Saturday, January 30, 2010

life is good

WTF! I have been awake since 3 am. I was kicked put of my bed by my adorable Gson. DO NOT waste your money on The Tooth Fairy. It didn't hold any one's attention, therefore the boys got antzy. It was still fun, but we didn't stay for the double feature. I have lost my glasses and had to put on my sunglasses to really see the screen. That cracked the boys up.

Been reading blogs and catching up a bit. Wondering what to do today. I think we will go to the bird park for sure. Then when I get out to my daughter's I am going to take the girls for a ride in the wagon. It's suppose to be a beautiful day. I have Spring Fever for sure. I have really enjoyed all the weather we have this year. It's sunny all the time....too much of a good thing, is still too much. I know, don't hate me. Then some cleaning and a nap for sure. My life is good. Boring, but good.

Not much else really. I would love to link you to TJ's Test Kitchen. She is having an awesome give away. Blogger won't let me. I hope this counts TJ....lol.


Have a great weekend. Keep the mood and food real.....life is good.

Friday, January 29, 2010

good, not perfect...that's ok!

Making plans for the weekend. I am taking the Gsons to the drive in and then a sleep over. Bird Park in the morning with them. So it won't be much of a workout. I will probably go for a long walk out by my daughter's house when I drop the boys off. The boys want me to make hotdogs to take to the movie, so I will. Then some popcorn (healthy) and then maybe a few tootsie rolls. We'll se how in control I feel. If I just take a few I can't eat too many. I love the drive in. This time I am taking my car and we are going to stay in it. The only kids movie at the drive in is The Tooth Fairy. I guess I could force myself to look at The Rock for about 90mins.

I got in a good walk on the treadclimber this morning. Very sweaty. I didn't feel like walking in the dark by myself. My walking buddy has been sick. Hopefully she will get back to it next week. Food has still been pretty good. Not perfect, not suppose to be.

So glad that I have had a good week this week. Starting to feel human again. More like myself. Keep the mood and the food real....

Thursday, January 28, 2010

2 Fit Chicks and a Microphone

Up early again this morning, though I did last till 4 am. Was out walking by 5:30. I am kind of getting ready for it to light early again, though I don't want the heat. While I was walking this morning I listened to 2 Fit Chicks and a Microphone podcast. See my blog roll for Mizfit or Dietgirl. Anyway, I was listening to the last podcast of 2009. They had so much good stuff to say. I was agreeing with everything. I still have some to play in the morning. I love the Q&A. They really work well together. They are getting alot better. Especially since they have never even met each other. They are getting used to talking with each other. I highly recommend listening while you workout. I love them both!

I don't want to jinx this, but I don't feel like eating today. I do not feel like I need to be stuffing my mouth compulsively. Why? Who the hell knows. I will take it, and be thankful for it. Next time I am having a rough day, someone remind me of this..ok? LOL.

Went out to my daughter's last night. Those kids crack me up. The 4 year was singing that Pants on the Ground song. Some remix version by a football player that Dear Daughter found on youtube. Cracked me up! I fixed a soup and took it out there last night. It was a nice time. Think I am going to have a sleepover with the boys tomorrow night and go to the drive in again. If it doesn't rain.

Hope everyone else is having a good day as well. Keep the mood and the food real.......laugh hard!

P.S. Thanks for all the nice comments from yesterday. Love you guys!

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

wed weigh in

Down 2.4 lbs. So good for me. Though I did only manage to loose like a pound and half this month. Oh well. I lost 6 in December. Feeling good. Trying to catch up with all of you. So this is fast!

Keep the mood and the food real.......catch up!

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

better than nothing



That is my youngest Gdaughter. Love her smile, it's kind of how I am feeling today. This will be quick. I checked out for most of weekend. I had a bad week last week food wise. This week it's kind of been a good week food wise, but emotionally not so good.

I was reading Dawn's last post (fixing myself thinner, see my blog roll) the 1st sentence started off "Why do I insist on punishing myself"? I could totally relate. If there isn't a problem, sometimes I will make one up. Stupid, I know this. Yet I do over and over. The many ways I do this to myself are surprising, if I really think about it. Today, I will put the bat down and step away from the bat. I will not beat myself up for the past, but make choices for a better today.

