Saturday, July 30, 2011

stop eating

Dana....STOP EATING! Throw the rest of this binge in the trash. Do it now.

Message received now follow through. Hell I will eat in good times and bad. Deal with your feelings don't eat them.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Life Can Change in an Instant!

Life can change in an instant! I always believed in"The Secret". You know, radiating positive energy begets positive things. I really have tried to remain hopeful despite everything going on around me. When I wrote yesterday that it was going to be the best week ever, I really meant it.

Well, the cute little old couple LOVED ME. It's more hours and they even offered me more money then I asked for. They are sweet, clean, and petless!! When I asked for Sunday's off she straight away told me that is the Lord's day. When I gave her my list of references she said she could tell I was a Christian. That I radiated it. WOW! Yes, Mormons ARE Christians....the official name is the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. No more explanation needed. So I left there walking on air.

Then my walking buddy called and said that a young couple in our ward had posted on FB that they were moving and needed to rent their townhouse. Called right away! I wasn't sure who they were by name, but when I saw them I recognized them. I visit with her and her kids every time I am at the pool. Anyway, the place is much bigger, nicer, faces south, and is the same rent as I pay here. I was up front and told them about my situation. They told me they wanted me at have the place!! Best part, the electric bill was $40 less then my last month's bill. The most excellent part, no more EX boss as landlord!! Prayers answered. All in one day. I told them I was giving my 30 day notice. I don't want to, but it's the right thing to do. They said do it!! The place is mine.

Then right in the middle of all that, a friend called and told me to expect a call from her tax guy. He is wanting to bring his mother and aunt into his home and they will need 24 hour care. More work, more money! Well let me tell you what. I dropped to knees with a heart FULL of gratitude. I know that prayer works. I know that I have had a lot of people sending me good thoughts and saying prayers on my behalf. Thankyouthankyouthankyou!!

Never give up hope. I really was at the end of my rope, but I always knew that the Lord had a plan for me. I have been doing my part. I know that I am far from perfect, but I don't have to be perfect to be blessed and loved.

Today is my resume class. Then I think I will get some boxes together and write my 30 notice and my last check to the Ex boss. Hitting the gym as soon as I post this. I might even get the gumshun to make it food shopping. It's time to get back to healthy eating. H20 will be a major priority as well. Time to do the next right thing for my body. I start my new job tomorrow. Can't wait!

Life is GOOD......keep the mood and the food real............

Monday, July 25, 2011

Live Your Best Life

Good Monday morning. I have lots on tap this week. A resume class. A meeting with an adviser for school. Walking. Food shopping. Yoga. Personal training session. This morning I am going to focus on prayer and meditation. Especially the meditation. I really need to learn to slow down and listen and think things through. I was reading Roxie's blog this morning and my mantra this week is going to be "don't believe everything you feel".

In church yesterday I read a story about an ancestor that loss her mother and father by the age of 6. She then was part of a handcart company that left to late in the season and got caught in an early winter. This little girl loss both her legs just below the knee and learned to walk on her stumps. She made her living by sewing with a treadle machine. Raised 8 children, loosing 2 of them to disease. I woke up with the "self pities" yesterday morning. Prayed for an attitude of gratitude. After I read that story I told the congregation "mission accomplished". I am going to continue to pray for graditude. I feel so much better when I feel grateful and see God's love for me.

Food wasn't great. I couldn't make myself go food shopping. Had the Gboys over Friday night. It was a perfect overnighter. We went to see Cars 2. Very cute. Lots of swimming. Went for ice cream with my niece and her cuz. Movie popcorn ect ect ect. Then Saturday night was my SIL's Bday. We went to Benihana's for dinner. I had never been before. Had the scallops. They cook the food at the table. LOTS of butter. Had a nice time with just they adults. Well and the little guy. He is 9 months. Growing up too fast. So smiley.

Talked with my sister yesterday. They had another earthquake in Japan. She said she didn't feel anything. I am always amazed when I am the one to tell her she was in an earthquake. I have really enjoyed her daughter this summer. She has been here all summer long.

It's a new week and a new chance to live my best life. I loved what Roxie said about the difference between and good day and a bad day is a day. So true. So here's to the best week ever! Still staying on track with my recovery. Truth be told, it has been easier then I thought it was going to be. Funny how fear of something being too hard can hold me captive. Ok, it's not funny, it's damn sad. I am holding on to that FACT. I can do hard things!

