Friday, December 31, 2010

last weigh in of 2010

I got this original title from Roxie. I thought it would be a good idea to get my last weigh in for the year. I weighed in at 205.4 lbs. That is up almost 25 lbs. I am starting to feel my giggly bits again. I can see it in my eyes too. I was comparing ( never really a good thing to do ) last years pics with this year pics. My eyes start to disappear when I smile when I put on weight. There are some pics were you can't see my eyes at all. Sad, it like I disappear. In a way I do.

I was feeling pretty bad about it this morning. I woke up feeling fat. I ate Mexican food again last night. Still feeling full. ICK. I was reading Leslie's blog and she was saying how how could tell the difference in her thinking by just avoiding junk food. I have really noticed that same thing. Since I have been eating crap I have felt like crap. I am not as energetic. I can't make a decision to save my life at times. It's like I can't think straight. some of this may be my age and being a woman "of a certain age". In fact I have tried to blame it all on that. I really can't.

There are so many reason to treat myself better. So why don't I? There my friends is the $25,000 question. I know for sure that I am eating emotionally. That I have been eating out of boredom. Loneliness, sure....but only cause I choose to be. I have dozens of friends. I probably am depressed. I don't want to use the anti-depressants. It took me at 6 months to get off the stuff last time. The withdrawal symptoms drive me nuts. Some areas of my life I feel settle about. Other things not so much.

I am thinking about this past year. Lots of changes. A new baby. Lost my car. Bankruptcy. Fired. Weight gain. My son moving out on his own and getting engaged. Miracles and some setbacks. Change and more change. Most of it forced on me. You change at the rate of pain. Or I should say I do. I need to lower my tolerance for pain. That is my New Year's intention. That is a pretty broad goal. Lots of smaller goals to get to that one. Will work on it and come up with a plan. If this journey has taught me anything it's this. Little changes done consistently is the key to reaching the big goal.

Going out to my daughter's tonight for New Year's. They have legalized some fireworks so I bought a package to take out to the kids. Should be fun. My Little Lady is getting more confused and requiring more care. It may turn out that they might have to put her in a group home or something. I am only there a couple hours a few times a day. She has taken to calling everyone she thinks might come as soon as I walk out the door. I think the family is just tired. I understand. I need the job, but I would understand it if they did. She called me 17 times in one hour. I don't know how many times she calls her kids. Not going to freak out. I was looking for a job when I found this

Hope everyone has a great New Year. Ring in 2011 in peace and be safe. Keep the mood and food real..............

Thursday, December 30, 2010

the look says it all!

A picture is worth a thousand words. The look on my face says it all. I had a great Christmas. I was opening the Kindel the kids got me. I am loving it. Reading the new Davd Sedaris book. Pretty good. I haven't really looked at all the extras on the Modern Family dvd yet. So far, they aren't anything special. Getting my hair done this morning. It's raining and blowing. Think I will pass on the early morning walk. Maybe after it gets a little warmer. I am suppose to have the day off. Still have to go in this morning for a few minutes.

I plan on going out to my daughter's today. Got to get me a Gkid fix. Don't know what we'll do. I am going to take back some "gifts" I bought myself. Stuff I decided I didn't need. I need to go get new glasses. I lost my other pair. It had been about a year, so I am due for a new pair. I never go too expensive, cause I have a long history of loosing glasses. Usually if I don't look too hard ( i.e. fixate ) things will come to me. Sadly, not this time.

Still trying to hold on. I will be glad when the holidays are over and I am hoping that since they have hired a couple other people I can have a life again. I want to do that 20 day thing that Roxie did. Have a great Thursday!

Keep the mood and the food real..............

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

getting reacquainted

Good night's sleep in my own bed. Walked over 3 miles at dawn in brisk weather. The sunrise was glorious this morning. Suppose to be rainy and cold all day. Went food shopping and have started some laundry and getting reacquainted with my house. It felt weird to not really know what was in my fridge. Feeling great today. Didn't over eat yesterday but I have found this really good Mexican place right down the street. UGH! Ate just a chicken taco, but still.

My kids gave me Modern Family for Christmas. I had a marathon yesterday and didn't a thing but go back and forth to work. Some days it's like that. Tomorrow I am going to get my hair done with my sister. Haven't seen her much this visit so that will be good.