I wanted to give another shout out to my Darling Daughter. Her new blog is budzinskis.blogspot.com. I do not know why it won't link up.GRRRr She has fixed it so you can leave comments now. She is going to have some great money saving ideas as well. She can smell a bargain and really knows how to the most out of that dollar! I love the recipe she has up on her last post. My mother made it up. My sister Vicki loved it....hence the name!

Keep the mood and the food real.......I have not forgotten or ignored the lovely awards. I just need a minute to really respond. Do what you can! It's better then nothing!

Sunday, January 24, 2010

TAKE ACTION

HELLo. Yes I am still alive. I haven't been in a blogging mood. I told myself that this weekend I wasn't going to do anything that I didn't want to do. I didn't make any plans at all. No Gkids sitting, no errands with an old person. Just what I want to do. So What did I decide to do?

Well yesterday was a good day. I was able to sleep till 7am. Not straight thru the night, but it felt great. Then I got up and went to TJ's Test Kitchen and looked for some recipes. I made list and went food shopping. I did not buy any tootsie rolls ( I haven't talked about those little buggers for some time. That does not mean they went away. I just try not to buy the bag of 400 very small ones...yes I said a bag of 400. Anywoo, Went on a good food shop.I spent too much money. I know have to eat in, because all my money is gone....lol. That's a very effective appetite suppressant. Then I was trying to decide what kind of exercise I wanted to do. I had planned on going to the office to walk on the treadmclimber, then my Sweet Angelene ( coworker, whom I adore )and I rode my bike to her house ( 1 mile ) and then we walked a little more then 3 miles. Se walks very fast, so good workout.

Then Loving Daughter called nd I found out they wewre driving in for a Bday party here in town. So I crashed the party for awhile. I played with,loved on and kisses those Gkids. Then I said my goodbyes and came home and napped and watched almmost the entire fourth season of Friends. Mindless, mind numbing. I didn't even make it to The Blindside yet. Went walking instead. I refuse to pay more then $5 for a movie. If I don't make it before noon, Mama ain't going. Did I mention I adore my loving Daughter as well.....lol

My boss gave me 7 psirs of size 12 capris. SEVEN PAIRS. I tried them all on and I could zip everyone of them up. Wouldn't wear any of them out in public just yet. 10 more pounds. Haing those new capris staring at me every morning is really motivating me. ALOT! I eat only good for me things yesterday, in moderation. So good for me. I feel more energized then I have for a while. Now I just need some decent fitting shirts. I could have shopped for a new church dress( NEED ONE BAD )but I hate to shop. I have to be in the mood. I wish I had a personal shopper and a stylist......lol.

I have more wearing makeup more. I am noticing that I am not sweating as much. Those of you who are new to the blog, I have had a perspiration problem. It really disrupted my life and was very embarrassing for me. I have not gone to church, because my hair wouldn't dry. Who wants to sit in church and look at the back of my sweating head? Anyway, it is very noticeably less. It must have happened when I wasn't looking. Which is kind of the way I lost weight. I just kept having more good days then bad days and I moved more.

Notice I didn't say TRY. I said I did. And that is the key to loosing weight. Actually to life in general. Wanto know?? It's ACTION!! I spent my entire life planning to loose weight. For some reason, at this time last year I started by just showering and dressing everyday. I started small. I then added in some more good choices. Then I started bragging about it on this blog. I got wonderful feedback. I made friendships. I lost weight. Last year would have gone by anyway. It does every year. I gained so much confidence and lost 75 lbs in that year. I sometimes struggle with my self image. I always will. Food isn't the problem. I am. This thing centers in my mind. I don't care what my ass says.

My blog is almost one year old. This is my 303rd post. Like I said. Start small, be honest(with yourself)and pay more attention to the way you feel. Not what those stupid scales say. I try not to let that one 'moment in time" make or break me. That is key as well, at least for me.

Keep the mood and the food real...........TAKE ACTION

This was a long post, and it's not even 7 AM. lol.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

untitiled




This is my daughter's family. I hope that links you to her blog. I am hoping that she has enabled any and all commnets. I think she will ove it as much as I do.

