Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Looking Forward

Good Morning! I had a good Thanksgiving. Ate too much and it has spilled over into this week. Eating isn't the best. In fact it has been pretty crappy. I am fighting going to the food store. It's like I don't want to have good stuff in the house to eat so I have an excuse to do take out. which I really can't afford anyway. Stupid. This is another thing. My Little Lady takes meds to increase her appetite. So she is really enjoying her food. What else does she have, right?? Well she get her feels hurt if I don't join her. I don't give in every time, but I do more then I want to. I plan on having good for me snacks on hand so I am not eating crappy ice cream bars. Again, fighting going food shopping. Just the thought of making a list freaks me out. Oh Addiction how you baffle me!

It's been close to freezing the past few days. No biking to work in the morning...brrr. Waling Buddies were not available for early morning. I think I have walked maybe 2 times in the past 5 days. Not so good for Dana. It is 34 degrees this morning. No walking this morning either. I am going to "make" myself walk after I get finished this morning with the Little Lady this morning. She wants to go to the police auction. She cracks me up. That just seemed so random. Load up the wheelchair, we're going to police auction...lol. Welcome to my world.

I am setting an intention of really enjoying the season. Those who been reading for a while know that I don't really get into the holidays. My hubs died on Christmas day and my dad died 2 weeks later. Since that time I have really had a hard time during the holidays. It's all I can do to pull a 3 foot tree out of a box and slap a few bulbs on it. The lights are already done...lol. I am not going to force myself, but I am going to focus on the reason for the season. I have almost all my shopping done. I am not going over board. I just buy what my daughter tells me. She is bargain whiz!! Plus she forced me to start early. Love that Kid! I am going to a production of Christmas Carole that my friend's daughter is in Thursday. Should be fun. Going to have my annual Temple Lights and Soup Party. Lots of fun things to look forward to.

Haven't been the best blogging friend. Reading, but too lazy to comment. I am still trying to get back into the groove. I just am going to focus maintaining. I feel that's doable. I need to find another walking routine. Shake things up alittle. I am behind on my podcasts, so I think walking later, when it's light, is the way to go. It's just if I don't get it done 1st thing, I tend to flake out. So I just need to trick myself into new habit. Yes, I said trick. I make deals with myself. Do you know what I'm talking about??

Anyway, I am off to clean up and check out my 1st police auction! Keep the mood and the food real..............

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Sweet Serendipity

Happy Thanksgiving! I have so much to be grateful for. My family, and friends. My job and my church family. I am grateful for a car to drive. I am grateful I am able to support myself and stay in my home. I am grateful for my church. I am grateful to know where I come from, why I am here. I am grateful for a loving Heavenly Father and Savior. I am grateful for the knowledge that I don't have to be perfect to be loved and blessed. I am grateful that life isn't fair. I would be screwed.

After my visit to a new patient last night I am grateful for the very breath I take. This woman has a degenerative lung disease and she is slowly suffocating. It's like trying to take a deep breath thru a straw. I can't even imagine the terror of that. They keep her pretty well medicated, but my heart goes out to her and her family. She is a courageous woman. She has an exceptional family. I am grateful for mine and my families health.

I may not be at my "goal" weight but I am grateful to be aware of the food I eat. I know that there will be good days and bad days. I have been better with food this week. I haven't missed walking and have tried to ride the bike if I am going anywhere within a 2 mile radius.

Thanksgiving dinner will be at a friend's house. My son is going with his GF's family and my SIL has to work ( working at a prison is a 24/7 job ), so it will just be my daughter this Gkids and me. This way way don't have to cook. Just help with clean up. I can't really cook, but I can scrub a mean turkey roaster. I am doing my own 5K after my Little Lady this morning. We decided to skip the Turkey Trot and just walk somewhere pretty. It's going to be a BEAU-tiful day here in the desert. I wasn't able to give up my morning shift. I like money....lol. So we are getting a later start.

I have been LOVING this new song byLee DeWyze. Sweet Serendipity. It speaks to me. It's joyful. Goggle it! Dance and be joyful!

Thank you to all of my blog family. As always, you have my heart. You are all a major part of my life. I think of you and your lives. Mostly though I think of your examples. I am so grateful to have found this group of friends.

Keep the mood and the food real.............gratefully!

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Wonderful Weekend!