Keep the mood and the food real.............

Friday, July 22, 2011

Go see Buck!

Well what a week! The room mate is gone. It was her decision, but I am really glad it's over. I will hate loosing the money, but things will work out. Some things are worth more then money. Like my mental health. She still owes me some money, but I am cutting my losses and moving on.

One crappy thing. I got the record cleared, but in Arizona you can not get your record expunged. Which means that all my "past" is still on the internet for prospective employers to see. UGH! I thought that when I got everything set aside that it would be CLEARED off the court website. Not so I guess. I have put a call into a lawyer to see what I can do. Who knows?! It does say that all my right are returned, but it also says all my charges. Even the ones that were dismissed. Can I just say I hate Arizona. If my kids were not planted here I would get the hell out out of here. The heat, the politics, the policies. A very unforgiving state. Ok, done with that rant.

Have a job interview Monday. Fingers crossed everyone! Food has been, well, not the best. Not the worse. One high point of my week was going to see the movie Buck. OMG! LOVED IT!! Google it and watch the trailer. I can't stop thinking about this cowboy. If it is your area don't miss it. Made me cheer and cry.

The weekend will consist of Gkids, swimming, friends and church. I think I might take the boys to see Cars 2. Anyone seen it?? Is it worth the matinee price? Hope everyone is staying cool in the unbearable heat. I am so glad I bought that Groupon for the gym. I might do one more month. In September it might start getting cooler in the early mornings again. HA HA! A girl can dream, right?

Keep the mood and food real............

Monday, July 18, 2011

A Clean Slate!

Well I got the letters in the mail over the weekend and all my charges have been set aside. I have all my rights returned. I can vote or even carry a gun if I wanted to. Not that I really want to. I can't thank my sister enough for hooking me up with that lawyer that helped me. It made me think, why didn't I do that a long time ago. Did I feel that I wasn't worth it? It didn't cost me a cent. That was the major draw back. That was my excuse. I didn't even really check into it. I have let my past define me for way to long. I am going to make it a priority to focus on my future. I am going to focus on feeling like I am worth every good thing that I deserve and I know that Heavenly Father wants me to have. I am going to try and not be my own worst enemy.

You know sometimes pride is a tricky thing. It doesn't always have to be thinking your the best of the best. It can also be thinking that you are the worst of the worst. Pride in reverse. I am not the the best or the worst. I have made it my "thing" to be the bad girl, at times. Now I have stripped myself of the one label that I have let hold me back for over 10 years. It's time to move on. I don't know what the future will bring. However I plan on doing my best to give myself all the opportunities I deserve. I am in a position now to start over. Doing nothing is really doing something. It has it's consequences. I don't want to live life by default anymore. I am going to explore my options and then press forward. I am setting a goal to be proactive.

I have a busy week this week. Today I am taking a new lady today to get her hair done then to the doctors. Then it's out to my daughter's house to sit while they take the boys to see Harry Potter. Tuesday it's Mrs. H and then Wednesday I have a house cleaning job that pays great and isn't that hard of work. Going to get a walk in at the gym right after I get my reading and meditation done. Going to really start to put a little more time into listening after my reading. For direction.

I am also going to try not to let my room mate's behavior effect me so much. I can't live her life, hell I can barely live my own. I need a room mate right now, and she really is just doing HER best. Just like I am just trying to do MY best. Live and let live. Funny how when I feel out of control, I focus on others and how I think they should live their live. Foolish Dana, just foolish.

Here's to me and my new CLEAN SLATE! Keep the mood and the food real..............

Sunday, July 17, 2011

A Wonderful Day

What a wonderful day. My SIL did a great job with the baptism. Here I am with my Gson.

Here is my daughter's cute little family. So proud of them. We had a nice little party after. Lots of family and friends and food.
I must say I think I have the cutest Gkids ever. Of course I am sure some of you other GeGe's would say it was yours :) Going to hit the gym here in a minute. Then I am heading out to my daughter's to help with the kids at church. Make it a great Sunday!

