the best nsv so far

This is the Motley Crew enjoying waffles and strawberries for breakfast. My frined spent the night Saturday with her 2 little girls......good times

Well I have returned from being a full time GeGe (I act too damn young to be anybody's grandmother.) Let me tell you I enjoyed it. It was hard...very hard. But, like all things worthwhile it was worth the effort. I feel like I know my grandkids so much better. The good, the bad, and the ugly.

Best lesson learned this long weekend. I am not the center of the universe. What??? Seriously?? Yep, I was shocked too. I have been alone, having to just take care of me for so long that I have forgotten that I am not the center of the universe. It was good to really have to take care of someone other myself. I stayed good on food and I walked 2 out of the 3 days. With the 3rd day being a 2 hour trip to a park the wasn't fenced by a kind of busy street........that was work!

If my daughter's scales are to be believed I might have lost 2 lbs. But since they have still NEVER said the same thing twice, even within minutes of weigh ins, I doubt it. I am going to remember that if the scales aren't my friend tomorrow at WW. I feel so freaking fantastic today that I am so scared that if the scales don't reward me it will mess up my thinking. I have so many NSVs that I noticed the past few days.....I need to focus on those NO MATTER WHAT THE SCALES SAY.

HERE THEY ARE

1. I can wear every pair of pants in the closet. That means I have not been this thin since the 1st year I got clean. That was almost 8 years ago. Pants do not lie. I have never been able to wear a pair of my pants...they were wishful think. No size below an 18, but who the hell cares. I was in tears this morning after I tried on a pair of pants that I was killing myself ( with DIET PILLS, not smart if your a recovering drug addict....duh!) to get into....could not get them buttoned up ( yes buttoned ) Well I had room to spare this morning. Plenty of room. I just sat down and cried. Another 2 pair of really cute long short fits too. Had them for 3 years, never wore them. I wore them to the movies tonight ( aNGELS & dEMONS, the book was better) and was able to breath and cross either leg, another NSV come to think of it.

This got me thinking. I have been hiding behind fat for a long time. Now that my clothes are getting larger on me I have been hiding behind them too. I never dreamed that those pants would fit. It was really hard to wear something that fit...not something that just hung on me. It felt weird. I spent the morning cleaning out my closet and drawers. I have lots of 20 thru 24 size clothing. Anyone want a care package. Let me know. I would love to share them with someone in blogland...I think it would be cool. Even just a few of the nicer things., so the postage won't kill me.

2. I could cut my own toenails. I am crying just thinking about it now. It hasn't been since I was using meth that I could reach my toes. That was 10 years ago.

3. I ran for a distance that suprised that shit out of me this morning. I was so excited to listen to this week's podcast of NPRs Wait Wait Don't Tell Me ( love it...think Jon Stewart on the radio ) I was anxious to get out this morning. It felt really goo dto run. I am going to slowly incease it. I have to be careful cause of my knee. My seven Plus juice has really helped that, but it is still injured and I don't feel like shelling out thhe money to fix it. I DO NOT want to start the vicodin again, that's another bad idea. When you have to work, you just have have to be careful. I am afraid it would set me back as far as my weight loss too, if the knee flares up.

4. at least 5 people at church today ( yep, made it there there too...who am I ) told me that whatever I was doing....keep it up. That I looked great. I haven't been to church for probably a few weeks. That made me feel good too.

5.....and the most important one...I WAS ABLE TO KEEP UP WITH 4 SMALL CHILDREN. 3 in diapers. This is the reason I wanted to loose weight. It was to be healthier. Not for how I looked in a pair of jeans. I want to be able to be around for a while. Not just be around, but upright, vertical, living a life of purpose and intention. To enjoy the blessings that are mine. To be able to do what ever is God's will for be that day. To be a blessing in someone else's live, an answer to their prayers, if I can be. I never had the energy to get off my butt. I left my daughter's house alittle cleaner then I found it, and her chldren, well they were no worse then when I found them either...lol.

So no matter what the scales say tomorrow night......I was a looser this week. I lost alot of the uneasiness I have about my abilites to be a good GeGe. I lost half my closet.

Then I gained something important. confidence....it feels odd, but good.