excuses! excuses!

Have been struggling a little this week. I have super tired all week. I haven't gone walking with my buddy once. I have been getting on the treadclimber, but I love the feeling of getting it out of the way early. It's been kind of cold before sunrise....whimp, I know. Excuses! I have had a crazy night time cough that is killing me. So it's better that I don't get all sweaty and cold. "sneeze"! Food has been ok, but I can see that I have eaten more this week then last. I was so busy last week, this week has been about winding down. Anyway, I biked this week (6miles) and haven't missed a day walking. I just wish I felt better.

I don't have any big plans for the weekend. I need to clean house and organize. That always makes me feel better. I am starting to feel the "it's Christmas, I think I am going to freak out" feelings. I don't like Christmas. I wish I had unlimited funds. My daughter always starts very early. She is a great gift giver. She always has been. I am kind of "fly by the seat of your pants" kind of girl. Therefore, I worry. Then I start resenting. Stupid, I know.

Anyway, going to try and not do that this year. I always seem to feel sad as well. So I just want to make it thur the holidays in better shape then last year. Last year was my bottom. I was fatter then I had been for a couple of years. Exhausted. Taking vicodin like crazy for knee pain. When you are an addict, that will mess with your head. It took me till March to really decide why and how I wanted to loose the weight. I knew that if I started there, things would get better. I was right! Things aren't perfect, by any stretch of the imagination, but I do feel like I am living a better life. I am healthier, more active, and best all, a better GeGe.

I still fall short in lots of other areas of my life. But, I have lots more confidence in myself. You seriously, can not buy that feeling. It takes lots of hard work and never giving up! Actually, it's as hard as I make it on any given day.

Thanks for all the loving support I get from all of you. I know that the reason for my success this time is due in large part to the fact that I journal about what I am going thur and that I am accountable. I learn more however, when I read what you all have to say. I love blogging!

Keep the mood and the food real......don't get over whelmed. I am going to walk now! no excuses!

I MADE IT TO ONEDERLAND

Oh Happy day! I weighed in on the "official scale" and it said.....drum roll please........196.5 lbs!!!!! That's down 7.5 lbs since last Tuesday. I was so shocked I jumped off. Like I couldn't believe it! I can't believe it. I am so happy!

Sister's Weekend 2009

Has anyone noticed that I didn't weigh in this week? Well, the 'holder of the scale" is in Argentina visiting a new Gkid. It's been hard to get to the scales due to scheduling on my part or on her daughter's part. I am not freaking out about it. I am hoping I might be able to jump on sometime today. I went to a church function last night, and everyone was telling me how good I looked. I just saw them 2 weeks ago.....but whatever. I'll take it. It was a progressive dinner. Lots of healthy choices. We skipped the dessert house and came home early. I have the day off today. Went outside to walk and came back in till it gets light, since I have time this morning. DUH! My walking buddy decided to sleep in. I will probably go to the office and walk on the treadclimber. I need to finish this week's 2 fit chicks podcast. Those girls do a great job.

As promised here are some pics from Sister's Weekend 2009. This pic below is of couple of cousins. They are such cute girls!


This is pic of the older generation....damn youngsters! It's from left to right....my 2 sisters, me, my aunt ( doesn't she look good for her age...over 60 ), and her daughter. We are a goodlooking bunch.

This is breakfast with the girls. We had such a fun morning. It was long over due! We were giving the little girl tips on dealing with a bully at school...."Seriously, How old are you?" That's what we told her to say...lol. The girl in the green stripes had gotten engaged the night before. Exciting! I can't believe she is even old enough.

This is my sisters and myself at the cemetery where my mom and dad are buried. I love to walk around cemeteries. They are interesting. Especially, this one, it has lots of my relatives in it.

I should have taken more pics of the beautiful Utah landscape. I was too busy shopping and laughing. I took more pics, but when standing next to my now size 4 sister, I seemed to look fat. In my mind, I was a cow. Thank you TCB(the crazy brain). I just have to remind myself that the way I see myself is distorted. For some reason, that makes me feel better. I choose to believe what my friends and family tells me. I took all those clothes, and I ended up wearing my mom jeans and remained comfortable. All the anxiety about clothes was such a waste of time. Worry about crap like that usually is.

Well going to go for a bike ride to check on Mr. 92. Both my old people missed me. It's good to be loved! Then it's cleaning the house and then out to see the Gkids for awhile. Maybe I will take the boys on a walk at the bird park. Life is good.

Keep the mood and the food real.........don't worry, be happy!

home again, home again, jiggy, jiggy

Had a great time. Laughed alot and shopped alot. Bought just alittle. Tried not to worry about the superficial, and was pretty successful. I ate well. We shopped so much we barely had time to eat. I got on the treadmill 2 out of the 3 mornings. My sister has a home gym in her basement. SCORE! Got lots of compliments. Loved that. I was kind of a whinner. I started in with a cold the day I left and tried to fight it all weekend. I am not a "suffer in silence" kind of girl. I had a hard time sleeping, not sure why. I FELL into my bed last night. Slept so good.

Now it's time to play catch up on blogs. My boss just walked in I gave me a long list of things to do , grrrr. So catch up might have to wait. Will post some pics when I have some extra time.

I put on a skirt for church yesterday morning, and it was so loose! I just had it on like 2 weeks ago and it was fine. I was shocked! Happy and shocked.