Having a great weekend. This picture is of us at Gson's football game....last week. I couldn't get there in time this week. Gson made 2 touchdowns. I was so sorry I missed it. the weather has been so nice. I took the kids to the park yesterday. Then home and my Little Lady. food wasn't as bad yesterday, but I really need to make better choices. I noticed at church today that it was harder to keep my legs crossed. OMG! I am hoping that its because I put lotion this morning. Making them slippery.....denial is not a river in Egypt.
This is my Little Lady and her little dog. She loves the freedom of the scooter. I ride the bike and she drives along. It's fun. Note the little fur ball in the basket. She loves the wind in her hair!
I am working some extra today with another lady. I am friends with her daughter. I have been able to get alittle Christmas shopping done. I KNOW! Who am I?? I want to try to enjoy the holidays this year. I usually hate them. Well not hate, but endure them.
Hope all of you are having a great weekend! Keep the mood and the food real.....................

Friday, November 19, 2010

where does the time go?

WOW! The week has gone by fast. It seems like I am busier now then I ever was when I had a 9 to 5 job. Tuesday was book club. I love our little group. We read the book The Message. It was about a man's experience with life after death. I loved it and would recommend it. Wednesday was super busy. I put in some extra time with my Little Lady and then helped a friend get ready for an estate sale. Thursday I had the kids over for dinner. I used that as the excuse I needed to finally do a deep clean of my house. Yesterday I rode the lightrail into downtown Phoenix to do some grown up stuff. I ate lunch in fun little cafe all by myself. Nothing wrong with that. I thought about the link Roxie had on her blog about spending time alone with yourself. Then I took my Little Lady on a car ride. She was showing me all the different places she has lived. She came to Mesa, AZ in 1930. She was telling me her 1st home cost her $325. She really is a fascinating person. Someday I will do a post all about her.

I opted out of the early morning walk this morning. I just didn't feel like going out in the dark and cold. It has been awesome weather. In the upper 7o's all week. Sunny and BEAUtiful. After I go for my morning visit to my Little Lady i am going to go for a walk at the bird park. I have some podcasts I have dieing to get to. Food hasn't been the best. It's ok. I got thinking the other day. I haven't lost any weight in almost a year. In fact I have put on around 15 pounds.

I have tried to get the mojo back. Still not really feeling it. I am over all making better food choices then I did when I was 281 pounds. I know I won't go back to that way of eating. The thing is, I know I can do better. And I will. I know I will. I am staying with my morning walks and daily bike rides. The food will follow. Every day is a new day and a fresh start. I will make the best choices I can. My focus is on not "using" food. Staying out of food comas is my highest priority.

I have no real plans for the weekend. I am working 7 days a week. I have so far been able to pay the bills and take care of my needs. I am not in as much fear as I was. It seems like I am dreaming more. The more I dream, the less anxious I seem to be. Weird, I know. But it does seem to be the case. Hope everyone has a good weekend.

Keep the mood and the food real................

Monday, November 15, 2010

How do you get organized?

Man, were did the weekend go? Feeling better. Went to watch my Gson make a touchdown at Pee Wee football Saturday morning. I love those games and I was so glad I was able to make it. I stayed and babysat the 4 oldest and we had a nice day. I came home and checked in on my Little Lady and then went to a friend's house for dinner. I stayed up fairly late, for me. I kind of slept in yesterday morning (6am). Skipped walking. Went to work, then I went to church. We had a live broadcast from our church leaders. It was uplifting and I am glad I went.

I woke up Friday morning to find that I am not finished with menopause. I haven't had a period for almost a year. I thought I was done with all that, but alas, that's not the case. My body decided not to mess around this time. OUCH! That answers the cause of my anxiety and sadness the past week. Also I think that this is the reason for the foggy brain. Plus, I am having a hard time concentrating. Hormones!

Pulled out my winter clothes. They are kind of tight, but nothing a couple of weeks of really in some effort won't cure. Food has been ok. I have been trying to focus on not using food this weekend. No food comas.....so that is a huge plus from the weekend. On my way to pull on my long sweats and my hat and gloves and head out to walk.

Going to start making lists. I have to get into this habit. I think it will help me concentrate and get stuff done. Where do you guys keep track of your life? Do you make lists or do you use an electronic device? I need to get myself organized.

Have a good Monday.............keep the mood and the food real.........

