Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Last hump day in March

Good morning! Wed already. Time does fly. I have good food days the best few days. No food comas and I have been walking, walking, walking. H20 is much better. Scale didn't move this past week, but I feel better about my choices. Clothes are fitting better. Spent yesterday out at my daughter's. She made a wonderful dinner of WW taco soup. It was so good. Then a skinny cheesecake. YUM. I had left over WW burrito for lunch that she made. YUM! The kids were adorable. Everyone should be greeted the way I was greeted yesterday. I have gotten some house cleaning jobs this week. It's hard work, but it pays the rent. All in all I am feeling more positive and less anxious. I have spent everyday in the FHC doing "homework". I was looking at census records yesterday. Trying to read that old fashion handwriting is something that will take practice. I am getting comfortable with going there and asking all the questions I need to. Staying is good! Keep the mood and the food real...............

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Who am I now??

My daughter and her family came to dinner on Friday night and left with a puppy. I guess 5 kids and another dog at home weren't enough for my daughter. Seriously, she could have 5 more kids and still keep things humming along with loosing her mind. Looks like Wizard the wonder dog is sniffing out the competition.
This pic is from the 1st of the week when I took the girls to McD's. They had such a good time. How funny, they have on the same dresses. They LOVE those dresses. They started screaming with laughter. We had to leave. People kept getting startled. One old man about choked on his Egg McMuffin. :)
This is our cute little Easter Bunny. I couldn't resist buying them on my last trip to Target. Stupid checkout line. It took several attempts to get this good of a picture. I got the girls those "elegant" gloves. They loved them.

Then I had the boys spend the night. I had to take a picture of this kid's feet. He hates to wear his shoes on the right feet. I have to pick my battles. It cracks me up every time. I love these goofballs!
Had a good weekend. Felt kind of crappy yesterday. My walking buddy and the Young Woman in my ward did a half marathon yesterday. I really wanted to go, but between my back and my toe...ect I skipped it. I kept myself busy with the boys. We went to the Bird Park. Of course. Then it was off the to see the movie TRON. Oh my Hell. What a stupid movie. Glad I went to the dollar theater. The 5 year old lost interest with about 30 mins left to go. Kind of stressed me out. It was really a nice couple days all in all.

Today is humming right along. I walked this morning. Did some genealogy "homework" and then looked at FB and watched some TV. I am keeping my house organized and clean. Feels pretty good. I got on the scales this morning the was up a little. My official "write it in the side bar" WI is on Wed. I am eating at home. I am avoiding the food coma and the isolation that goes with it. I am going to make some chili today. I will eat on it till Wed. Keeping track of my H20. Feeling calmer and less anxious.

Been reading some blogs today. Really like Chris over at A Deliberate Life last post. It made sense to me and I could relate. What am I now? Who am I if I am not the obese, scattered person I was even a year ago. Lots of things have changed for me over this past year. Who am I if not the mother of a kid that lives at home. If I am not an Admin Asst for 2 large schools. If I am not EMPLOYED! Great post. You should take a peek. Check my blog roll.

Stayed for all 3 hoursof church. Now it's lunch, a nap and dinner with a friend's family. Yep a great weekend!

Keep the mood and the food real........

Friday, March 25, 2011

2 Thumbs Up!

Trying to get a job is harder then having a dang job. I have been putting the word out. I got a job cleaning a house for a lady I'll call Max. This should be interesting. It will be like an episode of hoarders. Only I won't even make a dent in it. We'll see what I can do. This could turn into something more then just a one time thing. I hope I can find something to augment this. I am ok for now. Saved some money. Not much, but I am not freaking out just yet. Good things will happen.

I went to the Family History Center (FHC) and have already taken a couple of classes. I have been practicing. I am loving it. The people at the FHC are super nice and there is always some one to help you. I am feeling more comfortable about asking questions. Even dumb questions. I have decided I don't care if I look stupid. I am not stupid, I just don't know anything about this. A smart person would ask tons of questions. If that's the case then I am really, really smart:)

I went for a good food shop. I haven't done that good of a shop for a long time. It felt good to come home and get reacquainted with what is in the fridge and cupboards. I have cleaned and organized. That feels good too. I now know where most things are. Imagine that! I have made a work area on my kitchen table. I need a desk, but I will have to think about that one. I like having that extra room just for the kids. They visit enough to warrant their own room. For now anyway.

