Still kicking! I have been putting out at least 50 resumes a week. I have got one call back. It's kind of far away, and not really what I want, but what are you gonna do. I do feel some of my old confidence coming back. I have found a bunch of jobs that I would be perfect for. I am hoping that "Superbowl Monday" might be part of the reason that I didn't hear from more people. Everybody keep your fingers crossed for me.
I am feeling better. The fuzzies and the headache have backed off. I hope it stays that way for a while. You know, I am pretty sure that my rotten food diet as something to do with my icky feelings and achey bones. When my niece leaves this Sunday I am really going to try to get back to the normal me. I have been trying to fatten her up. She came to me so thin. Her 30 days stay is up this weekend. She has been waiting to get out of here since the day she got her. I am not taking it personally. She is suffering from that damn disease that tells you you don't have one. I'm afraid out of mind that she is going back to her loser friends and lifestyle. She spends most of her time with her face in the phone or in the computer. She spends lots of time on the phone as well. I can't make her decisions for her. I love her and really I have enjoyed having her here. I wish her well for sure. I told her she better not break my sister's heart. I really love my sister and she deserves to have a daughter that has a great life and that doesn't cause her grief. Anywoo......
Spanish today. I will find out how bad I did on my test Thursday. I was fuzzy, I will be very surprised if I got a decent grade. I am going to need to get a tutor. I love my sociology class, but it kind of leaves me feeling sad to be a human. I am grateful for the anchor of my religion. It really does answer lots of the deep questions of life. At least for me it does.
Gotta get going. I am walking a little boy to the bus stop for his young mother. She was left by her hubs with 4 children 5 and under. They are not easy children either. I think the boys have some developmental problems. It's too damn bad.
I weighed 199.7 on Wed. Too close to the danger zone. I really wish the mojo will come back, yet I know I have to work it to make it work.
Keep the mood and the food real................
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Febuary First
Wow it's been a while since my last post. Too long. I have been ever vigilant keeping up on FB cause it quick and I don't have to go into much detail. Classes are going well. Spanish is kicking my butt. I took it cause I thought it would be fun. It's hard and the teacher thinks 8 hours a week, plus homework is what's required to keep up. Who has that kind of time? I have a test tomorrow, but I doubt it's going to go well. I have had a headache for 2 days now and the sore throat thing started last night night. I have vertigo when I am not in bed lying flat. My head feels some what stuffy as well. I have yet to get out of my P.J.'s I know at some point I am going to have to, but not just yet. I need to study for tomorrow, but the thought of it makes me kind of want to barf.
My niece is still visiting, but she will be going home next Friday. I know she is past ready to go home. She isn't happy here. I was really hoping it would work out for her, but she misses her friends too much. This is the 1st time she has been away from her friends and family in her entire life, I think anyway. I have been enjoying her here, but it is what it is and I am going to enjoy it while it lasts.
I had some car trouble last week that put me stalled at the side of road. Bless her heart, Roxie called right then. I was so excited to be one of her daily phone a friend, yet I didn't trust myself to answer without bawling my head off. My son in law came to help, but the car would stall every time we took the battery cables off. So we left it in the median of the freeway during rush hour traffic and he took me to borrow their extra car. On the way down there we got side swiped in my kid's brand new $40,000 van. Not a good day. Then to top it off my SIL got the ticket. UGH!! Luckily it was an easy fix, but an expensive one. $100 to tow my car back to the garage. $500 deductible to get their van fixed and another $200 for traffic school for my SIL. OUCH!
Food and Fitness has been low on my priority list. Especially since I started Spanish. It's like my computer class was last semester. Stressful. Things will cycle back around, I just need to hold on and make the best choices I can till then. Hope all of you are staying with it. I have been reading my faves, not commenting much but keeping track of all of you.
Guess that's it for now.....Keep the mood and the food real.........................
My niece is still visiting, but she will be going home next Friday. I know she is past ready to go home. She isn't happy here. I was really hoping it would work out for her, but she misses her friends too much. This is the 1st time she has been away from her friends and family in her entire life, I think anyway. I have been enjoying her here, but it is what it is and I am going to enjoy it while it lasts.