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Dreaming

Ok this is going to be a random crazy post. Since I got clean I have vivid crazy dreams. Almost every night. I have been experiencing "high anxiety" for the past few days. Last night I had a dream that I was in prison and that was bad enough. Then it became apparent to me that I was going to executed. For a crime I didn't commit. Talk about some high anxiety. I felt sheer terror. Then at the last minute it was given a reprieve. I felt sheer relieve. I woke up and the 1st thing that came to my mind was...See things could be worse. I reminded myself that real life is pretty good. The anxiety is a little better. I have created this anxiety. Nursed it and allowed it control me. There really is nothing "new" that has triggered this latest wave. Just the same old concerns.

I have used this anxiety as an excuse to eat. I am hoping that I have seen the last of this panic feeling for awhile. I am going to clean out the fridge, plan out my food, make a list and go do some food shopping. Got in 4 miles this morning. Had to break out the long sweats and the hat and gloves. I have been waiting months for this weather!

So I am going to allow myself to relax. Worry clutters my mind and makes it hard for me to think straight. Getting back on track with my eating and drink the H20. If I have learned anything, it's that this really will pass. I just need to hang on and ride it out. Thanks Roxie for reminding that there will be more Mountain Top experiences

Keep the mood and the food real...............

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Plugging Along

I have started this post about a million times. Still going strong. Don't have really anything new. I am maintaining below 200. Iffy food choices. Big church dinner. Not going crazy. Still not feeling the mojo. After the peace Friday I had a down day Saturday. Food coma for sure. No matter how hard I tried to coax myself I couldn't get myself to snap out of it. Sunday was alittle stressful. Had alittle falling out with my son. Sometimes you just need to clear the air. All is well now. Monday I went to visit a friend for lunch and a nice long visit. Very nice. I had the salad bar at Ruby Tuesday. And the chili, it was kind of ick. Didn't finish it.

Last night was a wonderful woman's event with my church. They did progressive dinner. Where you have each course at a different home. There was a great turn out. Lots of good food and conversation. I love Relief Society. That is the women's organization for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Lots of different women in all phases of their lives. Supporting and uplifting each other. After I got home this morning someone had left lots of yummy leftovers at my door. Ugh! It was nice, but I really can't keep eating this way. I feel off. I am trying to figure out a new normal. Find a new groove. Revive my mojo. I am still walking, but have missed some days. More then ever before. Not in a row, so it is easier to rationalize missing.

Anyway, plugging along. hope all of you are doing the same......the picture is of the "Day at the Museum". Had fun, but man did he wear me out. God bless my daughter. I don't know how she does it.

Keep the mood and the food real.

Friday, November 5, 2010

A Peaceful, Easy Feeling

While getting my soda at Q.T. yesterday I saw the man that fired me on my Bday. I poked him gently in the arm to say hello. Just a quick "how are you" and he ran out of there like his pants were on fire. I can honestly say that I had no ill feelings or anger toward him. No nausea either....lol. I almost hurled when I saw his wife at the movies a couple days after my Bday. I go to pick up my check from his son this morning. I must say that little fit of rage cost him a pretty penny. Probably not has much as it should have, but I feel good about the amount. So I say thank you........for doing for me what I could not do for myself. Funny how life is. Amazing!

I took an old N.A.. friend out to see my daughter yesterday. I haven't seen her in about 10 years. She wasn't really impressed with my weight loss till she was looking at some pics at Cassie's and then her jaw dropped. Made me feel good. I was glad to see her. Also kind of made me glad that we aren't as close as we used to be. For lots of reasons. Anyway, it was a nice day, even though I got a flat about a block from my daughter's. SIL to the rescue....again. Had to buy I new tire. Oh well, such is life. At least I had the money to do so. Also, not having to change the tire myself....priceless!

Brought a Gson home with me. After I go to my little lady and meet with the old boss we are going to the AZ Natural History Museum. We went the Soring of last year but it was with all the kids and I didn't think he got as much out of it as he could. Besides I stood in line next to a rank, homeless, Tea Partier, on election day. To get free culture passes from the library. Wanted the Zoo, but alas, they were already gone. That was a was an interesting way to spend an hour. Next to a man who never stopped talking conspiracy theories. From JFK to Nixon. Good Times! Do I have the face that attracts crazy, sometimes I think so.