I lost a lb from last week. I just keep bouncing in the same general area of the scale. It's better then jumping. I am not really trying like I should have been this past week. Now that I have planned and prepared for success I am sure I am capable of having some. We will see.

Walking, but not as fast or as far as I know I should. I am doing it, however. That is important to remind myself. I sometime just take for granted the I get up at 4 am almost every morning to WALK! That is a big deal. Wait while I break my arm patting myself the back :) It has been my salvation. Mentally, physically and spiritually.

Moving in the right direction. MOVING being the key word. I could so easily just freeze. It has taken intention to not "take to my bed". I have had crazy headaches and other stupid stuff. Isn't it interesting that you can psych yourself OUT of doing things you want to do. What's that all about??? UGH! Doing a pretty good job of faking till I make it. So I will give this week 2 thumbs up!

Keep the mood and the food real...............

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Sleep over!

Girls sleep over!! They wore me out. We had loads of fun. Ate healthy. Played Beauty Shop. Made cards with my old Stampin Up stuff. I bought that stuff saying that I would start scrap booking. Never happened. The kids seem to like them though. Watched Barbie movies and popped popcorn. Went to McD's for brekkie. They loved the yogurt. And the playground. That yogurt really is pretty good. Something I can feel good about eating. Then we all watched Zboy while their mom went to the dentist. It was a good morning. No walking however. Which led to lazy for most of the rest of the day. I am going to go to some classes at the Family History Center down the street. I am going to learn how to do genealogy. My goal is to be able to get certified and do it for money. If nothing else I will find out alot more about where I come from. Which is always so interesting. The best part is all the training is FREE!!! That's right my friends. It just will take commitment and practice. I am ready for this!

I am hesitant to put this out this out there cause I am getting where I say I am going to do something, then I don't. Take weight loss for instance. Anyway. I am pledging to do at least one thing to get me going. I don't have to know everything right now. I need to remember to start slow. Don't over whelm myself. Don't beat myself up. ASK FOR HELP! DO NOT GET DISCOURAGED. This is the #1 goal snatcher. This feels right. I am excited.

So I am still looking for another job. Feeling pretty calm despite the fact that I have no money coming in. I have decided to do what and the best I can do. Something will happen. It always does. Keep me in your prayers though. Positive energy is never a bad thing.

Keep the mood and the food real...........

Monday, March 21, 2011

I have Purpose!

I wanted to do a quick post and get rid of the last one. I do feel much better. I have a schedule that I am going to follow to get the most out of my day. I am going to do a shop. I am going to walk. I am going to take another L.L. shopping. Hopefully this will be the 1st shopping trip of many. Feeling better about the job situation. Got some more ideas to get the word out better.

I had a good weekend. All in all. Went to this exhibit on Friday with some dinner out with my walking buddy. Saturday I went for along walk. Stopped by to see my therapist. He is getting ready to go on a mission for the LDS church to Southe Africa, Johannasburg. Then went to see The Adjustment Bureau. I enjoyed it. Then I ate healthy at a sandwich place for lunch. I came back home and just goofed around on the internet and watch Designing Women. I love that show. Then Sunday I woke up with a headache that doesn't want to give up. That was part of the "wo is me" post yesterday. Went to church.It was great. Made 2 hours. My other leg is giving me fits now. Then I had a meeting with the Bishop, the leader of my congergation. I feel lots better. Got a blessing. Feeling even better.

Ready to take on the day today. I have a purpose. I have a goal. I will make even better choices today! I wish you all the same kind of day.

Keep the mood and the food real .....................

