6:30 actually. I even walked with my neighbor before I got here this morning. Not too far, but I did. I will walk on the treadmill again this morning. I did yesterday also. I did ok yesterday, went out for lunch and dinner, but made good choices, and watched my portions.

I am kind of feeling pressure at work. Mostly self induced, again I love to worry. Well that's not true, I have a love hate relationship with worry. Anyway, the end of the school year is coming up, and with the budget cuts the state is making, schools are having to reduce their workforce. So far so good with the schools I work for, but I can't help but worry. I have tried to make myself indispensible, but I know they will do what they have to do. I work in the money end of running the schools, so I know what they are up against. Maybe that's why I worry more. Who knows. I am making a goal to really try to live more frugal and to TRY to save some money. That way I won't be in FEAR mode. It's just hard to make ends meet sometimes. I do not make alot of money that's for sure.

I do hope I don't annoy bloggers, I feel like I am always bitching or whining, but I guess this is where I can take off my smiley, everything is great face, and be myself. My NEUROTIC, FREAKED out self. It takes alot of work to be bubbly all the freaking time. I need to express myself, I only realized that after I started writing on this blog everyday. I was getting tired. Sick and tired. I am sure that trying to maintain "operation smile" all the time is what has lead me to make alot of bad decisions, not just food choices.

Best get to work.......I am feeling better already!

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

THE GOOD LIFE

I wrote last night that I was shocked by my weight loss this week. Well, I was alittle, but then I got thinking about it, and well, I did try hard this week. I walked everyday, and I did track.......but then when I think that I might have gone over, I tell myself that I haven't, so that I don't blow the rest of the day, week...ect. I felt like I was over doing it with food, but that could have just been in my head. I was so stressed this weekend that I think that had something to do with it too. I am eating basically the same things, so I know I didn't go too far overboard. It's when I FEEL out of control, that I freak, and then start getting thoughts of food, and the ways and means to get more food. SAD. I know that I am really focusing on drinking water too. I know that I need to be doing better, but I am loosing, This will not last forever, I know that. I will have to hone my weight watchers skills, especially the tracking part. I just count my usual points. I don't figure out activity points, just the points I am suppose to have. Maybe that's another reason that I loss this week. I am just happy with the loss! I also continue with my superfood juice....Seven Plus.....I do think that it is helping also.

Now, I must try to figure out this crazy anxious feeling. It's almost like things are going along so well for me, I am always waiting for the other shoe to fall. It's like I don't feel like I deserve the good life. And let's be clear here...........I HAVE A GOOD LIFE. It's not perfect, but good. I do enjoy being single and being my own boss ( though I will admitt sometimes I do get lonely ). I have a good job, where I am liked and most times feel loved and appreciated. I have great family, kids, grandkids, friends that are like family, I have a knowledge of why I am here, and what my purpose is ( for the most part, I mean really, who has it all figured out ).

I am really thinking that it's my hormones. I need to go to the doctor, but I haven't. They don't tell me what I want anyway. They just say that my hormones are in the normal range.......my body tells me that they are full of horse pucky! Today is the day that I shift my thinking to graditude and service. How can I make someone elses day good. How can I be the answer to someone's prayer. I know that the guy who fixed my car yesterday was an answer to my prayers. So today I will Pay It Forward. Not in big ways, but in subtle ways. I will be kinder to those around me, TRY to be less resentful, and try to be empathtic to others feelings. Gee, what a great world this would be if the leaders of world would follow this same counsel.

How are you going to Pay It Forward today?????

Monday, April 6, 2009

week 7 -weight 241.6lbs -6.4 lbs down 23 lbs total

Well I was shocked. I stressed out all weekend about my car, so I ate, then I got stressed out cause I was overeating. I was overeating things with less calories, but still. CRAP! I guess the walks really paid off this week. I am going to try to go in the morning before work. Walking around the bird park early when no one is there is a really nice way to start the day. Quiet, beautiful, peaceful. I really wore myself out with the worrying today. Even after the car stopped smoking, I had smoke flashbacks and "thought" I saw smoke. He had to come one more time today to get it right, so I kept worrying it was going to do that again.. So far no smoke. I feel so relieved that I actually feel lighter. Almost giddy, and giggly. Punch drunk, you know what I mean. Everything is funny. Feels good.

In other news, I really did enjoy LDS conference ove the weekend. I came away with a deeper desire to do things better. To live a better life. To live more within my means, and to appreciate the hard times too. To do those things that will bring me peace, I am learning.......that's why we are here. To set myself up to succeed, instead of fail. That was kind of the thing we talked about at WW meeting tonight. I really like this group. My friend was there, but just to weigh adn get the recipes. I am going to really work on staying in faith, and not be a scardy cat so much. Seriously.....that is the thing I liked about Dietgirl's book. She didn't wait to take chances until she was a certain size. She took huge leaps of faith, and that's how I would like to be. Maybe not to leap to another continent, or a husband. lol. I am going to keep my goals from my earlier post.

