Saturday, November 28, 2009

266 is not just a number!

266 is not just a number!

I found this great blog and an opportunity to be a part of something special. This Loser is celebrating 100 followers and getting to onederland by donating a buck for every comment she gets and then a buck when you link from your blog to hers. So here it is http://266-twosixtysix.blogspot.com/.

I don't usually enter give aways. For this one I will make an exception!

Friday, November 27, 2009

freak flag

Thanksgiving was interesting. I go to the Turkey Trot and found they only had 1 or 2 mile walks and a 10k run. My friend was signed up to do the 2...I thought I was going to do a 4 mile walk. I ended up up just doing the 2 mile. It was fun, but next time I want to plan ahead and do a least a half marathon. Not run, but walk it. Do something hard. I could do it!


The dinner part of the day was weird. My daughter's stove and burner broke down. Luckily her neighbor was out of town and she was able to use hers. Daughter, cool as a cucumber, not flustered. Then her half brother that was driving from Utah broke down in Vegas, the day before. Times were changed and assumptions were made and I thought they were quite a thoughtless bunch. My little family ate at 3, as planned. The rest of her family showed up after all the food was put way. She is still cool as a cucumber. I wanted to tell them what I thought. Instead I made up a reason to go home. She hosted another dinner. I was dead tired anyway. That way a a Happy Thanksgiving was had by all.

My daughter and the SIL love to do the wait on line at the butt crack of dawn to get the good deals. I knew that he really loved her when he was willing to wait all night for a bargain.....they are a truly a match made in heaven. My son spent the night and I went out and watched the kids while they slept all day. The kids were cracking me up. Kids really do say the darnest things.

TMI ALERT! I figured out why I was a ravenous bitch last week. I haven't my period since the middle of June...until this morning. I am so glad I don't have to do that every month still. That's a BLESSING and really something to be grateful for...lol. I really thought I was loosing it. I am glad there is a physical reason for my freak flag to be flying! So glad I just waited for things to cycle back around. My food craving are back to managable today.

Going to try to and make it to a before noon movie tomorrow. I want to see Pirate Radio. There is something I find very sexy about Phillip Seymore Hoffman. I am weird......I think Steven Tyler is sexy as well. I am a weird old lady.

I had a great phone call with my sister today. We laughed like crazy. She has a great laugh. I love her. She is thinking about moving to New Jersey. She tells me this out of no where today. People need to remember how their decisions are going to effect me. I mean....seriously! She reminded me how her moving would give me somewhere new to visit. Ok, say more things like that! I slowly coming around to the idea. What ever makes her and her sweet "old" hubs happy. They make a great couple as well. A match made in heaven, they just took the long way around getting to each other.

Will posts some pics when I get my camera back from my kid. Hope that everyone's day was as blessed as mine. I say bring on Christmas......Thanksgiving was a piece of cake!

Keep the mood and food real....let your freak flag fly! appropriately of course, that's the mom in me coming out.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

back to Onederland, but just barely.

199.5 lbs. That's down 3 lbs. I will take and be happy with it. I have been still suffering with a cough and not sleeping well at night. I will live however. Was there ever any doubt? I am just on the way out the door to see how crowded the food stores are. My guess is very crowded, I might wait and go at 5 AM. That's the best time to go to the store anyway. My part for dinner tomorrow is easy. I am making my famous Yam Souflet. YUMMY!~

I am walking 4 miles in the Turkey Trot in the morning. My 1st race. I am excited about all of it! If I don't get a chance to tell you tomorrow.......GOBBLE GOBBLE TODAY. I had planned on a graditude post, but that will have to wait.

KEEP THE MOOD AND THE FOOD REAL........BE GRATEFUL!

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

What's Your Mantra?

Ok.....I might have over reacted yesterday....ouch! Not that all the crazy stuff didn't happen, cause it did, but I ended up handling with the appropriate grace and charm....NAUGHT! I went home early cried and went to bed early. But today I feel better. I didn't weigh in last night, but I will today. I am sure that things will be better today. I do love my job, it's just "sometimes"....I know you all know what I mean.

So today I will remember MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!~ This will be my new mantra! The other will be be THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU...IT RARELY IS~! The other one will....BE GRATEFUL, YOU INGRATE!~ I could go on and on. I think you get the point.

