Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Wed Weigh In

I could have thought of a better post title. Oh well. I did weigh in this morning and was happy to see another 2.2 lbs gone. That makes a total of 74.4 lbs. Who would have thought it! This year as been kind to me. This year the holidays have been easier. I am so grateful for all my blessings. The biggest I think is Willingness. Willingness to stick with it. Being willing to give change a chance. I never dreamed that I could have lost almost 75 in less then a year. I am truly humbled. I never really know how the weigh in will go, because I never really count anything. Which is kind of good. I don't get expectations (TRY not to anyway) thinking well I stuck to my diet perfect, why is there no movement of the scale.

I have some how hurt my upper arm a week ago while moving Mr 92 up in bed. I thought it was a pulled muscle, it probably is. I really thought it would feel better by now. It seems to feel worse. I will keep babying it for a while longer. I don't want to go to the doctor. What is going to do??

This is going to be quick....again! This winter break as been so busy. What with a trip to Mexico, an overnight with the Gsons. We had such a good time. They crack me up. They are such boys. I never had brothers, and so it just makes me laugh that 2 kids can get hysterical over farts and burps. BOYS! I know I shouldn't laugh. It's just so hard.

I am sharing a pic of my daughter and myself. Next post will be the jeans I promise. The daughter has my camera. GRR. Hope everyone is doing well. I have just not had the time to catch up on every one's blog. GRRrr. I really need to get back to work!

I am going to Mr. 92's funeral today. I am sure it will be a great tribute.

Keep the mood and the food real.........Be Willing!

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Merry Merry

I love this picture of my son and myself. We went to the Mormon Temple on Wed night with friends. They always have such a beautiful light display. Wore my Skinny Bitch jeans. Feeling very young and cute. LOL!! I was giving out my Christmas Eve Carmel Popcorn and one of my friend's daughter in law was begging me to stay. Told me I looked too hot to just being going to my daughter's house. That they had 2 men coming over that would be perfect for me. WHAT? YIKES! I beat it out of there. Just cause I put omn alittle make up and dress up DOES NOT instantly mean I am looking for a man. Holy Cow, seriously. I have not really given that part of this thing as much thought as I should. I've been single too long.

The holiday was very nice. My daughter and SIL were great hosts and the kids made out like bandits. They got me to play rock band. Oh YEA! I ROCK! By the end of the day the kids and adults were damn tired. Whining kids is my cue to help to put the kids to bed and go home and get into my PJs watch alittle TV and SLEEP!

Mr 92 did pass away. On Wed the 23rd. The family was very nice and told me they couldn't have done it without me. Sometimes I get expectations about how I should be treated. I am usually disappointed. I then start feeling resentful and then I feel bad for feeling that way. GOT IT?? Yep, that's usually how crazy brain crap goes. Anyway, after re-evaluating my INTENTIONS, I feel better. Let's just say I let "self" get the better of my good intentions. I felt slighted. Enough said....

Missing Mr 92 this morning. Had a crazy dream that I had lost my job, apartment, money and boyfriend (a creep boyfriend from like 10 years ago). I woke up pissed off and scared out of my mind. I can't even imagine being unemployed right now. Anyway, I decided to come to work the office to make sure my key still worked. I am only half kidding. Kicked ASS on the treadclimber. I did indulge the past few days,so I want to get right back on track. Took a glorious early morning walk yesterday as well.

Going to try to get to a movie today. Maybe take a Gkid overnight. Who knows. My laptop his being stupid, so I can't post my TJ jeans pictures yet. I just happened to have this one on my work computer. Off to make breakfast.

Keep the mood and the food your intentions

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

progress pics and wed weigh in


I do not know what the hell is going on with blogger but I can't see the pictures that I posted. Someone had asked me a while back to post a progress photo. Well I was pretty good at not getting any body shots. Seriously, I couldn't find one. This Fat Dana picture was taken last year at Christmas. The cute little family in the pic I am holding is my daughter's family. I look HORRID! I probably weighed close to 260-270 lbs then. I didn't step on a scale back then! I was miserable, in severe knee pain and taking Vicodins by the handful to help with my knee. I really just wanted to disappear. I rarely "groomed". I would shower on the good days. The other days well I went to work in PJs and barely ran a comb through my hair. Thank goodness the people I work for are kind. Plus, she runs around in her nightgown all day as well....still does. Plus I work alone in a home, but still.

