Monday, February 28, 2011

Damp

It's official. I am sick. Dang it. It was bound to happen. Everyone around me has gotten. I had to stay home to today. Can't get L.L. sick. I ache all over. Even my hair hurts. Wish I could sleep. Coughing too much. I always get sicker at night. Add a headache to the mix and well I am miserable. Going to cruise blogs and try to get a game plan on food. I need to try to cook. I really don't like it. I am no good at it because I don't do. Picture dog chasing tail. So I am going to try and get a list together and then if I feel any better later I will sneak off to food shop. I hope I can kick this thing to the curb.

I walked yesterday. Not far, but it was nice to walk alone and listen to a podcast. To think. I guess I am going to try taking L.L. out for at least a mile walk until it gets too hot. Then make myself do another couple of miles. I will be happy with 3 miles a day. I guess really I could walk 2 miles in the morning. Very Very Early. It's just I know I am a morning person. If I don't get it out of the way it is just so hard to make myself do it. I am just going to set an intention and do my best. So walking is the top priority. So let it be written, so let it be done. Anyone know which movie that's from. Here's a clue. Parted the Red Sea. Random. I know.

I had a rotten weekend food wise. I hope this is all wedding jitters. Having my sister come to town. Stuff like that. Not feeling well. I haven't wanted to get a dress for this reason. I have decided it's really not my weight. It's the sweating. If you have read my blog for a while I have talked about this before. I sweat so much that it disrupts my life. I am always damp. Every time I want to get a nice picture at a special event. When I want to look nice, like church. I sweat. So I keep repeating this mantra. Why should I spend money on a nice dress and stuff when I will hate how I look no matter what. I know I will be drenched. I need to get over this and get my butt out to look at some more dresses. I will fight it. I know this. Life is full of doing things that you know you must do. Surrender. Just do it. Hey that's a great slogan.

Ok, going to try to sleep a little more. Usually I take a shot of NyQuil and can sleep a cold off. It's not doing the trick this time. I was up most of the night. I just want to feel better. I don't have time to be sick.

Keep the mood and the food real.......

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Five Hundred!

He's not a new born anymore. They grow up so quickly. He's getting a cute personality and is truly a good baby. Gets alots of love for sure!


Holy cow! This is my 500th post. Really? That seems so weird. I never dreamed I could stick with this for so long. I love this blog and friendships I have from our little community.


Yesterday I walked the Heart Walk 5K. My father received a heart transplant years ago. He got the heart of a 20 year old Marnie who lost his life in a car accident. I have the obit. He passed away in 1996. He got a 7 year life extension. My husband died of a heart attack at age 36. I walked for both of them yesterday. My body held up and I could went farther. Glad that I didn't as by the night I was feeling achy in my legs and feet. Kind of like they are nervous. The walk was lots of fun and free stuff. I ate breakfast there before we headed out across the bridge. The pic is of my buddy and me pre-race.


I did go dress shopping. No dress but I did end up getting some really cheap stuff for next year. I then went and got something to eat. Came home got all already for some hulu and relaxation and forgot I was suppose to meet my friend for dinner so I can check out her new man. I was so full I was uncomfortable by the time dinner was over I wanted to barf. Sorry, sad but true. I am still full this morning. It's raining here, but I am going to try to get out some time today for a walk or a bike ride. I am feeling achy this morning. I hope I am not getting sick. I have been so lucky this winter. I have yet to get sick. Knocking on wood....


So I have heart disease in my family. I am still 50 lbs over weight. I thought alot about that yesterday. I wish I could light a fire under my ass. I am the only one who can. Looking at myself in the mirror over and over assessing myself in dress after dress yesterday was depressing as well. I am proud of that fact that I have still loss 80 lbs over all. Yet I want to finish what I started. I really do. Not for a wedding or an event, but for myself. It's so true for me that when I feel out of control it shows up on my body.


I know what to do. I just need to start slow. Start by drinking more water and walking more regularly. I think I am going to have to start walking after work if L.L. is going to be a nut job about me leaving. I have made a big pot of WW chili. I will get to eat all the fruit and veggies I can manage. Need to go stock up on that kind of stuff.


Want to go out and see the Gkids today, but we'll see. Gas is ridiculous so I am trying to cut back. 60 mile round trip. Ouch.


Have a great Sunday. Keep the mood and the food real......

Saturday, February 26, 2011

We have lift off

Well I am back online. I got a new laptop, which I love. However, I found out that it wasn't the computer's fault I couldn't get online. I could have crippled along with my old unreliable laptop. I spent money, and it darn near killed me to pull the cash out of the bank, but in the long run I think it was a good decision. My money habits have changed for sure. I am doing good on not spending. The new laptop is much smaller and I do love it.

