Friday, January 28, 2011

GOING DOWN....slowly but surely

I managed to loose 1 lb this week. For not really working it I will be very happy. I am very close to Onederland. I think I am going to skip walking today. Or just walk a couple of miles. I hate to leave crazy L.L. alone, but I might if I feel like she will be ok for 30 mins. Tomorrow will be a long walk. Then I am going to watch my 5 year Gson play football. It will my S.I.L.'s baptism tomorrow. He asked me to give a talk on the Holy Ghost, so I am going to work on that today at work.

Yesterday I asked L.L.'s son to give us both blessings. I need some Divine Intervention. It seemed to go better. She wasn't any less crazy, it's just I seemed to endure it better. I tried to detach from the begging and insisted on doing what "I" (the professional) thought was best. She was very upset, but it was a quite rage. Her son was there and he just did what I did. So she was mad at both of us. Better she be mad then in a paranoid delusion. It's sad and it just makes me nervous to see her that way. Anyway, we have a meeting with the Hospice nurses today. I am going to suggest an anti-anxiety med. We'll see what happens. We are changing my start time to 7 am. That way I can walk before I go and I don't have to leave her alone. I am happy about that. They are shortening the day by an hour as well. At least this is the plan.

I am really happy with the fact that my weight is going down instead of up. I am pleased with the fact that I am not letting anything sideline me from my marathon goal. I called Dawn yesterday. She is kind of down. I was glad that I called, but disappointed I could make her feel better. LOL. I have the power.....lol. I really need to get my pride under control. Don't know why I thought of Dawn, maybe because her and her hubs just did their own half marathon. She always inspires me!

Have a good weekend! Keep the mood and the food real...............

Thursday, January 27, 2011

where did the week go??

Holy Cow! Where did the week go? I have been uber busy. My L.L. is beyond crazy this week. I am really starting to question if keeping her at home is really the way to go. She does alright in the morning but by noon or so she goes off the deep end. Frantically wanting to go home. She is home. It's an argument you can't win. I have been taking her for car rides so she can see that she really is in her house. It seems to just make her mad. Yesterday she is so bad. Her sons came yesterday to relieve me and were at the end of their rope too. She is on meds, but they don't seem to work anymore. After 2 weeks. I am sure the family will figure it out. Sometimes I wonder if I am just forcing it to work for her at home because I need the money so bad. Wonder how much of my actions aren't motivated by selfishness. I am scared out of my mind about what I will do next. Relax.....Dana. Easier said then done. I am kind of dreading going to work today. Wish it wasn't like that. I love L.L. but I am at a loss what to do for her. I have never had this problem before. And that is saying something.

I have also had house guests. I KNOW! Who am I?? I usually don't like company because I am kind of embarrassed of my small sparsely furnished apartment. Anyway...it has been nice and I LOVE my friends.

Food has been pretty good. No drive thrus....ok yesterday I did eat a chicken taco. H20 is pretty good too. Walking has been the ONE GOOD thing I have kept up. My house guest has offered to sit with crazy L.L. so I can go alittle farther. Still on track with the half marathon.

Have a great Thursday! Keep the mood and the food real...........

Monday, January 24, 2011

The weekend that wasn't

Got in almost 4 miles Saturday. It was a B.E.a.utiful morning that morning. Actually the weather has been gorgeous. I have been taking advantage when I can. We are rescheduling the baptism. Everyone was sick at there house. so my weekend ended up kind of disappointing.

Saturday I spent the entire afternoon at a MaryKay party for a friend's daughter. UGH! I did buy some stuff that I didn't need. My friend is always so generous with my kids and Gkids I thought it was a nice thank you. Really I just wanted to get the hell out of there, so I bought something.

I have decided that I have done something to my back. While I was sitting at church yesterday I got a terrible stinging in my butt and down my leg. I felt like I pulled my butt muscle a while ago. It does this every now and then. Especially when I am driving. I am making an appointment for an adjustment then a massage. It was a good enough excuse so I cut out of church early and came home and just vegged. I then put myself into a WW chili coma and napped on and off most of the day. I did mange a bike ride earlier in the morning.

Today started off good. My L.L. was good until just a little bit ago. She became very agitate after her son came. Anyway, I decided to leave. He told me I should. She was mad at me for some reason. It em brassed him I think. Anyway, I thought I would go back after he left. It's my crush anyway. He makes me kind of nervous. Sweaty nervous. I am such a weirdo! So I was ok with leaving....lol.

