Thursday, August 26, 2010

Put on my Big Girl Pants!

WOW! This week has flown by. Seriously, where did it go?? Put on my big girl pants this morning and went into Phoenix to take care of the final stages of my financial mess. I feel like a weight (no pun ) has been lifted off my shoulders. Then I got another killer headache. UGH! Oh well. Not going to let it dampen my spirits. I feel like I can move forward with things. It not over yet, but almost.

I have let this eat away at me for a while. Having to delay it while my sister visited and I had my daughter's shower really did take it's toll on me. I am sick of the phone calls. Everytime my phone rings I cringe. I have taken to just turning it off.

I have really tried not to eat the stress I have been feeling, but alas I have alittle. I am up another pound. I know how to get it off again, so I will press forward. It is what it is. There was a time when I just wouldn't have stepped on the scales. I have been allowing a little of the FrankenFood into my diet. Seriously, that stuff has something in it that triggers me. Anyway. It's in the past, over DONE. You know all in all I am not eating anything crazy. No fast food. Trying to eat good for me and doing a pretty good job.

H20 has SUCKED! On the news they had this "new scientific" method of loosing weight. Drink 2 glasses of water before you eat. Well DUH! I wonder how much money was wasted on that study. Going to do better.

My daughter found out she has Gestational Diabetes. I had a feeling she was going to have a kind of hard last couple of months. I really wish I lived closer. Baby Z has a good chance of being a mild hemophiliac. All probability he will be. Her dad and nephews have it. It's passed from mother to son. She on it and knows what she's in for. She is a smart girl. Much smarter then me.

I am going to take the boys this weekend. If it is cool enough in the very early morning we might hit the bird park. They love that place! I know I have whined about it almost every post but DAMN IT it's hot! Then Karate Kid at the theatre. Good times.

Keep the mood and the food real.........


Monday, August 23, 2010

less of a hermit

Got in a great 4 mile walk this morning. I looked like a rain cloud had followed just me around. I was SWEATY. Had a nice Sunday. Church, a nap and then a movie with a friend I hadn't seen for a while. Went to see EatPrayLove. I tried to read the book, but couldn't make it out of Italy. The book rubbed me the wrong way. I thought the movie was better then I expected. I'm not sure what I

I need to go food shopping. Still doing good with no food comas. That is a big improvement. Trying to get out more and not be such a hermit. So I consider this past weekend a huge success.

Kind of got the Monday blues. Wish the weekend would have been longer. Things at work are settling back to normal. Don't feel as stressed about things.

There is a heat advisory out today. UGH! 108 degrees plus the incredible humidity. Probably be like this for the rest of the week. I am sick of summer. Too bad it lasts till November.

Keep the mood and the food real......


Thursday, August 19, 2010

making a difference

Have really had a pretty good week. No food comas. Lots of H20 and I've tried to make the most of all my walks. I had overnight guests last night. As many of you know my daughter adopted 4 children thru foster care. The oldest boy and girl have siblings that live with and have been adopted by another foster family. I guess things aren't going so good with the other foster family. The mother waited till 2 weeks after the adoption was final and let left the dad, with the older girls 12. his own and the adopted 11. I took the 11 year adopted daughter over night with her little sister that my daughter adopted. It was a fun time and I did enjoy it. It kept me busy and they were good company. I felt so bad for the 11 year old. The mother had her get a relaxer put in her very fragile African-American hair. It almost all fell out but just little bit. Broke my heart. She was crying and trying to make fun it before anyone else. It damn near killed me. I wish so bad I afford nice extensions for her, but alas, I can not. Seriously what the hell was she thinking??

We went swimming twice once late last night once early this morning. There has been a heat advisory. ugh! I took them to a cheap movie this morning too. Like I said. A good time

We went out to my daughter's this afternoon and watched HGTV and just visited with the girls till my daughter and her family got home from shopping. My daughter is sure looking round. Her poor boobs are so big she hardly looked preggers for a She is really "nesting" for sure. Not only has she redecorated a nursery, but she is busy fine tuning her other kids rooms as well. They are looking super cute. She has a good eye for that kind of stuff. Always done on the cheap, but done well.