Things around here have been good. Was in Onderland last week. This week I am back up 4 lbs. Come On Dana! Anyway, I felt kind of isolated without my internet life, sad I know. I went to bed early every night and over ate on my way there. Had moments of food controlling me. I really hate that feeling. I don't mind having a treat, ONE treat, but I hate it when I can't stop eating something that doesn't even taste good. Yep, I am an addict. Anywoo....

Walking has been next to nothing. The L.L. freaked out about me leaving in the moorings for a half hour to walk. She acted like a fruitcake for an entire day over me leaving her. After she said I could leave her. Anyway, not worth the fight for now. I have been able to get her out and walk in the afternoons. Maybe a mile and a half. If I am lucky. It has been great weather here lately so I should have walked after work, but I feel drained when I get home and just want to collapse. Which drives me crazy, cause it's not hard work. It is however mind numbing sometimes. I know it is important work. Truly, I do. But by Friday quitting time I have had more then enough. I have a line on another job, but it probably won't pay the bills or be something long term.

Enough of that. Really it's not that bad and I need to put up or shut up about it. I wish I knew what the hell I wanted so I could get on with my life. Stuck. In all areas. Not just weight. Funny how that works. How me feeling out of control in my life shines through in a layer of fat. 25 lbs my friends. From my lowest. I am tired of using my crappy year as an excuse to use food. COME ON DANA. Why can't I see the good stuff that happen this last year as well. IMPORTANT STUFF. Real life stuff. Like a miracle baby. Like my son moving forward in his life with a sweet girl that really gets him. By seeing first hand the power of the Lord in my life . By angels disguised as friends and family. It just dawned on me. I feel everyone is moving forward but me. ouch.....

I have been letting myself dwell in the past. I am finding out just how much it's going to cost to get my cholesterol and BP meds without insurance. I have used this an excuse to blame my past employer for situation. How dare they fired ME and leave me without insurance. blah blah blah. Why the hell do I do that. I hated it there. They were racists and idiots. Why would I want to go back. I am doing fine financially. I will get the med thing worked out. Not the end of the world. Me hating them certainly isn't going solve my problems. Wasted energy. But, that's what I do when I have nothing really to do but think. Again, I can change that. I have options. I am so sick of feeling stuck. I know things can and will be better. Like I said, they don't really suck now. It's what I choosing to do with my time. I need to find a new routine. Routine is my salvation.

I need to wrap this up. I am walking the Heart Walk today with my buddy. Should be fun. Then I HAVE to go dress shopping. Then shoe shopping. I wish I was 20 lbs thinner. I am not and it's not the end of the world. There is a dress out there with my name on but it's not coming to my house, so there you go.

Keep the mood and the food real.......

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Catching up

Well my computer is toast. I think. My daughter is looking for a good buy on another, smaller laptop. There is also a guy in my church that might have some for sale. Any hoo. That puts me at the library to make a quick post and check up on some of you.

L.L. is improving! I can't believe it. We took her off all the narcotics and anxiety meds and she is back to her old self. She is walking with assist and standing on her own. No more terrors. No more freak outs. I am getting off by 3pm too. Job life is looking up.

On the flip side, my legs and butt are still killing. This has been so weird. If it was a pulled butt muscle shouldn't be feeling better by now? I did it quite some time ago. Also, I have pulled something in my upper arm. The toe is healing. I walked 4 miles Saturday and it was ok. Later on though it did start to ache again. Especially on Monday. I walked around the neighborhood pushing L.L. in some funky shoes. Walked this morning and then again this afternoon with L.L. Probably getting in around 3 miles. So far, so good. Fingers crossed. I have get back to EVERY morning walking. I need to get a new walking schedule. I don't think I am going to be able to walk the 13 miles for the marathon. It's just too much for my body right now. I need to heal up a bit. So my walking buddy has been training still. She needs to walk at a different time now, so I have been using no buddy to get out of walking as well. Walking is my salvation. I must do it or suffer the consequences. I know this, yet I am resisting it. Give up Dana~

On the food front. Well, I had the Gkid over the weekend so I didn't do so good. I have been super anxious and emotional. Letting stuff hurt my feelings that I should just brush off. Letting the Gkids get to me while I was sitting Valentine's Day. Thinking I had left my backpack with my laptop, reader and ipod in the car. Then going to look for it. Finding it not there. Freaking out cause I thought it was stolen. Then remembering I had left it at home. UGH! That kind of stuff just exhausts me. Still feeling foggy. Hoping that this doesn't last too much lonoger.