Just trying out the linky thing. Will post post more later.

Hope everyone is keeping it REAL!

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

HAPPY 101



Thank you very much to Sheilagh, Katie J and Anne from CrabTripper for the Happy 101 award. I don't do real well with following the rules here, so let's see how I do.

TEN things that make me happy. Here the are in no particular order.

1. my kids
2. my grandkids
3. my sisters
4. my mom and dad. Even though they are gone, not a day doesn't go by that I thank
A Loving Heavenly Father for the gift of my parents. They weren't perfect, but
I always knew they loved me, even at my most unlovable.
5. My church. I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latterday Saints.
The gospel saved my life amd continues to give me purpose and direction everyday.
6. I love a good laugh. Usually something a juvenille as a fart will get me going
and then I can't stop. I LOVE to laugh like that.
7. I love rock concerts. Music makes me happy.
8. A good book. Oh I love me a good book!
9. a long drive in the car.
10. Last but certainly not least are my friendships. Both in my real life and
in my bloggy life. I consider my sisters and my daughter to be some of my BEST friends! oh, then there is my co worker.....love her too! See I am really blessed with lots of girlfriends.
Ok I can't pick just TEN blogger. Please EVERYONE that leaves me a comment, tell me just one thing that makes you happy.

Keep the mood and the food real........don't worry, be happy.

P.S. I forgot it's weigh in day. drum roll please......191.4lbs. That's down 1.6 pound. I will take it. By the way. I did good with keeping the scales in the trunk. Only weigh ONCE!

P.P.S. My daughter is going to try this blogging thing. Please check out her blog and show her some LOVE!

budzinskis.blogspot.com I don't know why it won't let me link to her blog. GRRR. Check her out!

Sunday, January 17, 2010

be believing



This is me and the Bday boy. I can't believe he is 4 years old. When I look it the picture I see my daughter's unwavering belief. When she found out that they may or may not be able to have kids she did the infertility thing for a few months with no success. They then decided that there were plenty of children already here that need a home. Now I want to remind you that they were 23 and 24 at the time. They put their paper work in the got certified. I was never 100% excited about the idea. I had heard horror stories about the way the system works and I was afraid she would get her heart broken. She was absolutely certain that she was going to get a baby. The people at work gave her a baby shower and secretly I was alittle sad for her. Thinking she is going to get her hopes up, ect ect ect.

Two weeks later she got the call about this little boy. He was a sick little guy and came home with a tube in his nose for feeding. She loved that tube right out of him! She has never looked back. She got her 2 little girls straight from the hospital as well. They are only 6 months apart. I stand in awe of my daughter everyday. She is a great mother and she makes me so proud. Her faith increases my faith. I have to also say she couldn't do without her helpful, thoughtful and very loving hubs. They make a great team.

Sorry, that has nothing to do with weight loss, I just wanted to share that story. Well let's see.....how was the food? It was ok, better for sure. Still not in the full mojo mode, but I feel I am doing better. I didn't walk yesterday. My knee was bugging me Saturday after my walk at the bird park. Which was a slow walk and talk with a friend. I am going to really try to push myself today as much as I can without hurting the knee.

At the Bday party I saw people I haven't seen for a while and boy were they surprised at me. Got alot of nice compliments. Which is nice. It still kind of takes me off guard.

I like what the Bday Gson said the other day while he was walking behind me. "GeGe your butt's not so fat anymore". I stopped and kissed his cute little cheek and said thank you kid.

I have the day off today. Going to hit the thrift shops and see about getting me more pants. I have 2 pair of jeans that fit and no Capri's. I live in Capri's in the summer time. I think this year I am going to get summer dresses too. I am feeling a little girly. Then I want to go see The Blindside. I know I am behind in my movies. I haven't seen a movie that I really liked this season. I know this one will be good. Finished "The Help' over the weekend. Read it! I really liked it.

Well best get on my sweats on get out the door to walk. I think it might be raining. Maybe I will have to go to the office and get on the treadclimber. It's about time we had a little weather! Sunny everyday is boring. Don't hate me.

