Tuesday, March 17, 2009
DO THE HAPPY DANCE WITH ME.....251.8
Cause I weighed in at WW this morning and I was down 4.5 lbs. I know that some of that has to do with the fact that I weighed in the morning instead of the evening, I usually go to the over 50 lbs. group on Monday night. But....and here's the sick thing..... I have been thinking that I don't want the scale to decide if I am feeling good about being on the program. I don't want to put too much emphesis on the number thing either way.......but I am OVERJOYED. So I feel kind of guilty that I feel this good. I just have too much weight too loose to be freaked out over a small weight gain or loss. I am really seeing how that is helping the bloggers I follow that are doing everything right but still don't loose. You know who you are. I admire that they stick to it, and are doing it for the right reasons. I am worried about that. Am I really doing this for the right reasons? I DO WANT TO BE HEALTHIER AND MORE ACTIVE. I don't want to focus on the appearance part of it. Yes I would like to look nice, but more important I want to be able to walk without pain in my knee. I would like to have enough energy to do simple things, like walking up my flight of DAMN STAIRS (I hate them,seriously). I am not, nor was I ever a beauty, but lately I have been focusing too much on what I look like. I have noticed the gray hair more. My neck it starting to sag ever so slightly, (even as fat as I am). I am scared of getting old and immobile like my grandma. My grandma had arthritis in her knees and she spent the last 20 years of her life at least on the couch. She was chubby, but to tell you (and myself) the truth, she wasn't much older or heavier when she took to the couch then I am now. Ten years maybe, MAYBE. I do not want to be that woman. I want to be able to LIVE. Not exsist. You know come to think of it, I am scared of just about everything. That's why I have let so many opportunities pass me by. I have never been very confident in myself. I think that's because I have let myself down so many times. If you lie to yourself over and over it's no wonder that you don't trust yourself. You know that makes me very sad all of sudden. THIS IS SO NOT ABOUT FOOD. I act like I'm a happy person, and that's just another lie. I don't think that's right....I am happy, just not satisfied. Interesting choice words, don't you think. I do have a good life TRULY. I have a job, friends, great family, and a God that loves me......and THAT I know that to be true! I don't know if any of this made sense. I do know however that I feel much better. I can change. I can, and I will. I watch you follow bloggers do all the time! I have the week off and it is a lovely day, I think I will treat myself and clean my house then go for a walk. b I love this blogging thing!