I had some car trouble last week that put me stalled at the side of road. Bless her heart, Roxie called right then. I was so excited to be one of her daily phone a friend, yet I didn't trust myself to answer without bawling my head off. My son in law came to help, but the car would stall every time we took the battery cables off. So we left it in the median of the freeway during rush hour traffic and he took me to borrow their extra car. On the way down there we got side swiped in my kid's brand new $40,000 van. Not a good day. Then to top it off my SIL got the ticket. UGH!! Luckily it was an easy fix, but an expensive one. $100 to tow my car back to the garage. $500 deductible to get their van fixed and another $200 for traffic school for my SIL. OUCH!
Food and Fitness has been low on my priority list. Especially since I started Spanish. It's like my computer class was last semester. Stressful. Things will cycle back around, I just need to hold on and make the best choices I can till then. Hope all of you are staying with it. I have been reading my faves, not commenting much but keeping track of all of you.
Guess that's it for now.....Keep the mood and the food real.........................
Thursday, January 19, 2012
loving myself
School has begun. Again, I am the oldest in each class. I think these classes are going to a lot funner. In my Soc Behavior class instead of writing papers you have the option to do 20 hours of "service learning." I called the city attorney's office to work there. I thought it would be interesting to be on "the other side" lol. I hope they will let me work there even though I have "a past." The woman is suppose to email me some info. If not there are a lot of other options. I like both of the teachers.
I have been putting my resume out there. Yes, I finished it.....(patting myself on the back. That was hard. I made it a big deal and really it wasn't that hard. I have a couple of job interviews next week. My niece is here, but she hates it and wants to go home. She wrecked her car on the way here. She nodded off. I had to go pick her up about 100 miles away. Didn't make it back home till 3 AM. She has been very sweet, but has made it clear to everyone that when the car is done, she is gone. It's too bad. She is going back to a bad situation and loser friends that aren't going anywhere. We are praying she changes her mind. She does have a job interview today, so maybe she'll change her mind. I really do like having her here.
My eating has gone from bad to worse. I keep buying stupid stuff. Though I have been eating "cuties" like there is no tomorrow. Then I go and eat 4 doughnuts. WTF?? I don't even like sweets. I walked 3 miles yesterday, but it has been a while since I did that. Now with school, it will be even harder. I wish I was in the gung ho mood, but alas, I am not. Not sure what's "eating" me but for some reason I am not loving myself enough to treat myself with loving kindness. Really need to work on that. Blogging daily was a great motivator. I really should be doing more of it. I am going to try.
Well today is a new day. A fresh start. I will do my best to make wise choices and love myself.
Keep the mood and the food real................
I have been putting my resume out there. Yes, I finished it.....(patting myself on the back. That was hard. I made it a big deal and really it wasn't that hard. I have a couple of job interviews next week. My niece is here, but she hates it and wants to go home. She wrecked her car on the way here. She nodded off. I had to go pick her up about 100 miles away. Didn't make it back home till 3 AM. She has been very sweet, but has made it clear to everyone that when the car is done, she is gone. It's too bad. She is going back to a bad situation and loser friends that aren't going anywhere. We are praying she changes her mind. She does have a job interview today, so maybe she'll change her mind. I really do like having her here.
My eating has gone from bad to worse. I keep buying stupid stuff. Though I have been eating "cuties" like there is no tomorrow. Then I go and eat 4 doughnuts. WTF?? I don't even like sweets. I walked 3 miles yesterday, but it has been a while since I did that. Now with school, it will be even harder. I wish I was in the gung ho mood, but alas, I am not. Not sure what's "eating" me but for some reason I am not loving myself enough to treat myself with loving kindness. Really need to work on that. Blogging daily was a great motivator. I really should be doing more of it. I am going to try.
Well today is a new day. A fresh start. I will do my best to make wise choices and love myself.
Keep the mood and the food real................
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Not much
It's been crazy. My Ggirl broke her arm. I got all set up for school, start on Tuesday. I haven't been walking...boo. I have been feeling blah. Achy and not sleeping very good. I am going to have a house guest. My neice is coming to live with me. I guess that's not really a guest. She needed a change of scenery and called and I said sure. It will be nice to have someone here. My eating hasn't been the best. I am up on the scale since school break, but still under 200. I really want to recommit, but seem to be having commitment problems. No New Year boost to change.
This is quick.....just checking in. Been reading all of you, not commenting too much.
Keep the mood and the food real.............
This is quick.....just checking in. Been reading all of you, not commenting too much.
Keep the mood and the food real.............
Monday, January 2, 2012
This is OUR year....do ya feel it?!