Keep the mood and the food real......be believing!

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Who's the boss?

I decided to show my self-image who's boss. So here are a couple of pics of me and the jeans!



I really felt like I was having good ass day.....lol

Token over the shoulder pose. lol. I was feeling sassy ( see what those pants do for me )and I actually felt ok about posting jean pictures with my head on. Something about that whole thing kind of messed me up. I decided that this is not about what I look like. It's about the journey and having fun. I am happy with the body I see in those pictures today. It feels good after feeling so crappy the past week or so.

I had a great day yesterday. I really feel like the fog is lifting. My co-worker has been there all week. That makes it fun. It gets lonely working in that house all by myself. TLC was filming at the little sandwich shop we love. They were picked as a best bakery. Anyway, I thought it was yesterday but it was the day before. Story of my life. A day late and a dollar short. We did have a nice lunch. I did great. Gave my cookie away and just had a sandwich and a pickle. Today is my bosses Bday. He is a sweet old guy. We told him we wanted to take him to lunch. He was delighted. He's the Patriarch of the family business. He and his wife live next door to the house I work in. They really are like family. So another lunch out. I can do it and still make good choices.

The positive thing is that I didn't over eat yesterday. I didn't have the "full enough to hurl" feeling. Gross but true. I have to remember that I will have bad days maybe even weeks. I have to remember that a bad day or two doesn't have to mean that I am going to gain all my weight back.

My tender mercy today is the way I felt yesterday. So nice to feel calm and at peace. Even happy. I am also loving the new book I am reading. The Help by Kathryn Stockett. Nothing better then a really good book.

Keep the mood and the food real.......show your self image who's boss!

Wed Weigh In



I weighed in this morning for the "official" weigh in and no surprise, I am UP 2.4 lbs. I am taking it in stride. The weight is actually down a pound and half since yesterday. The scales are now safely in the trunk of my car ( thanks Shelley ). No more jumping on and off those suckers this week. My head is in a much better place this morning. I did 45 mins on the treadclimber yesterday and really pushed myself. I walked this morning and yesterday's food wasn't AS BAD. So I am moving in the right direction. I can almost feel the fog lifting.

My sister said something to me yesterday that I have been thinking about since. She said sometimes you need to eat yourself into oblivion so you can remember how miserable you CAN be. I ate that way ( so full you want to hurl )on a regular basis. I can't believe I really ate like that. No wonder I was a miserable person. No wonder I never wanted to go anywhere. No wonder I never really groomed myself. I wore PJs and bed head to work ALOT! Cause I work in a home, the dress code is pretty lax. No matter how bad I have eaten the past week, it's nothing like I used to eat. Actually in the past 10 months I have rarely eaten like that. If there ARE no bad times, how would you KNOW when you were having good times, right?

So today is new day. I have on TJ's skinny jeans today. Today they are just alittle tight. I must have been just really bloated. I have eating lots of clementines...yummy goodness! Plus I FINALLY did a decent food shop. Made a big pot of WW chili and I am feeling very positive. I can't thank everyone enough for all your supportive and kind comments yesterday. I KNOW that much of success is due in part to this blog. Being able to put my feelings and behaviors out there is what I thought was going to be the key. But your support and encouragement is the real key! You guys have got my heart. Thanks. And look, no weeping this morning....lol!

Today's tender mercy is the sunrise ( PIC ABOVE ) I walked out the door to this morning. Gorgeous! Another is my job. Lots of state employees are loosing their jobs. Everyone in my little family has a job right now. That is a tender mercy!

Keep the mood and the food real..........keeping moving in the right direction.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

holding on

About a month ago I made the decision to buy a scale. I even wrote a post asking myself if I was emtional ready to have a scale in the house. Well as of this week the scale is going to a friend's house. I have been on and off that damn thing all day yesterday and then I hopped on again this morning. My head is just not in a good place. I am still struggling food wise. Totally over eating. So then I end up with stomach problems. No walking this morning. Plus my knee is hurting as well. I am not eating total crap, I am just eating too much. I am using food.