The thinner photo is of me this past weekend. At lunch with my in-laws. I look at her and see someone I can trust to make good decisions for me. I am really happy. Not over joyed or any ting goofy like that. I just feel...well lets see. I can think of a word. Wait! COMFORTABLE. I feel comfortable in my own skin, at where I am this year. Happy at hoe far I've come. This time last year I didn't feel like I had a chance in hell of turning things around.

When I stopped lieing to myself about the state of my life, and where I was going to end up, things changed. Like I said before. I have never counted a thing. I tried to eat more fruit and veggies and lean meat. Cut the portions. When I binge, I try to do it on healthy food. I still have my good old tootsie rolls, but I don't buy bags in the grocery store. When I stop into a 7/11 or something I pick up some in the "penny candy" (yes I know it's not a penny anymore). It's all about portion control. Veggies and fruits however I consider free food. No one ever got fat from eating too many fruits and veggies. RIGHT?

That being said, it's weigh in WED. The scale said 192.4. That is dow .2 lbs. totally cool with it. Eat about 6 cookies over the course of the weekend. Not to mention the tastes during the carmel popcorn making marathon. I've made 50 gallon ziplock bags all ready. I didn't make everyday with my walk either. So that was frustrating. I had expect a bigger number, so I will take it.

Lots more to say, but no time now. BTW, TJs jeans came in the mail and THEY FIT! A little snug, but they zip up just fine. Sometimes, since I wear clothes that are too big most of the time, when pants fit just right, to me they feel too tight. Did that make any sense? ANYWOO...........plan on doing a post tomorrow the a pants picture. TJ, (ok I am not going to cry). thank you so much. Wearing those pants yesterday made me feel like a Skinny Bitch! The joy that package gave me is worth more then anything that will be under my tree this year. From the bottom of my heart....THANK YOU.


Monday, December 21, 2009

Make it easy on yourself.

I had a totally glorious weekend! Just wanted to check in quick this morning. Things are going well. I am staying crazy busy with Mr. 92 and now Mrs 82 is back home and is begging for me to come back a couple hours a week. Even if it's just to visit. I can not refuse such love. So life is busy. I am not feeling stressed. Doing my best to just stay in the moment and not try to control things.

Mr. 92's family has been just awesome. I am only going a couple times a day now, and I had yesterday off. So that was nice. I actually missed him. Took a long walk listening to to music out at my daughter's yesterday afternoon. The weather was BEAUtiful. I rarely listen to music. It reminds me of my tweeking days. I use to sit with headphones on for hours on end. Too bad, cause I love music. I have to me in just the right mood.

Church was great too. We had our Christmas program. Saturday was a extra long walk and then my church had a Breakfast Christmas party. We had a great turn out. They served a ton of fruit....yum. Then my little family had a nice lunch with my late husband's family. That was nice. They are always so sweet to my kids. My daughter has a different dad, but they treat her and her kids just like their own. We don't get together often enough. When I was married to my husband they never really liked me. Of course I was pretty unlovable at that time. It's nice to have a sweet relationship with them now.

I have lots of pics to share, but no time right now. Getting ready to have a little caroling party tomorrow night. CLEAN CLEAN CLEAN. Making a delish soup. Something EZ!

Keep the mood and the food real...........make it EZ on yourself.

Friday, December 18, 2009

gonna need a plan

UGG! I am so stinkin tired this morning. Slept all the way to 5:30 AM. I usually walk out the door to walk at that time. I am not feeling it this morning. Thanks for all the concern about loosing my head and the check. I never did find it. I decided that I was too damn busy to worry about it. After I looked everywhere I called and they canceled the check and I got another one last night. They were great about it. I was embrassed. I am kind of a scatter brain, but it has gotten so much worse in the last few days.