Had a piece of pizza last night and that was it. I felt I had had enough, so I quit eating. I always thought that was just an urban Lately that's how I've felt, but this week I have been doing much better.

Going to settle in and watch some hulu and go to bed early. I want to be up by the butt crack of dawn for a bike ride. Roxie's sounded wonderful this morning, so I am following her lead. It's just too stinkin hot after like 7am. Then church as always. I do love Sundays.

I am going to leave you with another video that really inspired me to go the extra mile this weekend with the girls. I just know that I have a chance of being an influence in these kids lives for sure. It took so little effort, really and I feel so blessed and grateful this evening. Everyone no matter who they are influence those around them. For good or bad. I know that my bad influence, influenced both my kids too avoid drugs. I have a chance to be a good influence this time around. Parenting: Touching the Hearts of Our Youth; Enjoy!

keep the mood and the food real............

Fighting the Good Fight

WOW! The week has flown by. I can't believe it's already Thursday. Work has been crazy. I have been lazy. I am worn out when I get home. I haven't really been wanting to blog this week. Doing alittle less time on the computer and more time engaged in real life. Which is a good thing. Food has been good. Not eating out. Fruits and veggies and protein. The good stuff. Went to book club Tuesday night and said no to the sweet roll. Got on the scales the next morning and gained 2 lbs. The body, she is Made me laugh. Weighing ever day has been good and as long as I can keep this kind of attitude I am going to keep it up. I am overall feeling more peaceful.

Walking as always. Getting ready to watch good old Brenda Lee Johnson solve another murder. I woke up late this morning and opted out of an outdoor walk. So the treadclimber is happening as soon as I sign off. Trying to push myself alittle harder.

Have been thinking alot about my body image lately. When my intention shifted from eating healthy and feeling better to about the number or the size I started to lose focus. Why would that be. Everyone wants to look good. That's not a bad thing. But it is true, when I started going out and buying new clothes and was forced to look at all new sizes ( some I could wear, some I couldn't ) and look at myself critically in the mirror things started changed. It was subtle, hardly noticeable at first, but changed none the less. Do I not feel worthy of be thinner or a certain weight? I don't know. I know in my head that I am, but do I feel it in my heart.

Forgiving one's self is a tricky business. Much harder then forgiving some one else. At least I think so. I am so much better then I used to be. No where near where I want to be. I know that today I am a work in progress. Sometimes progress is slow, most times progress is slow. Today I feel like I am pressing forward. Fighting a good fight.........for me.

Hope everyone is having a great Thursday......keep the mood and the food real


Monday, August 16, 2010

Baby Z in 3D

Monday, Monday. Not feeling it this morning. Got my walk in early before work. 3 miles. My knee is kind of sore. UGH! So I am going to ice it. It's not crazy sore, just letting me know it's still there. Weekend was good. Saturday we went with my daughter and her family to see the 3D sonogram. Pretty cute and they got some really good pictures. After a few minutes of pushing and prodding Baby Z struck a pose and it was just amazing. Note the picture for proof.

It was my daughter's Bday gift to herself. She turned 27 Sunday. I am too damn young to have a kid that old. No really. She is a wonderful daughter that has a giving and sweet spirit. I wish I could help her more. I just live too far away and no car for now. I was able to go and help her yesterday for her Bday. Pre-made TJs little meatloaves. My Gkids could eat those everyday. Baked her a cake and told her to go shopping. She does love shopping. For her kids...always for her kids.

My eating has been just ok. Not using food like I was before my sister's visit. Not being too strict. Not feeling bad about it either. I have kept up my walking and have been eating in moderation. I am finding that I am settling into my new normal. With my son moving out and then not having a car, well my life really changed. I am adapting. Not feeling GREAT, but not feeling too bad either. I seem to be having little crying jags. Crying for no real reason. All in all though I think this release of emotion is good for me. At least I seem to feel better. All things considered. I am enduring, but now I seem to be enduring with a better over all out look.

My weight is up alittle. Not feeling bad about that either. I loved Shelly's post this morning. It really reinforced my thinking about food. For me it's not so much what I put in mouth. It's the intention behind it. If I have set the intention to be healthy and treat my body with loving kindness my choices are better. Never perfect, but better. Much much better. When I go into the day with a shitty attitude, well then my choices are shitty as well. Thanks for that post this morning. Made me think...thanks!

