Wednesday, December 14, 2011

I'm not alone

So it's Wednesday. I am done with school. Got straight A's. Pretty proud of that. I am still deciding what to take next semester. I am going to take my transcripts in from years ago and see if the transfer. I hope my math does. I suck at math. Actually, I don't know if I like it or not. I don't remember it :)

I have 3 jobs this week. Today I am going to take a lady to do some errands. Tomorrow is 8 hours in a car to go to the north pole. My daughter was laughing at me when I suggested staying overnight. She didn't realize how far the trip was. Who's laughing now? It will be fine. The kids have lots of devices and I will probably do some driving. My SIL has to work the next morning. We won't be home till late. I am going to work at 9 the next day. That's not early, nor will it be all day.

I am watching what I am eating, however, it's not been the best. I am not really tempted by sweets. I don't really like them. I am more of a stuffed baked kind of girl. I made a big batch of chili and have been eating on it for the past few days. So eating hasn't been too bad. I haven't been walking as much as I should. It's been wet and cold. I have been reading lots of blogs and I see that I am not alone. Lots of the bloggers that started when I did have gained back some of their weight. Bottom line, it's hard to maintain a healthy lifestyle all the time. Some days you feel it other days, not so much. Being a recovering drug addict, I am well aware of the chances of relapse. You are more likely to stay in remission of cancer then you are to stay clean for any real length of time. Relapse is part of recovery. It doesn't have to be. I haven't relapsed on meth for the past 11 years, but my addiction has taken me in other directions. Food, to be exact. I am still 80 lbs lighter, but I have about 40 lbs to be where I should be. I have gained back about 20 lbs. Not happy about it, but it's the way it is.

I have decided not to beat myself up. I have made great strides this year in other areas of my life. I feel better now then I did when I was 30. Much better about myself and life in general. I get to decide what I want to be when I grow up. I am scared shitless. Weird right? I want to treat it like it's a great adventure, but inside I am fearful. What of?? Who knows, failure? It's just fear of the unknown. That's ok too. Starting over at 51 is kind of scarey. What counts is I am doing it. I don't know what the future will bring, but I know that I can handle it. I have great family and friends that will stand by and help me.

That's life!

Keep the mood and the food real.............................

4 comments:

  1. NO!NO! NO!! You are not alone! I'm right there with you my friend. I said I would NEVER go back above 200....and here I sit.....well above 200. But you know what. Lessons learned. This is life at it's finest. We take what it dishes out and we learn and move on!

    You and I are moving on! And we will conquer this once again. You are an amazing lady and I KNOW you have it in you!

    And you are right....this year has not been a failure...becuase we've grown in other ways...we've grown spiritually and mentally!!!

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  2. You've done amazing things this year, Dana, and should be very proud of yourself. Weight is just one part of you...and considering all the upheaval you've had, I'm impressed that you're only up 20 pounds. Heck, you can kick that to the curb pretty quickly once you set your mind to it. Not a problem for you!

    Congrats on your straight A's - nice job!!!

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  3. A++ for you!
    It is not always possible to be perfect.
    We know this! Gotta keep it real.
    That trumps weight everytime.

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  4. I'm just stopping by different type of blogs and thought id say hello folks. So greetings from an Amish community in Pennsylvania, and wishing everyone a merry Christmas and a healthy and happy new year. Richard from Amish Stories

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