Friday, June 12, 2009

be yourself

My day yesterday turned out to be LONG. But I made it through without a meltdown and without messing up on my food. I was so upset that my tummy was sick. I didn't feel like eating, so I didn't. That's something new!

I want to talk about forgiveness. I think I pretty much accept my past and how I have changed. And I have changed. Sometime though, especially if you have kids, the past is brought up in an unflattering way. They remember things differantly then I do. I pretty much have to depend on their memory, cause I was out to lunch for almost 15 years. In my mind things weren't that bad. In their's....well let's just say they were bad. Don't get me wrong, my kids are the BEST and we have a great realtionship. However, through no fault of their own, they treat me like a child. They felt they had to parent me most of their childhood. That is not something that I am proud of...but that's the way it was. I am not perfect. Never was, never will be. Sometimes I think I have to be perfect to be loved. This is the most self defeating thinking. It messes with my self esteem and my self worth. I know that in my head, but still I fall for the lie. Over and over. Bottom line is I let my PRIDE get in the way of rational thinking.

I didn't eat over it this time. I still walked. I didn't let that stinkin thinkin last too long. I am realizing that we don't have to agree on everything. We can agree to disagree. I can allow them to feel their feelings and have their memories ( which is THEIR reality....the way THEIR life is and was). They have an idea of how they thought their life should have gone. They are the ones in charge of their own happiness, just like I am in change of my own happiness.

I still don't make the best, the most perfect decisions. But who the hell does. I have to do what I think is best for me. I am still implusive and sometimes I don't think or care about the consequenses. Old habits die hard. But I am getting better. I think I am lots better...even though my kids might not think so sometimes. They are not the boss of me....lol

Today I feel good about myself. I try to be a kind person. I try to live an authentic life ( perhaps too much so...ie..all my whining) If I am feeling it, you're probably going to hear about it. I am making more loving choices for myself. In turn, I am more loving and tolerant of those around me.

be yourself

13 comments:

  1. That's all anyone can do. Their best!

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  2. Ha, the time comes when the kids start parenting us, no matter what went before anyway. I try not to mind when my son bosses me around, lol!

    I am glad that you are handling the thoughts so well and keeping up with the eating and the exercising - well done.

    And kudos to your kids for being so great - you must have done something right!

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  3. all the bad things we do in life.. that is part of who we are.. and if we learn from that.. then .. who we are now and who we become is always good. Learning is the only way we can grow ... overcoming addiction and learning how to accept life and all its bumps and ridges.. and knowing that life never promises a smooth ride.. but by being able to live a clean and healthy life.. you are giving your best.. you are doing your best..and not being perfect is good... its real .. .its authentic..

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  4. Thank you for this post, reading it and really thinking about what you are saying has helped me today. Good on you for not emotionally eating and keeping up with the walking. I wish you the best of luck!

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  5. Excellent post. "Be youself" is good advice for anyone.

    Have a great weekend.

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  6. My step-children treated their father as though he was incompetent and as if they were punishing him for the first few years knew them. He had divorced their mother several years before, and she and their church had convinced the children that he was a man that could not be trusted. They were wrong. He was patient and loving. And after we married, I never said a negative word about their mother but the shit hit the fan if they treated their father without respect. I may have been too harsh with them, but I do think it helped them realize that there was more to their dad than the pre-conceived notions they had been fed. Today, they have a great relationship and question much of the “memories” from their past. He certainly made mistakes, as we all have and/or will, but when the whole story is told instead of the chapter that focuses on those mistakes, everything looks a lot different.

    You have owned up to your mistakes, but it is merely a chapter, not your story. And if your children don’t know that yet, they will.

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  7. Know yourself, be yourself, and be true to yourself.
    Great post!

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  8. I'am in awe at some of the comments you receive here McButter! So much thought and compassion goes ito them. And they all seem to hit the nail right on the head. The past is just that, the past. You cannot go on punishing yourself for what you did or did not do. All you can do is live your best life now.You can only apologize for the past only so many times. And if you've done that then its time to let go and move on and your children need to do the same. Whey waste so much of the present and future wallowing in the past?
    You did great this week on your weightloss and your walking and handling your food choices. And as you'll see it showed up in the contest! Be good. Be brave. I'll post current froggie positions later today! Jinx!

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  9. What a great post. Congratulations on turning your bad day into bad eating or not exercising. I am so proud of you! Your attitude is right on the money. Some days are easier than others when it comes to keeping out heads (and hearts) screwed on right--but you are doing an excellent job. Really so glad to hear you being positive--you have already accomplished so much and you deserve to love yourself! Blessings--Bonnie

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  10. Great post and one that really resonates with me. We can only be in control of our own feelings - not anyone else's. Dealing with the feelings instead of eating over them is definitely the way to go. Good for you!

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  11. Great post! I love the be yourself. It's something I have been hearing lately but I really need to do it.

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  12. Great post. I don't know where perfection got into the skin of so many women I know, it was all or nothing, and one slip up and they were doomed.

    Love your outlook now - you are right, you can't change the past but you can have a wonderful future - day by day! :D

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  13. Wow, it seems that we are going thru similar siuations with our children. Reading your post really enlightened me. Sometimes it is good to know that we are not alone in the things life drops on us.

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