I have to talk to the family about cutting back on my hours with Mr 92. I am wearing myself out. When I gained my weight back 2 years ago this is kind of what happened. I put my desire to please and to earn extra money ahead of my healthy routine. I will not let this happen again. I will do what is best for me. Being busy isn't bad....but being so busy that everything else takes a backseat, well not this time, baby! I am going to hit the treadclimber at work this morning. No excuses.

Food has been ok. I have thought about this. I never really know what the weekly weigh in will bring. I have not counted points or calories this time around. I have tried to just change the way I eat. It has worked really well. I think not counting anything has made me not so concern with the number on the scale. I have not set any real weight loss goals. Just wanted to be able to walk up and down my stairs without thinking my heart was going to jump out of my chest. I know this wouldn't work for everyone, but it is working for me. I am grateful for the success I have had. Doing it this way, it hasn't felt like HELL. It's been, dare I say, fun!

I have no idea what the weekend will bring. I will only have to work very part time for the next 2 weeks. That kind of freaks me out too. Too much down time is not so good for Dana. Boredom leads to eating, leads to TCB (the crazy brain) . So I am going to need a plan. Will try to catch up on everyone's blog soon.

Have a great weekend. Have a PLAN!

P.S. I can't wait to get my size 14 levi jeans from TJ. THANKS TJ!!! Your generosity overwhelms me.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

lost my head.....just breath

Am I loosing my mind? I just lost a $320 check. GRRR. Trying to get rid of this crazy brain feeling. grrr. BREATH!

don't loose your head!

Something just dawned on me. It is a week to Christmas. I still have some shopping to do. I have Carmel popcorn to make. Lots of it. My mother gave out popcorn, this googey soft Carmel popcorn. I have carried on that tradition. It's easy and it's pretty cheap to make. I am not going to get freaked out about what I have to do. I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off yesterday. It was a day where easy things were hard. I went into downtown Phoenix. The 1st try I forgot the check that was to go with the paper work. Ok turn around, try again. Then get over there and drop off the paper work and I find out I had the old paper work and the cost of a daycare renewal went from $150 to $7800. HOLY HELL! I almost died. Arizona is in such financial trouble. This state's money troubles makes me look like Warren Buffet. State employees might start getting paid with IOUs. I work for a school. It's not time to worry yet, however. Just reminding

Mr. 92 is staying put. So I am going to be very busy for a few more days. They are going to get Hospice in, so that will help me out. I must say his daughter and her family really impress me. Bless his heart. He broke down crying at the doctor's office when they told him he was going to a group home. She just couldn't do it. The doctor confirmed what I've been telling them all along. He is actively dieing. He's stopped eating and he wants to go home. It won't be too long. He misses his wife. You know, I love doing this. I am good at it. I try to keep his spirits up and I love being there for the family. It is always a blessing in my life to be there to help people in their last days.

My intent today is not to loose my head. Yes, I am busy. Everything will get done. One 5 AM shopping trip to Walmart and I will be done. I only have to work part time for the next 2 weeks. Winter break starts Friday. I really need to limit my caffeine intake. I have been drinking diet pepsi like no other. Do not judge me. I know it's bad for me. I am working on it. I was wired yesterday. Felt like crap. Food was better yesterday. H2O was much better has well. Walking, as always. Getting ready to walk out the door right now. Don't forget to get spiritually centered as well. Ask for help and guidance. My day is always better when I do that.

Thank you so much to my fellow bloggers for all the heartfelt comments. I am so grateful EVERY DAY that I have friends like all of you! I am so behind on reading and commenting. Sometimes life is like that.

keep the mood and the food real.......don't loose your head!

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Who loves you, baby?!

Well this morning was the official weigh in day. This morning I was surprised with the number 192.6. I can't believe it! Another 3.4 lbs gone. I have done better then I thought. I love this weighing in the morning thing. What took me so long! I knew I felt

Still very busy with Mr. 92. I think today will be the last day. The family has taken him to the doctor. I would be surprised if they didn't admitt him. Too bad, I think he would much rather die in his chair at home. It is getting harder and harder to take care of him though.

