I was driving out to my daughter's tonight and saw a frightening thing. There was a very, very heavy man in a motorized scooter that had both of his legs amputated below the knee. My heart broke for this man. It was over 100 degrees here today. All I could think was how I don't want that to be me. I thought to myself how lucky....blessed...I am. I am relatively healthy. I have got stuff going on, but after seeing that I will take my own problems, thank you very much, and be grateful for them. I have wondered about that man all night.
You know, just like any other addiction, just when you think you've hit rock bottom.......the addiction tells you to grab a shovel and dig deeper. I hope that I have really hit my bottom with this attempt to loose weight. Losing the weight is easy part, it's the keeping it off that is always my problem. Just like a comment left by HotchPotchery, I loose 30 and then gain 45. Not this time, damn it. I sound like an old black and white movie...lol
Just like any other addiction, the disease is centered in my mind. I am realizing that this is not going to be as painless as I had hoped. When I knew deep down it would hurt like hell. But......it would be worth it. I am too damn old to be dealing with this same problem. Over and over. I want to move on to a new problem. I have many character defects I could be working on. lol Who doesn't.
I feel that if I can get a handle on this weight, that alot of my other problems will ease also. Not that being thin would magically make me happy, I know that is not the case. I am talking about pride in ones self. I am talking about being able to trust myself....to not LIE to myself. I have told myself so many times, that this time I will loose it. I'm talking about really feeling my God given WORTH. I am talking about the feeling of accomplishing something for me, and in turn accomplishing something for my family and all the friends that are in my life.
I feel like I've rambled, sorry for that. I really had a good day again today. Got my 3 miles in this morning before 6 am. My eating wasn't steller again, but it's ok. I don't have to be a perfect dieter, (is there such a thing?? ) I just didn't over do it. I even have frozen yogurt in the frezzer,(left over from the food coma this past weekend) but only had half a cup.
Most important is the way I feel about me today.
Pretty darn good!