Friday, July 15, 2011

Advice Please

TGIF! I am happy to report that I am happier. Things haven't really changed, but the way I responding to things have changed. I am going back to Mrs H's today. I am not dreading it. I really am just happy to be making some cash. Yesterday I went and started the admissions process for school. I have an appointment with an adviser in a couple of weeks, but think that I will take a morning and sit for a couple of hours so I can be seen sooner. I am getting excited that I am following through on something! I am still waiting for the papers to come back from the court so I can start applying for a real job. I am still enjoying having a clean head, and I have not had an urge since I have returned. I still feel very motivated to maintain my recovery.

One thing that is bothering me is my thighs. They still ache like the dickens from the training session from last week. I put in a really good walk yesterday. 15 min miles. I did 3 miles. This morning I just felt so achey that I did a slow 30 mins, though I did do 1.5 miles. I didn't want to go at all. So I compromised. I am going to get my money's worth from that Groupon :) I want to do some more strength training but I don't want to be so sore that it hurts to sit down. Any suggestions from any of you. Should I take a day off? Or just plug along? Advice please.

Tomorrow is my Gson's baptism. Very excited for that. It will be an awesome day for my little family. I have a lot to be grateful for, I have decided to try to maintain an attitude of gratitude.

Keep the mood and the food real........

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Weigh in Wed

This is going to be quick. I am up like .2 lbs. It's ok. It's just a moment in time. I am doing my best and I am ok with it. I went to see Larry Crowne. Skip it. I thought it was a snoozer. I took my niece out driving yesterday. First time she has ever driven on the street. I like being the cool auntie. I took here out on a very quiet street after we practiced in a church parking lot. She did great and I am taking her out again after I post this.

I went to Mrs. H today. I am getting more hours in so I am happy with it for now. I have just been being a companion for her this week. Doing errands and lunch. It's been fun, really. I got another line on 2 more jobs so things seem to be looking up.

I am feeling less crabby today. I had a nice talk with the room mate. I think she will only be here a few more weeks. She wants to go back and be with her mother if she has to have kidney surgery. I think that's a great idea. I told her I didn't want to know everything that's going on with her and her friends. I get too caught up in it and it's just makes me nuts. She said she would comply. She was in a car accident yesterday morning on the freeway. I wasn't surprised. She really doesn't get enough sleep. She will be taking the train for a while I guess. She walked away from it ok, just shaken. The car wasn't even that damaged. She just needs a new side mirror. It was a wake up call for her, for sure!

This morning I was so sore from the training I did the day before. I didn't want to go to the gym this morning but I read Shelly's post and it motivated to go, so I did. I got in 40 minutes on the treadmill and felt really good I went. The fronts of my thighs were killing. Even sitting down I must be doing it right, right??

Tomorrow it's hitting the treadmill again then I am going with my daughter and the kids to the aquatic center tomorrow afternoon. Job hunting will continue in the morning as well. I will make a few calls. I am really looking into school. Trying to figure out what I want to do. Kind of makes me excited. Seriously, today is the best I've felt since I came home. I still have no desire to smoke. Hitting meeting everyday as well. Tonight will be a church meeting that I love.

Hope everyone is having a great day! Keep the mood and the food real............

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Another Tuesday

I am still plugging along. I am really feeling annoyed and crabby, still. My walking buddy has moved on to running and I am left out. Going to the gym this morning. I have an appointment with a trainer. Then it's on to the job search. I am taking my niece out for lunch and the movie for her birthday. Some where food friendly. I think we are going to see Larry Crowne. Then we are going to Harry Potter this Friday. Not a fan, but it's a fundraiser for my Gson's football team. So I go.

I went back to Mrs H's house yesterday. She had called and asked if I wouldn't help her. It wasn't as bad I thought it was going to be. I have another lady to call as well. The daughter of L.L. referred me. It will do till I find a real job. I am still waiting for the legal papers to come back on my motions to dismiss. Still doing great in the other "area". It's been hard, but not impossible. I have hit a meeting each day and for some reason my heart just isn't in it. I will continue to take my body till my heart follows. Rome wasn't built in a day. I just need to do the next right thing. No matter what. This is my pep talk to myself.

I am doing pretty good at not eating my crabby feelings. I have not been to a drive thru since I returned from Utah. Feel pretty good about that. I am not drinking enough water though. I have been to dinner a couple of times to friend's house. Plus the dinner at the church. Mexican food. I did indulge. Weigh in will be tomorrow. Not going to let it get to me though. I really feel I am doing my best. It's all I can do.

