TO THE BEST OF MY ABILITY

Crap, I really wish I had uplifting inspiring news. I do not. My knee is worse, I have had to start some pain meds again, so far, so good. They sent me a report of the MRI, but I can't really understand it. It looks to me like it's just a sprain or something. Anyway, I did pretty good at the start of the week, but by yesterday I was binging on diet food....that is an oxymoron. Well I am starting up again today, right now I am wondering what's for dinner. I AM FULL. WHAT THE HELL. I am pissed, it's such a nice day, 80 degrees, and all I want to do is lay in bed and look at TV or be on the computer. I am going to visit a friend, then going to babysit for my daughter later this afternoon. I spent all morning at the post office trying to track down that stuff my aunt sent me. Wishing everyone a good weekend. I am sure things will get better for me. Things really aren't bad they just are.

I missed yesterday, what happened. I have really felt like crap today and yesterday. It was all I could do to drag my ass out of bed this morning. I never don't want to go to work. So I have still on my PJs and slippers, wake up hair and all, at work. Don't judge me. lol I ate well yesterday, I actually fell asleep very early last night, so I didn't have a chance to cheat. I stayed within points, but I didn't walk yesterday, and today is still a question mark??? I am going to use the weekend to get on track with moving.....and feeling better. I don't know anything new about my knee ( it's back to killing ) I have an appointment Tuesday to go over the MRI. My Aunt D is sending me some stuff called ExFuse to try, Has anyone ever heard of it? Let me know. Nothing I like more then being a human guinne pig. Why not, I've tried other crazy stuff. She said It's suppose to make me feel better. We'll see. I am very skeptical. If it seems to good to be true......

I woke up this morning and my right eye is huge. I can see were I have a sty. So I came to work looking like someone beat the hell out of. Luckily I work alone. I did good yesterday. In the evening I started thinking, I don't want to start WW today....WHAT????....where the hell did that come from. MY BEAUTIFUL FREAKIN MIND. Well after I had alittle talk with myself, I decided to just total up what I had today, just to see. Well I was within my points for the day. So, I guess I started yesterday. Now that I have one good eating day, the next one won't be so bad, and so on, and so on, and so on. Till of course the guaranteed binge. I am beginning to see, after reading your blogs, that I have been looking on them in the wrong way. I am a recovering drug addict, if I fall off the wagon I relapse. I am looking at the binge as a relapse......giving it all the shame and guilt I would feel after a drug relapse. They are not the same thing! I need to cut myself some slack in the future....

Well I went to Weight Watcher's last night and am glad I did. I liked the group, even though my friend didn't make it. Her back was out, but her hubby was there. I am trying to figure out what to get at the grocery store. Things I like, and that I can afford. I got on the treadclimber again today, 20 mins. Felt good. Worked up a sweat. I called the doctor yesterday about my knee/leg/ankle thing and I am going to get an MRI. He thinks the cyst might on nerves or blood vessels or something. I think that's what it is, so at least I feel like he might know what he's doing. Today at work has felt very long. I got alot of little stuff done. I am suppose to go visit some women in my church tonight. I might have to have a nap 1st. I am getting pretty hungry. I think I will cook some chicken and have some veggies with that. I didn't really have breakfast, and then I had a BBQ chicken pizza for lunch. I love those tropical sugarless popsciles. I love those things! I just have...

I really had a good weekend. I didn't go crazy eating, and I walked both days. Sunday I got up and was out to my daughter's house. I got the kids up and dressed and we even made french toast. I enjoyed myself so much. I just let Mom and Dad sleep. I have 4 grandkids ages 5-16 months old. Then after my daughter woke up I took the boys and went for a long walk. The 3 year was out front and the 5 year was a straggler. It wasn't much of a work out, but I was moving. I went to the movie a couple of times. I had to see Slumdog again. I loved it and was glad it won last night. I was tired and missed the whole show. That is a first, I usually watch. Well tonight will be my 1st weigh in at weight watchers. I am happy to be getting started. Treadclimber for at least 20 mins today, depending on the knee/leg. I am calling the doc today. Even other people were telling my how huge my ankle is. Anyway, I am taking it easy, but I have got to keep moving. I am filling up my gallon jug and p...

I feel SO GREAT! I was just able to walk 30 mins ( 1 mile ) on the treadclimber. I am sweaty and funky and so damn happy I could do it. The knee was ok, we'll see what happens. By the way, I had also downloaded a stand up show with Paula Poundstone onto my ipod. I laughed so hard. She has great timing and very funny without being vulgar. It was fun to laugh and walk at the same time. If your interested it's a Bravo network show, look it up on itunes. Off to clean the house.

Yesterday went very well. I didn't over do it. I walked for 20 mins on the treadclimber at work, and my knee seems to be ok. It was really swollen last night. My ankle that is. I went to see Taken last night with a woman and her mother last night. It was great fun. Her mother is like 82 and is so funny. I think her daughter was about ready to strangle her. I can laugh at it, cause I don't have to live with it. I hope I am that kind of old lady, kind of crazy. Then we went to dinner and I found out that her and her hubby and her daughter are going to Weight Watchers. The same over 50 lbs meeting that I need to go to. So Monday night I'm going to start going with them. Yippy!!!!!!!! This will be good for me. They are a fun family. Anyway, they are in my church with me, and I think of this as a tender mercy from the Lord. I have been hoping someone around me would help me..not that so much I guess, cause I do have great friends and family, but maybe someone that is working rea...