I have found there is no quicker way to get rid of a resentment then to do ANONYMOUS service for the victim of my resentment. GRRR. That is like swallowing bitter medicine, but it cures me 9 times out of 10! Lucky bastards.....

My life is good. Why bitch about things I have no control over. I will treat myself with love today. Making decisions that will make me feel better the long run. If I am not careful....I may just "grow up" before I'm 50! Let's keep our fingers crossed!

Keep the mood and the food real.......what's your mantra??

Monday, November 23, 2009

the day started out good!

This morning I woke up and my daughter had left me an email with this link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fUPQTmi65zM telling me that the song reminded her of me. Well, it is Whitney Houston's performance from last night's AMA awards. Her perform ace was stunning and the fact that daughter thought that it reminded her of me made me cry like a baby. Yes, I am a boob.

I have had a hellish day at work. I am so glad that I learned in the Four Agreement book that I shouldn't take anything personally. Cause boy oh boy i could have run with a butt load of resentments today. Instead, I can almost laugh at the situation. Almost. I am so glad that I have the ability to recognize when I am a being a A-Hole....most of the time anyway. I am grateful that I am not too proud to say when I am wrong or when I make a mistake. IT makes my life much less stressful. Being right (or even BELIEVING that you are right) all the time is exhausting....just ask Rush Limbaugh ... lol, couldn't resist.

Life is good. I am doing the best I can. It's not perfect, but it is my personal best. I did better over the weekend, but still over did it. Not sure I will weigh in this week, or just wait till after Thanksgiving. Who am I kidding....I will weigh. I have drank a bunch more water this past week, my food wasn't as bad either, but i am scared to get on after last week's 6 lb gain. I did the math wrong from last week. Just noticed it. I gained 6 not 5 lbs. SHIT!~

Keep the mood and the food real............be grateful for all things! ALL THINGS~

Thursday, November 19, 2009

FEEL IT!

Feeling better today. Food was not as crazy. I focused on good for me foods and I cleaned house. Those two things really make me feel better. I kicked on the treadclimber this morning. My Ipod broke...grr. I had to bring my laptop from home so I would something to watch while walking. Going out to my daughter's for dinner tonight. Maybe she can figure out what's wrong. I hate calling any customer service place.

I am still hungry. Really hungry. Not really sure if I am hungry for food or something else. I have read a few blogs this morning about self sabotage. I know that's what I did last week, and it's spilling over into this week. That huge drop last week was shocking. I didn't work really hard that week, I was on vacation. So therefore, I decided that it wasn't earned. So I must gain it back to loose it the hard way. Does this sound crazy? Cause if feels like crazy thinking.

I feel fat today. I am still bloated and when I look in the mirror all I see is that damn fat girl staring back at me. So frustrating. Going to take it all in stride, remembering that I will feel better soon. Everything cycles back around. I have really tried to let all that resentment and anger go from the weekend. It's not easy. I have good moments and bad. All in all I think that I am making progress in that area. It really makes me feel uncomfortable to feel that low simmering anger. Best to get rid of it! For sure!

It's so helpful to be able to express all these crazy feelings. The crazy feelings won't kill me, but damn, they are uncomfortable. It's such a new thing to feel, instead feed, the feelings.

Keep the mood and the food real......feel it!

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

I've got what it takes!

Ok.... binge over and out! I went crazy last night. There were tootsie rolls and a chocolate bar involved. That is the 1st time I binged on chocolate since March. Something is up with me. Holidays? Who knows. What I do know is that I can do better. I will do better. I have drank lots of water and pushed myself on the treadclimber this morning. I am not getting back on the scales till Monday.

I have lost over 60 lbs since March without counting anything. I have tried to eat intuitively. We all know what foods to eat. I am going to continue to loose weight this same way. This IS NOT a diet for me. This is how I want to live the rest of my life. Do I feel better?....hell yes! Both physically and emotionally. Used to be I couldn't even get out of bed. I remember how grateful I was to just be showering and getting dressed everyday. That was the number one thing I did for myself when I 1st started this new lifestyle. Now I do that everyday.

My life is so much better then last year at this time. I am grateful for this past year. I have so much more confidence then a year ago. I have proven to myself that I can do hard things. I trust myself more then ever. It's a damn good feeling.

Blips will come and go.....but nobody or nothing can take away from me what I have accomplished these past months. The same goes for all your accomplishments! We give ourselves too little credit for the good things we are doing. Then we magnify the crap we do wrong....make it more important then it really is.