Sunday, March 20, 2011

the apple cart of life

It's Sunday! My favorite day of the week. I love church and family and rest. It has always been a struggle for me to really keep the Sabbath Day holy. Sometimes I am really good and don't spend money and do things of a spiritual nature. This is where 3 hour church helps. A good chunk of your day is at church. It doesn't seem like 3 hours. The family that I have found in every congregation I have ever belonged to was worth the time spent. Not to mention what I have learned about me and the reason why I am here. Though when I started going to church again I had to trick myself into staying. Funny how I do that.

I need to start tricking myself in the food and exercise area. I am tired of everyday being THE DAY that I get this party started again. I haven't been loosing any weight for months now. I have managed to stay just north or just south of 200. I am walking to beat the band. Did a 3 miler yesterday and the day before. I have taking long bike rides. It's been nice. I have however been using food. I will eat till I am uncomfortable. Then I can't possibly go anywhere feeling that way, so I stay home. Classic addict behavior. Indulge, shame, frustration, isolation. Lather rinse repeat.

My life isn't that bad. Sure I don't have a job. It's been a week. Of not really trying. It was Spring Break this past week. Nobody was working. I did do a bunch of big girl stuff. Made some decisions that big girls make. Feeling good about those choices. I have decided what I want to be when I grow up. Not bad for a person that can't decide anything. All the decision making is done. Now, and this is the hard part, comes the action. Something that is iffy of late. I have the best of intentions, then I get stuck into the same patterns of behavior. Really most of this is just about creating a new routine. I am exhausted by new routines. I have had a year full of changes. But change I will. I will not stay stuck. I can move past these bad habits and make new ones. I have done it before. I can and will do it again.

I am ready for something different, AGAIN. Only I can make these changes. I have been sitting in secret resentment and anger ( ok maybe not so secret, I have a bad poker face ) for awhile now. Not all the time. Just enough to upset my apple cart of life. I need something to look forward to. I need to know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Cause there is. There always is. I need to start spending my time wisely. I waste alot of time. I do not feel productive. Not productive in a way that really matters. At least that's how I am feeling of late.

I went to see my therapist yesterday. I don't know if he is really helping me. Though I do feel better after I see him. He tells me I am doing great. I don't feel so great. I am living in fear of the future. So fearful that I feel stuck. Scared to move in any direction. This sucks. I want to live in faith. I only feel alone. I know that I am not alone. I have many friends. Great family. I am choosing to isolate. I am using food to isolate. Yep, sure am. When I over eat I don't feel as spiritual either. I have used something outside of me to help me feel better on the inside. You guys ever do

This has been a downer post. I am sorry. I really have had a good weekend. I got Birdie's door fixed. No more climbing over that pesky console. Signals fixed, no more hand signals. Are those even legal anymore?? Though this was a downer post I do have that inner hope flame burning. I know that things will get better. Either that or I will know how to handle and bear the "things". Truth be told again. Life really is good. I have great family and friends. I am rich in the things that really matter. It's ok to be scared. It's not ok to let it paralyze me. That's not what my Heavenly Father wants for me. He wants me to have joy. I know this to be true.

Ok Pep Talk over. Back to life. Going to get out and walk. Maybe a bike ride. Church and then maybe a trip out to see the Gkids. Depending. It's a 60 mile round trip. We'll see if I am up to it today. This is still not the post I wanted to write. I want to write about L.L. but I just can't seem to do it. Oh well, one day.

Keep the mood and the food real......this means YOU, dana

update....went to church. Feel a million times better. Enjoying my Sunday.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011


This post is pic heavy and long, very long! Lots on my mind. This is such a cute pic. All the other hubs told him it looked good on The bride was just beautiful The dress was just lovely and the back was gorgeous. This is my daughter. Isn't she a beauty! Not only is she beautiful on the outside but she double beautiful on the inside. I don't know what I would do without her. She is my best friend. I am feeling very sentimental. Kind of reflective. She and her little family are the joy of my life. I am so proud of her and her hubs. They are so good to me. ALWAYS! That's Zander in her arms. Such a cute boy!
This me with my sister and BIL. I can't tell you how much it meant to me that they came. We had so much fun. Not only at the wedding but we had a ball at my daughter watching the Gkids play Just Dance. Their kind words to me over the course of the weekend, especially from my BIL, really meant a lot to me, and to my daughter and her hubs. We showed my BIL what it means to "cut a rug" at the wedding.