For some reason I am trying to sabatoge myself. I don't know if this is a depression or hormones or what. I feel tired as hell all the time. I have not really pushed myself physically in a week. For some reason my head as gone back to "diet" mode. I have been trying to figure out calories/points. I haven't done this since I 1st started. It is not working for me. I liked it better when I just eat good food and focused on feeling healthier. Not focusing on the size of the pants. I can't comfortably wear the skinny bitch jeans now either. This has been messing with my head TOTALLY. For the past few days it has been that STUPID all or nothing mentality.

Pride has snuck into my thinking. I have been getting so many compliments lately. That is always dangerous. I am worthy of every nice thing said to me. In my head I know that. But, is it really the way I FEEL? Me thinks not. So what am I going to do about it?

HOLD ON.....that's what! This will not last forever. I refuse to be thrown totally off track. I will stay the course, and I will hold on. I didn't want to do another poor me post. Oh well, it is what it is. What's so frustrating is that I know it's up to me. Yet I fight my every good intention. Try to do better today. It's all I can do.

Today's tender mercy is the fact that I have so much support. Between my family and friends amd all my blogger buddies I know I am not alone. Plus I have lots of people rooting for me. All that positive energy can't hurt, it can only help.

I love this quote from the new Mitch Albom book Have A Little Faith. "We fail until we don't".

keep the mood and the food real. Hold On!

Monday, January 11, 2010

Feel the love

I am sitting here watching the football highlights from the Cardinals and Packers game. HOLY CRAP!! It was an exciting game. I went out to my daughter's house to fix dinner and watched the game. My daughter has become interested in football this year. I love that kid. When she "gets interested" in something she REALLY gets interested. She was hilarious! Yelling and jumping. She had the little girls screaming "GO CARDINALS".

I am feeling very emotional this morning. Crying at my every thought. It's a good cry. A grateful cry. Not sure what's going on, but I am sure it has something to do with my hormones. I am waiting to walk out the door to walk this morning. Going to start a few minutes earlier. A new woman asked to join my buddy and myself. She wanted to start early, I said why not. I went for a long bike ride yesterday after church. It really has been glorious weather lately. I rode and listened to Wait, Wait Don't Tell Me. FUNNY this week. I also thought about why I am having such a hard time this week. What am I going to do to make things better. I just need to get back to good for me food. Back to a least half gallon a day. I am going to walk in the morning, then do something physical in the afternoon. No coming home to watch Oprah this week. Waste of time! Time to turn the TV off and get moving after work. Today I plan on listening to "Two Chicks and A Microphone" podcast. Check out Miz or DietGirl's website. See my blog list.

Back from my walk. My knee is really feeling that bike ride from yesterday. I went about 2.5 miles so I did ok. I could tell it was going to be ouchey when I woke up.

At church yesterday they speakers were talking about how to be happier. Boy, was I in the right place at the right time. They were saying that the key is to know that there is a God ( which I do ) and that He loves you. So in an effort to see the Lord's love in my life I am going to start listing His "tender mercies" in my life. Those things that touch my heart and reaffirm to me that I am loved.

Yesterday's tender mercy was the phone call I got from a blogger friend. We had never talked before and we had a great conversation. Another tender mercy was the afternoon with my Gkids. We made cupcakes and just had a great time. I am grateful for Gkids. I get to make up for the mistakes I made as a mom.

That's it for today. I am going to have a great today. I will make choices that are good for me. Keep the mood and the food real............feel the love!

Saturday, January 9, 2010

ACT!

I have been eating everything in sight. I stayed home again last. Just feeling exhausted again. I know this crazy cycle of going to bed too early, getting up too early is killing me. I just can't seem to make it past 8pm. Get a life Dana. I know, I know there is plenty to do, it's just I don't feel like doing anything. I also know that doing the uncomfortable at the time thing is the thing to do. Again, it's just doing it. I am thinking this pity pot is getting OLD! I can hardly stand myself!

This morning I am going to the bird park with a friend. Then it's back home to do some more cleaning and organizing. That really does make me feel better. It makes me feel like I have some kind of control....lol. Then out to my daughter's to sit with the kids. I am thinking about taking the boys over night tonight. It's just I like to go to church. It's hard to take 2 little boys to church. So we'll see.