This is quick, but I am trying to get back into the habit of posting more. It really does help me focus and stay on track. Happy Hump Day.

keep the mood and the food real............

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Post Christmas 2010

Christmas was wonderful. I went crazy organizing right before the holiday and in the process made memory boxes for my kids. It was a great idea. All their 1st grade homework, artwork and other stuff goes back to them. It was a hit and I feel more organized. I love it when it's a win/win. The kids gave me a Kindel and I have been too busy to even really play wit it. My sister is in town from Japan and work is still crazy. My Little Lady's family is hiring people to give me a break. I need it for sure. Tomorrow is a day off....suppose to be. I have been doing over nights and everything.

Food has been fair to poor. I am holding at 200 lbs. It's all I can right now. I have been trying to just recognize when I am eating when not hungry. Mindless eating with all the treat around. Over all I feel I've done ok with the treats. Not too many, My daughter didn't buy candy. Her kids have bad teeth and so she just doesn't bother. Plus she is trying to loose that post baby weight.

I fell night before last and pulled a.....don't laugh...a butt muscle. Now my knee is starting to hurt from compensating. Still can work. Sitting is a problem. Anyway, feel kind of banged up. Walked yesterday, but then that's when my knee started hurting. I have got to just take it easy. I can't afford to get myself hurt. I'm all I've got Going back to that dream of not living in my daughter's garage. I am ready to let some of the money go and get a life back. I will get burnt out. I really feel blessed to be able to be able to earn this money. Believe me.

My daughter and her family went to a friend's cabin for a couple of day's. There is suppose to be this giant snow storm heading their way. Kind of worried, but I am sure they will be fine. They will have a good time. I needed to stay back and work and try to get some time in with my sister.

That's about it for now. Going to go read how your holidays were. Keep the mood and the food real........Will post Christmas pics when my daughter does. My camera was being werid Christmas. Lucky me.

Monday, December 20, 2010

A Cip Christmas!

My SIL, Cassie, Livi, Me, Tracy and Mary

My girls~!

Had a great weekend. 1st of all let me say the yes indeed I can do anything for a week! 2nd of all I am so damn glad it's over. Tonight will be the 1st night sleeping in my own bed for over a week. Last night I did an overnight with my other lady. It was a breeze. Still, an air mattress is not my own bed.

Had great fun with my late hubs side of the family Saturday. They are wonderful to my kids. He is my son's father, but his entire family treat Cassie like she is blood. They are very sweet. Too bad I couldn't have appreciated them when my hubs was alive. Addiction, it robs you of LOTS. Anyway, that's what all the pics are from.

When I look at the pics I can see that 15 lbs I gained back from last year at this time. I also see a happy woman. Really happy. Genuinely happy. And can't have one without the other. I woman who treat herself so much better then she used to. Even since last year. Even though I gained back some weight. I know how to get it off. I will. I have my son's wedding in March. I'd like to be slimmer for that. I also want to feel good both inside and out. So I am going to be sensible. I am going to make my intention not to be a size, but to feel healthier and better and kinder to me.

Got to run. I am having my Temple Lights/Soup Party. I think I am going to have a big bunch. It should be fun. Then I am done with parties till Christmas Eve. My sister will be flying in from Japan the 24th. Excited about that, but not going to stress over trying to be perfect. You either love me or you don't. Hope I can carry that attitude all the way through the end of the week.

keep the mood and the food real................

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Couple of Good Days

Putting together a couple of good days. Not perfect, just better. No Drive Troughs ( loved that Anne /Grace) and I walked yesterday morning 3 miles and I am getting ready to do at least 20 mins of walking after I post. The 20 min trick.....hoping it turns into more like

I love this 20 day thing Roxie is doing. I wish I was doing it with her, but alas, I want to do it when i am not so stinkin busy. I want to give it the attention it deserves. I have made a point of recommitting to showering and grooming everyday since Roxie started her 20 Days. I makes a world of difference. Amazing what the small things can do for your emotional well being. Has made me really think more, not just react. Love it when that happens.

Just wanted to check in. I do lots better when I post something regularly. Still madly busy, but happy! Had a nice dinner with my son and DIL to be. I have exceptional kids. Not to brag. Hope everyone's had a great Hump Day!

keep the mood and the food real...............