My SIL married the happy couple. He's the one in the brown suit. They were married at sunset on the bridge. They wrote their own vows and they did a unity ceremony with sand that I thought was so neat. Then they had the Best Man read a collections of thoughts about love from my new DIL's 3rd grade class. It was so cute. My SIL got ordained on line and spent the days leading up the wedding "marrying" his He was practicing. He did a great job! It meant a lot to the kids that they were married by someone who loves them.

Here are the the most important guys in my son's life. In the red is his "adoptive" brother. In the middle is my SIL holding Zander and then there is his best friend since 7th grade, and his Best Man. Great guys. Love each of them~!

This is my son showing us that he is STEADY as a ROCK before the ceremony. No shaking hands. LOL

I just really like this pic. Both my huge wings and double chin and out of sight. I am as happy as I look!
This is the Groom and his! I am so damn proud of this kid. He has been with me through all the crazy times. Statically he should be just so messed up. Yet he is surprisingly normal. Above normal. He is sweet and compassionate. Honesty and full of integrity. Good natured and kind. To see him with his Bride it just re-enforced all those truths. He has married into a great family. Fun and successful people. The in-laws are just as nice as they can be. They put on this totally wonderful event for me and my family and didn't ask me for a penny. I just didn't have it. They treated me with dignity and kindness. I look forward to a lifetime full of parties. Next time I will
This is the Groom with my sister and me

This is the little house the Bride got ready in and from where she walked to come down the aisle. The venue was really cute. It was just beautiful at night with all the lights and stuff.

This is me and Zander. He was such a good boy at the wedding. He was also my dance partner!
Here is the new Mr. and Mrs. They are just too cute!

It was one of the best nights of my life. If I ever doubted the happy couple's decision to keep it just family, and I did, I feel ashamed. It was a lovely event. Perfect and so personal to them!
I have proved once again that I don't know

Have lots more to talk about. I will save the funeral the morning of the wedding for the next post. I have been walking up a storm, but food has been pure crap. Things are going to get better in the area......I PROMISE MYSELF!
Keep the mood and the food real.........

Friday, March 11, 2011

Business in the Front......

Last night we went to the wedding venue last night for the rehearsal. It was very nice and I am getting so excited for them. Note the Redskin T-shirts. He's a fan, as was his dad. His dad was buried in a Redskins T-shirt. Back to their shirts. Business in the front...... Party in the back. How adorable are the Happy Couple?? They are so happy. They are going to Disney for the honeymoon. Yep, they are kids at heart. That's where he proposed to her. They really like Disney.

So I will be having a busy weekend. L.L.'s funeral is Saturday morning. Then the wedding in the afternoon. I can do this. It will be a day of celebration. Full of the 2 most wonderful kind of celebration. L.L.lovedhats. I mean BIG, Church Hats. The family has asked that if you have a hat, wear it. Even the men. Big church hats. She had a room full of hats. I am not exaggerating ONE BIT! I think the family is going to leave a pile of hats at the funeral. So if you don't have one, you will. I went by and spoke with the daughter yesterday. She gave me some very nice keepsakes. A beautiful black hat was my most precious one. Her service will most certainly be a celebration. She wanted to live to 105like her Gma. She was 88 but packed about 200 years of LIVING in those 88 years. I am really going to miss that family. She had exceptional adult children. The best have have ever worked with. I am going to write more about her later. A tribute. I just can't do it now. She really did teach me alot about myself. It's a good thing!

I woke to news about the earthquake in Japan. My sister lives in Japan. Luckily she posted on FB that all is well with her family. They lived in a suburb outside Tokyo. The video on the news. This old earth is really rockin 'n rollin as of late. I have a 72 hour kit. Everyone should be prepared for a disaster. You really just never know.