Yesterday I thought I had tore up my knee. I got off the treadclimber and then got back on and forgot it was still running. FREAKING OUCH! Feels much better this morning and walked at a slower pace for only 30 mins.

My head wasn't in the game yesterday. When I was 17 I gave a baby boy up for adoption. My dauhgter has been trying to find him this past few days, without me knowing about it. I am register at the State Vital Stats Adoption Registry. I figured that if he wanted to find me he that would be the 1st place he would look. I would love to know him, but I don't want to intrude on his life. If he wants to find me at least he can. However my daughter said she had a feeling that this man that was registered on another adoption site might be him. The date was very close the my baby's bith date. So I was on a roller coaster of emotions yesterday. Based on the info that his wife gave me, I don't think it's him, however. Like I said ROLLER COASTER! Didn't eat my way through it though. That would have been an awesome Christmas present. My daughter is such a sweetheart. I have such great kids. I know they love their Mom, no matter how crazy she was or

So it's back to business today. I am pushing the water and trying to eat real food, not processed stuf. My head is in a good place today as well. Feeling great! I am grateful for it. The past couple of weeks have been kind of hard emotionally. For no other reason then "the season".

Keep the mood and the food real. Appreciate those that love you!

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

pretty busy weekend!

Good morning to all. I have had a busy past few days. Mr. 92 is still kicking and till he gets moved to a group home I am going to go to his house 5 times a day. Crazy I know, but I was praying for a way to make alittle extra Christmas money. Prayer answered. I love it! It's hard to fit everything in, but so far, so good. It's just till Thursday or Friday. 70 lbs ago I would never have had the energy to do all this stuff! So go me!

I have been doing okay with food. Not great, still eating too much processed stuff. I jumped on the scales Monday morning for a premature peek and was happy, but I will wait to weigh again till tomorrow morning and be all official. I hope I can hold onto the loss. Though, it doesn't really matter, cause I feel lighter. I know that seems crazy, but my body just feels different. I was able to wear, comfortably, the size 16 GAP jeans that were my daughter's. They are low ride and kind of uncomfortable anyway, for me, since I usually wear MomJeans. So they are kind of baggy in the butt, but they feel ok "around me". This is totally awesome, as these were the smallest jeans that I own. Now I have to get a pair of 14s to try to fit into. Keeping my eye on the prize.

Still getting my walks in. Though that has been tricky. I really have to plan and make sure that I keep the walks up. I do this for ME TIME! I am going to watch hulu this morning on the treadclimber. Something mindless and funny. It's a good excuse to watch TV.

Nothing much else to say. Feeling better...more "Chritsmasy". No longer sitting on the "pity pot". Still got tons to do, but I know that it will get done. I am so glad that I have to cut back this year. It's been a blessing in disguise. I am going to get my little family (with the Gkids too) and go caroling to all my old people and to a few of our family friends. I will take along a little holiday treat with us to give out. I am just full of the holiday spirit today!

Keep the mood and the food real......what are you full of

Friday, December 11, 2009

do what matters most

It's been a crazy morning already. Mr. 92's SIL ( my boss ) called me early this morning. Long story short the paramedics have been to his house twice already today. It's only 10:20 AM. I had him in the shower this morning and had to slide him to the floor because he was to weak to stand. So I was one of the calls. It's too bad. They are probably going to have to put him some where to get round the clock care. It's really what he needs, but he will fight it. He is a stubborn and hard headed man. Good luck! I will do what I can. I really could use the extra money right now before Christmas. I am kind of depending on it! Things will work out, they always do.

I have done alittle more Christmas shopping and at least have a plan for the rest. I have really scaled back this year. ALOT! I am glad too. Makes me grateful for the gifts I am able to give. This makes me feel alot better, less stressed. I am in a good place this morning. Feeling good, less anxious. More energy, less boredom. When I am bored is when I eat.

