School has begun. Again, I am the oldest in each class. I think these classes are going to a lot funner. In my Soc Behavior class instead of writing papers you have the option to do 20 hours of "service learning." I called the city attorney's office to work there. I thought it would be interesting to be on "the other side" lol. I hope they will let me work there even though I have "a past." The woman is suppose to email me some info. If not there are a lot of other options. I like both of the teachers.
I have been putting my resume out there. Yes, I finished it.....(patting myself on the back. That was hard. I made it a big deal and really it wasn't that hard. I have a couple of job interviews next week. My niece is here, but she hates it and wants to go home. She wrecked her car on the way here. She nodded off. I had to go pick her up about 100 miles away. Didn't make it back home till 3 AM. She has been very sweet, but has made it clear to everyone that when the car is done, she is gone. It's too bad. She is going back to a bad situation and loser friends that aren't going anywhere. We are praying she changes her mind. She does have a job interview today, so maybe she'll change her mind. I really do like having her here.
My eating has gone from bad to worse. I keep buying stupid stuff. Though I have been eating "cuties" like there is no tomorrow. Then I go and eat 4 doughnuts. WTF?? I don't even like sweets. I walked 3 miles yesterday, but it has been a while since I did that. Now with school, it will be even harder. I wish I was in the gung ho mood, but alas, I am not. Not sure what's "eating" me but for some reason I am not loving myself enough to treat myself with loving kindness. Really need to work on that. Blogging daily was a great motivator. I really should be doing more of it. I am going to try.
Well today is a new day. A fresh start. I will do my best to make wise choices and love myself.
Keep the mood and the food real................
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Not much
It's been crazy. My Ggirl broke her arm. I got all set up for school, start on Tuesday. I haven't been walking...boo. I have been feeling blah. Achy and not sleeping very good. I am going to have a house guest. My neice is coming to live with me. I guess that's not really a guest. She needed a change of scenery and called and I said sure. It will be nice to have someone here. My eating hasn't been the best. I am up on the scale since school break, but still under 200. I really want to recommit, but seem to be having commitment problems. No New Year boost to change.
This is quick.....just checking in. Been reading all of you, not commenting too much.
Keep the mood and the food real.............
This is quick.....just checking in. Been reading all of you, not commenting too much.
Keep the mood and the food real.............
Monday, January 2, 2012
This is OUR year....do ya feel it?!
Well I had a great holiday season. I relished the time spent with family and friends. For Christmas I spent the night sleeping in the kid's room. The door locks from the outside, so the kids can't get out before mom and dad and wreak havoc. They learned that the hard way. Anywoo, while we were waiting for the door to be opened the kids were so hilarious talking about Santa and what he brought them. They were so excited, I believed in Santa myself. Cause I knew that Santa had brought them a trampoline. I will treasure that morning for the rest of my life. It made me feel like a kid again. That was when I liked Christmas, when I was a kid. I used to make my little sister "practice Christmas morning" in July. I know, I was a weird kid. I loved everything about it. This was the Christmas that I learned a lot about me.
Since loosing my hubs on Christmas Day and then my dad 10 days later, this isn't my most favorite time of year. I try to make it better every year and it does get better. It's less stressful for me since I don't have to be Santa anymore and I don't have to go all out decorating. This year I truly had no money so gifts weren't the focus. That relieved me of that pressure, that I subject myself to. The kids have no expectations, I do. In my head I am still trying to make up for all the crap Christmas's of the past. I have made up for those, plus more. Stop being a martyr and stop using that as an excuse to enjoy yourself. It's ok to enjoy yourself, I think I thought I didn't deserve to be happy during the season, cause such crap stuff happened during the season. Well, that is CRAP! I honor those that passed by doing things to bring joy and happiness to everyone and anyone this time of year. If you are my friend on FB you saw that I played Mrs. Clause for a church function. FUN!! I just relaxed and went with the feelings of joy I was feeling. Without guilt.
I did nothing for New Years. I never do. The kids and my daughter were sick. My son and his wife are just into each other. He never really stops to think what or how I am doing. I cut him some slack, he is so incredibly happy right now in his life. Anyway, I went to bed early, woke up and took a long walk and then went to church on New Years and it was nice. Today I took down all the holiday stuff. Cleaned up my home and now I am watching OWN. All day long past weight loss Oprah's. I guess she is trying to push the resolutions :) Later I am riding out to my daughter's and spending the night. I find it's funner for me to do that instead of the kids coming here. There really isn't much to do, and I am exhausted trying to entertain them and keep them out of stuff. Last time I went out there the girls gave me a makeover. I looked like a $2 hooker :) They woke up and said "let's do make up GeGe. I gave in. The boys went to California with their aunts last week, so I just had the girls and baby Z. Who was sick. Poor baby.
