Saturday, July 25, 2009

loosing focus

Ok Friday night....horrible eating. I ate an entire box WW oatmeal cookies. WTF! I hid and ate it in my car. This started at 5 pm. I got out to babysit and I was so tired and too damn full. HATED IT! All I wanted to do was sleep. Didn't spend the night at my daughter's. Drove home late. Slept alittle later. I feel like crap. I am forcing myself to get on the treadclimber. I have made it out of bed and I am at the office to walk. I am putting it off by posting. GRRRR. This is were the rubber meets the road. This is hard....I freaking do not want to get on that stupid thing.

I feel like I am loosing focus. It's not as easy this week as it was last week, when all the crazy crap was happening. Then last night I decide to buy the cookies....Specifically for stuffing my face. This binge was coming. I could feel it. I was "using" food most of the week. I am going to cut myself some slack. Getting off the stupid meds. I read others going thru the same thing this week. I sometimes talk myself into thinking that I am blowing the symptoms up in my mind. That I am being a baby. Well, so what if I am! I will get thru this. I can't feel like this forever. Can I??

Ok, putting the bat down and stepping away from the bat......no more beating myself up. Time to get back to what works. WATER, WALKING, and WATCHING what I eat. The scales were broke at my daughter's. Sometimes I want to sneak a peek. Probably a good thing.

I am struggling to make those good choices.

ONE BAD NIGHT DOES NOT EQUALLY FAILURE -LATHER, RINSE, REPEAT!!!

NSV- I could reach around and scratch my back this morning. CRAZY! I always had to get a back scratcher to do it before. This morning, I just reached around. AWESOME! It surprised the hell out of me.

Going to try to keep the mood and the food real. Ok, treadclimber here I come!

8 comments:

  1. Past is past. Done is done. Just do the next right thing and it sounds like you are doing it. It's a mere blip on the radar. Considering what you've been going through with the meds - you are doing spectacularly.

    Isn't that "all-or-nothing" thinking powerful? If we behave in a way that is just a bit south of what we'd like, all of a sudden we've undone days, weeks and even months of work according to The Crazy Brain.

    You haven't fallen off the wagon. It's parked right there and looks like the tread climber. Just climb on and do a little bit - it's not punishment, it's treatment!

    Hugs to you, chica.

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  2. Oh I so know how those binge days go! But at least they were WW cookies and not, like, giant bakery cookies! We all hit little bumps like this, but as you said, it was just one day. Today will be be better!

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  3. Grrrr - I blame the evil cookies for calling your name!

    Seriously, you are feeling unwell with the withdrawal, I did it last year and it was tough, so I know how it feels. But you will be feeling a lot better really very, very soon.

    My focus has struggled this week too - but together we can do it - its you and me, sister - one of us is going to reach that 50lb mark first - I have a sneaky suspicion it is going to be you!

    The treadclimber (I want to see a photograph of this machine!) will help lift your spirits, put on some LOUD music and take your frustrations out on it.

    You can do it, I know you can!

    (((HUGS)))

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  4. Rough day, night, week - but you got through it. I like your "putting the bat down" analogy - you are correct, you've beaten yourself up enough. I also like your three "W's" and I know you are going to have a much better day today thanks to your insights. Hugs to you, Dana!

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  5. You're just keeping your metabolism up. Back on the horse.

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  6. Great analogy. Refocus and keep trucking chicky!! You can do this-you know what works and what to do.
    Kudos for the honesty too! And great job on the NSV. I can't wait till I can comfortably paint my toenails-what a joyous day that will be! ;)

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  7. Babes, babes, babes! Bah the binging and hiding was sucky but what I love about your attitude is your straight forward honesty I DID IT AND HERE IS WHAT I NEED TO DO. you don't need any one tell you. love it. so yeah no beating yourself up. just do what you gotta do and move on.

    *high fives* to the nsv.

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