Saturday, July 31, 2010
Deep cleaned the downstairs. I have decided to paint. My daughter had some paint left over from painting the baby's room and I think I am going to paint one wall. I have an appointment to get the carpets clean Wed and my sister and my niece and nephew are coming Thurs. We will be decorating for the shower Friday. I think I have a hike in mind for Friday or Saturday morning. Nothing too steep, cause I don't want to cream my knee.
I feel less stressed over the past couple of days. More relaxed and I feeling like I am "sharper". Besides loosing things that is...lol. I wish I had good days everyday. Oh well, if there was no bad days I wouldn't know what a good day was, right?
Hope everyone had all their Saturday dreams come true. Keep the mood and the food real.......
Friday, July 30, 2010
Rode the bike to work, in the RAIN! It has finally rained here in the desert. Besides the wet stripe up my butt and back It was marvelous. I am just finding the show Boston Legal. I watch while on the treadclimber. Pretty good, think I will watch another this morning.
Food was right on. And by that I mean I ate real food. Still overeating some, but at least it's cantaloupe and not the frozen Jr. Mints. Last year it was tootsie rolls. Just the thought of one those things makes me sick....lol. Yes, I tend do things to extremes. Made chicken in the crock pot and plan on eating that again tonight.
Weekend has no plans. I want to spend some time deep cleaning my little place before my sister comes. It needs it and this is a good excuse. Getting carpets cleaned as well. It will be good for my mood too. Having a nice clean space always makes me feel good. We were disappointed that my youngest sister won't be able to come from Japan. We would have all been together on my mom's birthday, August 8. I think my sister and I will try to get out for a hike while she's here. My mother loved to hike. A pre-dawn hike that is. Maybe I will do some shower shopping as well. My son was kind enough to offer his car this weekend.
That's it. Plan for today is to do my best. Drink that water, eat right and move more....that being said I am getting on the treadclimber!
Keep the mood and the food real..............
Thursday, July 29, 2010
This is all up to me. I have been feeling out of control food wise for along time now. I have gained almost 20 lbs back by eating just little bit more and moving just alittle bit less. Not by eating ice cream or fast food or calorie filled crap. Nope that would have been too obvious. The disease of addiction is very subtle when it has to be. It started out by doing just enough to get by. I was "resting on my laurels", as the Big Book of AA says. I heard once that laurels means victories. I was on the high of loosing 100 lbs. I was not moving forward. There really is no standing still. I started backsliding then.
So I am going to recommit. Started yesterday, no matter what the scale said this morning. I ate better then I have for awhile. I wasn't perfect, I was better. What I need to remember is that I got here by doing just a little bit less. So that means that to start moving in the right direction I need to do just alittle bit more. Seriously, my lifestyle hasn't changed that much. I still walk and bike everyday. I have kicked up the walking this week. It feels good. I need to walk away from the food. Just say no.
I also have to remember that things that I have done or that were done to me in the past are just that....in the past. I have been dealing with some really difficult stuff. I am grateful for the willingness to address this stuff. I am not going to use that shit as an excuse anymore. I don't want to. It doesn't serve me. I serve it. That sucks. It is my choice. It's always my choice. I know I can do hard things. I also know that I don't have to deal alone.
This is more about what in between my ears then what's on my plate. When my head is right I make better choices. I have been feeling more isolated. No car and 114 heat. That's what helped ( or is the excuse I use ) to lay around after work. To go to bed too early. To check out from life after 5 pm. All choices I have made.
I am going to start posting my weight like Roxie does. I like her system. I don't want to put too much focus on the number, but I need to know it. This is a process. It's life. I am going to make good choices today. I know what to do. Now I am going to do it!
Keep the mood and the food real............
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
I have a confession. I have gained almost 15 lbs. I got on the scales this morning and was shocked to say the least. I am hoping that if I will just push the H20 and get back to work that it will come right back off. I have been stress eating. ALOT> Using food. Falling asleep way too early. I feel like I am hiding out. When Roxie told me to entertain more, I almost had an anxiety attack. I have become a hermit. When did this happen??
I am still walking almost everyday. I am loving walking on the treadclimber and pushing myself alittle more. I haven't been walking as far cause my buddies haven't been able to. So instead of making it up by myself, I let it slide. I have been allowing crap food back into my home and it has got to stop. I am feeling pretty frustrated with myself. To say the least.