Wish I was more positive and upbeat. I am really letting the little things drive me nuts. My room mate is one of those things. I am glad to have the extra money, but she has lots of insanity going on. One of being a huge lesion on her kidney. It freaks me out that she doesn't hardly sleep and cleans the house like crazy. I don't think this is going to last much longer. She has paid rent this month. I really don't know if I can do it another month. I feel sorry for her but she seems to create a lot of crazy. Like the kidney thing isn't enough. She is bi-polar, so there's that as well. I don't know how to deal with that. I need my quiet life back. I don't feel comfortable in my own home. I don't like how that feels.

keep the mood and the food real...........

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Won't get fooled again!

Happy Saturday! Yesterday was interesting. My lunch with my friend's from my old work didn't turn out the way I planned. They planned to get drunk. Me?? Not so much. I felt bad but I was feeling like the odd man out, so I left them there and one of the girls had her hubs pick them up. Oh, and if your trying to get rid of a resentment against the old work, going out with people still employed by them isn't the way to do it. I love my "girl" that I worked in the office with. I love her like my own kid. Seriously! She has every right to drink. I just felt weird. It's no fun being the only sober one. She understood. I will get with her and her kids another time.

I am feeling overly sensitive. Looking for a reason to get pissed. Maybe looking for a reason to smoke or binge?? DUH! I have had to apologize to few people for being so crabby. I can hardly stand myself at times since I have been home. At least I am acknowledging my feelings, owning them and taking responsibility for them. Both good and bad. I probably need another blessing to get rid of these resentful feelings. I know where they are coming and I am not going to be fooled by the Adversary

This morning I went to the gym. Missed the spin class though. Walked for 60 mins. I have got to get my time better. I didn't even walk a full 3 miles. Then I went to water aerobics at a friend of a friend's. That was fun. Food was not so good last night. Pizza and then I wasn't satisfied with that I went and got a fish taco when the movie was over. Today is a new day and I went food shopping and eating will be better. Water has been pretty good. I have an appointment with a personal trainer on Monday. That should be interesting.

Hanging in there and trying to be present in the moment. If you don't succeed....try try again. I called Dawn and talked to her yesterday. She is recouping from her body lift. Bless her heart. She is so upbeat and I just feel like I connect with her. Love your guts Dawn! This afternoon I am taking my niece out and teaching her how to drive in an empty parking lot. It's my Bday gift to her. That and frozen yogurt. Then this evening I am going to a church dinner thing.

Have a great weekend and keep the mood and the food real..................

Friday, July 8, 2011

I can deal.....

I am sure enjoying my family since I got back. I spent the entire day at my daughter's yesterday. The kids were so stinkin cute and I missed them so much. Nothing like a greeting you get from a 4 year old. If I could bottle the feeling and sell it I would be rich.

I have overslept the past 2 mornings. Yesterday I woke up so SORE from yoga the morning before. I had no clue that that would happen. I mentioned it on FB and my cuz calls yoga the
"silent killer" That made me laugh. It's so true. Anyway when I am done with this I am going to check out the gym. Kind of excited.

I know it's my problem, but my room mate is kind of driving me nuts. I must just be extra irritable. I need her half of the rent and it's nothing I can't live with. I tell her what bugs me. I don't know if that's going to force her out. I have such few nice things I want to keep them nice. I mean, sleep in your bed and not on my couch. I wouldn't even let my son sleep on the couch. I know I am being weird. I can't help it. She also works overnights and called at 3:30 am to tell me not to worry she was going to the ER. I WASN'T worried at 3:30 AM. REALLY?? I love her, but come on! She has an ongoing urinary problems. She won't stay down long enough to heal. Anyway.....enough of that. Her problem, not mine. I can't control what she does.

I went to look at the new place. Funny thing, he didn't want to rent to someone that doesn't have a job and a bankruptcy. Well DUH, Dana! I guess I will just bide my time for now. I paid this month's rent and told her that the air conditioning doesn't cool off the place below 86 in the afternoon. She said she would hae someone look at it. Still not heard from anyone. It's ok, I can deal. She will come through. I will probably have to call the guy. Myself. I wish I didn't have to deal with them, but it is what it is and I can put on my big girl pants and stand up for myself. It's good for me.