I walked outside in the dark and cold this morning. It felt great. I walked with my buddy and we had a nice talk. I am really eating too many carbs, not enough fruits and veggies. A good food shop has been out of the question this week. Low on cash and I have been eating what's on hand. A girl's got to do what a girl's got to do. It hasn't been horrible. I am pushing the water...alot!! So that's another plus.

No big plans for the weekend. Will try to make a movie, but we'll see what happens. I am sure at some point I will go out to see the Gkids and babysit. I think my daughter has some more shopping to do. Just going to do my best to stay in the moment and enjoy my friends and family. You do the same!

Keep the mood and the food real. Do what matters most!

Thursday, December 10, 2009

What do you do?

Holy Hell! I am hungry today! I want to eat everything and anything. Luckily I am at work and there is nothing here. I did find some gross little taquitos in the freezer...nuked one. Ate it and now I am feeling like ICK! Don't plan on eating another.

My emotions are still all over. Such high anxiety this morning. I was pacing. Over nothing. I was as Roxie calls it, I was "awfulizing". I have decided I am too damn good at doing that. GRR. Anyway feel better. Got myself in a good space spiritually and things got better. I have let my prayers get mundane. I need to get back to "feeling" my prayers. How will I do this? Practice, practice, practice!

I did not want to walk this morning. I didn't do my usual 45 mins on the treadclimber, but I did do 35 and then my knee was bugging me. Plus, I just felt like it was torture. Attitude is SO important! I did excuses.

Yesterday was fun. My friend hadn't seen me in awhile and she just kept telling me how good I looked. That was nice. She took me to Ruby Tuesday's for lunch. I had the salad bar and the turkey sandwich, sans bun. It was yummy. Her room wasn't too bad. So it wasn't as long a day as I thought it was going to be. We had a nice visit. that I told on myself about feeling so hungry, the feeling has passed for now. I will be ever vigilant, TCB can attack out of no where!

Keep the mood and food real....what do you do when all you want to do is eat??

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Weigh in Wed #1

Welcome to the 1st anual Dana's Wed Weigh In. I bought a scale last night and they were kind to me this morning. It said 196. So I am back in the 100s. I really want to stay here this time. I haven't been eating good for me foods. Lots of processed food. BOOOOOO! I am feeling it in my emotions and in my energy level. I was so beat this week I tried one of those energy drinks. YICK! Plus it was useless.

The scale is down quite a bit, but that is because I had just eaten a huge sandwich and drank a big drink of water just an hour before I weighed last week. Plus I weighed in at night. I weighed in this morning. Plus, it's a new scale. So I am not breaking my arm to pat my own back. I have been pushing the water though and keeping up on my walking everyday. No excuses. I am grateful I have a treadclimber available. It has been pretty cold. I walked yesterday morning, but this morning I am downloading the new Closer and am going to the office to walk.

I am taking a personal day today. Going out to help my friend that lives about 30 miles west of my house. So it's kind of like a mini vacay. I am going to help her MUCK out her room again. This woman is around 70 years old. I took care of her hubs until he passed away about 6 years ago. I have gone on lots of trips with her since (she has had a small stroke and has broken her collar bone so she needs alittle help) I love her dearly. So it will be a good day. I feel kind of bad for her. She has accumulated alot of stuff. ALOT! Now that her daughter, SIL, and 5 Gkids have moved in with her, she is trying to move into one room. Good luck with that! She is going to have to let alot of stuff go. It really puts things into perpective for me. It's not stuff that you take with you in the end. It's the realtionships with God, yourself and with others that matter. I've seen this happen to so many old people. Kind of sad. Sad that families don't take the time with their family members while they are still here. Anyway, good for me though, cause I really enjoy them. Old people really have alot to offer. Besides, on a selfish note, they make me feel

Have had lots of crazy stuff going through my head lately. Mostly about goals. I never made any weight loss goals when I started, other then GET HEALTHY. Anyway, will save that for another post.

Keep the mood and the food real......what matters most to you??

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

thanks for thinking of me!