I am not going to say that this is the day that I turn it all around. I am just going to do my best. Make the next right choice and not beat myself up. I feel that since I started therapy to try to work on some pretty serious issues so I don't gain the weight back........that I have started to gain the weight back . That's pretty much what's happened. Didn't see that coming. Like I said, FRUSTRATED.
I don't know if my sister is coming from Japan now. Feel sad. Especially since my other sister spent alot of money to come from Utah to visit her, and me too. She'll miss the shower too. Anyway, it is really hard when she's so far away and I can't get ahold of her. I will hope for the best.
Going to put a smile on my face and fake till I make it. Keep the mood and the food real.........
Monday, July 26, 2010
No walking yesterday. Saturday was just short walk. My buddy needed to cut it short. I got in another 20 mins on the treadclimber. Felt like I was working harder, much harder. I am walking on the treadclimber for the rest of the week. Both buddies are taking this week off. I feel like I will get a better workout this way. I killed this morning. 40 mins. Dripping wet. Felt totally awesome! It's suppose to be cloudy and just 104 today, so I will probably ride the bike home.
Food over the weekend was interesting. I ate the 1st Big Mac that I have eaten in about 2 years. I never, ever do this. You know what.....I didn't even like it that much. Made me tummy alittle upset. The Gkid was dieing to go and they have that INDOOR playground, so I said ok. Seriously, I forgot how hard it is to say no a begging 4 year old. I wasn't "jonesing" for fast food. I simply had a sucky burger and now onto the next meal. That next drink of water. That next time on treadclimber. It didn't derail me from doing the next right thing, the next time. Amazing. I have thought about that this weekend. I consider that to be some kind of a victory.
I have lots of cleaning to do. I want things nice for when my sisters get here. Besides, I really need to go beyond just tidy. I am not a great housekeeper. I'm ok. I hate summer, I can't open the windows and air my tiny little place out. It's just too hot all the time. I am getting kind of nervous about my sisters coming. I get all I wish I had more, better, bigger...whatever. I am really pretty satisfied until I start comparing myself to others. My sisters really could care less. I know that it's all in my head. Kind of drives me crazy that I put so much energy into that kind of thinking.
So, I'd best get to back work. I didn't really think I had that much to say. I guess I did....who knew? Feeling bloggy blah again. I have been reading everybody, just not commenting. I know the more I put into this the more I get out of it. It a cycle.
Keep the mood and the food real..........
Thursday, July 22, 2010
I am cooling down before I jump on the treadclimber. We just got wireless ( I know ) so I brought the laptop with me and I am going to watch The Closer. The only redeeming thing about summer is Brenda Lee Johnson.
Work will be busy again today. I have felt real tired by the end of the day. Going to try to stay in the moment and enjoy my day. Keep the mood and food real.........
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Work was crazy again today. I will be glad when school starts and things calm down a bit. Everyone is tense. Since the state of AZ is broke they have drastically reduced our funding this year. No one got a raise, but everyone got to keep their job. They have added classrooms to try to make up the difference. That means lots of construction. Remodels really bring out the best in people....NAUGHT. Anyway, things were much better today then yesterday. For sure. Luckily they have plenty of kids enrolled, but you never know till you see the whites of their eyes.
Walked my 3 miles and rode the bike to work. Food has been better too. I planned on eating alittle dinner and go to bed early. This heat really wipes me out. Gee, this crap only last till November....UGH! H20 was better, but I could do even better. Goal for tomorrow.
Got things for the shower decided. Invites will go out tomorrow. My daughter seems happy. So I am happy. Went to see Inception yesterday. My head was not in the game, cause I didn't get it. UGH! I will go see it again with another friend that is dieing to see. Work kept texting me. I finally turned it off, then I just sat there and worried about work. STUPID! Anyway. I loved the acting. Joseph-Gordon Leavitt is one of my fave actors. I think he is under appreciated. Did anyone see the movie Brick? Loved it! 500 Days of Summer.....awesome. Not to mention Leo. He is so talented.
Well I guess that's it. Feeling so much then I did this morning. Really did better today. Didn't swaet the small stuff. Keep the mood and the food...........
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
I got on the scales this morning and was down 2 lbs since this weekend. I was happy with that. I am sucking down the water. It's so FREAKING hot here. Both walking buddies bailed on me this morning. I sucked it up and went out and got in almost 4 miles. I was drenched by the time I got home. Listened to some inspirational podcasts. It was a nice start to the day. I like my morning therapy sessions with my buddies, but sometimes like this morning, it was nice to be alone with my thoughts. The sun rise was MAGNIFICENT!! I wish I would have had my camera. I could have shared it with you.