Keep the mood and the food real................


Wednesday, August 11, 2010

I really can do hard things

Well here I am in all my glory. I look crazy happy, right? Just prior to this I was crying. That hike is HARD! I was crying cause I really thought I was in better shape. You will notice in the pictures that I sweating ALOT! My friend told me it was like a rain cloud had followed just me around. Then there is my sister. Dry. Beautiful. Story of my

My sister was kind enough to inform me that I needed a sports bra....after we took the pic. I really do need I look crazy happy here because I am down the mountain. Fell only once. The fronts of my legs are just today feeling back to normal. They hurt! Would I do it again? Hell Yes! I am going to do it again. When it's cooler. This fall. I can't wait.
I loved this pic of my daughter and her family. We had left over shower food for dinner that night. There was alot of left overs. Gave them all away, to this family!

This is a picture of the adult cousins. With 2 Gkids that snuck This is after the shower. My future DIL was there with her mother. It felt good to invite her into all our family pics. She loved it, I could tell.

This one is of my niece , me and my sister. We look tired...we had just climbed a mountian! At 5 AM!
It was a fun weekend. I got a new pair of sneakers. Found them for $25 at TJ should go. Now that song will be stuck in my head.
Finishing the hike, getting to the top was a very emotional thing. I thought of every hike I wish I would have done with my mother. I was still using quite heavy when she was alive. Lots of times I missed. I thought about how 2 years ago I never would have imagined that I would hike. I could barely make it up my stairs in my house without huffing and puffing. I was damn proud of myself. I CAN DO HARD THINGS .
I am reevaluating what I am doing for exercise. I really thought the hike was going to be easier. I did really think Iw asin better shape. So.....I am going to add something else in besides just walking. My friend said something about muscle memory. I am a creture of habit. For sure!
Best get to work. School is starting M onday nad they down to the wire with all the remodels. People are stressed. I need that to not become my problem. My world is humming right along. Pleasantly. Let's keep it that way.
Keep the mood and the food real.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

back to the real world

Really quick post. I had so much fun. Working/playing really hard. The shower was great. We made my daughter sit under a beach umbrella in a lawn chair and wear this silly hat. I couldn't have done it without my friends. I have the best friends on the planet. You thought you did, right? No way, it's my friends all the way. My daughter had a good time and got lots of nice stuff. It has been really good to have my sister and her kids here. Today is my mother's birthday. I miss her very much. My mother was a hiker. My sister and I went for a hike yesterday. Almost straight up 1.8 miles. So hard I cried. I made it to the top though. It was a very emotional thing for me. I could hear my mother in my ear telling me that I wasn't a quitter. Pics will follow. I need to get them from my sister.

Went to see the Other Guys. Not as funny as they said it was going to be. Don't pay full price. Then said good bye to my family. Again, emotional. I am taking it easy tonight. To bed early. The fronts of my thighs are so sore. I thought I was going to have to crawl to the bathroom this morning. Stairs are the worse. I have stairs. Not going to stop me from walking in the morning!

Back to the real world starting tomorrow. Ate what I wanted this weekend. I didn't eat till stuffed. No food coma. No using food. When I got home though, my mind went right to what can I eat. Threw out all the extra muffins. Gave then rest of the food away. Ate salad and now I am going to watch some TV and hit the hay.

I wanted to share this video with you the morning. It has nothing to do with food or this post, but it is a very powerful story that I wanted to share. Forgiveness: My Burden Was Made Light.

keep the mood and the food real.............

Thursday, August 5, 2010

the family is coming! the family is coming!