On the good side. I got on the scales thiking that I might as well get all my depressing stuff over with and was surprised and happy to see that I am again in Onderland. 199.6. Seeing that number helped me to make better choices today. I still need to shop for a dress for my son's wedding. I just can't make myself go shopping. I know, weird.

Well this turned into a longer post then I intended. Hoping to get back on line soon. Time to catch up with a few of you guys.

Keep the mood and the food real.........

Thursday, February 10, 2011

glad it's almost over

This week has gone by so fast. I had something everyday after work. Except tonight. I plan on going to bed extra early. I woke up 10 mins before I needed to be at work. That never happens. I went and got a massage after my adjustment Wed and I guess I was really relaxed. The massage was so nice. Butt muscle still ouchy. My upper arm is hurting now too. Ugh. I have a line on a over night job that is suppose to be easy. I would love an easy patient. I am waiting to hear from them. I hope it really is easy and pays the same. A girl can dream, right?

Of course I am conflicted. I don't want to leave my L.L. and her family in the lurch. It's pretty obvious that it's getting harder and harder for the family to keep her at home. Her funds will run out soon. Plus they can't keep care givers. Especially over nights. Another girl just quit. Like I said. It's not an easy job. Her sons are going to fill in over nights for awhile. Hopefully they can find someone else. So maybe this is the Lord's way of saying I need to move on. We will see what happens. Stay tuned.

I haven't walked all week. Toe + Early starts + pain + cold weather = no walking. Going to see if I still know how in the morning. I haven't felt mentally sharp. Kind of foggy. Can't concentrate. I am sure lack of movement and not spot on food is a major factor. I am still amazed at how much my physical well being is so essential for mentally well being. For all my fat years I thought I was functioning at my best. I told myself all those studies were bunk. I just feel kind of stuck.

I am so glad this week is over. I need 2 days off for sure. Today she was insisting I put her in bed with her husband. Bless her heart. I had to show her there was no one there. She still thought I was "pulling one over on her". She was so defeated. I was so exhausted. Tomorrow is a new day.

Keep the mood and the food real............

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

reminder.....

2 posts for today?! Yep, I just wanted to remind myself that getting dressed and getting spiritually centered for the day made all the difference. I had a much better day. Beleive the hype. Making one good choice leads to more good choices. I drank lots of H20. I found ways to stay busier today. Yep.....just wanted to remind myself.

Gotta Love Life


Tuesday morning. Another morning of not walking. This is making me crazy. My toe is feeling better. I wore shoes all day yesterday. My walkers. It actually felt better then the loose shoe. It didn't bother me at work. So I think I am going to try and get a walk in after work. Not the best idea. Cause it usually never happens if I wait till later in the day. Maybe I will get my walking buddy to walk with me. Love this pic of my buddy and me. The look on her hubs face is funny. I gave him a "thanks for sharing your wife" Christmas gift. He is really one of the good guys.


Food hasn't been the best. In fact, I have been down right naughty. Don't need to get into detail. I have been thinking about getting my dress for the wedding and I it makes me want to eat. Stupid.....emotional eating anyone?


I am so bored at work. OMG! I was about to loose my mind yesterday. I am not feeling motivated. At all. I could take my filing with me. I might. I did the other day. Could talk myself into it. I haven't read my book for book club tonight. It's on my reader and I am half way through. It's almost like I can't concentrate. I am hoping this is hormonal and that I will back to "normal" (whatever that is anymore) in 2 shakes. Till then I just need to stay positive and remain ever grateful. For everything!


Didn't dress yesterday. That was my 1st mistake. Today is going to be different. I am going to the grocery store before work and get some fruit and healthy stuff to munch on. I filled up my H20 bottle. Just drinking more H20 makes alot of difference. I can do that. I will do that.


ok....pep talk over. Getting in the shower so I can make all my dreams come true today. Then I am going to take the time to get spiritually prepared. I can rely on Divine Intervention. RELY! I have had no motivation to do that either the past few days. Yep. Gotta put on that armour. My mind tells me I don't need too. My life tells me I better. Gotta love life....the alternative sucks.


Kepp the mood and the food real............

Monday, February 7, 2011

Super Weekend?? Ok

Good Monday Morning! It's back to work for me today. I am hoping that my toe doesn't interfere with work. I went to church yesterday and then stayed for some dinner and Super Bowl. Yummy dinner by my daughter. She's getting some mad cooking skills. By the time I got home last night. Which was early. My toe was was killing. Then my back started hurting cause I was limping and my gait is messed up. Bed rest really is what the doctor ordered.