Food has not been the best. But not the worse either. I am excited to get back to long morning walks and focusing on my health. I am ready to recommit. I can feel it in my bones. I went for a long walk yesterday morning and it was lovely! The weather has been so nice. I saw people in the pool yesterday. IT was 86 degrees!

So......till next time. I will posts of the wedding and funeral. I am excited for this weekend! My sister will be here tonight!! Hope everyone else has the best weekend ever!

Keep the mood and the food real................

Wednesday, March 9, 2011


This is what my doing right now. Dancing. She owned a dance studio till she went back to school at age 55 to get her Phd in psychology. She passed away this afternoon. We had a glorious last day. We took a long walk this morning. Me pushing the wheelchair, her telling me over and over thank you. Talking about the neighbors. Then we went for a car ride. We looked at tulips. We did "drive bys" I call our friends in our congregation then we pulled up in front of their house and they run out, usually with their kids, to say a quick hello to her. We have had so much fun doing that this week. Then we came down to my place and she helped me plant flowers. Telling me how beautiful they were going to be. I took her home and went to get some lunch after I got off. Something told me to drop back over. The woman that works nights had called me for help. L.L. slipped through the veil surrounded by her children. I am really going to miss her. I am sad for me. I am glad for her.

I will be okay. Life is still wonderful. I still fell like good things are just around the corner. I will start looking for another job tomorrow. Life as wonderful as it is, still marchs on.

Keep the mood and the food......and live each day like it's your last.

Monday, March 7, 2011


I had an ok weekend. Bad for eating and pain. I went to the mall with my daughter and family Saturday night. They were so cute shopping for their wedding clothes. I think this is the 1st suit my SIL has purchased for himself. They found stuff they liked and now they are on step closer to being ready for the wedding. I still need a pair of shoes and shawl. I am going to get something for my hair too. After I got home I went right to bed. Riding in my car hurts my butt. There is something about Birdie's seat that really makes that pain flare up. I walked about a mile and a half Sunday morning. Went to church and couldn't stay. This is really getting bad. Sitting is the worse. Luckily I don't have to sit in a hard chair all day to work.

I was suppose to meet with the CarbTripper, but alas I was just so tired of the pain I had to call it off. I am hoping to catch her on the way back. This is really interfering with my life. I haven't stayed for all of church for a long time either. Movie, nope, not for weeks. I used to go to the movies all the time.

I got on the scales and I was not shocked. It did however make me sad. I have got to get this under control. It seems all I do in my free time is lay around and either read or watch TV. Oh and eat. It seems I ache all the time. From one injury or the other. So this week I am going to shoot for more up and around time. As much as I can. I am walking every morning and every afternoon. Walking is something that I can do that actually makes it feel better. I am going to put together a menu and use food in my freezer. Real food. Lots of water. Not hard, but difficult to execute. At least it as been lately.

I am getting the carpet cleaned before my sister gets here. They probably won't even come to my little place, but it's a good excuse to get them cleaned. They need it. A clean house makes me feel better too. More organized. Then I have to get those shoes and a wrap. Maybe a cheap little purse.

So there is the plan. I am looking forward to making better choices. To planning ahead for me. Hope everyone had a great weekend and is looking forward to making good choices this week.

Keep the mood and the food real.............

Sunday, March 6, 2011

On a clear day.....

This is our brave little Tatum. You have to look close but she got her ears peirced last night and didn't even cry. The snap of the peircer scared her and she thought about it. She was rewarded by a sucker, As were her siblings who were cheering from the sidelines. They both had on those cute little cowgirl dresses with their boots. Too cute.

Holy hell. I just noticed that blogger ate my entire post. Not going to repeat wrting it. Suffice it to say that life isn't perfect it wasn't ment to be and neither I am. That sums it up.

Keep the mood and the food real.........

Thursday, March 3, 2011


Thanks for all the nice comments about my dress. I am going to go shoe and shawl shopping ASAP. I also want to thank a good friend for mentioning (in private, cause she's a class act) that the girls need to be hoisted up a bit. I thought that when I looked at the pic myself. About a month ago I went and bought 2 new bras that I thought fit great. One of them was the bra I have on in the pic. I can plainly see that I am still hanging low. Damn gravity. So I am on my way to get fitted properly for an "over the shoulder boulder holder". I am also going to get a nice "foundation gament" Spanx/girdle, whatever you call them, depending on what year you were born.