I want to go hiking this weekend, if I can find someone to go with. So we'll see. Not much to say on the food and exercise front. Same old, same old. Using the "full fat" foods in moderation. Haven't really been home much. H20 could be better, but is improving. Walking, ever walking. Will miss this morning, but will be back at it tomorrow. Hope you all have a great Fall weekend.

Keep the mood and the food real...............

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

The Best Advice

Have had a busy and productive day. Been thinking alot about Roxie's post this morning. I love how she is just so damn sensible. Never a Drama Queen. She told me along time ago the secret of getting back on track. No limits on the amount of food, just the kind of food ( real to her/me food ). The 20 minute trick is a good one too. I just tell myself I will at least do 20 mins. of exercise. Usually ends up being more. Good suggestions that have really helped me. Thanks again Roxie!

I have an odd situation. I received food from my church. Good food, but full fat food. Meaning milk, cottage cheese, sour cream, cheese. I need to use this food in order to make my dreams of NOT living in my daughter's garage come true. I am only part way kidding. So I have been having back and forth feelings about it. I have decided that this is what I have to do for now. I will HAVE to control myself the best I can. Load up on the good food, use the other stuff sparingly. So far, so good. Just not eating processed food will be a big deal. I went into Q.T. ( gas station) for a Diet Coke and notice the deep fried tubes of stuff spinning under the lights. I can remember eating that crap. Not that soda isn't crap, but that's another addiction. I can effortlessly walk on by. Even the donuts mean nothing to me anymore. Got my soda, a couple of tootsie rolls and hit the road. Yes I still love a Tootsie Roll once in a while. Though for months the thought of them made me sick...lol. I am still amazed at how much I have changed. The thought of eating that just doesn't appeal to me. That doesn't mean I am cured, it just means that today I feel good. I am going to wallow in it.

Walked 3.5 miles this morning. Riding the bike to work in the mornings. Awesome weather in the early morn......hotter then Hell in the afternoon. 92 degrees today. Lots of people have been talking about anxiety lately. Today I can say that I was about a 3 on the anxious-o-meter today. Felt so nice!! I don't think I am never not alittle apprehensive. Sad, I know. Though I have noticed a sharp DECLINE since I got canned 3 months ago. I am making a new plan. So I will have a new story. I really feel that this is my year. No really! Much happier.

Hope everyone is having a good Wed night. I am anxious for The Middle and Modern Family. Love those shows. Bed early. Walking early!

keep the mood and the food real............

Monday, November 1, 2010

Great Halloween Weekend.

Had a great weekend! Too cute Gkids for Halloween. Look here for the cutest Gkids EVER. This is my daughter's blog and she has lots of cute pics. http://budzinskis.blogspot.com/ . I know I am partial, but still take a look. My daughter's little family is doing great. My SIL is still able to be off work to help take care of the kids. I spent all day out there yesterday and had a great time. My Gson had a speaking part in the Primary Program, I went to their church. It was packed!! Lots of Grandparents. Don't see enough of my son. He's in love, so I guess I will cut him some slack. I miss him though.

Too funny.....I was with my friend on Saturday night and she got pulled over. Holy Cow! She didn't get a ticket either. Pretty soon I will know all the police officers in Maricopa County. It's just weird how many times I've been pulled over the last few months. And no tickets for anyone!

My laptop is in for repairs so I am at the library using the public one. Should be fixed soon. Weight is down to 197.1 this morning. Glad about that. It is amazing how fast that crap food can stick to your butt. I have added a couple of new ladies to take care of. I needed that. Been eating much better and really drinking the water. I never stop walking. that is the one thing I hope to never stop doing. Hopefully the scale will continue to go downward.

The one lady that I go to everyday had sticker shock when I presented her my bill for the month. Told me she couldn't afford me, then her family told her that she had to. I have to laugh. She told me that she was sorry that she had told her kids she had some money, cause now they want her to spend it. She's 88 for crying out loud. Her daughter laughed when I told her. This little lady is a hoarder for sure. So I know how she likes to hold on to things....lol. Especially her money! She has 2 rooms just full...and I mean FULL of skirts and hats. To get me back she actually gave me a raise. Nice to feel needed.

Well I wanted to check in. Hopefully the laptop will be back in my hot little hands soon. Can't wait to catch up with everyone.

Keep the mood and the food real........