I have committed to doing a half marathon the last of March. I am LOVING my new walkers. I walked in them this morning and all was well. I am also loving my new "over the shoulder boulder holders" . So glad I went to Kohls. Food was pretty good. Too much WW chili is better then too much crap food. H20 better today as well.

Here's to a great week............keep the mood and the food real

Saturday, January 22, 2011

say hello to a good buy

Aren't they a cute couple. They are their way to being an eternal couple. I am going to Dan's baptism this afternoon. They are such a great couple. They are both kind and passionate and generous people, by themselves. Together they are in stoppable! Glad they are on my side..lol.

The weekend got off to a great start. My "crush" came to visit his mother and sent me home. Don't have to ask me twice. I went bra shopping. Boy did my girls need support. I had pics taken at Christmas time with my sister and my boobs were hanging low. Plus my shirt was see through. Why oh why don't people tell you if your boobs look like low hanging headlights on your chest. Believe me I gave all my friends and family what for. Found a great sale on "age defying" lift bras. Thank you bra fairies.....and NASA...lol

Can I just say that I love Kohl's...L.O.V.E. I found some Nike "width" walkers too. Have been wearing them around the house and I think they might work. I am not going to wear them this morning. I am going to try for 5 miles this morning. I really need to stick with the shoes I know feel good. I also found some jean leggings. WOOHOO! Been wanting some to wear with my new boots I gifted myself with at Christmas. All of the stuff was purchased at the low clearance price. SAY HELLO TO A GOOD BUY!

Sticking to no drive thrus. Need to drink more H20. Need to fill up my gallon jug to help me keep track. All in all am feeling great. Treating myself well. Feeling good about life in general. Going to enjoy it while it lasts.

enjoy your weekend! keep the mood and the food real............

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Scale love

Oh Happy Day! This morning was the official 1st weigh in after recommitting. I am pleased with a 3.2 lb loss. Very pleased. I wasn't perfect. I did however pay attention and I tried. I drank a butt load of H20 over the past 3 days. I walked. I continue to put on real clothes EVERYDAY. This is huge cause I could easily stay in sweats all day. I stayed away from drive thrus. Actually I did eat some pizza and one McDonald's hamburger. I treated the Gkids last weekend. I didn't even think it tasted good. Just yick. I am really close to Onederland again. Go Me!!

So the scale love has me in a pretty good mood. I am not looking forward to going to work this morning. I left early yesterday and worked it out to where I can leave early every Wed. That will be good. She isn't eating anything. She is drinking very little. It can't last forever. Bless her heart. She just isn't really ready to give it up just yet. She keeps saying she wants to go home. Over and over. Demanding to be taken home. She is home. I think she means her Heavenly Home. Anyway. We did go for a long car ride yesterday. It's still a job and it's all I have going on. Again, if I look at it as a labor of love I do much better, It really is a privilege to help people die. Remember Dana......it is important work.

I have a 66 year old friend that is in love. It is so funny. She wants to jump his bones. I love this woman. She stuck with a husband who far from being a faithful husband. She nursed him through cancer till he passed. He left her with nothing but bills. She goes from child to child to stay. She doesn't have her own home. Kind of sad. I really hope this works out for her. She deserves to have some happiness. Plus, it proves there is still hope for me....lol. If I wanted a hubs I would have one I guess. I don't really want one. Not now anyway. Life is full of changes. Look how it came out of no where for my friend.

Ok....well I have to get out the door. Walking this morning...I hope. If L.L. is crazy I will have to stay with her. Hopefully she'll be sleeping.

Keep the mood and the food real...........

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Attitude Adjustment

I need to post today cause I didn't do it yesterday. I promised I would post something everyday. So, yesterday was kind of a tough day. My Little Lady is just as anxious and agitated as she can be. This in turn makes me nervous and stresses out. I have enjoyed going back and forth all day. I was able to settle her and leave for an hour or so at a time. Since the beginning of the week that has become less and less possible. So I stay. Her house is a horder's house. It's dark and kind of gloomy. Anyway. Today I am getting her out of the house. I am going to go for a long car ride. That seems to settle her down. I feel like a new mother driving around to get her baby to sleep. The weather has been so great, and I need to ride the bike back and forth at least once. And for crying out loud Dana, if you need a break, call one of her kids. They offered, you should take them up on it.

