do better today than yesterday!

Here are some pics from the New Year's Day trip to the bird park with the Gkids and a family friend. This is going to be quick. I was CRAVING bread yesterday. Grrrr. Fixed healthy soup, then I bought potato rolls. WTHell. Anyway, my kid will eat the rest today, but I ate half the bag before it was over. I set myself up to FAIL. I shouldn't have bought the rolls. But, today is a new day. I weighed this morning and yikes...hope that it's water. We'll see tomorrow morning. Offical weigh in day.

Went to get in my car after coming out of the food store and saw my car had had the hood crumbled in. WTHell. I was freaked for about a minute, till I realized my car was just 2 spaces down. I had to laugh at me. That was an easy fix. Still trying to do some big girl stuff today. I am waiting to hear how my cholestrol levels are. My dang arm is still killing me. She said it would take awhile for the tendonitis to get better. I am a boob and hate any pain, so yes, I would like some cheese with that whine.

Keep the mood and the food real....do better today than yesterday!



Here's one of me and Gson #2....love that pic!


Here the kids are entering the bird park.


Here is the ALREADY dead catch! They washed their hands right away....BOYS!



They are fishing with short sticks they found at the park

the "skinny bitch" jeans...the wait is over!

Well here are the Skinny Bitch jeans. A huge thank you to TJ and her generous offer to send the traveling pants to me! I have to say that I love these pants. They fit great. 2 weeks ago I don't think the legs would have fit. I have had to ask myself why I would procrastinate posting the jeans picture. I have decided it is because I have an image in my mind of how I look in the jeans. In my mind I am the Skinny Bitch (I am quite aware that I still about 40 pounds to be "skinny"). I started out as a size 24. These jeans are a size 14....FOURTEEN! Excuse me while a weep. I am still amazed by that number....FOURTEEN!

I have the disease of addiction and it centers in my mind. I don't care what my ass says! I am addicted to food, among other things. I have come to realize that the way I see myself is altered. That's part of "The Crazy Brain" syndrome that I suffer from. That's my own diagnosis, ok actually it was Roxie's, but it fits. When I was 270 lbs I saw myself as thin. Even when I saw a picture of myself. I am sure this was some kind of a self preservation. If I saw myself how I really looked in all my 270 lbs glory, well I might hae ended it all...I am only sort of kidding.

Now I see myself as fat. Some days are better then others. I really don't like any pictures of all of me. I just didn't want to have a picture of me in the jeans. I want to live in my little fantasy for as long as possible. I just "felt" so damn good in the jeans That's why there is no head....just the jeans. Looking at just the jeans, without putting my face on the top, I see a Skinny Person ( I can be a bitch, but not today...lol). It's like I can be my own worse enemy. The mind....she is fickle....no?? Anyway, I hope that makes sense to someone.

I am waiting to walk out the door this morning. It's not even 5AM. I am excited to get back to normal. I am going to make a food list and check it twice....going to include all the nice food, none of the naughty food. I have filled my H2O jug. I am looking forward to getting back to work.

I have some big girl calls I have to make today. One of them to the IRS....yick. I hate it when I have to act like an adult. I don't know why I put stuff like this off. I have been so focused on work and my old people that I have no energy left over to do things for me. That is one of my resolutions. Stop living life by default.

Hope that your 1st Monday morning of 2010 is great. Keep the mood and the food real....set your intentions!

P.S. - Karen, if you are reading this, can I be part of your team. You were missed. I would love to leave a comment.

RECOMITTING

Hello and Good Sunday morning to all. This is how I spent my New Year's Eve. At the drive in movie with my daughter and the Gkids. We took them to see The Princess and the Frog. I had given the girls cheap little tiaras for Christmas. How was the movie you ask? How the hell would I know! Did I mention there were 6 little kids and 4 yammering adults ( me being one of those yammering ). It was loads of fun though and I would do it again in a minute. We brought lots of blankets and hot chocolate and snuggled. I brought the 3 oldest back to my house for a sleep over and then a trip to the bird park New Year's morning. Not much of a workout physically, but they were so stinkin cute. I will post more pics tomorrow when I am work, where the computer is not psychotic. Blogger let me download exactly one picture....thanks blogger. grrrr. So you get the drive in picture.