I don't know what's going on. I did so good food wise over the holidays, now I choose to fall apart. WTHell? Oh the brain, she is fickle...no?? I am going to be on my knees more till I feel better. Always a good idea to ask a Power Greater than myself for help. He knows me and he loves me. I also know that his too will pass. It never lasts for long.

Since I can't eat my feelings away I have to feel them. OUCH! That's when I want turn to food. Even though I know that food is not the answer. So today is a new day and I am going to do those things that will set me up for success. The first being to make a food list and then go food shopping. Nothing sounds good. It's like I have forgotten what to buy. I am sabotaging myself. I know it. Now, what am I going to do about it?

Keep the mood and the food real.......know the signs of sabotage. ACT!

Friday, January 8, 2010

look ahead

I made it to Friday! Hip hip hooray! I have walked every morning and even gone for some extra bike rides this week. However food has been a huge issue. My son brought home a tin of butter cookies that a friend made us during the holidays. I have eaten almost the entire tin. WTHell?! I have been noticing that I am letting bad habits creep in. I am not eating as healthy as I could b. I have been eating too much BREAD this week. For some reason I have craved it. I feel I am entitled to alittle something special to nibble on when I go to the store. Nothing big or high calorie, just some thing. It's just I can feel that I am using food. I don't like it.

I am having kind of a bad week. Just kind of blah. Not depressed or anything. Plus I am trying to get used to having extra time on my hands. I have felt really tired this week. For the past couple of days I have noticed that I just start aching all over about mid morning. Then it gets worse from there. It is gone by the next morning then starts over again. Not sure what's going on. Last night I got a fair nights sleep, but not great.

I know everything cycles around. I am having a rough week. I will survive and try to do better. What else can I do? Give up? HELL TO THE NO! I don't need to be looking back, I need to look forward.

Kind of bummed that one of my Gsons is sick, so no movie. I don't know what I will do now. Something will come up. I need a plan. I don't need to be sitting in my house, thinking about the next thing to eat. GRRRRRR!

Keep the mood and the food real......look ahead!

Thursday, January 7, 2010

BORING!




That's me all bundled up for my walk in the 45 degree weather. Please do not hate me. You can throw it all back in my face this summer when it's 120 degrees.

Another day another post. I have posted everyday this week. Good for me. Actually I am BORED. I have lost both my old people and now after work all I have is time. I did go on a nice bike ride yesterday after work. So what does Dana do when she's bored. Well she eats of course! GRRR. Hey, at least I am upping my exercise. I am in awe of people that go to the gym and work out for hours. I just don't have it in me. Maybe one day, but for now I am happy with my little routine.

I got on the scales this morning for shits and giggles and found an eight after the one. It's not official, but it does make me feel good. The last time I weighed in the 180's I was in rehab at the Salvation Army. That was in the late 90's. I wasn't even a really skinny tweeker....just my luck. It still took me another 3-4 years to change my life. Yes, I am STUBBORN and prideful.

I told myself if I lost the weight I would not complain about loose skin. Well I am not complaining, but I am sagging. It's like my skin is "puckering". It's just weird. Even the skin on my forearms. Oh well, if that's all I can think of to bitch about today, well then my life is pretty good.

I think I will call my friend and meet at the bird park and go for a walk after work. I am going to take the Gsons to the drive in again tomorrow night then another sleep over. I might as well do it while I am in the mood and the weather is nice. Anyway, that's the plan. It's all up for revision....lol.

My son is getting his other 2 wisdom teeth out today. I will be so glad. They have really been bothering him. It sucks to see your kid in pain. He kind of looks like a convict as of late. His sister accidentally (that's her side of the story...lol) cut his hair too short, then off comes all the hair. I told his boss ( I work at the same school he does ) to make him shave his beard. Told him to tell my kid that it was in the dress code or some stupid thing. He just looked too creepy. Way to control and manipulate your kid, Dana. Oh well. He does look much better.