Well I had a great holiday season. I relished the time spent with family and friends. For Christmas I spent the night sleeping in the kid's room. The door locks from the outside, so the kids can't get out before mom and dad and wreak havoc. They learned that the hard way. Anywoo, while we were waiting for the door to be opened the kids were so hilarious talking about Santa and what he brought them. They were so excited, I believed in Santa myself. Cause I knew that Santa had brought them a trampoline. I will treasure that morning for the rest of my life. It made me feel like a kid again. That was when I liked Christmas, when I was a kid. I used to make my little sister "practice Christmas morning" in July. I know, I was a weird kid. I loved everything about it. This was the Christmas that I learned a lot about me.
Since loosing my hubs on Christmas Day and then my dad 10 days later, this isn't my most favorite time of year. I try to make it better every year and it does get better. It's less stressful for me since I don't have to be Santa anymore and I don't have to go all out decorating. This year I truly had no money so gifts weren't the focus. That relieved me of that pressure, that I subject myself to. The kids have no expectations, I do. In my head I am still trying to make up for all the crap Christmas's of the past. I have made up for those, plus more. Stop being a martyr and stop using that as an excuse to enjoy yourself. It's ok to enjoy yourself, I think I thought I didn't deserve to be happy during the season, cause such crap stuff happened during the season. Well, that is CRAP! I honor those that passed by doing things to bring joy and happiness to everyone and anyone this time of year. If you are my friend on FB you saw that I played Mrs. Clause for a church function. FUN!! I just relaxed and went with the feelings of joy I was feeling. Without guilt.
I did nothing for New Years. I never do. The kids and my daughter were sick. My son and his wife are just into each other. He never really stops to think what or how I am doing. I cut him some slack, he is so incredibly happy right now in his life. Anyway, I went to bed early, woke up and took a long walk and then went to church on New Years and it was nice. Today I took down all the holiday stuff. Cleaned up my home and now I am watching OWN. All day long past weight loss Oprah's. I guess she is trying to push the resolutions :) Later I am riding out to my daughter's and spending the night. I find it's funner for me to do that instead of the kids coming here. There really isn't much to do, and I am exhausted trying to entertain them and keep them out of stuff. Last time I went out there the girls gave me a makeover. I looked like a $2 hooker :) They woke up and said "let's do make up GeGe. I gave in. The boys went to California with their aunts last week, so I just had the girls and baby Z. Who was sick. Poor baby.
I have been putting off doing the resume long enough. I am sick of being fearful of trying to find a job. I am sick of fear...PERIOD. I am making a promise to God, myself and all those of you that read......I will have a resume done by this time next week. The job hunt will begin in earnest. I am enrolling in school for the spring semester. Spanish and a behavioral class. I think I am going to go for being a substance abuse counselor. It might take a few years, but that time will pass anyway. I will make the time mean something.
My weight has been up and down. I haven't been walking everyday. Not so good for Dana. I know when I don't walk it really effects me more mentally then physically. So 2 days in a row of walking 3 or more miles. My son got me a nano for Christmas and I have been loving listening to all my old podcasts. I am being vigilant with my scripture reading and daily prayers along with a little meditation time to see if I can hear a answer to my prayers. I feel happy. I feel less in limbo. I want to live life, not just pass time. I want to be of service to others and try to be a blessing in someone's life. Most of all I am actively living a life of gratitude. Doing my best and that's enough.
This is my year, I can feel it. It's your year too, feel it??
Keep the mood and the food real..........
Since loosing my hubs on Christmas Day and then my dad 10 days later, this isn't my most favorite time of year. I try to make it better every year and it does get better. It's less stressful for me since I don't have to be Santa anymore and I don't have to go all out decorating. This year I truly had no money so gifts weren't the focus. That relieved me of that pressure, that I subject myself to. The kids have no expectations, I do. In my head I am still trying to make up for all the crap Christmas's of the past. I have made up for those, plus more. Stop being a martyr and stop using that as an excuse to enjoy yourself. It's ok to enjoy yourself, I think I thought I didn't deserve to be happy during the season, cause such crap stuff happened during the season. Well, that is CRAP! I honor those that passed by doing things to bring joy and happiness to everyone and anyone this time of year. If you are my friend on FB you saw that I played Mrs. Clause for a church function. FUN!! I just relaxed and went with the feelings of joy I was feeling. Without guilt.
