Tuesday, March 17, 2009


Cause I weighed in at WW this morning and I was down 4.5 lbs. I know that some of that has to do with the fact that I weighed in the morning instead of the evening, I usually go to the over 50 lbs. group on Monday night. But....and here's the sick thing..... I have been thinking that I don't want the scale to decide if I am feeling good about being on the program. I don't want to put too much emphesis on the number thing either way.......but I am OVERJOYED. So I feel kind of guilty that I feel this good. I just have too much weight too loose to be freaked out over a small weight gain or loss. I am really seeing how that is helping the bloggers I follow that are doing everything right but still don't loose. You know who you are. I admire that they stick to it, and are doing it for the right reasons. I am worried about that. Am I really doing this for the right reasons? I DO WANT TO BE HEALTHIER AND MORE ACTIVE. I don't want to focus on the appearance part of it. Yes I would like to look nice, but more important I want to be able to walk without pain in my knee. I would like to have enough energy to do simple things, like walking up my flight of DAMN STAIRS (I hate them,seriously). I am not, nor was I ever a beauty, but lately I have been focusing too much on what I look like. I have noticed the gray hair more. My neck it starting to sag ever so slightly, (even as fat as I am). I am scared of getting old and immobile like my grandma. My grandma had arthritis in her knees and she spent the last 20 years of her life at least on the couch. She was chubby, but to tell you (and myself) the truth, she wasn't much older or heavier when she took to the couch then I am now. Ten years maybe, MAYBE. I do not want to be that woman. I want to be able to LIVE. Not exsist. You know come to think of it, I am scared of just about everything. That's why I have let so many opportunities pass me by. I have never been very confident in myself. I think that's because I have let myself down so many times. If you lie to yourself over and over it's no wonder that you don't trust yourself. You know that makes me very sad all of sudden. THIS IS SO NOT ABOUT FOOD. I act like I'm a happy person, and that's just another lie. I don't think that's right....I am happy, just not satisfied. Interesting choice words, don't you think. I do have a good life TRULY. I have a job, friends, great family, and a God that loves me......and THAT I know that to be true! I don't know if any of this made sense. I do know however that I feel much better. I can change. I can, and I will. I watch you follow bloggers do all the time! I have the week off and it is a lovely day, I think I will treat myself and clean my house then go for a walk. b I love this blogging thing!


  1. Great post...you ARE getting it! Congrats on the huge loss!!!

  2. Dana I totally get you, good post. You should feel happy about your lose you deserve to, you've earned it. This is a life time journey so sometimes we win some and sometimes we don't. What I hear in your post is that you want to be healthy but you also want to look good and feel good mentally. I can promise you as you lose weight and exercise you will feel good and look good.

    I think for me I focus on my mood a lot. I too lived my life in fear, worry, anxiety, far to much. It's hard overcoming that. For me, it's about the exercise, that's what keeps me from eating haagen daz and cake everyday lol. It helps relieve some of my fear, anxiety and stress.

    I think the bottom line is about loving ourselves, we have to find that inner love or we will never be happy (or satisfied) enough.

    As for the scale, take your victory and enjoy it. Cleaning your house and going for a walk will make you enjoy it even more.

    Way to go woman, 4.5 lbs is wonderful!!!

  3. Loved this post woman! I just got so tired of being afraid. And i think you have to get to that point. Or i did. I was more tired of being afraid than i was well.....afraid. What was i afraid of ? Oh .....everything. Afraid of failing , afraid of succeeding, afraid of people noticing me, not noticing me , afraid of embarressing myself, saying or doing the wrong thing,. So the simpliest , easiest way to protect myself was to do....nothing....This is my year of living fearlessly! My fear of making a fool of myself running kept me sidelined for years! No more. I will stand up to my fear of looking like an idiot in a yoga class or putting a bathing suit on to swim with my husband. All of that takes guts! And i've got em and you've got em. Or we can live our life sitting on the couch........I want more than that. So even the smallest victory is important. Celebrate it! Go outside and let the sun shine on your face. Have a beautifully brave day woman! Jinx!

  4. Celebrate your loss! The numbers on the scale teach us lesssons. When you have a loss look back and learn about waht helped you lose that weight. When it's a bit negative....look back and see what caused it and what you could do differently. (Yes, I need to take my own advice!)

    Thank you for your post...it really got me to thinking!!!

  5. I know what you are saying about not wanting the scale to dictate how you are doing on this journey. The thing is to find joy in ALL your successes. You should never feel guilt over feeling HAPPY with progress. What you need to avoid is letting the scale be the ONLY thing you look at and letting it drag you down when it's not cooperating. Instead find JOY in your weight loss and JOY in feeling better about yourself and JOY every time you make a good decision. Focus on those joys and you will come to crave that wonderful, wholesome, healthy-in-mind-and-body feeling that comes from making progress in any area of your life.

    You can do this. You ARE doing it!


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