I am not sleeping well. It's because with boredom and the eating, I am now falling asleep at 6 pm and then I am up at 3 am. Again, I need to stay busy. I am not going to beat myself up too much. I am getting back to a normal here at work this week. Before the break I was at a dead run all day. cause I was taking care of Mr. 92. I need another old person. It will happen. When I don't sleep well I am more apt to believe what TCB tells me. So I am NOT going to be my own worse enemy today. Intention set!

Keep the mood and the food real..........don't believe half of what your head tells ya.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Wed Weigh In

Wed Weigh In. I was up .4 lb. I will take it and back quickly away from the scales. I drank water up the wazoo yesterday. A gallon before noon. I was peeing all day. I am waiting to go walking. My hips have killed me. I felt like an old woman yesterday. Every time I stood up I felt like I had a catch in my get-a-long. I had a hard time getting "started".

Felt totally weird yesterday. Nervous as hell over nothing. Slept better last night. Slept all the way to 4:30. So go me! Today will be better. Went out to help my daughter with the Gkids last night. I took the kids on a long walk. Half way the 4 year old decided he didn't want to ride the scooter, and would I please take it. So I was trying to lead the scooter home and pull the girls in the wagon home. I think I pulled something again in this stupid arm. It is just so annoying.

The doc called and said that my cholesterol is much better, but that my fast blood sugar was alittle high. I am not going to do the blood glucose test. I probably woke up and put something in my mouth in the middle of the night that night.

Was on hold with the IRS for over 45 mins yesterday and still didn't talk to anyone. Try again today.

I am watching the news and they are doing a story about that dating website beautifulpeople. They kicked people off the site for gaining weight over the holidays. STUPID. Oh and by the the way......that's not news!

I am reading the new book by Greg Mortensen, Stones Into Schools or something like that. The book 3 Cups of Tea was written about his mission to build schools in Pakistan and Afghanistan. Read it. It is an important book. I was looking at TMZ website yesterday and saw that Angelina Jolie is reading the same book. That made me laugh!

Enough randomness. Got to get all bundled up to go out into that cold 45 degree weather. LOL! I am hearing on the news that the U.K. hasn't seen this much snow since the 1980's. BRRR. Anyone wanting to visit, COME ON! It will be 71 and sunny today. Great bike riding weather. I might ride to work this morning.

Keep the mood and the food real.......get moving!

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

do better today than yesterday!

Here are some pics from the New Year's Day trip to the bird park with the Gkids and a family friend. This is going to be quick. I was CRAVING bread yesterday. Grrrr. Fixed healthy soup, then I bought potato rolls. WTHell. Anyway, my kid will eat the rest today, but I ate half the bag before it was over. I set myself up to FAIL. I shouldn't have bought the rolls. But, today is a new day. I weighed this morning and yikes...hope that it's water. We'll see tomorrow morning. Offical weigh in day.

Went to get in my car after coming out of the food store and saw my car had had the hood crumbled in. WTHell. I was freaked for about a minute, till I realized my car was just 2 spaces down. I had to laugh at me. That was an easy fix. Still trying to do some big girl stuff today. I am waiting to hear how my cholestrol levels are. My dang arm is still killing me. She said it would take awhile for the tendonitis to get better. I am a boob and hate any pain, so yes, I would like some cheese with that whine.

Keep the mood and the food real....do better today than yesterday!



Here's one of me and Gson #2....love that pic!


Here the kids are entering the bird park.


Here is the ALREADY dead catch! They washed their hands right away....BOYS!



They are fishing with short sticks they found at the park

Monday, January 4, 2010

the "skinny bitch" jeans...the wait is over!



Well here are the Skinny Bitch jeans. A huge thank you to TJ and her generous offer to send the traveling pants to me! I have to say that I love these pants. They fit great. 2 weeks ago I don't think the legs would have fit. I have had to ask myself why I would procrastinate posting the jeans picture. I have decided it is because I have an image in my mind of how I look in the jeans. In my mind I am the Skinny Bitch (I am quite aware that I still about 40 pounds to be "skinny"). I started out as a size 24. These jeans are a size 14....FOURTEEN! Excuse me while a weep. I am still amazed by that number....FOURTEEN!