I came home and watched that new show Who Do You Think You Are. People's stories are just fascinating. Flipping back and forth to the Super Bowl. Kind of nice to see the Packer's win since they haven't won in a long time. But my BIL is a die hard Steelers fan. It can't be easy for my sister this morning...lol.

I didn't file anything. Cassie called yesterday morning. She was emotional. Running on no sleep the past few days. Plus she broke her crock pot. Very important when you're planning on having a group of people over. Anyway, I drove out to her house early and stopped and bought her a new crock pot. All in all it was an OK weekend. Now onto this week. A new week. A new chance to make good choices.

Keep the mood and the food real............

Sunday, February 6, 2011

have a nice trip...see ya next fall...oops

Well I have an awful confession. I broke my toe during a food coma. Woke up in the middle of the night and decided I needed an otter pop. So I sleep walked towards the stairs. Damn near fell down them and instead I some how broke the little toe on my left foot. Well. I am ashamed. Ever heard of drunks falling down the stairs in a alcohol or drug induced daze. I feel like it's the same thing. Since I now exactly how that feels. I did something to my back as well. Spent most of the day in bed. I yes.....I over ate again. UGH! I had a chance to go visit my sweet friend I used to work with. Could have done a lot of things. Instead I was laid up in bed.

I am not going to let this ruin another day today. I will move past this and get myself up and dressed today. I will go to church with my daughter as planned and stay for dinner and some of the Super Bowl. I will make better choices.

Yesterday wasn't that bad I guess. I did get out and ride my bike. I haven't done that in a long time. It was so hard to pedal. I was hoping it was because the tires were low ( lol ) but alas I am just out of bike shape. Then I went to see The King's Speech. By myself. Sometimes I just want to go last minute. Trying to find someone to go with seemed like a lot of trouble. See what I mean. Kind of hiding out. I loved the movie. I almost stayed to see The Fighter, but I decided to go to Chipotle's instead. I had earned a free movie and popcorn with my rewards cards.

That's where things went south. My toe started killing and so did my back. My legs and thighs don't tingle since my adjustment. Now, my lower back is kind of achy. I am going back for another visit and a massage on Wed. I just need to hold on. L.L. is getting physically stronger along with mentally sharper. I can work. It's a dull ache really. I don't have to lift her anymore.

I think I might try to do some filing this morning. My kid's church isn't till this afternoon. Maybe another bike ride. I don't want to walk with the toe. I don't know how this is going to effect my marathon training. Just going to get back on track as much as I can. The toe might not be broke. No insurance leads to self diagnosis. So I might bounce right back. Think good thoughts.

On a light note...I have been watching The Nanny marathon on Nick at Nite. That show is so funny. It's like The Lucy Show. Who knew?? Gotta see a positive........right?

I might get everything done this weekend I set out to do Friday after all. See Dana, Press forward. All is not lost. Just do it. Let's see what other tag lines can you think of to motivate me?

Keep the mood and the food real.............

Friday, February 4, 2011

Me Time?

Well T.G.I.F.! I have had a good week this week. I needed one. I earned on. I am only working 8 hours today. Might meet my daughter and pick up a Gkid tonight for a one on one sleepover. Then 5 year old football. Then I am taking the rest of the weekend for myself. My back has been giving me fits. I am suppose to walk 6 miles tomorrow, but I don't see that happening. My buddy is going to of town with her hubs, plus I seem to just ache all over. Not sure if it's related to being adjusted or not. Trying to drink lots of H20.

Last night I over did it. bought some "treats" for the kids. Yes, I know, there is a river in Egypt. Denial. My 5 year old Gkid kid asked for Dove dark chocolate....naught. Any hoo, not derailed just delayed. Will do better today. I meant to blog about this. Last weekend I went to McDonald's. Again, I know. I decided I want to try an Angus Burger with Swiss cheese. I don't know what I was expecting. But it wasn't that. Ick! So gross. I get the "urps" just thinking about waiting in the drive-thru of that place. So that's good. lol. I must have changed some where along the way. Good to know. Oh and another change was I threw it out. Didn't finish it just because I paid good money for it. Truly probably the best $6 I've spent lately...lol. Makes me want to eat good food.

I want to get organized over the weekend. Set up my files into a new file cabinet. I still want to see The King's Speech too. If I don't watch a movie in the theatre I won't see it. I fall asleep every time I try to watch a movie at home. I basically just want some me time. Quiet time.