I have been putting off doing the resume long enough. I am sick of being fearful of trying to find a job. I am sick of fear...PERIOD. I am making a promise to God, myself and all those of you that read......I will have a resume done by this time next week. The job hunt will begin in earnest. I am enrolling in school for the spring semester. Spanish and a behavioral class. I think I am going to go for being a substance abuse counselor. It might take a few years, but that time will pass anyway. I will make the time mean something.
My weight has been up and down. I haven't been walking everyday. Not so good for Dana. I know when I don't walk it really effects me more mentally then physically. So 2 days in a row of walking 3 or more miles. My son got me a nano for Christmas and I have been loving listening to all my old podcasts. I am being vigilant with my scripture reading and daily prayers along with a little meditation time to see if I can hear a answer to my prayers. I feel happy. I feel less in limbo. I want to live life, not just pass time. I want to be of service to others and try to be a blessing in someone's life. Most of all I am actively living a life of gratitude. Doing my best and that's enough.
This is my year, I can feel it. It's your year too, feel it??
Keep the mood and the food real..........
Since loosing my hubs on Christmas Day and then my dad 10 days later, this isn't my most favorite time of year. I try to make it better every year and it does get better. It's less stressful for me since I don't have to be Santa anymore and I don't have to go all out decorating. This year I truly had no money so gifts weren't the focus. That relieved me of that pressure, that I subject myself to. The kids have no expectations, I do. In my head I am still trying to make up for all the crap Christmas's of the past. I have made up for those, plus more. Stop being a martyr and stop using that as an excuse to enjoy yourself. It's ok to enjoy yourself, I think I thought I didn't deserve to be happy during the season, cause such crap stuff happened during the season. Well, that is CRAP! I honor those that passed by doing things to bring joy and happiness to everyone and anyone this time of year. If you are my friend on FB you saw that I played Mrs. Clause for a church function. FUN!! I just relaxed and went with the feelings of joy I was feeling. Without guilt.
I did nothing for New Years. I never do. The kids and my daughter were sick. My son and his wife are just into each other. He never really stops to think what or how I am doing. I cut him some slack, he is so incredibly happy right now in his life. Anyway, I went to bed early, woke up and took a long walk and then went to church on New Years and it was nice. Today I took down all the holiday stuff. Cleaned up my home and now I am watching OWN. All day long past weight loss Oprah's. I guess she is trying to push the resolutions :) Later I am riding out to my daughter's and spending the night. I find it's funner for me to do that instead of the kids coming here. There really isn't much to do, and I am exhausted trying to entertain them and keep them out of stuff. Last time I went out there the girls gave me a makeover. I looked like a $2 hooker :) They woke up and said "let's do make up GeGe. I gave in. The boys went to California with their aunts last week, so I just had the girls and baby Z. Who was sick. Poor baby.
I have been putting off doing the resume long enough. I am sick of being fearful of trying to find a job. I am sick of fear...PERIOD. I am making a promise to God, myself and all those of you that read......I will have a resume done by this time next week. The job hunt will begin in earnest. I am enrolling in school for the spring semester. Spanish and a behavioral class. I think I am going to go for being a substance abuse counselor. It might take a few years, but that time will pass anyway. I will make the time mean something.
My weight has been up and down. I haven't been walking everyday. Not so good for Dana. I know when I don't walk it really effects me more mentally then physically. So 2 days in a row of walking 3 or more miles. My son got me a nano for Christmas and I have been loving listening to all my old podcasts. I am being vigilant with my scripture reading and daily prayers along with a little meditation time to see if I can hear a answer to my prayers. I feel happy. I feel less in limbo. I want to live life, not just pass time. I want to be of service to others and try to be a blessing in someone's life. Most of all I am actively living a life of gratitude. Doing my best and that's enough.
This is my year, I can feel it. It's your year too, feel it??
Keep the mood and the food real..........
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Make the season better, it's up to me!