Food has just been ok. No drive-thrus. I was down a couple of lbs on the scale, but the new"official" WI day is tomorrow. I need to get back into the habit of doing that. I drank a huge amount of H20 yesterday. Then ate corn chips last night....stupid. Night time seems to really be a bad for me this week. By the time I can home I am exhausted and have fall into bed. Then proceed to soothe myself with food, STOP THAT NOW! I don't mind hard work, but DAMN. I am working from 5am to 6pm. Don't get me wrong, I am very grateful for this job. I will make the best of it. And I really do love her and her family. Smile Dana. Smile. Don't grin and bear it. Make it a labor of love. That will change my attitude. It usually does. Make it fun. Do fun things with her.

Walking has been right on. Feeling good about that. Having that walking buddy sounding board and doing the right thing first thing in the morning has been my redeeming choice for the past 10 days. Haven't missed. Excuse me while I break my arm patting myself on the back...lol.

Well I am going to get dressed and pray and then I am walking out the door with a smile on my face and a song in my heart......

Keep the mood and the food real.......

Monday, January 17, 2011

Good Monday morning! I had a great weekend. I wanted to post these weekend pics so I can remember how much joy I was feeling this weekend. I don't know why it was that way, but I am going to ride the joy while it lasts. I loved Roxie's post about tampering her joy. Totally do the same thing. However, I think that happiness and joy or 2 different things. Happiness is motivated my something outside myself. Like a raise or a cute pair of new shoes. Joy I think is motivated by my relationships. Including and especially the relationship I am building with me.

This is Carson. I love it that as soon as we get there they find their fishing stick.












Notice what her shirt says....I want chocolate ice cream and cookies for dinner.....I didn't buy her that I swear...lol




Got to jump in the shower. My little Lady is back to being agitated and anxious. Poor thing. she was on the floor this morning when I got back from my walk. She will require alot of time today. I have set some intentions for the week. I need a new bra. I was wondering if their was a MLK bra sell somewhere.....lol. President's Day is the white sales..right??
Have a good Monday. I really have Dawn on my mind today. She is having surgery today. I am just so impressed with her and her courage. First of all she has lost 200 lbs. 2nd she is rewarding herself with a full body lift. She totally deserves this. I am sure she would appreciate all the prayers she can get. I really want to see The King's Speech...thanks for the recommendation for Roxie. After I saw him win last night it makes me want to see it even more.
Keep the mood and the food real...........






Sunday, January 16, 2011

In the midst

I am in the midst of a GeGe weekend. The kids came over Friday night while Mom and Dad went out to eat. The girls stayed over Friday and the boys slept over last night. We are going to go to the bird Park before church. I took the girls to see Tangled. It was so cute. She is my new fave Disney character. She had spunk! Then instead of going to the movie with the boys they wanted to buy fish. So I did. We had a ball bringing them home and setting things up. Then we went to the park till dark. Then we went and checked up on the Little Lady. They love her little black dog, Raven. I have really enjoyed my weekend. I have really missed the sleep overs. I haven't had one in a long time.

Next Saturday my SIL is getting baptised into the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. He made the decision after his new son was given a name blessing. The 7 year old is due to get baptised in June and he wanted to be able to do that baptism. SIL is a great man. I tell him that I won't ever get marrried cause he has shown me what a good husband is like. There aren't alot of good guys out there. I won't settle this next time around...if there ever is a next time...lol.

I got in a 4 miler yesterday morning. It was like old times. Both buddies walked. Food not so good. But I haven't abused food. No food coma like last weekend. I ate myself into oblivion last weekend. I will ok with that. I only had small amounts of crap food. Been trying to catch up with all my fave blogs. I forget what a wealth of info and support I get from this.

Enjoy your Sunday! Keep the mood and the food real.......

Friday, January 14, 2011

let it go and move on

Note to self.....Dana, just because you went alittle over board on Dove chocolate last night doesn't discount all the good things you did this past week. Let it go and move on. Enough said.