Going to lunch with some friends from my old work. Anxious for that. Then we are watching the 6th Sense. My niece hasn't seen it. SHHH... Don't tell her the ending :) She has led such a sheltered life. Not sure what the rest of the weekend will bring. I need to take Shelly's lead and get my butt in the pool. EARLY. Right now it's off to the gym.

Keep the mood and the food real...............

P.S. I loved, loved, loved the gym. Going to try spin class tomorrow morning.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Goona get my yoga on....

WOW! what a difference it makes to be back in my own bed. I was so exhausted that I slept right through a huge dust storm that forced the front door open and blew dust and leaves in my house and blew all my pics over. My room mate ran upstairs woke me up to tell me, and I still just thought she was nuts. So I missed it. I woke up this morning feeling kind of anxious, but I have a schedule today and I am sticking to it. I am going to try yoga for the 1st time this morning. Then I am going to lunch with my son and daughter in law. Then this afternoon I am going to see the movie 17 Miracles. It's about the Martin and Willey handcart company. A group of pioneers that pushed a handcart across the U.S. to Utah. My ancestors were part of that handcart company. They endured A LOT. Going to get a meeting in there as well. It is good to be home for sure. Though I did have a great time in Blanding. The 4th was fun, but I fell asleep and missed the fireworks. Plus I don't have to worry about keeping a bunch of people happy. It really was kind of hard going between the 2 sisters, especially on the 4th. I makes me frustrated that they can't get along. The air was so thick with contention.

I had a doctor appointment yesterday. My blood pressure was 133/88. So much better. My doctor has no idea why my blood pressure was so high just the day before, ( 179/139 ) but it must be the altitude. That's all I can figure. I have no insurance so it cost me $55 to find out all is well. It was worth it. Plus he gave me a new cholesterol med that is a lot less expensive then the one they had ordered. Lipitor was over $100! So It was worth the $55. I googled weed and hypertension and I found out that lots of people say that that weed reduces their blood pressure. How funny. Still doesn't make me want to do it. I was so sick of my house smelling and worrying about people drop by. The way my mouth tasted. ICK! I am so glad to be smoke free.

When I got home I weighed myself I was happily surprised to see I have lost 6 lbs in the 2 weeks. WOOHOO! I thought for sure it would be a gain. I know that I ate more yesterday, but I ate good for me stuff. I have a new food love.....celery with garlic laughing cow cheese. YUM! I went to the food store and loaded up. I am sure it's just cause I had home again anxiety. Keeping busy today will hopefully curb the appetite. I plan on making a schedule and to do list every evening before I go to bed. I don't want a lot of time on my hands. I need a job! I don't think I am going back to Mrs. H house. It just makes me feel so icky to enter her home. The smell alone is enough to make me depressed. Something else will turn up. I know it will. I have to be kind to myself. Do what makes me feel comfortable. For now anyway.

I found another place already! It faces north so there is no afternoon sun screaming in the windows making my place hot as Hell. Yesterday afternoon we could not cool the place down below 86 degrees. We tried to cover all the windows and everything. I had to take showers and just sit in front of the fan. I am going to look at the place this afternoon. I have to give my landlord a 30 day notice, if I like this place I am not going to drag my feet. Even if means moving in the HEAT. That's saying a lot. Wish me luck! OH, and the rent is exactly the same!

Feeling positive and clear. Tomorrow is dedicated to my Gkids and daughter. Plan on spending the whole day out there. After I go to the LDS Employment Center. I am going to show up there everyday till I find a job. They are very helpful and kind. Also I am going to hit the community college and sign up for my computer class. Things are really rolling along!

Keep the mood and the food real...............

It feels weird that it's Wed. Sure doesn't feel like it........

Sunday, July 3, 2011


Well it's been a good weekend. I went to the Melodramaon Friday night. It was cute. Then all day yesterday was spent visiting with my friend's family. They were having a family reunion. 100 years since their Gparents settled here in Blanding. Half the town was there. Lots of good food. I have another friend that came to town for the 4th as well, so I have been visiting with her family too.