I forgot to mention that when I went to the doctor they did an EKG cause my BP was high. I was text book perfect. Their words, not mine. So that made me feel better too. I took L.L. out to my daughter's house yesterday and she watched the Gkids do Just Dance. What a fun afternoon. Except that L.L. was walking on the slippery wood floor and slipped and almost fell. I caught her, but there goes my butt muscle for sure now! DAMN IT. Limped around and babied it last night. Went to bed super early. I wish the had episodes of The Middle on line. Every other show you can watch online. That one not so much. WHY?? Hopefully the bum will cooperate today and feel better. I have hardly been out of bed yet. Too early to tell. To early for anything really. lol. I love the very early morning. Everything is quite. Still. Peaceful.

I managed to get a mile in again yesterday. I put her in her scooter and away we go. I hope her money lasts for a while cause this is turning out to be a great gig. At least that's how I feel today. She is improving so much. We have a nice friendship. Food was ok. Not great but ok. Weighed in again this morning. Going down from the past couple of days. So I am moving in the right direction.

Oh, my son did have a concussion. They made him drive his school route that afternoon. For fear of loosing his job, he drove. I was so pissed when I heard that. Great idea, let the guy who just got knocked unconscious drive a bus load of students home. Don't get me started. I really want to email a news station here in the valley and rat them out. About alot of things. They are my old employers. I know where the bodies are buried.....metaphorically speaking, of course. Anyway. I am staying out of it. He's a big boy and he will learn to deal and stick up for himself. Besides, I signed that silly confidentiality agreement. So, of course I wouldn't do anything like that.

Well I guess I will end this now. I have been wanting to write about my L.L. She has taught me lots of things about myself. She has me look at things differently in alot of areas of my life. I like it when I get to do that.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

I found it!

So I found a dress. A dress that I love and that I feel comfortable with. It fits great and best of all it was way marked down from $180 to $55. Been smiling ever since. I made plans to get my hair colored this weekend and then I made an appointment to get "wedding hair" the day of. Now I need some help with accessories. I kind of want something to cover my enormous "wings". I look at the pic and all I can see is ARMS. So maybe a shawl?? A shrug? Jewelry? Shoes? I am thinking grey. Tell me what do you think.

Speaking of my kid. He got hit in the head pretty good today at work. He is at the E.R. now. Seems like everything is fine. My daughter is looking for a new house. Some where that she would be able to build a GeGe apartment. Just in the thinking about stage right now. Something to think about. They really need a bigger house. This is the time to buy for sure. She is getting smoking prices, so we will see. She is excited.

I went to the Dr. today. I needed to get my lab work and BP checked so they will refill my meds. I found out that my cholesterol isn't as high as I thought. Felt good about that. Plus I have "tennis elbow" from pulling L.L. up in the bed and chair. I also got my back adjusted. I am laying here on an ice pack. I went to work today after calling in sick yesterday. Sick with a pretty bad cough. Pee in your pants kind of cough. I am not contagious so I figure I sit on my butt most of the day anyway, so I went to work. I manged to get her out for a brisk mile, but not much more.

I weighed in this morning. No longer in Onderland. Such is life. I will just press forward. If I can get back into the 190's before the wedding I would be happy. Just making better overall choices about what goes in the old pie hole would do it. That and a butt load of water. I drank an entire gallon today. Feel so much better then even yesterday. I sweet young mother saw on FB that I was feeling icky and she dropped off a "flu care package". It was just so nice. They are a struggling young couple with 2 kids. It meant alot to me. I don't even really know her that well.

Well I just took a little muscle relaxer and I am feeling "relaxed" so I will end this. I feel good about today. I am feeling less foggy. I feel like I have more energy. I might just pull out of this funk yet.....HOPEFUL!