Walked this morning. Trying to break in some new sneakers. OUCH! The ball of my foot was killing by mile 3. Help! They are Puma sneakers. They felt great walking around the house and I love how they look. Does anyone know if they are even walking shoes. I know, silly, but they were on sale and so stinkin cute. I am thinking maybe I tied them too tight. Any suggestions out there.....besides take them back...lol.

I was back into my size 14 jeans yesterday. I wore them comfortably all day. That is a huge step in the right direction. Eating my fake eggs and fake bacon ( turkey ) for breakfast. Yummy. Still doing good with eating what I make at home.

Ok, this is going to surprise everyone, cause it surprised me. I am almost embarrassed to say this, but I have a little crush on my Little Lady's son. He's married, so of course nothing would ever happen. Though, it is nice to know I am not dead inside. This is the 1st time this has happened in 10 years....lol. I feel nervous around him, like a school girl....ugh! It makes me feel so uncomfortable that I try not to be around him for very long. Everyone that know me IRL are pointing and laughing at me. Whatever.....

Ok, well everyone have a great weekend. Get out and do something wonderful. I might ride down to Tucson this weekend and check out the memorial at the Medical Center where our Congresswoman is being treated. I loved the Pres.'s speech night before last. This is a time to rallied together. I would love it if the people that govern this nation would do that. Now, if that happened I really would be surprised!

Keep the mood and the food real..............

Thursday, January 13, 2011

This week....

Well Happy Friday Eve everyone. I really have had a great week this week. I have stayed true to my intentions and it has made all the difference. I have taken time for me this week. I have been able to see a good side to situations that have presented themselves this week. The Little Lady has toned it down quite a bit. Thank you modern medicine. I wore real clothes all week and made an attempt to look like I put in some effort in on me. I have eaten good for me stuff....for the most part. I was good enough to satisfy me, and that is good enough. I have made plans for the weekend. I haven't had Gkid sleep over for months. So this is my weekend. Girls do a quick Friday to Saturday morning. Then the boys on Saturday, after the 5 year old gets done with football. The girls and I will be going. This I have to see. then I'd like to hit the movies. I haven't been to the movie in what seems like ages. All this after I walk 4 miles with both my walking buddies. Even that has changed. I only walk with one since Christmas.

I feel like I have been through the worse of whatever this thing I have been struggling with is. Christmas funk. Too much work. Depression. I'm sure At least for now. I am going to enjoy it. I know I say that everyday, but I need to remind myself. Life isn't going to be perfect everyday. Enjoy the good ones.

The weather has been gorgeous! 70 degrees this weekend. I can't wait to be outside at the football game and the bird park, Good times. I have been following Roxie as she does the Hate Loss Challenge. You should too. Gravel and Rust. Check my blog roll. I went over and read Ellen's posts as well. Very insightful and has really gave me something to think about today. I loved Ellen's quote about you don't change, you allow change to happen. Change is going to happen. It is out of our control. Learning to allow it seems so reasonable, yet I fight it. Great reads today for sure. Thanks Ladies!

Well I think I will ride the bike around before riding up to do my last visit with the Little Lady for the day. Hope everyone is having a great week.

Keep the mood and the food real........

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Huzzah!

Another GeGe bragging picture. He is getting so big already. I really can't help myself.

Had a great time last night with the Fam. Carson was so stinkin cute and both my kids made it. Since my son moved out, it's kind of hit and miss. Sometimes he can make it, other times not so much. He has another family to please now too. Getting used to it still.

I am still on the straight and narrow. Walking. Increased my water. Alot. Eating only good for me food. Had just a very small piece of cake, and that was enough. I dressed up today for my Little Lady. Feels good. Feeling so much better this week then last week. Nothing has really changed but my attitude. Feeling positive and peaceful. Huzzah!


Going to enjoy it while it lasts. I am treating myself with kindness. Feels lots better then the self abuse I put myself through last week. Huzzah!


Keep the mood and the food real..............

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Back to Basics


Checking in real quick. Yesterday went very well. At work and with my health goals. No drive thrus Drank more water. Walked and biked both. Food was good. Ate too much, but all good for me stuff. I also did some food shopping and some fridge cleaning and feel alot better about what's in there for me to eat. All good things!


I was reading Leslie's blog this morning and could relate to what she was saying about when you make one good for me choice it leads to more good choices. Last week I spent too much time in my sweats. This week I am going to shower and GROOM. I don't wear make up and really spend very little time on my appearance. So it's really isn't a matter of time. I am setting another intention this week to maintain this. I remember when I 1st started to change my life style, getting dressed everyday and taking pride in my appearance was one of the most helpful things I did.


