Thanks for all the encouragement! Who wouldn't love that!
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Thanks for all the encouragement! Who wouldn't love that!
Sunday, April 24, 2011
This is were I wallow in the self pity. Pissed off at myself for all the wasted years of using. I was a licensed nurse. I made a great living. Would I take my license back over getting clean? Hell no. It took what it took for me to put the stuff down and walk away. It's just that this has brought up all those feeling of shame. I got fired all the time when I was using. Lots of old feeling have come up in the past month. I went on a spending orgy when I went to Utah. Old behavior. I got caught up in it. My sister from Japan loves to shop. She however has money and a hubs that makes money. All in all I didn't spend that much, but it almost felt like a relapse. In a way it was. I got caught up in something outside myself. Then kept doing it though I really didn't want to. It makes me feel so icky. For some reason I am torturing myself with the icks
After everyone left I ate too many rolls and too much ham. My eyes are swollen and I can't make a fist. Again, feel like I relapsed. I did. I used food and ate my way into a coma. I have decided however to not dwell on this. I am going to press on. Move forward. I am going to just do the next right thing. First, I need to get my ass out the door and walk. 2nd, I am going to church. I don't feel like it, that's why I need to go. I will prob go out and go with my daughter and help with the kids. See them in their Easter best. Tomorrow I will start pounding the pavement, so to speak, and find something else. I am not the only person looking for a job. I have faith that this won't be for long. I need to figure out exactly what is the most important thing to do and then proceed. Getting the ham out of the house is the 3rd thing. It's going out to my daughter's. Along with the rolls.
A fresh start on Easter Morning. How appropriate. I can do hard things. I can do them with a smile on my face. I CAN! I loved Roxie's post today. I could relate to it on so many differnt levels.
keep the mood and the food real..........
Friday, April 22, 2011
I guess I made a mess of my post today. I loaded a pic of my old car Birdie from that new smarter then me phone and it just posted a pic. Anyway, this is my new ride. I am happy as a clam and life is good. Any good names for this car? Going to have to kids chime in with names as well. Going to take the boys to the drive in tonight to see Rio. I hope it's as funny as it looks. Fingers crossed. Microwave popcorn and licorice. It'sjust cool enough at night to snuggle. Good times.
Let me introduce you to Birdie the car. This is the car that a couple in my church gave me to use while I saved for a new car. She is an older girl....1989. A huge Thunderbird on the hood and trunk......hence the name Birdie. My Gkids loved this car. The seat belts automatically roll over you. The speaker where bare. The windshield was cracked. She had a hard time finding drive 1st thing in the morning. She had cold air, that blew on your feet. She had a kick ass stereo that I didn't realized that it work for about 4 weeks after I got the car. This car improved the quality of my life immensely. To think that I was fired for using my old job's van, on approval. After I am fired someone gives me a car. This gesture of kindness lifted my spirits, touched my heart and gave me hope. I was so scared afer I got canned. Turns out it was the best thing that could have happened. It has made depend more on myself, and the Lord. Not knowing from week to week how the job situation will be has made me careful with my money. It has been stressful. Sure it has. Though, as time has gone by I am seeing that I am a capable person. I can survive. Most of all though......God is good, all the time.
I am feeling better. Almost back to a normal. I went out and sat with the kids. The SIL wanted to surprise my daughter and he got off work early and took her to lunch and shopping. The kids and I went to a new McD's and spent the afternoon. I just got a new smart phone that is too smart for me. That's why the pic of the car auto posted. I never auto-post. Anyway. Fun figuring it all out. I spent the afternoon playing scrabble with my son. That thing is just amazing. Just like a mini computer. Who knew??
I think alot of my problem last week is that I changed my car, purse and phone all in the same week. I felt totally lost. Add a vacation to my childhood hometown and well it was just all too much for me. I still have a huge scab hanging off my nose where that canker is. Gross, right? RIGHT! I am hosting the family Easter dinner tomorrow. Should be lots of fun. We are going to try swimming. It's been close to 90 all week. I bought a new suit. ShapeX for something like that. Anyway, that thing is like wearing a body spanx. A good suit for sure. Just have to fix the plunging neckline. I don't plunge.
Have a wonderful Easter holiday. I am so grateful for my Savior. He knows me and he loves me.
Keep the mood and the food real............
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Well I think I will try to eat something. My hormones must be way off or I am having a pretty good bout with depression. I will wait and see. I don't want to go to the Drs cause I really don't want any meds. I have been having a pretty hard time. I will see if things get better after I have a few days off. The kids are coming over for my son's Bday Saturday for lunch. I hope I am back to normal by then.
I know I can do this over night thing. I just need a new routine. O routine, how I crave you. Going to sign off for now. Been kind of keeping up with everyone. Not doing much commenting. Things will get back to normal, soon, I hope.
Keep the mood and the food real...........