I have been reading lots of New Year posts. Trying to decided just what I want out of year. Somehow I feel just staying with my new good habits I will be great. I just need to add some more good habits into the mix. Non weight loss habits. I have some spiritual goals and some financial goals that I really want to work on this year. I feel alot braver going into 2010 then I did going into 2009. I was scared shitless last year. For a variety of real and "crazy-brain" reasons. This year I feel like maybe I can follow through. Like maybe, just maybe I can trust myself to follow through. I want to do a post about Hope. Hope is a wonderful thing. Hope is to expect things that are not seen. I want to set a goal of taking some kind of college class. I heard a woman at church today who said she raised 6 kids and then got her PhD after the age of 60. She is 90something. What a woman! Get off your butt, Dana. What are you waiting for? Why am I afraid to live up to my potential? Both damn good questions, thank you very much!

I still don't have the jeans picture. I have had to really look at why in the "Sam Hill" I refuse to post a pic. I really want to...yet....where is the damn picture, right?? I KNOW...it's weird. I will save those "deep thoughts" for another post. The one that WILL HAVE the jeans pic...I promise. I have spent too much darn time thinking about this the past few days.

Another thing I have done the past few days is try to get rid of a bout bronchitis. GRRRR. I had the doc check my lungs while I was there for my arm, which has tendonitis. Oh great! I have used my "illness" ( i really don't feel that sick) to skip walking the past 2 days. Maybe not today. I will try to walk after my nap. See, my priorities are askew.

Tomorrow marks the start of my "getting back to business". I am out the door by 5:30AM to walk with my buddy. Back to lots of H2O. Back to food shopping. I haven't really gone crazy, but I have been doing less than my best. So I am recommitting. Join me!

Let's make this 1st week of 2010 great! Keep the mood and the food real.......

RECOMMIT

Wed Weigh In

I could have thought of a better post title. Oh well. I did weigh in this morning and was happy to see another 2.2 lbs gone. That makes a total of 74.4 lbs. Who would have thought it! This year as been kind to me. This year the holidays have been easier. I am so grateful for all my blessings. The biggest I think is Willingness. Willingness to stick with it. Being willing to give change a chance. I never dreamed that I could have lost almost 75 in less then a year. I am truly humbled. I never really know how the weigh in will go, because I never really count anything. Which is kind of good. I don't get expectations (TRY not to anyway) thinking well I stuck to my diet perfect, why is there no movement of the scale.

I have some how hurt my upper arm a week ago while moving Mr 92 up in bed. I thought it was a pulled muscle, it probably is. I really thought it would feel better by now. It seems to feel worse. I will keep babying it for a while longer. I don't want to go to the doctor. What is going to do??

This is going to be quick....again! This winter break as been so busy. What with a trip to Mexico, an overnight with the Gsons. We had such a good time. They crack me up. They are such boys. I never had brothers, and so it just makes me laugh that 2 kids can get hysterical over farts and burps. BOYS! I know I shouldn't laugh. It's just so hard.

I am sharing a pic of my daughter and myself. Next post will be the jeans I promise. The daughter has my camera. GRR. Hope everyone is doing well. I have just not had the time to catch up on every one's blog. GRRrr. I really need to get back to work!

I am going to Mr. 92's funeral today. I am sure it will be a great tribute.

Keep the mood and the food real.........Be Willing!

Merry Merry

I love this picture of my son and myself. We went to the Mormon Temple on Wed night with friends. They always have such a beautiful light display. Wore my Skinny Bitch jeans. Feeling very young and cute. LOL!! I was giving out my Christmas Eve Carmel Popcorn and one of my friend's daughter in law was begging me to stay. Told me I looked too hot to just being going to my daughter's house. That they had 2 men coming over that would be perfect for me. WHAT? YIKES! I beat it out of there. Just cause I put omn alittle make up and dress up DOES NOT instantly mean I am looking for a man. Holy Cow, seriously. I have not really given that part of this thing as much thought as I should. I've been single too long.

The holiday was very nice. My daughter and SIL were great hosts and the kids made out like bandits. They got me to play rock band. Oh YEA! I ROCK! By the end of the day the kids and adults were damn tired. Whining kids is my cue to help to put the kids to bed and go home and get into my PJs watch alittle TV and SLEEP!

Mr 92 did pass away. On Wed the 23rd. The family was very nice and told me they couldn't have done it without me. Sometimes I get expectations about how I should be treated. I am usually disappointed. I then start feeling resentful and then I feel bad for feeling that way. GOT IT?? Yep, that's usually how crazy brain crap goes. Anyway, after re-evaluating my INTENTIONS, I feel better. Let's just say I let "self" get the better of my good intentions. I felt slighted. Enough said....

Missing Mr 92 this morning. Had a crazy dream that I had lost my job, apartment, money and boyfriend (a creep boyfriend from like 10 years ago). I woke up pissed off and scared out of my mind. I can't even imagine being unemployed right now. Anyway, I decided to come to work the office to make sure my key still worked. I am only half kidding. Kicked ASS on the treadclimber. I did indulge the past few days,so I want to get right back on track. Took a glorious early morning walk yesterday as well.