I read the book Shattered Silence, The Story of a Serial Killer's Daughter over the weekend as well. I can not say enough good things about this book. The woman that wrote is named Melissa G. Moore. She was featurted on Dr Phil and Oprah. We are reading it for our church book club. It is a page turner for sure. Kind of hard to read in some spots. In the end it's very uplifting.

Keep the mood and the food.........

FAT GIRL FREAK OUT

Oh Sweet Crazy Brain, how you vex me. Yesterday life was grand! The perfect day. This morning I am a nut case. I can't stand how I look in any of the pants I had hemmed. Remember, it's not really got cold here in the desert, so I haven't worn long pants in a long time. I know it's just cause I am not used to seeing myself dressed that way ( girlie ) but still. My mind is playing tricks on me. Focusing on areas of my body that I hate. (stomach and arms) Instead of being DAMN proud of my accomplishments.

WTF!!! I have decided to wear what I feel comfortable in. I have borrowed so much stuff that I don't even feel like myself. I have WAY over packed, cause I need someone to help me. I think I look stupid, but again, I have TCB. My sisters will help put me together.

I am going thru other emotions too. If my sister is reading this (and I know you are, love ya) remember this is about the way I feel. You have done nothing, EVER, to make me feel this way. I compare myself to my sisters, too much. They are beautiful women inside and out. They always look like the stepped out of a magazine. I on the other hand, dress like a slump-a-dunk ( i don't know, I just made it up) and don't even wear make up.

See what I mean. I hate that I have focused so much on what to wear and if I will look good "enough". Good enough for what, to visit my sisters, that love me. This journey is about so much more then what I put in my mouth or how much I move. It's about believing that you're good enough. That you are worth all the work and sacrifice it takes to loose 60 + lbs. Believe that no matter how I look on the outside, on the inside I ROCK! And that my friends, is where it's at!

I love that I just kicked ASS on the treadclimber. That I am even willing to climb aboard is a miracle. So my bags are packed and I am ready to laugh my ass off. Cause really, who cares what I look like. It's how I FEEL that matters. Always has been, always will be.

Keep the mood and the food real.............BELIEVE!

A perfect day?!

I've been at a dead run all day. I can honestly say that this was an almost perfect day. I did everything that I felt was important. I walked the entire 3 miles this morning. Truth be told I have been only doing 2.5 lately. Had a great conversation with my walking buddy. Talking about deep stuff. I worked hard. Visited both of my old people....did I say that I love those old farts. Had lunch with my co-worker/best friend and my son. Then got my hairs cut. Then went out to see my Gkids and had dinnner with my daughter's family. Perfect day.

Even talked to both my sisters. We are all excited. I am wearing myself out tonight because if I don't I will be up at 2:30, like I was this morning. Staying up very late for me....9pm....lol Hell, I've turned into an old fart.

The scale rewarded my half assed effort last week with a 1.5 lb gain. I am at an even 204 lbs. I am ok with it. I KNOW that I have been saying "I'm ok with it" too much lately. I got on my daughter's scale tonight and it said an even 200 lbs. Too bad that's not the "official" scale....lol. I was able to put on a pair of jeans that last week wearing them was out of the question....today I wore them to work! Go figure.

I have thought more about clothes in the past week then I have in a year. CRAZY. It's exhausting.....lol! I did get my pants hemmed and will be wearing the cowboy boots. Pictures to follow.

I read Roxie's post 1st thing....LOVED IT. Thought about it and about my own life all day. Where do I want to go?? What's my life goals?? I will tell you when I figure it that out.....lol. Her post is TOTALLY worth the read. Check out my blog roll she's Gravel and Rust.

Going to bed now. Good and tired. Hope you had a perfect day as well.

Keep the mood and the food real.

Stay Healthy

Alive but just barely. Had a migraine that last for 2 days, on and off. Not so good for Dana. Missed work yesterday. Then I threw up so hard that I threw my back out. MORE FUN! I will not let this derail me from having a GREAT time with my beloved sisters. I have 3 days to get better, and as God as my witness.....I will be healthy and ready to go by Thursday.

Didn't go trick or treating Saturday. One night of candy fun was all I needed. I went to the trunk or treat Friday night at the church with the kids. They were all adorable, of course. Then my WICKED daughter sent me home with 3 and a half POUND bag of tootsie roll treats. WTFreak! Needless to say the candy went to the school. Like the kids need any more candy. As far as I'm concerned, it's every man for himself. Myself DOES NOT need 3.5 lbs of my most fave candy around. So I feel I made a good choice. My daughter, however, is now out of the will ( like I even have one....lol ).

I am going to have my pants hemmed today. My friend let me borrow some cowboy boots. I just couldn't afford any new boots. I think they look pretty hot. Except I am not a cowgirl. No one needs know to that though....hehe. So what do you think, am I too old for cowboy boots. I hate it when women dress like they are 14. I am not wearing them with fishnet stockings and a mini skirt ( I don't own either ). So they should be fine.

I guess I will wrap this up. Work to do. Weigh in tonight, since I was sick yesterday. I really don't have any expectations. I did eat candy and some other naughty stuff. So I am not expecting a loss. I would love it if I hit onderland before I go to see my sisters. However the effort just wasn't there. And that's the truth.

Keep the mood and the food real............stay healthy!