Thursday, May 28, 2009

pretty darn good.

I was driving out to my daughter's tonight and saw a frightening thing. There was a very, very heavy man in a motorized scooter that had both of his legs amputated below the knee. My heart broke for this man. It was over 100 degrees here today. All I could think was how I don't want that to be me. I thought to myself how lucky....blessed...I am. I am relatively healthy. I have got stuff going on, but after seeing that I will take my own problems, thank you very much, and be grateful for them. I have wondered about that man all night.

You know, just like any other addiction, just when you think you've hit rock bottom.......the addiction tells you to grab a shovel and dig deeper. I hope that I have really hit my bottom with this attempt to loose weight. Losing the weight is easy part, it's the keeping it off that is always my problem. Just like a comment left by HotchPotchery, I loose 30 and then gain 45. Not this time, damn it. I sound like an old black and white movie...lol

Just like any other addiction, the disease is centered in my mind. I am realizing that this is not going to be as painless as I had hoped. When I knew deep down it would hurt like hell. But......it would be worth it. I am too damn old to be dealing with this same problem. Over and over. I want to move on to a new problem. I have many character defects I could be working on. lol Who doesn't.

I feel that if I can get a handle on this weight, that alot of my other problems will ease also. Not that being thin would magically make me happy, I know that is not the case. I am talking about pride in ones self. I am talking about being able to trust myself....to not LIE to myself. I have told myself so many times, that this time I will loose it. I'm talking about really feeling my God given WORTH. I am talking about the feeling of accomplishing something for me, and in turn accomplishing something for my family and all the friends that are in my life.

I feel like I've rambled, sorry for that. I really had a good day again today. Got my 3 miles in this morning before 6 am. My eating wasn't steller again, but it's ok. I don't have to be a perfect dieter, (is there such a thing?? ) I just didn't over do it. I even have frozen yogurt in the frezzer,(left over from the food coma this past weekend) but only had half a cup.

Most important is the way I feel about me today.

Pretty darn good!

10 comments:

  1. What an eye opener.....I know i get that feeling almost daily when i see people in the motorized wheel chair in the store i work. Believe it or not alot of them are relatively young. Just young and HUGE.... And i thank my lucky stars i never got so big that i couldn't get around (however slowly) under my own power. And i remind myself it could very well be a medical problem as to why they are so heavy and to not be too judgmental. UUuughh....We can do this McButter...... Jinx!

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  2. Pretty darn good, indeed!

    Hey, I just started reading Outliers yesterday. Fascinating stuff.

    I hope you have a fabulous, healthful weekend.

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  3. I want to move on to a new problem.

    I CAN SO SO SO RELATE TO THAT.
    For me it isnt weight right now---but another 'thing' I keep ruminating on and even *I* am sick of thinking about it.

    MizFit

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  4. Our worth isn't established by learning, or eating, losing. How wonderful you feel your worth intrinsically!

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  5. Great post and insight. "Take a lesson, Deborah."

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  6. You are so right!! It is hard work and it's not all pleasant, in fact most of it's down right hard.
    I'm so glad that your feeling good about yourself :)

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  7. I love this post - you are full of insight and I agree with a lot of your thinking.

    Glad you had a good day - here's to many, many more!

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  8. "God given Worth"...amen sister. I share your feelings of letting myself down over and over. At this age (51) I should know better AND do better. I should treat myself as well as I treat my friends. Why is this so hard? Maybe we can figure it out together.

    Have a great weekend.

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  9. You got a compliment on your name over on my blog comments! I sure am glad you are feeling "pretty darn good" about yourself. And actually, you kind of do have a handle on this weight loss thing---30 something pounds in the last few months sounds like a success story to me. :-)

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  10. Pretty darn good--indeed! What a great, honest, and inspiring post. Keep going girl--you're gonna make it this time!

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