I have been assessing my eating lately. I am using food. There is no doubt about that. I am eating too much. Not bad stuff. Too much of a good thing.....is still too much. I am not sure what's up with the nerves right now. I am in the midst of something hormonal. I can feel that. Plus my tummy problems haven't really gone away. Even though I have been ot the doc and am taking something. I am just going to to continue to do the next right thing. Minimize damage and try to do better. Today is a new day. Just like everyday.
So today I am going to stay in the moment. I have set my intentions. I have gotten a good start and have planned for the rest of the day. How about you??
Keep the mood and the food real...............
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Why am I doing this now. I don't want to backslide. There really is no standing still your either going on way or the other. I have been able to mange the little back and forths with my weight' Till this past month. I am going to be 50 in a few weeks. FIFTY! I truly never thought I would see 50. Both my parent died before the age of 60 and the way I abused my body, well hell, I didn't think I was going to need a retirement plan.
For the past few months I have been bragging how I have never felt better. That is true. I have never felt stronger or more capable of what I can do. In all areas of my life. I think age, sober living, and a sense of who I am is has been the key for me. I have come to realize that it's really all about my intentions. I was reading Roxie's "reverence" post. When her intentions changed her world changed. Even about something as simple (or hard, in my case..lol) as food prep. When I came to know for myself who I was I began to realize that I CAN DO HARD THINGS. So what has changed. My perspective. I have let myself forget who I really am. That I am worth all the hard work. Here's another short video that inspired me this morning. We all need to remember Our True Identity. It still amazes me that my prayers are answered in such a personal and profound way. I really needed to be remind of this.
Have a great Sunday. Let's treat ourselves with loving kindness. For me that means getting off the computer and getting out the door for a walk.
Keep the mood and the food real.
Friday, July 16, 2010
Going to push the h20 today. Not drinking enough water. For sure. I have been feeling very snacky this past week. I walk into this office and all I want to do is eat. UGH! It's got to be an emotional thing. Who knows. Who cares. Just don't give in to the munchies! Or if I do, munch on something healthy. Something real.
Having the Ggirls over a sleepover tonight. Excited about that. We are going to swim and watch movies. Paint our nails and do our hair. They love to comb my hair. As long as they don't pull too hard I let them. Have got meals planned. Snacks too. They have already called to ask what time they can come. It's great to be so loved!
Have a great weekend. Do something fun! Stay cool. Keep the mood and then food real.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
I have pooped around in this general scale area for about 6 months now. I planned on taking a break from weight loss. I wanted to maintain for a while. Give my head a chance to catch up with my body. My son is getting married in March. I want to loose 25 lbs by then. It is doable. I am starting to feel that I can do more. That I am ready to more. Now get on it Dana!
I got great news yesterday. Both my sisters and a niece and a nephew will be here the 1st of August. One sister is coming all the way from Tokyo. Her entire family is coming for a couple of weeks. We have decided to have my daughter's baby shower while both "Aunties" are here. For those of you who don't know, I get "little kid" excited about seeing my sisters. So this is certainly something to look forward to!
Keep the mood and the food real............
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
This 1st pic is very spooking. Really. The Whalley House in Old town was named one of the 10 most haunted houses in the U.S.A. Or so says the Travel Chanel. Anyway I took this right before the tour. We were the only ones there. I KNOW! I didn't a flash, but come on that is a great story. The "ghost chaser" had a vortex meter and everything. Very legit. Or so said the 14 year old who really, really wanted to go. It was fun and he really told alot of history that I didn't get the next day when everyone was around. This was in Balboa Park. Everything was closed but the buildings alone were worth the trip. Works of art. Lot's of museums. Gardens. A great place to just wander around. Especially cause it was 65 degrees. SIXTY FIVE degrees. Yes, I want to go back. SOON.
Ok. this was just too cute. I don't know this child but I had to take a pic. That mother put alot of time and effort into this outfit. She deserved to have a total stranger walk up and ask if I could take a pic of her. TOO CUTE. Too bad the mother stood in front of us the entire parade....with her shorts way too short. Oh well. To each their own
This just cracked me up. Love Small Town USA. They could really play. they were very good!