On Friday I felt kind of weird. Like my heart was going to explode out of my chest. I took my BP here with a machine they have and it said 170/104. I was like WTH?? I went to the ER here and had them just take my BP to make sure the machine at hone was right. It was even higher. I decided that I would monitor it at home. I felt ok by the evening and by morning it had come way down. I think I started something crazy with my running that morning. No more of that and I am not going to do hills either. This morning I went for a walk clear around the huge lake and didn't listen to anything. Just was alone with my thoughts. They didn't attack me, so I claim a victory :)

My niece came today after church for lunch. We hit up Subway and I just had a 6 inch with some soup. Really hit the spot. My eating has been fairly good for most part. They had Navajo Tacos for the big family dinner last night. I didn't even eat my fry bread. VICTORY again. No dessert either. I told my friend's hubs not to worry about making me brekkie or lunch. That way I can control alittle but more of what I eat. After the ER scare I just don't want to eat that greasy stuff. The night before he had made Dutch Oven potatoes dripping with bacon grease. They were so good, but that could also be another reason the BP was so high.

Roxie's link today really got me thinking about being more aware of my life. The link she put up was awesome. I read then reread it. Something to strive for. Life really does get routine. I know for a long time I have just been going through the motions.

Missing my kids and Gkids still. My daughter sent me a video. My youngest Gson is getting ready to take off crawling. It was too cute. I will be going home by the end of the week. I am anxious to get to regular meetings ( this town is very small and they have like one meeting a week) I need one once a day. I have done some awesome work since I have been here. I feel kind of nervous about going home, but I know what to do. I need to get signed up for my computer class and start looking for another place to live. I need a job as well. It will all come. I need to be patient and just keep doing the next right thing.

It has been 120 in Arizona. Not looking forward to that. A while back I got a Groupon for a month at a gym with 3 private training sessions. I am going to start the 30 days when I get home. Also, I need to get with my own doctor about that high BP and I am out of my arthritis meds. My knee doesn't do well without them. They are just an anti-imflamatory.

So I hope that everybody has a safe and happy 4th. Excited about hitting the parade in the morning. It should be fun.

Keep the mood and the food real...........

Friday, July 1, 2011

Sleep....I need some

Ok here's the deal. I am not sleeping very well. At all. It's the withdrawl coupled with the fact that I am not in my own bed and that makes my back hurt. Boo freakin hoo.I know. This too shall pass. I know that but it doesn't make it suck any less. However, that is all I have to complain about this morning. :)

I have had a glorious morning this morning. I listened to music instead of podcasts this morning and it really got me pepped up. I don't listen to music as much as used to. I just feel there are more important things to listen to. Stuff that will teach and enlighten me. This morning music is just what I needed. I also RAN this morning. Not far but it was up hill and boy did I feel the altitude! I really was huffing and buffing. Then I got in the car to see how far I walked/ran this morning. I took a different route with more hills. 2.5 miles. While in the car I turned up the music and went for a drive. Then I sang. At the top of my lungs! Thank goodness I did this in the privacy of my own car. Man it felt good!

I am really working hard on my recovery handbook and though I don't feel like I am gaining any new and improved insights, I am glad to be doing the work. I am concentrating on things of a spiritual nature and it does give me peace. This hasn't been as hard as I thought it would be. Besides the fact the I miss my kids, Gkids and my best friend. My daughter called me at least 4 times yesterday. I can't tell you all just how much I love that kid. My son text and said he missed me and so did their pooch. Then he sent me a pic of the little "princess". Made me happy and homesick all at once. Absence makes the heart grow stronger.

The hubs here continues to cook delish food. Nothing real "diet friendly" I just try not to over do it and to drink lots and lots of water. I have been pushing myself on my walks. I have been feeling a little bloated, but it's ok. Sometimes a change in altitude will make me swell. I need to just remember to focus and the BIG picture. Clothes all still fit the same as they did a week ago. So I will take comfort in that.

My niece is coming south from the Provo area to visit a friend in a neighboring town and is going to drop by for lunch tomorrow. I am excited that she even thought to call and ask me. She really made my day yesterday when she told me she was coming. The friend I am staying with has a family reunion tomorrow. 350 people are expected. Holy Cow! Her family came down through the hole in the rock to settle this area the late 1800's. Lots of great stories of faith and determination. Then the big 4th of July celebration on Monday.

Everyone have a great weekend and Keep the mood and the food real..................