I need to put in some time walking or biking. It has been cold here in the desert. I love it. I get to wear my boots. However, I don't like to walk in the dark, cold morning without a buddy. Maybe I will wait till after the sun rises and go walk some where new and pretty. I have been a slacker this week for sure. I don't feel terrible about it. Sometimes the old body needs a little rest.

Hope everyone has a great, warm weekend. Keep the mood and the food real.............

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Drive your own scooter

Shh, i don't to say this too loud, but I have had 3 goods days in a row. My L.L. is back to being a sweetheart. Kind and reasonable. Plus I am only working 10 instead of 13 hours. The rest of the week will be 8 hours. It really is amazing how much better it makes it us for both of us. So, nice surprise. I am proud of myself for asking what I wanted and negotiating my pay. Took me long enough, but I did it.

Another "atta boy" was that I called and canceled the MK party. I just decided that I wasn't going to be bullied into doing something I didn't want to do. I mean...I already spent 3 hours of a Saturday afternoon and more money on potions then I have in a year that afternoon. I think I handled it well. We are still friends.

Getting off earlier allows me a little life. Like I had a busy social schedule prior to October. I did have my son and his GF to dinner. It was nice. I fixed ribs in the crock pot. Got to give the people what they want. I had a little meat and lots of broccoli. Nice visit. We were talking about Greg Mortinssen. It's funny, I was just reading about Roxie attending a lecture of his and my kid is doing some kind of paper of school on it. Anyway. It was nice to visit.

I can't believe it's just 5 short weeks till the wedding. My kid told me I was looking skinny again. A friend said something this week as well. I am still just north of 200 lbs. So that made me feel good. I haven't been strict, but conscious of what I am putting in my mouth. I missed walking this morning. 20 degrees this morning. WTH?? I love me some weather. Probably won't go tomorrow either.

I had my back adjusted today. Holy HELL! It is more sore now then before. Before my butt and thighs just tingled. I am putting some heat on it and hoping to be good to go by morning. I am going to just take it easy cause of my back and my knee kind of bothered me after the 5 miler Saturday.

Hope everyone Else's week is as good as mine. Going to try to read a few blogs before I hit the sack. I am exhausted. I took L.L. food shopping on Senior Citizen Discount Day. Again....WTH was I thinking. No handicapped spots and no scooters. Oh and one impatient old lady. I told her if we are still friends after that we really are friends. She damn near took out a Superbowl beer display. All the while she kept telling me she was a good driver. I kept grabbing the wheel. It was a croweded store full of other impatient old people. You get the picture. I can laugh about it now. Not so funny when I was knee deep in it. It will only be funny once. I won't do that to myself again. Lesson learned.

Keep the mood and the food real..........you drive your own scooter!

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Great but exhausting weekend!


Carson and the coach....his Dad! Yes. I brought muchkin donuts

I love this picture. She is such alittle doll baby.


Good Morning! Yes, it's going to be a good morning. I am bound and determined. I had the best weekend ever. Went to see my 5 year old Gson play football. really fun. Fun to watch my SIL coach the team. The other parents were nice as well as all the little boys. Sometimes that's not the case. Laughed...alot! It was so cute. I am going to soak it up while he still wants to run to sidelines and hug his GeGe.
I brought the boys home for an overnight. It was fun, but exhausting. Then I went back to work for my crazy L.L. yesterday. The bottom line is that I am going to have to quit. There are alot of different reasons, the most important one is that I don't think I am serving her. I do think she's bored, and I just don't have a party left in me anymore. Anyway, I am really going to start looking for something else.
I was so pissed last night. I have a friend whose daughter is doing MaryKay. Last night the kid text and told me that the 1 hour party I had planned and told everyone about was going to be 2 hours. I told her " No, you're a professional make it fit in an hour. That's what I was told, or I guess assumed. Anyway, I spent almost 3 hours at the last one I went to. Plus spent money on stuff I didn't need. The kid must have notified her mother who texted me and played the "friend card", Really?? Anyway, totally rethinking this friendship. I would never do that to someone. I would have told my kid the customer is always right, even when they're wrong. That's the way I was taught. Seriously fuming. Going to shake it off. I don't need to be pissy all day about it. Stop thinking about it, Dana. I will go tonight with a smile on my face cause I have invited people, but I am keeping my distance from this person for a good long time.
Food hasn't been the best. Drive Thru over the weekend. Damn chicken tacos. H20 not great either. I have been ubber anxious, thinking about my job, wishing I had another option. When your unhappy at work, you're miserable. Need to make a big pot of something WW. That's the plan. Along with walking. Which I need to get dressed to get out the door by 5 am.
Keep the mood and the food real...............