Loosing weight is not for the faint of heart. It takes guts and determination. We all have BOTH!

Keep the mood and the food real..........Remember, you've got what it takes!

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

I DESERVE IT

Well I had a crap weigh in. I gained back most of the weight from last week. Dang it. I am back up to 202.5, so I gained 5 lbs. I can't believe that, so I am not going to believe it. I am full of water and so stinkin full from a large lunch. Plus I weighed in the morning last time, evening this time. I am not changing my side bar...cause the 5 lbs are going to be GONE by next Monday.

Not going to let this get me down. It's just a hiccup. I am still walking and biking, and not eating crazy stuff, just lots of stuff. One bad week does not equal failure. Blah blah blah.....I need to kick my butt into gear.

Maybe I took for granted last week's loss. Like I didn't deserve it, which is stupid! I need to remind myself this isn't all about food and exercise. It's the disease of addiction and it centers in my mind. I deserve all the good things the Universe has to give me.

Keep the mood and the food real..........YOU DESERVE IT!

Friday, November 13, 2009

mind your own business

Life is not fair. It's not suppose to be. As soon as I accept that the happier I will be. I have let something have control over me this past weekend. I hate feeling all resentful and hateful. It truly makes me sick to my stomach. Is the person that upset me, upset? HELL NO.

I almost have to laugh. I spent all weekend in a food/sleep fog trying to just check out of those feelings. I fixed a big pot of WW chili and that's what I ate all weekend. Minimize the damage. I could feel a food binge coming on, so I figured I could binge on good stuff as well as McDonalds, so I went the chili route.

I walked both mornings. This morning I was up and ready to go with my buddy. It felt good. I did make it to church Sunday and to my daughter's after church, so I guess it wasn't a total fog....lol. Just felt like it. It's been actually cold in the morning. 48 degrees this morning! Brrr!

I am sure I will show a gain tonight, but it is what it is. If I could hold to even 5 of the 7 lbs I lost last week I will be happy. Last week weigh-in was a gift! I went and did a little shopping over the weekend as well. I starting to feel like myself again. Whoever she is???? LOL.

Today I set my intention to not worry about what others do. I am going to live my life as best as I can today. I have to live with me and my choices. The most important person I have to please is myself. What others do is none of my business.

Keep the mood and food real.......mind your own business

excuses! excuses!

Have been struggling a little this week. I have super tired all week. I haven't gone walking with my buddy once. I have been getting on the treadclimber, but I love the feeling of getting it out of the way early. It's been kind of cold before sunrise....whimp, I know. Excuses! I have had a crazy night time cough that is killing me. So it's better that I don't get all sweaty and cold. "sneeze"! Food has been ok, but I can see that I have eaten more this week then last. I was so busy last week, this week has been about winding down. Anyway, I biked this week (6miles) and haven't missed a day walking. I just wish I felt better.

I don't have any big plans for the weekend. I need to clean house and organize. That always makes me feel better. I am starting to feel the "it's Christmas, I think I am going to freak out" feelings. I don't like Christmas. I wish I had unlimited funds. My daughter always starts very early. She is a great gift giver. She always has been. I am kind of "fly by the seat of your pants" kind of girl. Therefore, I worry. Then I start resenting. Stupid, I know.

Anyway, going to try and not do that this year. I always seem to feel sad as well. So I just want to make it thur the holidays in better shape then last year. Last year was my bottom. I was fatter then I had been for a couple of years. Exhausted. Taking vicodin like crazy for knee pain. When you are an addict, that will mess with your head. It took me till March to really decide why and how I wanted to loose the weight. I knew that if I started there, things would get better. I was right! Things aren't perfect, by any stretch of the imagination, but I do feel like I am living a better life. I am healthier, more active, and best all, a better GeGe.

I still fall short in lots of other areas of my life. But, I have lots more confidence in myself. You seriously, can not buy that feeling. It takes lots of hard work and never giving up! Actually, it's as hard as I make it on any given day.

Thanks for all the loving support I get from all of you. I know that the reason for my success this time is due in large part to the fact that I journal about what I am going thur and that I am accountable. I learn more however, when I read what you all have to say. I love blogging!

Keep the mood and the food real......don't get over whelmed. I am going to walk now! no excuses!