Oh for Heaven's sake Dana, quit eating. I am eating crap that I don't even like. I haven't walked in days and I feel so FAT! I am in a state of frustration. I am having one of the best holiday seasons ever, yet I feel the need to secretly eat. I am buying stupid stuff that I haven't bought in years. I ate a Big Mac. What?? I KNOW! I know that I am in relapse mode, on food that is. This time of year is really hard for me, but in the past 3 years I haven't felt the need to eat like I have this year.
I have sat around for the past 3 days (i haven't felt very good) and watched movies. The Wizard of Oz on Sunday and The Sound of Music yesterday. That's not so bad, but I could be doing other, more productive stuff. I am lost without school and I only work one day this week, Friday. Too much time on my hands. BOO!!
Ok, now is the time to get it together. I haven't been eating Christmas goodies, so that isn't going to be a problem. Go throw out the doughnut hole and the oatmeal "little debbie" crap RIGHT THIS MINUTE. Get on your walking shoes and take a nice long walk. You will feel much better. Then, Miss Dana, go find someone that you can do something for. Even if it's taking an old lady to the movie. Get out of the house. Here's a novel idea, go test out for math and reading at the school. Face your fears, you are going to have to at some point. Why not sooner then later. You can do HARD THINGS.
Tomorrow is "The Forgotten Carols" at the beautiful Gammage Center. Dress yourself up and for crying out loud.......enjoy yourself. Treating yourself well will make the season even better. You know it true, the adversary that wants you to be miserable. Don't that that old Devil win. Remember, he laughs at you when he is able to deceive you. Remember, you hate being laughed at. Don't beat yourself up, just move on. Ok, now go do it!
Keep the mood and the food real............Merry Christmas to all!
I have sat around for the past 3 days (i haven't felt very good) and watched movies. The Wizard of Oz on Sunday and The Sound of Music yesterday. That's not so bad, but I could be doing other, more productive stuff. I am lost without school and I only work one day this week, Friday. Too much time on my hands. BOO!!
Ok, now is the time to get it together. I haven't been eating Christmas goodies, so that isn't going to be a problem. Go throw out the doughnut hole and the oatmeal "little debbie" crap RIGHT THIS MINUTE. Get on your walking shoes and take a nice long walk. You will feel much better. Then, Miss Dana, go find someone that you can do something for. Even if it's taking an old lady to the movie. Get out of the house. Here's a novel idea, go test out for math and reading at the school. Face your fears, you are going to have to at some point. Why not sooner then later. You can do HARD THINGS.
Tomorrow is "The Forgotten Carols" at the beautiful Gammage Center. Dress yourself up and for crying out loud.......enjoy yourself. Treating yourself well will make the season even better. You know it true, the adversary that wants you to be miserable. Don't that that old Devil win. Remember, he laughs at you when he is able to deceive you. Remember, you hate being laughed at. Don't beat yourself up, just move on. Ok, now go do it!
Keep the mood and the food real............Merry Christmas to all!
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
I'm not alone
So it's Wednesday. I am done with school. Got straight A's. Pretty proud of that. I am still deciding what to take next semester. I am going to take my transcripts in from years ago and see if the transfer. I hope my math does. I suck at math. Actually, I don't know if I like it or not. I don't remember it :)
I have 3 jobs this week. Today I am going to take a lady to do some errands. Tomorrow is 8 hours in a car to go to the north pole. My daughter was laughing at me when I suggested staying overnight. She didn't realize how far the trip was. Who's laughing now? It will be fine. The kids have lots of devices and I will probably do some driving. My SIL has to work the next morning. We won't be home till late. I am going to work at 9 the next day. That's not early, nor will it be all day.
I am watching what I am eating, however, it's not been the best. I am not really tempted by sweets. I don't really like them. I am more of a stuffed baked kind of girl. I made a big batch of chili and have been eating on it for the past few days. So eating hasn't been too bad. I haven't been walking as much as I should. It's been wet and cold. I have been reading lots of blogs and I see that I am not alone. Lots of the bloggers that started when I did have gained back some of their weight. Bottom line, it's hard to maintain a healthy lifestyle all the time. Some days you feel it other days, not so much. Being a recovering drug addict, I am well aware of the chances of relapse. You are more likely to stay in remission of cancer then you are to stay clean for any real length of time. Relapse is part of recovery. It doesn't have to be. I haven't relapsed on meth for the past 11 years, but my addiction has taken me in other directions. Food, to be exact. I am still 80 lbs lighter, but I have about 40 lbs to be where I should be. I have gained back about 20 lbs. Not happy about it, but it's the way it is.