I have the disease of addiction and it centers in my mind. I don't care what my ass says! I am addicted to food, among other things. I have come to realize that the way I see myself is altered. That's part of "The Crazy Brain" syndrome that I suffer from. That's my own diagnosis, ok actually it was Roxie's, but it fits. When I was 270 lbs I saw myself as thin. Even when I saw a picture of myself. I am sure this was some kind of a self preservation. If I saw myself how I really looked in all my 270 lbs glory, well I might hae ended it all...I am only sort of kidding.

Now I see myself as fat. Some days are better then others. I really don't like any pictures of all of me. I just didn't want to have a picture of me in the jeans. I want to live in my little fantasy for as long as possible. I just "felt" so damn good in the jeans That's why there is no head....just the jeans. Looking at just the jeans, without putting my face on the top, I see a Skinny Person ( I can be a bitch, but not today...lol). It's like I can be my own worse enemy. The mind....she is fickle....no?? Anyway, I hope that makes sense to someone.

I am waiting to walk out the door this morning. It's not even 5AM. I am excited to get back to normal. I am going to make a food list and check it twice....going to include all the nice food, none of the naughty food. I have filled my H2O jug. I am looking forward to getting back to work.

I have some big girl calls I have to make today. One of them to the IRS....yick. I hate it when I have to act like an adult. I don't know why I put stuff like this off. I have been so focused on work and my old people that I have no energy left over to do things for me. That is one of my resolutions. Stop living life by default.

Hope that your 1st Monday morning of 2010 is great. Keep the mood and the food real....set your intentions!

P.S. - Karen, if you are reading this, can I be part of your team. You were missed. I would love to leave a comment.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

RECOMITTING



Hello and Good Sunday morning to all. This is how I spent my New Year's Eve. At the drive in movie with my daughter and the Gkids. We took them to see The Princess and the Frog. I had given the girls cheap little tiaras for Christmas. How was the movie you ask? How the hell would I know! Did I mention there were 6 little kids and 4 yammering adults ( me being one of those yammering ). It was loads of fun though and I would do it again in a minute. We brought lots of blankets and hot chocolate and snuggled. I brought the 3 oldest back to my house for a sleep over and then a trip to the bird park New Year's morning. Not much of a workout physically, but they were so stinkin cute. I will post more pics tomorrow when I am work, where the computer is not psychotic. Blogger let me download exactly one picture....thanks blogger. grrrr. So you get the drive in picture.

I have been reading lots of New Year posts. Trying to decided just what I want out of year. Somehow I feel just staying with my new good habits I will be great. I just need to add some more good habits into the mix. Non weight loss habits. I have some spiritual goals and some financial goals that I really want to work on this year. I feel alot braver going into 2010 then I did going into 2009. I was scared shitless last year. For a variety of real and "crazy-brain" reasons. This year I feel like maybe I can follow through. Like maybe, just maybe I can trust myself to follow through. I want to do a post about Hope. Hope is a wonderful thing. Hope is to expect things that are not seen. I want to set a goal of taking some kind of college class. I heard a woman at church today who said she raised 6 kids and then got her PhD after the age of 60. She is 90something. What a woman! Get off your butt, Dana. What are you waiting for? Why am I afraid to live up to my potential? Both damn good questions, thank you very much!

I still don't have the jeans picture. I have had to really look at why in the "Sam Hill" I refuse to post a pic. I really want to...yet....where is the damn picture, right?? I KNOW...it's weird. I will save those "deep thoughts" for another post. The one that WILL HAVE the jeans pic...I promise. I have spent too much darn time thinking about this the past few days.

Another thing I have done the past few days is try to get rid of a bout bronchitis. GRRRR. I had the doc check my lungs while I was there for my arm, which has tendonitis. Oh great! I have used my "illness" ( i really don't feel that sick) to skip walking the past 2 days. Maybe not today. I will try to walk after my nap. See, my priorities are askew.

Tomorrow marks the start of my "getting back to business". I am out the door by 5:30AM to walk with my buddy. Back to lots of H2O. Back to food shopping. I haven't really gone crazy, but I have been doing less than my best. So I am recommitting. Join me!

Let's make this 1st week of 2010 great! Keep the mood and the food real.......

RECOMMIT