Sunday, June 7, 2009

the best nsv so far

This is the Motley Crew enjoying waffles and strawberries for breakfast. My frined spent the night Saturday with her 2 little girls......good times
Well I have returned from being a full time GeGe (I act too damn young to be anybody's grandmother.) Let me tell you I enjoyed it. It was hard...very hard. But, like all things worthwhile it was worth the effort. I feel like I know my grandkids so much better. The good, the bad, and the ugly.

Best lesson learned this long weekend. I am not the center of the universe. What??? Seriously?? Yep, I was shocked too. I have been alone, having to just take care of me for so long that I have forgotten that I am not the center of the universe. It was good to really have to take care of someone other myself. I stayed good on food and I walked 2 out of the 3 days. With the 3rd day being a 2 hour trip to a park the wasn't fenced by a kind of busy street........that was work!

If my daughter's scales are to be believed I might have lost 2 lbs. But since they have still NEVER said the same thing twice, even within minutes of weigh ins, I doubt it. I am going to remember that if the scales aren't my friend tomorrow at WW. I feel so freaking fantastic today that I am so scared that if the scales don't reward me it will mess up my thinking. I have so many NSVs that I noticed the past few days.....I need to focus on those NO MATTER WHAT THE SCALES SAY.

HERE THEY ARE

1. I can wear every pair of pants in the closet. That means I have not been this thin since the 1st year I got clean. That was almost 8 years ago. Pants do not lie. I have never been able to wear a pair of my pants...they were wishful think. No size below an 18, but who the hell cares. I was in tears this morning after I tried on a pair of pants that I was killing myself ( with DIET PILLS, not smart if your a recovering drug addict....duh!) to get into....could not get them buttoned up ( yes buttoned ) Well I had room to spare this morning. Plenty of room. I just sat down and cried. Another 2 pair of really cute long short fits too. Had them for 3 years, never wore them. I wore them to the movies tonight ( aNGELS & dEMONS, the book was better) and was able to breath and cross either leg, another NSV come to think of it.

This got me thinking. I have been hiding behind fat for a long time. Now that my clothes are getting larger on me I have been hiding behind them too. I never dreamed that those pants would fit. It was really hard to wear something that fit...not something that just hung on me. It felt weird. I spent the morning cleaning out my closet and drawers. I have lots of 20 thru 24 size clothing. Anyone want a care package. Let me know. I would love to share them with someone in blogland...I think it would be cool. Even just a few of the nicer things., so the postage won't kill me.

2. I could cut my own toenails. I am crying just thinking about it now. It hasn't been since I was using meth that I could reach my toes. That was 10 years ago.

3. I ran for a distance that suprised that shit out of me this morning. I was so excited to listen to this week's podcast of NPRs Wait Wait Don't Tell Me ( love it...think Jon Stewart on the radio ) I was anxious to get out this morning. It felt really goo dto run. I am going to slowly incease it. I have to be careful cause of my knee. My seven Plus juice has really helped that, but it is still injured and I don't feel like shelling out thhe money to fix it. I DO NOT want to start the vicodin again, that's another bad idea. When you have to work, you just have have to be careful. I am afraid it would set me back as far as my weight loss too, if the knee flares up.

4. at least 5 people at church today ( yep, made it there there too...who am I ) told me that whatever I was doing....keep it up. That I looked great. I haven't been to church for probably a few weeks. That made me feel good too.

5.....and the most important one...I WAS ABLE TO KEEP UP WITH 4 SMALL CHILDREN. 3 in diapers. This is the reason I wanted to loose weight. It was to be healthier. Not for how I looked in a pair of jeans. I want to be able to be around for a while. Not just be around, but upright, vertical, living a life of purpose and intention. To enjoy the blessings that are mine. To be able to do what ever is God's will for be that day. To be a blessing in someone else's live, an answer to their prayers, if I can be. I never had the energy to get off my butt. I left my daughter's house alittle cleaner then I found it, and her chldren, well they were no worse then when I found them either...lol.

So no matter what the scales say tomorrow night......I was a looser this week. I lost alot of the uneasiness I have about my abilites to be a good GeGe. I lost half my closet.

Then I gained something important. confidence....it feels odd, but good.

17 comments:

  1. Yay! This was a wonderful post! I'm so glad for you...and I bet the scales WILL be in your favor, but like you said, even if they aren't, don't worry...you were a success this week!!!

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  2. One day at a time!! I have lost 177 lbs over the past 5 years. Some gains and lots of small losses!! Keeping it off the #1 priority!!

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  3. What a great weekend and a great post! I am so happy for you. If I could get my butt over my head I would do a cartwheel right here, right now. Isn't that an awesome feeling! And many hugs to you for being such a brave and a great Grandma. You are a blessing! Keep up the positive thinking and postive action!

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  4. what an UPLIFTING post.
    I seriously got choked up when I made it to the CONFIDENCE ending as that is what its all about.

    ALL ABOUT.

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  5. nsv - what a great acronym. You're right - pants DON"T lie. Very good!

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  6. Those are some FANTASTIC Nsv's!!

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  7. Never fear you're a loser in my book :)

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  8. This post almost had me in tears. There is a buttload of NSVs in here and each and every one of them you should be very proud of. Congratulations!

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  9. Girl you are doing sooo good! Whatever you do DO NOT hurt that knee! Being able to keep moving is key here.That was always a high priority with me, to take care of my knees and not get hurt.Cause i just KNEW if i ever got sidelined with an injury I'd be in trouble. I don't think i could have the strength and will power to do it all again. To start over. You just stay posistive girlfriend. I know exactly what you mean from going from hiding behind fat to hiding behind baggy clothes. I do it. My friends get onto me for doing it. On good days i can put on clothes that actually fit and feel good about it on bad days theres nothing better than a big baggy tshirt. Not sure exactly why i fee the need to hide but i do. Just another thing to get over, to get past.........We are all a work in progress........and i'm not done yet! LOL! Jinx!

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  10. I have been such a smudge and not committing fully in the last two months...thanks for this post. You are SO right, it isn't just about the jeans (even though that is great too), it is about LIVING!

    Except, don't cut your own toenails...that is what PEDICURES are for!!! Especially after a week of lots of running, feel great, and you deserve it.

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  11. Great NSVs. It's so satisfying when people start noticing (and commenting on) the weight loss. I'm starting to get that too and it feels fine.

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  12. Yeah, my eyes were watering up too! You are one beautiful human being! And thanks for the laugh about the kids not being any worse than when you found them :-)

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  13. I am so proud of you...what an awesome post!!! LOVE your NSVs!!!

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  14. FABULOUS>. I am having numbers issues too.. sometimes I think the scale represents the effort I put into the week.. but thats not too.. our bodies fluctuate for different reasons..NOW look at all those NSV!!!! yay!!.. that is motivation enough for me!! keep it up!!

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  15. 20-24, I could use it. If you ship to me I'll pay the shipping, as long as there aren't too many boxes! watkinslady3 AT iwon.com

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  16. Wow! Wonderful!! What a great post.

    Your grandkids are beautiful!

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