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

I MADE IT TO ONEDERLAND

Oh Happy day! I weighed in on the "official scale" and it said.....drum roll please........196.5 lbs!!!!! That's down 7.5 lbs since last Tuesday. I was so shocked I jumped off. Like I couldn't believe it! I can't believe it. I am so happy!

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Sister's Weekend 2009

Has anyone noticed that I didn't weigh in this week? Well, the 'holder of the scale" is in Argentina visiting a new Gkid. It's been hard to get to the scales due to scheduling on my part or on her daughter's part. I am not freaking out about it. I am hoping I might be able to jump on sometime today. I went to a church function last night, and everyone was telling me how good I looked. I just saw them 2 weeks ago.....but whatever. I'll take it. It was a progressive dinner. Lots of healthy choices. We skipped the dessert house and came home early. I have the day off today. Went outside to walk and came back in till it gets light, since I have time this morning. DUH! My walking buddy decided to sleep in. I will probably go to the office and walk on the treadclimber. I need to finish this week's 2 fit chicks podcast. Those girls do a great job.

As promised here are some pics from Sister's Weekend 2009. This pic below is of couple of cousins. They are such cute girls!


This is pic of the older generation....damn youngsters! It's from left to right....my 2 sisters, me, my aunt ( doesn't she look good for her age...over 60 ), and her daughter. We are a goodlooking bunch.


This is breakfast with the girls. We had such a fun morning. It was long over due! We were giving the little girl tips on dealing with a bully at school...."Seriously, How old are you?" That's what we told her to say...lol. The girl in the green stripes had gotten engaged the night before. Exciting! I can't believe she is even old enough.


This is my sisters and myself at the cemetery where my mom and dad are buried. I love to walk around cemeteries. They are interesting. Especially, this one, it has lots of my relatives in it.


I should have taken more pics of the beautiful Utah landscape. I was too busy shopping and laughing. I took more pics, but when standing next to my now size 4 sister, I seemed to look fat. In my mind, I was a cow. Thank you TCB(the crazy brain). I just have to remind myself that the way I see myself is distorted. For some reason, that makes me feel better. I choose to believe what my friends and family tells me. I took all those clothes, and I ended up wearing my mom jeans and remained comfortable. All the anxiety about clothes was such a waste of time. Worry about crap like that usually is.
Well going to go for a bike ride to check on Mr. 92. Both my old people missed me. It's good to be loved! Then it's cleaning the house and then out to see the Gkids for awhile. Maybe I will take the boys on a walk at the bird park. Life is good.
Keep the mood and the food real.........don't worry, be happy!





Monday, November 9, 2009

home again, home again, jiggy, jiggy

Had a great time. Laughed alot and shopped alot. Bought just alittle. Tried not to worry about the superficial, and was pretty successful. I ate well. We shopped so much we barely had time to eat. I got on the treadmill 2 out of the 3 mornings. My sister has a home gym in her basement. SCORE! Got lots of compliments. Loved that. I was kind of a whinner. I started in with a cold the day I left and tried to fight it all weekend. I am not a "suffer in silence" kind of girl. I had a hard time sleeping, not sure why. I FELL into my bed last night. Slept so good.

Now it's time to play catch up on blogs. My boss just walked in I gave me a long list of things to do , grrrr. So catch up might have to wait. Will post some pics when I have some extra time.

I put on a skirt for church yesterday morning, and it was so loose! I just had it on like 2 weeks ago and it was fine. I was shocked! Happy and shocked.

I read the book Shattered Silence, The Story of a Serial Killer's Daughter over the weekend as well. I can not say enough good things about this book. The woman that wrote is named Melissa G. Moore. She was featurted on Dr Phil and Oprah. We are reading it for our church book club. It is a page turner for sure. Kind of hard to read in some spots. In the end it's very uplifting.

Keep the mood and the food.........

Thursday, November 5, 2009

FAT GIRL FREAK OUT

Oh Sweet Crazy Brain, how you vex me. Yesterday life was grand! The perfect day. This morning I am a nut case. I can't stand how I look in any of the pants I had hemmed. Remember, it's not really got cold here in the desert, so I haven't worn long pants in a long time. I know it's just cause I am not used to seeing myself dressed that way ( girlie ) but still. My mind is playing tricks on me. Focusing on areas of my body that I hate. (stomach and arms) Instead of being DAMN proud of my accomplishments.

