I am a people pleaser. I want people I like to like me. Some people I could care less if they like me....but by and large......Yes, I want to liked. I feel I have the power to make someone happy. Now, that being said, I do not like this about myself. I DO NOT have the power to make others happy, ok maybe for a moment, but not for long. I have stressed out because of this war in my mind. When I feel stressed out, I want to eat. When I binge, I am not happy. So what's a girl to do? WALK that's what. I have walked about 6 miles over the past couple of days. This may not be alot for some, but for me it is. I have started to walk when I am feeling stressed. Like food, it makes me feel better...but with positive feelings after.
I had to let someone down this morning. I was brave and did it in an email, coward that I am. I have stressed out about this over the weekend. It shouldn't be hard to tell someone that you really don't want to do something. The "they won't like me" feelings have been in overdrive and it sucked big time. Since I sent the email, I have felt better. I should have done this along time ago. The war in my mind has almost shut off. Those voices that say, well so what if it doesn't feel right...do it anyway, don't make waves. I feel that I have done something kind for myself. I am not going to spend time on something that is just not right for me, though they think I am missing the boat. I have wasted so much of my life in WORRY MODE. I want to be in faith mode. Faith in myself, in my decisions, and in a loving Heavenly Father that only wants what is best for me. I feel good about me this morning. I CAN DO HARD THINGS.
I had a nice day yesterday and went to bed early to keep from stress eating. I think that is another good thing I am doing for weight loss. No late eating. Getting lots of sleep. Weigh in at WW tonight. Don't know what will happen. I feel pretty good about my choices this week, and I don't want to give the scale too much power.
I am still struggling with the zoloft thing. I have come off too quick, and I am calling my doctor today. Now I am sick to my stomach too. With lots of dizziness. I almost fell while walking this morning. My son drove me to work. I have the auditors here today and I really don't need to feel like crap physically. I feel weepy and anxious also. Yippy!! I almost have to laugh at myself to keep from crying. No more of that stuff. It makes me feel so much worse. I have only been on it for about 6 months, and it is not owrth this feeling.
I am going to have a good day. Things are going to go well today at work. The scale will be my friend...and I will call my aunt later today and explain my email.