I have decided not to beat myself up. I have made great strides this year in other areas of my life. I feel better now then I did when I was 30. Much better about myself and life in general. I get to decide what I want to be when I grow up. I am scared shitless. Weird right? I want to treat it like it's a great adventure, but inside I am fearful. What of?? Who knows, failure? It's just fear of the unknown. That's ok too. Starting over at 51 is kind of scarey. What counts is I am doing it. I don't know what the future will bring, but I know that I can handle it. I have great family and friends that will stand by and help me.
That's life!
Keep the mood and the food real.............................
I have 3 jobs this week. Today I am going to take a lady to do some errands. Tomorrow is 8 hours in a car to go to the north pole. My daughter was laughing at me when I suggested staying overnight. She didn't realize how far the trip was. Who's laughing now? It will be fine. The kids have lots of devices and I will probably do some driving. My SIL has to work the next morning. We won't be home till late. I am going to work at 9 the next day. That's not early, nor will it be all day.
I am watching what I am eating, however, it's not been the best. I am not really tempted by sweets. I don't really like them. I am more of a stuffed baked kind of girl. I made a big batch of chili and have been eating on it for the past few days. So eating hasn't been too bad. I haven't been walking as much as I should. It's been wet and cold. I have been reading lots of blogs and I see that I am not alone. Lots of the bloggers that started when I did have gained back some of their weight. Bottom line, it's hard to maintain a healthy lifestyle all the time. Some days you feel it other days, not so much. Being a recovering drug addict, I am well aware of the chances of relapse. You are more likely to stay in remission of cancer then you are to stay clean for any real length of time. Relapse is part of recovery. It doesn't have to be. I haven't relapsed on meth for the past 11 years, but my addiction has taken me in other directions. Food, to be exact. I am still 80 lbs lighter, but I have about 40 lbs to be where I should be. I have gained back about 20 lbs. Not happy about it, but it's the way it is.
I have decided not to beat myself up. I have made great strides this year in other areas of my life. I feel better now then I did when I was 30. Much better about myself and life in general. I get to decide what I want to be when I grow up. I am scared shitless. Weird right? I want to treat it like it's a great adventure, but inside I am fearful. What of?? Who knows, failure? It's just fear of the unknown. That's ok too. Starting over at 51 is kind of scarey. What counts is I am doing it. I don't know what the future will bring, but I know that I can handle it. I have great family and friends that will stand by and help me.
That's life!
Keep the mood and the food real.............................
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
BORING ~ ok, not so much
I am having a boring day. My lady canceled on me today. I am trying to conserve my gas, so I decided to stay home today. I have been watching News Radio. Funny show. I decorated my house, have worked on a resume and took the practice tests for my computer final tomorrow. I talked to my sister in Japan. Went for a long walk. LONG WALK. It was freezing this morning. It felt so great. I like cold better then hot, so why do I live in Arizona?? I ask myself that every summer.
I got an A on my final essay. I hope to do ok on the final in computer. I am getting anxious about money again. My 2 ladies have really decreased the time they need me. It's time to get a real job. That makes me anxious too. I need to get a resume together and get to searching. I have been checking out the job web sites. I let my self confidence get in my way. Fear is holding me back. It's time to shake off the fear, and get myself out there. Things always work out for me, but in the mean time, I worry.
I am not a fan of the holidays. This year, since I really have no money, I have just relaxed. I have told my kids that I am keeping it really simple and I already have the Gkids done. We are going as a family to see the temple lights this Saturday. It's kind of a tradition. We always get good pics, so I will post some. It's been along time since I have posted any pics. Not sure why. Next week we are going to the "North Pole" on the train. We, meaning me and my daughter's family. We are going during the week so my son and DIL can't go. I am excited about that too.
I haven't really been watching my food as well I should. I am up on the scale by about 7 lbs. I am not freaking out. I feel like since the doctor I have felt a little down about it all. I lost 100 lbs and I still have to take cholesterol meds and my sugar is still a wee bit high. I need an attitude adjustment. I feel like I am in limbo as far as my life is concerned. Money, work, weight. I haven't felt settled for a while.
School is coming to an end for a few weeks. I meet with an adviser tomorrow. Maybe after I know what's up for next semester I will get focused again. I loved it when school was going full on. It was new and I adapted well.