Till next time

FIXED

The car is FIXED!! Now, onward and DOWNWARD for the WI tonight. Whatever happens, it's going to be a great day!!! I have DECREED IT.

seen better seen worse

Well my car broke down. No money to fix it. I have been depressed all weekend. Feeling tired and anxious. Always freaking anxious. I am going to take the car to see how much it will cost to fix, but I don't have any money left over after bills. I want to set some goals this week. I didn't do very good food wise over the weekend, but I did walk everyday. I guess we'll see what the scales say. I was noticing yesterday that I wasn't winded when walking at the park. I love going there, cause I always get lost, and that forces me to walk further then I might have. lol.

1. Gallon water everyday
2. track food better
3. more fruits and veggies
4. walk everyday.

Weigh in tonight, Today is a new day. Thanks to all who left comments. I do need a plan (MIZ) Plan to start the day right, and hope to be able to handle whatever may come. I am reminded that I am not alone!

Saturday, April 4, 2009

slipped up

I was hungry yesterday I did overeat, but I fell asleep early, so it could have been lots worst. The chocolate kisses are gone....in the trash. I do not even like choclate. Well I feel hung over. I slept too long and feel groggy. I am getting ready to go walking at the bird park. I am going to do better today. I am going to drink more water then I did yesterday. I ran out early at work yesterday, so I didn't drink as much as I should. I just couldn't stop eating when I got home. I was caught in the food frenzy. I am glad that I was so tired, I didn't have plans last night. Things have been kind of stressful at work, and I have stressing out. Trying to make it all about me, and it isn't, yet I can make it seem that way in my mind. I guess what I am trying to say is that, I was afraid I was in trouble at work, but I wasn't. I didn't do anything wrong, but sometimes you never know. Things are getting tight. I know the owners are kind of freaked out too. I think we willl be ok, but nobody has any money really. I don't know what I would do if I lost my job. Scary+Fear+No Control=Overeat. I want to do better today. So I will make the choices I know are healthy ones. The ones that would suggest a friend make. I treat myself better when I follow my own advice...lol. Let's go out and make it a great day!

Friday, April 3, 2009

Continue to PRESS FORWARD

I am hungry today. I want to eat. I Just got off the treadclimber. 25 mins plus I increased the incline alittle. I was sweating the entire time and it felt great. I did the treadclimber yesterday for 25 mins. Then I went for about a 2.5 mile walk with my friend. I am just so grateful that I am becoming able to do more things. I could walk last night, my knee was good, I wasn't winded and it was a pleasant experience instead of something I had to do. I am hungrier the past couple of days, I have done pretty good point wise. I try to just stay within my points, I don't use activity points. I have been eating at home more, and this is saving me money. Good for me!

Emotionally I am feeling better too. I have had a deep feeling of gratiute the past couple of days. That makes or breaks how I feel on any given day. AM I GREATEFUL? I am more likely to treat my body well when I am grateful for it. I am more likely to enjoy my job, when I am grateful for it. I don't have any big plans. My church as a worldwide conference this weekend, so I will be listening to that. I am going to keep up on my water, walking, and food over the weekend. I am going back to the bird park with my friend in the morning. Plus my grandson's football game.

enjoy your weekend everyone

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

go to the ducks

I had another good day today. Still seem more hungry then usual the past couple of days. Tried really hard to stay on plan. I did pretty good. I must get better with the tracking thing. I think I am going to try the online one that I see on some peoples blogs. I really am computer challenged. Drank alot of water almost 3/4 gallon. I am building up to a gallon a day. I feel good when I am drinking lots of water. I also have noticed that I don't sweat as much either. I have mentioned it before, but bears repeating. I have really bad hot flashes. My hair and neck get soaken wet. It is embrassing and really interfers with my life. I have been back to the bird preserve twice since Sunday. I walked this morning on the treadclimber and then this evening for about an hour art the park. I just ambled around, no hurry. It was nice.

I watched Oprah today and she had on Star Jones. She lost like 165 lbs. I didn't realize it was that much. Lots of things that she said I just let go, but she did say that she had to get that 300 lb woman out of her head. I think I have used my weight to identify myself. I have been the mess in my family forever. Now I am the "chubby" one. I changed other bad habits, but clung to the food addiction for all I was worth. Sometimes after I overeat I feel like I am in active addiction. The endless thoughts about what I want, when I want, how to get it, the shameful feeling after the binge. I continued repeat the same thing over and over...WISHING things would change. Sounds just like a addict to me. Today I made good choices, had great fun at work, I did those things that I would encourage a friend to do. Slow down, do the things that matter, and enjoy them. I think I am going to go upstairs, take a nice hot shower, and watch some mindless sitcom. It feels good to laugh....so go ahead!