Feeling weepy, not sure what's going on. I feel like having a good cry. Maybe I will go see My Sister's Keeper. I hear it's worth a good sob. Nothing really going on different in my life, in general. So life is good, I just don't see it that way today, or for like the last week. My perception has changed. Not liking it a bit. Feeling kind of anxious too. Good for me....whoppee, another chance to grow. If I can make it thru to the other side without causing too much damage, I feel like I grow a little. All be it, usually very little.
I call this being at dis-ease. Not at ease. Tense, fearful, emotional. My "dis-ease" is always self centered in nature....always! I used to use dope when I felt like this. Then after I got clean, I started using food. I gained 80 lbs after I got clean. It worked. Same thing with the dope. It worked......... till it didn't.
Food just doesn't fix my emotions. I know that. I can"feel" it for real ( not just knowing it in my head ) when I don't give in and binge. So I have all these emotions that I refuse to eat over. I am kind of pissed off, cause I don't want to feel fear and sadness and anger and gulit....FOR NO APPARENT REASON.
I WANT TO FREAKING EAT! More important....I want food to still work. I guess that's what I am pissed off about. Food! the one thing that wasn't suppose to let me down....has let me down.
I keep telling myself "It will pass". AND IT WILL. I have some experience now, and I can count on this crap feeling not lasting. Sucks right now though. Come on Dana, learn the lesson.!! I feel like I am just not getting it. Or maybe I am?
I am sure alot of it hormone stuff too. Life really is good. I continue to make the best choices I can minute by minute. Sometimes that minute is the most important space in time.
Make every minute count........ get outside yourself.....
P.S. got the size 16's on today...they fit great. That can't even make me happy today......WTF???!!!...lol....I'm crazy