last weigh in of 2010

I got this original title from Roxie. I thought it would be a good idea to get my last weigh in for the year. I weighed in at 205.4 lbs. That is up almost 25 lbs. I am starting to feel my giggly bits again. I can see it in my eyes too. I was comparing ( never really a good thing to do ) last years pics with this year pics. My eyes start to disappear when I smile when I put on weight. There are some pics were you can't see my eyes at all. Sad, it like I disappear. In a way I do.



I was feeling pretty bad about it this morning. I woke up feeling fat. I ate Mexican food again last night. Still feeling full. ICK. I was reading Leslie's blog and she was saying how how could tell the difference in her thinking by just avoiding junk food. I have really noticed that same thing. Since I have been eating crap I have felt like crap. I am not as energetic. I can't make a decision to save my life at times. It's like I can't think straight. some of this may be my age and being a woman "of a certain age". In fact I have tried to blame it all on that. I really can't.



There are so many reason to treat myself better. So why don't I? There my friends is the $25,000 question. I know for sure that I am eating emotionally. That I have been eating out of boredom. Loneliness, sure....but only cause I choose to be. I have dozens of friends. I probably am depressed. I don't want to use the anti-depressants. It took me at 6 months to get off the stuff last time. The withdrawal symptoms drive me nuts. Some areas of my life I feel settle about. Other things not so much.



I am thinking about this past year. Lots of changes. A new baby. Lost my car. Bankruptcy. Fired. Weight gain. My son moving out on his own and getting engaged. Miracles and some setbacks. Change and more change. Most of it forced on me. You change at the rate of pain. Or I should say I do. I need to lower my tolerance for pain. That is my New Year's intention. That is a pretty broad goal. Lots of smaller goals to get to that one. Will work on it and come up with a plan. If this journey has taught me anything it's this. Little changes done consistently is the key to reaching the big goal.

Going out to my daughter's tonight for New Year's. They have legalized some fireworks so I bought a package to take out to the kids. Should be fun. My Little Lady is getting more confused and requiring more care. It may turn out that they might have to put her in a group home or something. I am only there a couple hours a few times a day. She has taken to calling everyone she thinks might come as soon as I walk out the door. I think the family is just tired. I understand. I need the job, but I would understand it if they did. She called me 17 times in one hour. I don't know how many times she calls her kids. Not going to freak out. I was looking for a job when I found this one....lol.

Hope everyone has a great New Year. Ring in 2011 in peace and be safe. Keep the mood and food real..............