I have been awake since 2:30 am. Can't sleep. So here I am. No major problems yesterday, so that's 2 big thumbs up! I was taking my grandson in the car on Tuesday and was afraid to, cause my luck has been so bad. That's only kind of a joke.
I have been eating too much. I am walking alot to try to off set that, but it still makes me feel crappy. I know that I am using food, I wish I could deal better. I am what I am. I am learning to minimize the damage by filling up on water and good for me foods.
My sweet friend that is about 20 lbs ahead of me in weight loss gave me a BUNCH of new clothes. Cute clothes! So yesterday morning I was trying everything on. Looking at myself in the mirror all morning. I have been thinking too much about how I look, instead of how I feel. This is dangerous territory for me. Pride cometh before the fall.
I want to look nice, of course! When I was 265 lbs I didn't give a crap what I looked like. The most motivating thing I did when I 1st started this journey was to shower and get dressed ( in real clothes, not sweats ) everyday. Sounds pretty simple, but it was so hard for me to do that. I can remember how proud I was of that.
Now I think about maybe wearing alittle makeup when it gets cooler. Maybe I will start wearing ear rings. I think about what shoes would go with that outfit. Wearing LIPSTICK! Girling it up a bit. I am feeling different. Change always freaks me out, even good change. And this is good change. However, I have to remember to not be overly critical of myself. It all comes back to balance and self acceptance. I am noticing lots more lines in my face and feeling the droop in my butt. ( instead of the jiggle I used to feel when I walked ). This happens when you loose weight, I better get used to it.....lol. I have about 40 lbs to go!
I have the last of my money crap to take care of today. I feel like I am a begger when I call to workout payment plans. It brings up alot of old crap, from my using days. Probably why I have put this last thing off. I can do hard things.
Read about Prior Fat Girl's mother's funeral. What a celebration of life. That's how I feel a funeral should be. It has made me think about my own mother. It's her birthday in 2 days. I miss her and often wonder what kind of a relationship we could have had if she could have stuck around long enough for me to get clean. Regrets.....I have a few. Not dwelling on it, but I do think about it.
Off to put on walking shoes and head out the door. Make it a good day.
Keep the mood and the food real
I almost forgot, thanks to whoever nominated my blog for a Reader's Choice: Best Weight Loss Blog. That made my day!