Thank you to Terie at (for some reason blogger isn't letting me link you to her blog....but check it out for sure!! ) for the Superior Scribbler Award. Sorry it took so long to remember to respond. It's been kind of crazy. I wish I could give the award to all my most favoite bloggers. Instead just look at my blog roll.

Thanks Teri!

Saturday, December 5, 2009

got my halls decked!

Well I decided that this year I would put up a tree and some outside lights. I don't have alot of Christmas stuff. I have started over so many times. It's hard to keep stuff that way. Anyway, I put out what stuff I do have. I haven't done that for a few years. It makes me feel alittle merrier! I am really going to make this year different. I am!

Today is my Dad's Bday. I miss him so much. He is still near, helping me when I need it. I have felt it. He recieved a heart transplant years ago and it gave him an extra 7 years. I have the news clipping about the accident of the man that donated his heart to my dad. Overwhelming sometimes, when I really think about it. He bounced so many times, I stunned when he didn't pull through that last time. We all where. He was a chemical engineer. A geek, with a slide rule in his pocket protector. He was so witty and funny. When I was little I used to think he must stay up late night amd plan his responses. Like his life was a comedy Kids think crazy stuff. He could spank you in one moment and love you through it the next. I liked that about him. My mom tended to hold a grudge. At least that's how it seemed to me.

I spent all day helping Mr. 92 find a dog. GRRR! He needs a companion. Then he didn't even find one. GRR again. I really wanted to go to the movie. GRRR again. I guess it wasn't so bad. I made money instead of spending it. I should be patting myself on the back.

I think I will just stay in tonight. Read some blogs. I have been watching the old Mary Tyler Moore show on My dad loved that show. I forgot how funny it was. I went food shopping, got up to where I was to pay and forgot I had let my kid use my card....grrr again. Funny, looking back on the day I have been really Luckily I have been able to take it all in stride. Tomorrow is church and football. I will ride out and watch with my daughter and the kids after church. I love early church. Over by noon. Mormons go to church for 3 hours on Sunday. 3 different meetings. It doesn't seem that long though. I can see how some people would think that it's crazy, but I love it....when it's Time to come home and nap. Love a Sunday nap as well.

Keep the mood and the food real. Deck the halls!

Friday, December 4, 2009

Am I emotionally ready to own a scale?

I LOVED this post this morning. Cammy said that she hasn't owned a scale in years That when she steps on the scale it's just a moment in time. What she does consistantly is what counts. I loved that it. Besides, it's so true. She said that perfectly! She is also giving away a very nice scale. You might want to check it out.

This got me I emotionally ready to own a scale? It started yesterday. I am going to change my weigh in day and the time. I am going to have a scale in my home to weigh 1st thing in the morning.....on Wednesdays. The scale used to make or break my day. Now I can just think of it as a moment in time. Most of the time. Attitude is so important, I don't want to screw it up.

I am feeling better. I find that as a push myself to do the things that scare me or that I just plain don't want to do, I feel better. Well duh! When I am going through this Crazy Brain stuff I am anxious and scared all the time. It's a crap feeling. I haven't been very good foodwise this week. Overall it's been ok, but I have"used' food all week. Still making those 3 mile walk everyday. So that's a plus.

The holidays kick my ass. My husband was found dead on Christmas day about 13 years ago and my Dad died days after. For years I have just felt like I go through the motions of the holidays. All the time hating it. Resenting that I live far from my sisters and that my Mom and Dad are gone. Getting pissed that I never have extra money for the gifts I would like to give. Mad at myself. mostly. I am no good with money. I sometimes feel that I am so self centered that I have no imagination has what to give people that I love. What's wrong with me?? Don't answer

Have plans to sit for the Gkids tonight. Hoping to get to a before noon movie tomorrow. I still haven't seen The Blindside. This is so unlike me. I have noticed that since I have become more active, I spend less time in dark movie theatres. Go Me! My walking buddy and I have plans to try a 5 miler tomorrow morning. I can do it. It's nice to know that I can walk 5 miles. Really nice!!!