I did nothing for New Years. I never do. The kids and my daughter were sick. My son and his wife are just into each other. He never really stops to think what or how I am doing. I cut him some slack, he is so incredibly happy right now in his life. Anyway, I went to bed early, woke up and took a long walk and then went to church on New Years and it was nice. Today I took down all the holiday stuff. Cleaned up my home and now I am watching OWN. All day long past weight loss Oprah's. I guess she is trying to push the resolutions :) Later I am riding out to my daughter's and spending the night. I find it's funner for me to do that instead of the kids coming here. There really isn't much to do, and I am exhausted trying to entertain them and keep them out of stuff. Last time I went out there the girls gave me a makeover. I looked like a $2 hooker :) They woke up and said "let's do make up GeGe. I gave in. The boys went to California with their aunts last week, so I just had the girls and baby Z. Who was sick. Poor baby.
I have been putting off doing the resume long enough. I am sick of being fearful of trying to find a job. I am sick of fear...PERIOD. I am making a promise to God, myself and all those of you that read......I will have a resume done by this time next week. The job hunt will begin in earnest. I am enrolling in school for the spring semester. Spanish and a behavioral class. I think I am going to go for being a substance abuse counselor. It might take a few years, but that time will pass anyway. I will make the time mean something.
My weight has been up and down. I haven't been walking everyday. Not so good for Dana. I know when I don't walk it really effects me more mentally then physically. So 2 days in a row of walking 3 or more miles. My son got me a nano for Christmas and I have been loving listening to all my old podcasts. I am being vigilant with my scripture reading and daily prayers along with a little meditation time to see if I can hear a answer to my prayers. I feel happy. I feel less in limbo. I want to live life, not just pass time. I want to be of service to others and try to be a blessing in someone's life. Most of all I am actively living a life of gratitude. Doing my best and that's enough.
This is my year, I can feel it. It's your year too, feel it??
Keep the mood and the food real..........
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Make the season better, it's up to me!
Oh for Heaven's sake Dana, quit eating. I am eating crap that I don't even like. I haven't walked in days and I feel so FAT! I am in a state of frustration. I am having one of the best holiday seasons ever, yet I feel the need to secretly eat. I am buying stupid stuff that I haven't bought in years. I ate a Big Mac. What?? I KNOW! I know that I am in relapse mode, on food that is. This time of year is really hard for me, but in the past 3 years I haven't felt the need to eat like I have this year.
I have sat around for the past 3 days (i haven't felt very good) and watched movies. The Wizard of Oz on Sunday and The Sound of Music yesterday. That's not so bad, but I could be doing other, more productive stuff. I am lost without school and I only work one day this week, Friday. Too much time on my hands. BOO!!
Ok, now is the time to get it together. I haven't been eating Christmas goodies, so that isn't going to be a problem. Go throw out the doughnut hole and the oatmeal "little debbie" crap RIGHT THIS MINUTE. Get on your walking shoes and take a nice long walk. You will feel much better. Then, Miss Dana, go find someone that you can do something for. Even if it's taking an old lady to the movie. Get out of the house. Here's a novel idea, go test out for math and reading at the school. Face your fears, you are going to have to at some point. Why not sooner then later. You can do HARD THINGS.
Tomorrow is "The Forgotten Carols" at the beautiful Gammage Center. Dress yourself up and for crying out loud.......enjoy yourself. Treating yourself well will make the season even better. You know it true, the adversary that wants you to be miserable. Don't that that old Devil win. Remember, he laughs at you when he is able to deceive you. Remember, you hate being laughed at. Don't beat yourself up, just move on. Ok, now go do it!
Keep the mood and the food real............Merry Christmas to all!
I have sat around for the past 3 days (i haven't felt very good) and watched movies. The Wizard of Oz on Sunday and The Sound of Music yesterday. That's not so bad, but I could be doing other, more productive stuff. I am lost without school and I only work one day this week, Friday. Too much time on my hands. BOO!!
Ok, now is the time to get it together. I haven't been eating Christmas goodies, so that isn't going to be a problem. Go throw out the doughnut hole and the oatmeal "little debbie" crap RIGHT THIS MINUTE. Get on your walking shoes and take a nice long walk. You will feel much better. Then, Miss Dana, go find someone that you can do something for. Even if it's taking an old lady to the movie. Get out of the house. Here's a novel idea, go test out for math and reading at the school. Face your fears, you are going to have to at some point. Why not sooner then later. You can do HARD THINGS.