Well, I guess that's it. I am going to go for a bike ride and then work some more on my resume. I am glad tomorrow is school. I hate days feeling like I have nothing to do. In writing this post I realized that today wasn't as boring as I thought and that really I have lots to look forward to. Train rides, Santa, school and hopefully a new job, VERY SOON. Not to mention that The Middle and Modern Family are on tonight. Smile Dana!! Hope everyone is having a great day.
Keep the mood and the food real..............
I got an A on my final essay. I hope to do ok on the final in computer. I am getting anxious about money again. My 2 ladies have really decreased the time they need me. It's time to get a real job. That makes me anxious too. I need to get a resume together and get to searching. I have been checking out the job web sites. I let my self confidence get in my way. Fear is holding me back. It's time to shake off the fear, and get myself out there. Things always work out for me, but in the mean time, I worry.
I am not a fan of the holidays. This year, since I really have no money, I have just relaxed. I have told my kids that I am keeping it really simple and I already have the Gkids done. We are going as a family to see the temple lights this Saturday. It's kind of a tradition. We always get good pics, so I will post some. It's been along time since I have posted any pics. Not sure why. Next week we are going to the "North Pole" on the train. We, meaning me and my daughter's family. We are going during the week so my son and DIL can't go. I am excited about that too.
I haven't really been watching my food as well I should. I am up on the scale by about 7 lbs. I am not freaking out. I feel like since the doctor I have felt a little down about it all. I lost 100 lbs and I still have to take cholesterol meds and my sugar is still a wee bit high. I need an attitude adjustment. I feel like I am in limbo as far as my life is concerned. Money, work, weight. I haven't felt settled for a while.
School is coming to an end for a few weeks. I meet with an adviser tomorrow. Maybe after I know what's up for next semester I will get focused again. I loved it when school was going full on. It was new and I adapted well.
Well, I guess that's it. I am going to go for a bike ride and then work some more on my resume. I am glad tomorrow is school. I hate days feeling like I have nothing to do. In writing this post I realized that today wasn't as boring as I thought and that really I have lots to look forward to. Train rides, Santa, school and hopefully a new job, VERY SOON. Not to mention that The Middle and Modern Family are on tonight. Smile Dana!! Hope everyone is having a great day.
Keep the mood and the food real..............
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Post Thanksgiving Post
Wow! It's been awhile since I have been on to post. Things are busy with the end of the semester and with the holiday. I have been on a gaining binge. Not really sure why, but I have gained like 5 lbs since the holiday weekend. It will go away I know how to make it happen.
Had a great Thanksgiving. My son and DIL hosted with her mother helping and it was awesome. Such a cute little family. Then I went and spent the night with my daughter and her family. We went to Walmart at midnight and MAN was it a mad house. I have never done Black Friday. Won't do it again. It was kind of fun just running in and running out watching people go nuts. They were out of everything my daughter wanted. All the other stuff she got online. Thank goodness for the internet. I did a little point and click myself on Monday. Got the Gkid taken care of and I am going easy on my grown up kids. I can't afford to make all their dreams come true :)
School is going great and I am gearing up for next semester. I actually was a big girl and called the board of nursing to see about getting my license back. Of course the woman was on vacation, so I am going to have to be a big girl all over again. I have been getting some extra work, so that was nice. Hoping it continues through winter break.
I have missed reading and commenting on everyone's blog. Hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving. If you live here in America we really do have a lot to be thankful for. Despite it's many problems it's still a great place to live.
Keep the mood and the food real....................
Had a great Thanksgiving. My son and DIL hosted with her mother helping and it was awesome. Such a cute little family. Then I went and spent the night with my daughter and her family. We went to Walmart at midnight and MAN was it a mad house. I have never done Black Friday. Won't do it again. It was kind of fun just running in and running out watching people go nuts. They were out of everything my daughter wanted. All the other stuff she got online. Thank goodness for the internet. I did a little point and click myself on Monday. Got the Gkid taken care of and I am going easy on my grown up kids. I can't afford to make all their dreams come true :)
School is going great and I am gearing up for next semester. I actually was a big girl and called the board of nursing to see about getting my license back. Of course the woman was on vacation, so I am going to have to be a big girl all over again. I have been getting some extra work, so that was nice. Hoping it continues through winter break.
I have missed reading and commenting on everyone's blog. Hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving. If you live here in America we really do have a lot to be thankful for. Despite it's many problems it's still a great place to live.
Keep the mood and the food real....................
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