Have a great weekend. My thoughts and prayers are with a few of my friends that are really going through hard things. Watching people go through hard things let's me know that I could do it too. They are my example. Thanks!

Keep the mood and the food real. Are you emotionally ready?

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

stay the course

Most of you already know about this blog TJs Test Kitchen This Sweetie's blog is awesome. She is an awesome cook. I want to go to her house for dinner. Check out her vlog post. It was real and honest and hit home for me. She says that this journey is hard. I know that it's true. If you don't know about this blog, check it out now.

TJ had a small gain this week. This after she had planned, prepared and went without. She was upset. I can relate. I had a 3.5 lbs weight gain this past week. I wasn't shocked, but I was disappointed. I didn't have pie or stuffing or appetizers. I had one meal. As opposed to eating several...throughout the weekend. Which is what I used to do. Still a gain.

I am not going to beat myself up over this. I am going to cut myself some slack. It could be a bunch of stuff. Hormones, water retention, had just east a sandwich. The body, she is I have decided that I am going to break down and buy a scale. Then change my weigh in day to Wednesday. First thing in the morning. I just don't want to turn into a scale whore. I can try it. I can always send the scale away if I start to put too much stock in the scale. There are plenty of other ways to define success, besides that DAMN SCALE.

I have messing around at this same weight for quite awhile now. Up a few. Down a bunch. Up a bunch. Yes, it's frustrating. However, me berating myself and feeling guilty is not going to help anything. In fact I know from past experience that it just makes things worse.

So what am I going to do. NOT GIVE UP. That's 1st. I think I am going up my walking to twice a day 3 times a week. That is doable. I am not going to deny myself of the things that I really enjoy this season. I mean enjoy it before and after I eat it. Like I enjoy pie, but not the way I feel after I have eaten it. Same with all the other stuff that I didn't eat. "Normal eaters" don't freak out over a big meal. they just eat less and exercise and it's gone. I really feel that attitude is the most important thing about this whole journey. I don't have to be all motivated everyday. That is unrealistic. I do however need to stay the course, stay committed to being healthy ( BEING HEALTHY ) and maintain the habits that I have acquired over the past 9 months. Good habits!

I feel good today. Not over the moon happy, but less anxious. I will take it. I got on the treadclimber this morning and I have already sucked down a half gallon of water. Now it's time to earn that paycheck. Thank everyone for all your uplifting and sympathetic comments yesterday. I couldn't do it without you. TJ was my 1st comment yesterday. I love how we help each other. It makes me happy!

Keep the mood and the food real.........stay the course

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Thanksgiving 2009

Here are some pics from Thanksgiving. I haven't felt much like posting. Just don't feel like I have alot to say. Trying to ride out some Crazy Brain stuff. Sometimes I wish I would just grow up already. I just don't feel excited. About anything. Even my weight loss. I am glad, grateful and humbled, but not excited. I just feel stagnant. Nothing is really wrong. Just feeling at dis-ease.

I am not as vigilant about my food as I was. Or water. It's still a hell of alot better then last year. I am not beating myself up. Still walking or biking everyday though. It's the best part of my day!

You know, I knew in my head that if I lost weight, it would not solve all my problems. I learned that when I got clean. Just cause I got clean, things didn't get magically better. I wouldn't be magically be happy. It's an inside job. I am the only one that can change me. I wish I wasn't so afraid of change. grrrrr

Enjoy the pics......keep the mood and the food real. Make the change!

This is my 6 year old Gson. Love that face. It reminds me of his

This is the 3 year old....he told me I was the best GeGe ever Sunday morning while I was fixing pancakes. Cute little guy.This is my walking buddy and her hubs at The Turkey Trot. We all went together.

My SIL, son and my son's BF. Oh, and Wizard, dog extraordinaire!

Cutest PIC! I love it that the boys always put their arms around each other in pics. My daughter had her Christmas lights up the weekend before Thanksgiving. Tree up the day after! That's my girl!

This is the youngest. Last year she had no

And last but not least, the 2 and half year old. She has knockout eyes! She's going to be a heart breaker.

Me and my walking buddy, after the race~