I called yesterday and finally got an eye exam for today. I really got alot done yesterday and it felt really good. While I was walking this morning It dawned on me that I hadn't had 2 days off in a row since the 1st of October. I really needed to just do nothing this past weekend. I think my body was just give out. My back has felt much better and my knee is feeling good too.


It is my Gson's 5th Bday today. He isn't the oldest, but he was our 1st. My daughter was so sure she was going to get a baby. I worried she would get her heart broken. Instead she Adopted Carson and 3 other of the most wonderful ( remember they are my Gkids ) children ever. Those kids really did hit the foster care jackpot. They have parents that really love them. And a GeGe that does too. Happy Birthday Carson! The pic is of him in the new role of big brother. He loves being a big brother!


Going out for alittle celebration tonight with the fam for his Bday. Loaded baked potato. Loaded with good for me stuff. Ok maybe alittle sour cream....but just alittle. Have a great Tuesday. Please say a prayer for those that were effect by Saturday's shootings here in Arizona. There is alot I could say about this fair state and the infighting and bickering that goes on, but then it would spoil my day. Refusing to go there!
Keep the mood and the food real..............

Monday, January 10, 2011

Goals....


I had a very low key weekend. Saturday I was feeling like crap. I was feeling pretty good yesterday and rode out and went to church with my Gkids. They are enough to cheer anyone up. It feels so good to see how happy they are when I get there. Baby Z laughed for the 1st time yesterday. I cackle when I laugh and it seemed to just crack him up. The more I laughed the more he would laugh. It was sweet. My daughter started to cry. He's growing up fast. Getting his own little personality. Tomorrow my 4 year old Gson will turn 5. I can't believe it. Fastest 5 years ever.


I am giving the job another week. If I can get into some kind of routine it will be better. I can't keep doing this to my body. I picked The Little Lady off the floor last week. Stupid. I get into caretaker mode and forget about anything else. I get so busy trying to anticipate others needs. I have no clue what I need. I feel stuck. This isn't fun anymore.


I feel like I am suppose to move on to the next thing. I just need to keep my ears open. I need some goals. I feel like I have been just eeking out a life for awhile. I am not moving forward with anything. I need to plan. I have been writing this same thing over and over. I am going to give this some thought this week. I need a long term and a couple of short term goals. I just don't know what I WANT to do.


I walked a good 3 miles this morning. I have made a huge pot of WW chili and plan to eat on it all week. If I can just stay away from drive thrus. UGH! That is a sure sign that I don't give a crap about me. So that is the goal for today. Increase my water and No Take Out. I can do it.


Here's to a great week. Keep the mood and the food real.................

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Routine Much?

I am still alive. I've been doing ok. Lost 2lbs last week. Which is great considering I wasn't really trying and I've not walked consistently in 2 weeks. I am working 13 hours a day. I feel wiped out. Both mentally and physically. I really forgot what a toll this kind of work can take on a person. I have the entire weekend off. Well I was suppose to. The Little Lady called at 2 and at then again twice at 5. There is suppose to another person working with her overnight and weekends. I can see that won't last long. She really should probably go to a care center, but her family really wants her at home, yet they don't realize that now she is really a 2 person job. Anyway, I need the money. I need to be looking around for something easier. For sure. I have got used to the money, now I almost feel like I can't quit. I feel like I am right where I was in Sept. Hating the thoughts of going to work. UGH!


In other great news I am sick for my 2 days off in 8 weeks. I ought to loose some weight this next week. I have been in the bathroom all night and the thoughts of food makes me sick. I am achy and I have a crazy cough. Good times.

I am loving the new Kindle. You can read outside and I love that I have all my books right in that little thing that slips right in my purse. Sweet! I saw the Gkids yesterday. That little one is starting to coo and smile and I just want to eat him up.

So 1st thing is to get better. I will be taking it easy all weekend. Then I am going to try to get into a routine. I need a routine. So I am hoping to get caught up with all of you guys over the next 2 days. I am so behind. so so behind. I really feel scattered. This won't last forever. Hang on, Dana.

Have a great weekend.....keep the mood and the food real.