MY FAMILY WILL BE HERE TONIGHT! For those of you who don't know I get little kid excited to see my family. This is a picture of the cousins. My sister's son and my daughter. He hasn't visited since my daughter got married. Oh so much as changed since then! I feel especially blessed and loved. The reason?? They are coming to visit me in the heat of the basically the volunteering braving "hell" to visit us. It's especially sweet cause her two grown kids with bills to pay and jobs took time out of their lives to come and visit. Yep, they love us!
Well I am bushed! I got the kitchen painted. It's yellow....maybe alittle brighter than I wanted. I look at it this way. Who cares? It is a hellava lot better then then old color. It was dark...VERY DARK. Freakishly depressingly dark. It took almost 4 coats of "primer in it" paint. I would have to call bulllshit on the primer claim. So the job was a hellava lot harder than I thought. By the end, and because I kind of got the paint bug too late, I was just wanting it over with. It looks presentable. I doubt my sister or her two WONDERFUL kids will inspect my paint job with a magnifying glass or white glove my furniture. That's what I do. But mind you I don't do that in other poeple's homes. Wouldn't even cross my mind. It's totally this subtle ( or not so subtle ) way of comparing myself to others. STOP THAT NOW, Dana. It all boils down to me and my never ending thoughts about me. Yes, welcome to my world. an enemy to man. Always has been, always will be. Get over yourself already!

The up side of being so stinkin busy is that the scale keeps going down. I am very happy. Last week I thought I had lost my intuitive eating method of weight loss. I guess I can trust myself. I was doubting myself after gaining that 20 lbs in a month. I wasn't really eating anything too bad. Now, looking back to what I was eating to what I have been eating this last week and yes, I was eating 'bad food". Just a little here and a little there. Over dosing on "good for me" food. I have really been upping the exercise the pushing the H20.

ok random funny thing....I just heard on the news that two socialites were just busted for shop lifting beauty items at high end stores. Beauty items....really?? That made me laugh. Oh the irony. I guess the recession has hit even the rich and famous.
Ok, intentions for the day. Be present. Be kind,. Be honest. Be real. Work hard. Dispel any expections. Relax and freaking enjoy yourself. Nobody is judging you but you. Do your best.
Keep the mood and the food real............

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Wishing I Was Some Where Else

What to know a secret?? I don't want to be at work today. I want to be home painting my kitchen. I want to be shopping for the baby shower. I want to be any where but here. But here I am am! So I will make the best of it. Things are still humming right along. I am eating much better. Less over eating. Eating good for me food. I am loving what I put in my mouth. Not lying in bed all the live long day. Feeling engaged and present. I walked about 2 miles with my buddy then I rode the bike to work. THEN I got on the treadclimber while I watched The Closer. Another 45 mins of hot, sweating fun. Need to push the H20. Drink up!

I am getting so excited for the shower and my family coming. I don't really have anything planned. I feel relaxed and calm. For now. I am going to enjoy it. Anybody know I good sweet and sour meatball recipe......Anyone......TJ? We are going Hawaiian for the shower.

Best get to at least looking busy. My body is here but my head is planning fun! Keep the mood and the food real...............

Monday, August 2, 2010

I can see clearly now.....

Had a great weekend. Got alot done and feeling good. Back walking with the buddies this morning. How I have missed them. We went almost 4 miles this morning. I'm back Baby! Food over the weekend was good. Less over eating. Even the "good for me" stuff. Church was great Sunday. Came home and taped up the living/dining area and got up this morning at 2:30 and started painting. Roxie is right. It does make me smile every time I walk down stairs. I am not stopping with the one wall. I am going to paint the kitchen as well. It's not that big of a job. I am making the place my own. FINALLY. I have only been there 2 years.

I feel like I am coming out of a fog. I feel like I am in a much better place then I have been in a while. I have been weighing things in my head. I feel like I am moving past the paralyzing fear that has been ever present for the past 6 weeks or so. Maybe longer. Going to be real honest with myself here and just admit that my kid moving out really got me down. I know it was a step forward and I am happy for him....really. Since he left though, I have just felt really lonely. I have tons of Friends and oodles of things to do. But I don't. I have been eating myself in to a food coma and going to bed early. Couple that with the car/money thing. Add a dash of the crazy ass boss thing, and well I have just down right depressed and stressed to the max. I have been trying very hard to please people that are unrealistic. Whose demands are unrealistic. I am just now starting to really understand that. I have let me and what's good for me go by the wayside. That has stopped. That kind of thinking has stopped. I will be vigilant or I will be to back to Crazy Town. Population Me Myself and I.

Hope everyone had a great weekend and happy Monday. Keep the mood and the food real...........