Going to try to get to a movie today. Maybe take a Gkid overnight. Who knows. My laptop his being stupid, so I can't post my TJ jeans pictures yet. I just happened to have this one on my work computer. Off to make breakfast.

Keep the mood and the food real........re-evaluate your intentions

progress pics and wed weigh in

YES I KNOW I HAVE THEM BASS ACKWARD!


I do not know what the hell is going on with blogger but I can't see the pictures that I posted. Someone had asked me a while back to post a progress photo. Well I was pretty good at not getting any body shots. Seriously, I couldn't find one. This Fat Dana picture was taken last year at Christmas. The cute little family in the pic I am holding is my daughter's family. I look HORRID! I probably weighed close to 260-270 lbs then. I didn't step on a scale back then! I was miserable, in severe knee pain and taking Vicodins by the handful to help with my knee. I really just wanted to disappear. I rarely "groomed". I would shower on the good days. The other days well I went to work in PJs and barely ran a comb through my hair. Thank goodness the people I work for are kind. Plus, she runs around in her nightgown all day as well....still does. Plus I work alone in a home, but still.

The thinner photo is of me this past weekend. At lunch with my in-laws. I look at her and see someone I can trust to make good decisions for me. I am really happy. Not over joyed or any ting goofy like that. I just feel...well lets see. I can think of a word. Wait! COMFORTABLE. I feel comfortable in my own skin, at where I am this year. Happy at hoe far I've come. This time last year I didn't feel like I had a chance in hell of turning things around.

When I stopped lieing to myself about the state of my life, and where I was going to end up, things changed. Like I said before. I have never counted a thing. I tried to eat more fruit and veggies and lean meat. Cut the portions. When I binge, I try to do it on healthy food. I still have my good old tootsie rolls, but I don't buy bags in the grocery store. When I stop into a 7/11 or something I pick up some in the "penny candy" (yes I know it's not a penny anymore). It's all about portion control. Veggies and fruits however I consider free food. No one ever got fat from eating too many fruits and veggies. RIGHT?

That being said, it's weigh in WED. The scale said 192.4. That is dow .2 lbs. totally cool with it. Eat about 6 cookies over the course of the weekend. Not to mention the tastes during the carmel popcorn making marathon. I've made 50 gallon ziplock bags all ready. I didn't make everyday with my walk either. So that was frustrating. I had expect a bigger number, so I will take it.

Lots more to say, but no time now. BTW, TJs jeans came in the mail and THEY FIT! A little snug, but they zip up just fine. Sometimes, since I wear clothes that are too big most of the time, when pants fit just right, to me they feel too tight. Did that make any sense? ANYWOO...........plan on doing a post tomorrow the a pants picture. TJ, (ok I am not going to cry). thank you so much. Wearing those pants yesterday made me feel like a Skinny Bitch! The joy that package gave me is worth more then anything that will be under my tree this year. From the bottom of my heart....THANK YOU.

KEEP THE MOOD AND THE FOOD REAL......FIND YOUR SKINNY BITCH

Make it easy on yourself.

I had a totally glorious weekend! Just wanted to check in quick this morning. Things are going well. I am staying crazy busy with Mr. 92 and now Mrs 82 is back home and is begging for me to come back a couple hours a week. Even if it's just to visit. I can not refuse such love. So life is busy. I am not feeling stressed. Doing my best to just stay in the moment and not try to control things.

Mr. 92's family has been just awesome. I am only going a couple times a day now, and I had yesterday off. So that was nice. I actually missed him. Took a long walk listening to to music out at my daughter's yesterday afternoon. The weather was BEAUtiful. I rarely listen to music. It reminds me of my tweeking days. I use to sit with headphones on for hours on end. Too bad, cause I love music. I have to me in just the right mood.

Church was great too. We had our Christmas program. Saturday was a extra long walk and then my church had a Breakfast Christmas party. We had a great turn out. They served a ton of fruit....yum. Then my little family had a nice lunch with my late husband's family. That was nice. They are always so sweet to my kids. My daughter has a different dad, but they treat her and her kids just like their own. We don't get together often enough. When I was married to my husband they never really liked me. Of course I was pretty unlovable at that time. It's nice to have a sweet relationship with them now.

I have lots of pics to share, but no time right now. Getting ready to have a little caroling party tomorrow night. CLEAN CLEAN CLEAN. Making a delish soup. Something EZ!

Keep the mood and the food real...........make it EZ on yourself.