WTF!!! I have decided to wear what I feel comfortable in. I have borrowed so much stuff that I don't even feel like myself. I have WAY over packed, cause I need someone to help me. I think I look stupid, but again, I have TCB. My sisters will help put me together.

I am going thru other emotions too. If my sister is reading this (and I know you are, love ya) remember this is about the way I feel. You have done nothing, EVER, to make me feel this way. I compare myself to my sisters, too much. They are beautiful women inside and out. They always look like the stepped out of a magazine. I on the other hand, dress like a slump-a-dunk ( i don't know, I just made it up) and don't even wear make up.

See what I mean. I hate that I have focused so much on what to wear and if I will look good "enough". Good enough for what, to visit my sisters, that love me. This journey is about so much more then what I put in my mouth or how much I move. It's about believing that you're good enough. That you are worth all the work and sacrifice it takes to loose 60 + lbs. Believe that no matter how I look on the outside, on the inside I ROCK! And that my friends, is where it's at!

I love that I just kicked ASS on the treadclimber. That I am even willing to climb aboard is a miracle. So my bags are packed and I am ready to laugh my ass off. Cause really, who cares what I look like. It's how I FEEL that matters. Always has been, always will be.

Keep the mood and the food real.............BELIEVE!

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

A perfect day?!

I've been at a dead run all day. I can honestly say that this was an almost perfect day. I did everything that I felt was important. I walked the entire 3 miles this morning. Truth be told I have been only doing 2.5 lately. Had a great conversation with my walking buddy. Talking about deep stuff. I worked hard. Visited both of my old people....did I say that I love those old farts. Had lunch with my co-worker/best friend and my son. Then got my hairs cut. Then went out to see my Gkids and had dinnner with my daughter's family. Perfect day.

Even talked to both my sisters. We are all excited. I am wearing myself out tonight because if I don't I will be up at 2:30, like I was this morning. Staying up very late for me....9pm....lol Hell, I've turned into an old fart.

The scale rewarded my half assed effort last week with a 1.5 lb gain. I am at an even 204 lbs. I am ok with it. I KNOW that I have been saying "I'm ok with it" too much lately. I got on my daughter's scale tonight and it said an even 200 lbs. Too bad that's not the "official" scale....lol. I was able to put on a pair of jeans that last week wearing them was out of the question....today I wore them to work! Go figure.

I have thought more about clothes in the past week then I have in a year. CRAZY. It's exhausting.....lol! I did get my pants hemmed and will be wearing the cowboy boots. Pictures to follow.

I read Roxie's post 1st thing....LOVED IT. Thought about it and about my own life all day. Where do I want to go?? What's my life goals?? I will tell you when I figure it that out.....lol. Her post is TOTALLY worth the read. Check out my blog roll she's Gravel and Rust.

Going to bed now. Good and tired. Hope you had a perfect day as well.

Keep the mood and the food real.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Stay Healthy


Alive but just barely. Had a migraine that last for 2 days, on and off. Not so good for Dana. Missed work yesterday. Then I threw up so hard that I threw my back out. MORE FUN! I will not let this derail me from having a GREAT time with my beloved sisters. I have 3 days to get better, and as God as my witness.....I will be healthy and ready to go by Thursday.

Didn't go trick or treating Saturday. One night of candy fun was all I needed. I went to the trunk or treat Friday night at the church with the kids. They were all adorable, of course. Then my WICKED daughter sent me home with 3 and a half POUND bag of tootsie roll treats. WTFreak! Needless to say the candy went to the school. Like the kids need any more candy. As far as I'm concerned, it's every man for himself. Myself DOES NOT need 3.5 lbs of my most fave candy around. So I feel I made a good choice. My daughter, however, is now out of the will ( like I even have one....lol ).

I am going to have my pants hemmed today. My friend let me borrow some cowboy boots. I just couldn't afford any new boots. I think they look pretty hot. Except I am not a cowgirl. No one needs know to that though....hehe. So what do you think, am I too old for cowboy boots. I hate it when women dress like they are 14. I am not wearing them with fishnet stockings and a mini skirt ( I don't own either ). So they should be fine.

I guess I will wrap this up. Work to do. Weigh in tonight, since I was sick yesterday. I really don't have any expectations. I did eat candy and some other naughty stuff. So I am not expecting a loss. I would love it if I hit onderland before I go to see my sisters. However the effort just wasn't there. And that's the truth.

Keep the mood and the food real............stay healthy!