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Wake me in a week

Wake me when this week is over! I have now gotten myself in alittle over my head. The Little Lad is requiring alot more care. It double my money, but not my I start with her around 5 AM. She had now gotten in the habit of calling at 9 PM to tell me she can't get back to sleep. Well, thanks now I'm awake. To top it off I am traveling about 60 round trip everyday to sleep at in someone else's bed to do dog sitting for a week. So I will be so happy happy when money is in my hot little hands, until then then , well I am just sucking it up. I have to make money when I can. Old people do not last I love her and her family. It is still hard. I need to give up some of the green and get someone to cover one day a week for me at least. I KNOW THIS. But this too shall pass. I can do anything for a week!

Food is still crap. Drive thru every night. WTF??!! Like it's some kind of reward for killing myself with work. Stupid! I only walked 2 miles yesterday. Really going to try to make it 4 with a buddy this morning. We'll see how the Little Lady cooperates.

Things will get back to normal. So will my eating and walking. Just ride it out Dana! Just another cute little Gson pics to brighter MY day!
Keep the mood and the food real.................

Friday, December 10, 2010

Heavenly Friday!

I love the new family pics Cassie had done for her Christmas cards. I will share some more through out the month. They all turned out awesome! I know what I'm getting for Christmas! Look at those adorable I BLESSED or what??!

Doing ok. Both of my ladies are getting alittle worse. It's hard to watch people decline, but I am glad I can be there for them and their families. This morning Ann said "How did Heavenly Father know I needed you"? Made me proud. This kind of work is really sacred, I think. I think Heavenly Father gave me a talent. To help those dieing and their families. Now if only I could make a good living at it. It does take a toll on me though. Remember last year at this time? Mr. 92 died. Always takes my mind off my own problems. Just what I need. I am sure I am a little depressed, but will work through it. My food has been way off. Crazy off. Still walking most every day....5 out of 7 for sure.

My sister is coming from Japan Christmas Eve. I am glad. It's her MIL that is one of the ladies I care for. I hope it will be a good visit for them and his family. Just wish I had the energy to start decorating alittle. I know if I do it will lessen my blues. Sometimes it's so hard to do the right thing.....even and especially when you know it's good for you. Stupid character defects! I am going to make a friend come force me to decorate and listen to holiday music. UGH!

Cutting it short. The weather has been gorgeous. 77 degrees here today. I have an extra bed if any one wants to Have biked everyday and try to get outside as much as possibleH2O could be much much better. It's the simple, cheap things that keep it going.

Going to focus on doing the next right thing and doing as little damage to myself as possible. When I get in caregiver mode I sometimes forget to care for me. I am so busy anticipating others needs that I was no clue what I need. Something to think about......till next time....

Keep the mood and the food real......

Thursday, December 2, 2010

I'm Back, Baby!!

I had a great day yesterday and the day before. Food was wonderful and I got in my morning walk before 6AM. Now that's what I'm talkin about!! I went to a mall Christmas shopping. I never do that EVER. Didn't buy anything, but I am going back get a couple of things I wasn't too sure about before. Look at me thinking before I buy. Now there' your Christmas Miracle!

Tonight I am going to see a friend's daughter in A Christmas Carole. It's a Community College production. Should be fun. I just might get out my tree this week. I think I will wait till later in the month for my Temple Lights party. Christmas shopping is almost happy about that.

Still working hard to really get the mojo back. Some days are better then others. Walked and biked yesterday. Planned ahead and did well. Hiking is on the list soon. The weather has been B.E.A.U.tiful. Too nice to sit in your house and be depressed. Forced myself to get out there and enjoy. It really has helped my emotional well being.

Oh, the police auction was kind of a disappointment. My Little Lady did mange to find a beautiful turquoise bracelet. She talked them down $50. By the look on her face you would have thought she had just solved all the problems in the world. I love her guts!

I was disappointed that Modern Family and The Middle was REPEATS. UGH! I look forward to Wed. Yes, I am easily entertained. Best get dressed, I am out the door in 20 mins for my walk. I'm back, BABY!

Enjoy your Thursday. Keep the mood and the food real...............