Thursday, October 29, 2009

It's Worth It

I have been feeling good. Really good. So what do I do when I feel like this? I'll tell you. If I am not careful The Crazy Brain will tell me that things are TOO good. When will the other shoe fall. This can't last forever. It's almost like I am willing things to go wrong.

I am loving my job right now. Things are going along really well. I feel apprecitated. So why have I been tense over nothing at work? Afraid I am forgetting something? Who knows. The bad thing is that for the past couple days I have really wanted to use. Those of you who have been reading for a while know that I am a recovering drug addict as well as a recovering food addict.

Now don't freak out. I didn't use, nor will I. However after getting off the drugs I used food as a way to cope with the feelings I didn't want to feel. I gained 90 lbs in 2 years after I got clean. So for the past couple of days I have felt at dis-ease. To me that means out of sorts. Nothing is really wrong. Everything is too good, like I said. Anyway, I have really tried my best to not eat my way thru the feelings this time. Not even binging on "good for me" stuff. I do that. ALOT. Lately.

This is not an easy journey. Life isn't suppose to be easy. It's ok. While I was on the treadcliomber this morning I had what I would call a spiritual experience. I was really pushing myself. I haven't felt like that I don't think EVER. I felt like their was a Power Greater then myself pushing me to go fast and push myself harder. I cried. Cried pretty hard. I found it be very cathartic. Guess what, now I feel fantastic! The feeling is gone. Once I tell on TCB it goes away.

This thing is HARD.........but so worth it. Keep the mood and the food real

16 comments:

  1. I find exercise to release a lot of negative energy. I can't remember a good workout where I left feeling worse than when I came in.

    Good for you for fighting off your inner demons.

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  2. You've overcome so much! That's one fine endorsement for exercise.

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  3. Your views on overcoming adversity are always spot on. Thank you for sharing your ESH.

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  4. Glad you're feeling fantastic my friend. I know what you mean about feeling that dis-ease, I love that you write it that way. Thanks for always making me feel better with your words.

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  5. I so appreciate your honesty, Dana. I understand swapping one addiction for another, and now, with having to control food, needing another release - glad you found it with exercise. Hugs to you, my friend!

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  6. Dana, I've felt like smoking again in moments of CB.
    That feeling you had on the treadmill ... bliss.
    I appreciate your honesty too.

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  7. You are so honest and I really appreciate that. Glad the exercise is helping ot be a release. (((hugs)))

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  8. It is hard! You just have to remember where you're trying to get to, although i don't always remember.
    What a great feeling on that treadmill today :)
    I'm so glad you're in a good place right now.

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  9. You have a great attitude towards the whole process! Exercise is something I avoided for a long time, but once I finally did it I was shocked to find out that I loved it!

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  10. I love your honesty and I am really pleased for you. You have come so far and it is great to see how good you are feeling.

    You are an inspiration to me.

    hugs

    Sheilagh

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  11. You speak from your heart and it shows. Thanks for being so honest and sharing with us.

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  12. It is worth it. And you are a strong person who can deal with whatever your brain or the outside world is throwing at you.

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  13. i loved the end to this post.
    you do HAVE a great attitude. I am so glad you posted this missus! Got to pull the bad with the good.

    sometimes a good cry is all we need. let it all out. <3 stick with it babes!

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  14. You are awesome.
    I do this as well-worry about things being too good, and then I usually self sabotage. You are so inspirational!! Have an awesome Friday :D

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  15. You amaze me. You do a great job of keeping it real and persevering.

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  16. I appreciate your raw honesty.

    inspiring normalizing and amazing.

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