Here is pic of what they call a handcart. This is what my ancestors pushed and pulled 2000 miles as they made their way west. From Iowa to Utah. Loaded down with just enough food to last 2000 miles. I can't even imagine that. Seeing the handcart up close really got to me for some reason. I am so very proud of their courage and determination. Just knowing about them makes me a better person. More confidant. Look what kind of stock I come from. Come on! What can't I do, right?? lol. I have been watching the PBS series Faces of America. I highly recommend it. It's fascinating. People are fascinating. Very person.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
I was surprised by the award. I don't fee like I have been expressing Life Is Good in my posts lately. Too much bitching
and moaning. So Thanks Julie.
Like Roxie I will ask you to think of every reason that your life is good. I have lots to be grateful for. Great Family and Friends. A job. I love my church http://mormon.org/mormonorg/eng/. It really does give my life purpose. Grateful for the life I have today. Compared to life I had 15 years ago. SO MUCH BETTER! Grateful for my willingness to improve my life. All areas. Physical. Mental. Spiritual.
Tell me one thing your grateful for. Something that you don't always think of. Remind me why Life Is Good!
Keep the mood and the food real...............
Sunday, July 11, 2010
I am ready to get back to work. This last week of friends, family and fun has reminded me that crazy people make me crazy. Sometimes just being around like minded people brings you back to a sense of who you are and what's important to you. I am making this next week a good one. Planning ahead and treating myself with loving kindness. I will be back to my regular walking routine. That makes me feel so good. It's a great way to start my day. What with all my travels this past week there has been no routine. I am surprised I handled it so well. I am such a creature of habit. I am not going to compare myself to others. I am going to be grateful for what I have. I am going to start making some plans for my future. I have some ideas in mind. I am feeling hopeful and happy.
Keep the mood and the food real........
Saturday, July 10, 2010
I am having tummy problems. Gas pain that wakes me up. I have eaten too many GasX in the past 24 hours. I guess I am going to have to get a doctor appointment. Anyone want to diagnosis me. Maybe some home remedies to get rid of this?? UGH! I haven't been walking since I've been home. I am just too tired at 5 AM. Then it's too hot. I did ride my bike to work, but that's it. I have been eating alot of food out. That's the way it goes when your on vacation. I was down about 4 lbs last week. I just jumped on the scale to assess the damage and was happy with just a 2 lb gain. No walking and salty food. Yep, I'll take it. Time to get back to basics.
The Gboys are coming over for a sleep over tonight. My son will be dropping off his car pretty soon. It is overcast and alittle rainy, that won't stop us from swimming. It is still 91 degrees. I will take them to church with me tomorrow. That will be fun. I hope..lol. Will be eating healthy and filling up my water jugs.
I will be getting a new job at church. No more stories from my friend. She is quite sick in the hospital. Kidney failure is the story I've heard. Bless her heart. I best get this place in ship shape and start some laundry. Entertaining 2 boys will take up the rest of my weekend.
keep the mood and the food real.....
Friday, July 9, 2010
I do feel like I am seeing things less personal. I am seeing some self esteem come back. Not self worth. That never changes. It's God given and He loves me as much as He loves you. Esteem depends a lot on what others think about me. Am I enough? Am I letting them down? Am I expecting too much? Am I thin enough? Pretty enough? Getting back to what is most important. I am grateful for sweet friends that know how to lift my spirits and love me warts and all. This past week wouldn't have happened without them.
Nothings changed, but me. And that's just enough. I have lots of pictures but I am to damn tired to upload. I am better at 4 am. I got my cute purse from Leslie and will be showing that off as well. I loved seeing her handwriting. Weird, I know. Makes her seem more real. More real...lol.
Monday, July 5, 2010
Thursday, July 1, 2010
It is too damn hot to wear a sweater to cover my unsightly upper arms. So I am letting them just hang out. The longer I expose them the less uncomfortable I am about them. If other people don't like, well that is just too damn bad. It's funny how you can get over things, if the motivation is right!
I am going for a hair cut today and I need to run some errands to get myself ready for my little trip. I have noticed that for the past few weeks I have had a hard time just BEING. I am having a hard time staying in and enjoying the moment. I hope a little break from my routine will help with that. Trying to anticipate my next move ( and other's ) has been exhausting. People Pleasing is exhausting!
Food has been much better, though still too much. The scale has come down alittle. Trying to rein in the emotions that are driving me to food. I got the book Women, Food and God from the library. Gonna read it on the ride to Small Town USA. I am trying to just feel my feeling. I know they can not kill me, but damn, sometimes they are just so uncomfortable.
Hope everyone has a great 4th! Keep the mood and the food real..................