Thursday, January 19, 2012

loving myself

School has begun. Again, I am the oldest in each class. I think these classes are going to a lot funner. In my Soc Behavior class instead of writing papers you have the option to do 20 hours of "service learning." I called the city attorney's office to work there. I thought it would be interesting to be on "the other side" lol. I hope they will let me work there even though I have "a past." The woman is suppose to email me some info. If not there are a lot of other options. I like both of the teachers.

I have been putting my resume out there. Yes, I finished it.....(patting myself on the back. That was hard. I made it a big deal and really it wasn't that hard. I have a couple of job interviews next week. My niece is here, but she hates it and wants to go home. She wrecked her car on the way here. She nodded off. I had to go pick her up about 100 miles away. Didn't make it back home till 3 AM. She has been very sweet, but has made it clear to everyone that when the car is done, she is gone. It's too bad. She is going back to a bad situation and loser friends that aren't going anywhere. We are praying she changes her mind. She does have a job interview today, so maybe she'll change her mind. I really do like having her here.

My eating has gone from bad to worse. I keep buying stupid stuff. Though I have been eating "cuties" like there is no tomorrow. Then I go and eat 4 doughnuts. WTF?? I don't even like sweets. I walked 3 miles yesterday, but it has been a while since I did that. Now with school, it will be even harder. I wish I was in the gung ho mood, but alas, I am not. Not sure what's "eating" me but for some reason I am not loving myself enough to treat myself with loving kindness. Really need to work on that. Blogging daily was a great motivator. I really should be doing more of it. I am going to try.

Well today is a new day. A fresh start. I will do my best to make wise choices and love myself.

Keep the mood and the food real................

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Not much

It's been crazy. My Ggirl broke her arm. I got all set up for school, start on Tuesday. I haven't been walking...boo. I have been feeling blah. Achy and not sleeping very good. I am going to have a house guest. My neice is coming to live with me. I guess that's not really a guest. She needed a change of scenery and called and I said sure. It will be nice to have someone here. My eating hasn't been the best. I am up on the scale since school break, but still under 200. I really want to recommit, but seem to be having commitment problems. No New Year boost to change.

This is quick.....just checking in. Been reading all of you, not commenting too much.

Keep the mood and the food real.............

Monday, January 2, 2012

This is OUR year....do ya feel it?!

Well I had a great holiday season. I relished the time spent with family and friends. For Christmas I spent the night sleeping in the kid's room. The door locks from the outside, so the kids can't get out before mom and dad and wreak havoc. They learned that the hard way. Anywoo, while we were waiting for the door to be opened the kids were so hilarious talking about Santa and what he brought them. They were so excited, I believed in Santa myself. Cause I knew that Santa had brought them a trampoline. I will treasure that morning for the rest of my life. It made me feel like a kid again. That was when I liked Christmas, when I was a kid. I used to make my little sister "practice Christmas morning" in July. I know, I was a weird kid. I loved everything about it. This was the Christmas that I learned a lot about me.

Since loosing my hubs on Christmas Day and then my dad 10 days later, this isn't my most favorite time of year. I try to make it better every year and it does get better. It's less stressful for me since I don't have to be Santa anymore and I don't have to go all out decorating. This year I truly had no money so gifts weren't the focus. That relieved me of that pressure, that I subject myself to. The kids have no expectations, I do. In my head I am still trying to make up for all the crap Christmas's of the past. I have made up for those, plus more. Stop being a martyr and stop using that as an excuse to enjoy yourself. It's ok to enjoy yourself, I think I thought I didn't deserve to be happy during the season, cause such crap stuff happened during the season. Well, that is CRAP! I honor those that passed by doing things to bring joy and happiness to everyone and anyone this time of year. If you are my friend on FB you saw that I played Mrs. Clause for a church function. FUN!! I just relaxed and went with the feelings of joy I was feeling. Without guilt.

I did nothing for New Years. I never do. The kids and my daughter were sick. My son and his wife are just into each other. He never really stops to think what or how I am doing. I cut him some slack, he is so incredibly happy right now in his life. Anyway, I went to bed early, woke up and took a long walk and then went to church on New Years and it was nice. Today I took down all the holiday stuff. Cleaned up my home and now I am watching OWN. All day long past weight loss Oprah's. I guess she is trying to push the resolutions :) Later I am riding out to my daughter's and spending the night. I find it's funner for me to do that instead of the kids coming here. There really isn't much to do, and I am exhausted trying to entertain them and keep them out of stuff. Last time I went out there the girls gave me a makeover. I looked like a $2 hooker :) They woke up and said "let's do make up GeGe. I gave in. The boys went to California with their aunts last week, so I just had the girls and baby Z. Who was sick. Poor baby.

I have been putting off doing the resume long enough. I am sick of being fearful of trying to find a job. I am sick of fear...PERIOD. I am making a promise to God, myself and all those of you that read......I will have a resume done by this time next week. The job hunt will begin in earnest. I am enrolling in school for the spring semester. Spanish and a behavioral class. I think I am going to go for being a substance abuse counselor. It might take a few years, but that time will pass anyway. I will make the time mean something.

My weight has been up and down. I haven't been walking everyday. Not so good for Dana. I know when I don't walk it really effects me more mentally then physically. So 2 days in a row of walking 3 or more miles. My son got me a nano for Christmas and I have been loving listening to all my old podcasts. I am being vigilant with my scripture reading and daily prayers along with a little meditation time to see if I can hear a answer to my prayers. I feel happy. I feel less in limbo. I want to live life, not just pass time. I want to be of service to others and try to be a blessing in someone's life. Most of all I am actively living a life of gratitude. Doing my best and that's enough.

This is my year, I can feel it. It's your year too, feel it??

Keep the mood and the food real..........