Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Make the season better, it's up to me!

Oh for Heaven's sake Dana, quit eating. I am eating crap that I don't even like. I haven't walked in days and I feel so FAT! I am in a state of frustration. I am having one of the best holiday seasons ever, yet I feel the need to secretly eat. I am buying stupid stuff that I haven't bought in years. I ate a Big Mac. What?? I KNOW! I know that I am in relapse mode, on food that is. This time of year is really hard for me, but in the past 3 years I haven't felt the need to eat like I have this year.

I have sat around for the past 3 days (i haven't felt very good) and watched movies. The Wizard of Oz on Sunday and The Sound of Music yesterday. That's not so bad, but I could be doing other, more productive stuff. I am lost without school and I only work one day this week, Friday. Too much time on my hands. BOO!!

Ok, now is the time to get it together. I haven't been eating Christmas goodies, so that isn't going to be a problem. Go throw out the doughnut hole and the oatmeal "little debbie" crap RIGHT THIS MINUTE. Get on your walking shoes and take a nice long walk. You will feel much better. Then, Miss Dana, go find someone that you can do something for. Even if it's taking an old lady to the movie. Get out of the house. Here's a novel idea, go test out for math and reading at the school. Face your fears, you are going to have to at some point. Why not sooner then later. You can do HARD THINGS.

Tomorrow is "The Forgotten Carols" at the beautiful Gammage Center. Dress yourself up and for crying out loud.......enjoy yourself. Treating yourself well will make the season even better. You know it true, the adversary that wants you to be miserable. Don't that that old Devil win. Remember, he laughs at you when he is able to deceive you. Remember, you hate being laughed at. Don't beat yourself up, just move on. Ok, now go do it!

Keep the mood and the food real............Merry Christmas to all!

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

I'm not alone

So it's Wednesday. I am done with school. Got straight A's. Pretty proud of that. I am still deciding what to take next semester. I am going to take my transcripts in from years ago and see if the transfer. I hope my math does. I suck at math. Actually, I don't know if I like it or not. I don't remember it :)

I have 3 jobs this week. Today I am going to take a lady to do some errands. Tomorrow is 8 hours in a car to go to the north pole. My daughter was laughing at me when I suggested staying overnight. She didn't realize how far the trip was. Who's laughing now? It will be fine. The kids have lots of devices and I will probably do some driving. My SIL has to work the next morning. We won't be home till late. I am going to work at 9 the next day. That's not early, nor will it be all day.

I am watching what I am eating, however, it's not been the best. I am not really tempted by sweets. I don't really like them. I am more of a stuffed baked kind of girl. I made a big batch of chili and have been eating on it for the past few days. So eating hasn't been too bad. I haven't been walking as much as I should. It's been wet and cold. I have been reading lots of blogs and I see that I am not alone. Lots of the bloggers that started when I did have gained back some of their weight. Bottom line, it's hard to maintain a healthy lifestyle all the time. Some days you feel it other days, not so much. Being a recovering drug addict, I am well aware of the chances of relapse. You are more likely to stay in remission of cancer then you are to stay clean for any real length of time. Relapse is part of recovery. It doesn't have to be. I haven't relapsed on meth for the past 11 years, but my addiction has taken me in other directions. Food, to be exact. I am still 80 lbs lighter, but I have about 40 lbs to be where I should be. I have gained back about 20 lbs. Not happy about it, but it's the way it is.

I have decided not to beat myself up. I have made great strides this year in other areas of my life. I feel better now then I did when I was 30. Much better about myself and life in general. I get to decide what I want to be when I grow up. I am scared shitless. Weird right? I want to treat it like it's a great adventure, but inside I am fearful. What of?? Who knows, failure? It's just fear of the unknown. That's ok too. Starting over at 51 is kind of scarey. What counts is I am doing it. I don't know what the future will bring, but I know that I can handle it. I have great family and friends that will stand by and help me.

That's life!

Keep the mood and the food real.............................

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

BORING ~ ok, not so much

I am having a boring day. My lady canceled on me today. I am trying to conserve my gas, so I decided to stay home today. I have been watching News Radio. Funny show. I decorated my house, have worked on a resume and took the practice tests for my computer final tomorrow. I talked to my sister in Japan. Went for a long walk. LONG WALK. It was freezing this morning. It felt so great. I like cold better then hot, so why do I live in Arizona?? I ask myself that every summer.

I got an A on my final essay. I hope to do ok on the final in computer. I am getting anxious about money again. My 2 ladies have really decreased the time they need me. It's time to get a real job. That makes me anxious too. I need to get a resume together and get to searching. I have been checking out the job web sites. I let my self confidence get in my way. Fear is holding me back. It's time to shake off the fear, and get myself out there. Things always work out for me, but in the mean time, I worry.

I am not a fan of the holidays. This year, since I really have no money, I have just relaxed. I have told my kids that I am keeping it really simple and I already have the Gkids done. We are going as a family to see the temple lights this Saturday. It's kind of a tradition. We always get good pics, so I will post some. It's been along time since I have posted any pics. Not sure why. Next week we are going to the "North Pole" on the train. We, meaning me and my daughter's family. We are going during the week so my son and DIL can't go. I am excited about that too.

I haven't really been watching my food as well I should. I am up on the scale by about 7 lbs. I am not freaking out. I feel like since the doctor I have felt a little down about it all. I lost 100 lbs and I still have to take cholesterol meds and my sugar is still a wee bit high. I need an attitude adjustment. I feel like I am in limbo as far as my life is concerned. Money, work, weight. I haven't felt settled for a while.

School is coming to an end for a few weeks. I meet with an adviser tomorrow. Maybe after I know what's up for next semester I will get focused again. I loved it when school was going full on. It was new and I adapted well.

Well, I guess that's it. I am going to go for a bike ride and then work some more on my resume. I am glad tomorrow is school. I hate days feeling like I have nothing to do. In writing this post I realized that today wasn't as boring as I thought and that really I have lots to look forward to. Train rides, Santa, school and hopefully a new job, VERY SOON. Not to mention that The Middle and Modern Family are on tonight. Smile Dana!! Hope everyone is having a great day.

Keep the mood and the food real..............