Tomorrow is "The Forgotten Carols" at the beautiful Gammage Center. Dress yourself up and for crying out loud.......enjoy yourself. Treating yourself well will make the season even better. You know it true, the adversary that wants you to be miserable. Don't that that old Devil win. Remember, he laughs at you when he is able to deceive you. Remember, you hate being laughed at. Don't beat yourself up, just move on. Ok, now go do it!
Keep the mood and the food real............Merry Christmas to all!
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
I'm not alone
So it's Wednesday. I am done with school. Got straight A's. Pretty proud of that. I am still deciding what to take next semester. I am going to take my transcripts in from years ago and see if the transfer. I hope my math does. I suck at math. Actually, I don't know if I like it or not. I don't remember it :)
I have 3 jobs this week. Today I am going to take a lady to do some errands. Tomorrow is 8 hours in a car to go to the north pole. My daughter was laughing at me when I suggested staying overnight. She didn't realize how far the trip was. Who's laughing now? It will be fine. The kids have lots of devices and I will probably do some driving. My SIL has to work the next morning. We won't be home till late. I am going to work at 9 the next day. That's not early, nor will it be all day.
I am watching what I am eating, however, it's not been the best. I am not really tempted by sweets. I don't really like them. I am more of a stuffed baked kind of girl. I made a big batch of chili and have been eating on it for the past few days. So eating hasn't been too bad. I haven't been walking as much as I should. It's been wet and cold. I have been reading lots of blogs and I see that I am not alone. Lots of the bloggers that started when I did have gained back some of their weight. Bottom line, it's hard to maintain a healthy lifestyle all the time. Some days you feel it other days, not so much. Being a recovering drug addict, I am well aware of the chances of relapse. You are more likely to stay in remission of cancer then you are to stay clean for any real length of time. Relapse is part of recovery. It doesn't have to be. I haven't relapsed on meth for the past 11 years, but my addiction has taken me in other directions. Food, to be exact. I am still 80 lbs lighter, but I have about 40 lbs to be where I should be. I have gained back about 20 lbs. Not happy about it, but it's the way it is.
I have decided not to beat myself up. I have made great strides this year in other areas of my life. I feel better now then I did when I was 30. Much better about myself and life in general. I get to decide what I want to be when I grow up. I am scared shitless. Weird right? I want to treat it like it's a great adventure, but inside I am fearful. What of?? Who knows, failure? It's just fear of the unknown. That's ok too. Starting over at 51 is kind of scarey. What counts is I am doing it. I don't know what the future will bring, but I know that I can handle it. I have great family and friends that will stand by and help me.
That's life!
Keep the mood and the food real.............................
I have 3 jobs this week. Today I am going to take a lady to do some errands. Tomorrow is 8 hours in a car to go to the north pole. My daughter was laughing at me when I suggested staying overnight. She didn't realize how far the trip was. Who's laughing now? It will be fine. The kids have lots of devices and I will probably do some driving. My SIL has to work the next morning. We won't be home till late. I am going to work at 9 the next day. That's not early, nor will it be all day.
I am watching what I am eating, however, it's not been the best. I am not really tempted by sweets. I don't really like them. I am more of a stuffed baked kind of girl. I made a big batch of chili and have been eating on it for the past few days. So eating hasn't been too bad. I haven't been walking as much as I should. It's been wet and cold. I have been reading lots of blogs and I see that I am not alone. Lots of the bloggers that started when I did have gained back some of their weight. Bottom line, it's hard to maintain a healthy lifestyle all the time. Some days you feel it other days, not so much. Being a recovering drug addict, I am well aware of the chances of relapse. You are more likely to stay in remission of cancer then you are to stay clean for any real length of time. Relapse is part of recovery. It doesn't have to be. I haven't relapsed on meth for the past 11 years, but my addiction has taken me in other directions. Food, to be exact. I am still 80 lbs lighter, but I have about 40 lbs to be where I should be. I have gained back about 20 lbs. Not happy about it, but it's the way it is.
I have decided not to beat myself up. I have made great strides this year in other areas of my life. I feel better now then I did when I was 30. Much better about myself and life in general. I get to decide what I want to be when I grow up. I am scared shitless. Weird right? I want to treat it like it's a great adventure, but inside I am fearful. What of?? Who knows, failure? It's just fear of the unknown. That's ok too. Starting over at 51 is kind of scarey. What counts is I am doing it. I don't know what the future will bring, but I know that I can handle it. I have great family and friends that will stand by and help me.
That's life!
Keep the mood and the food real.............................
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