Thursday, November 5, 2009

FAT GIRL FREAK OUT

Oh Sweet Crazy Brain, how you vex me. Yesterday life was grand! The perfect day. This morning I am a nut case. I can't stand how I look in any of the pants I had hemmed. Remember, it's not really got cold here in the desert, so I haven't worn long pants in a long time. I know it's just cause I am not used to seeing myself dressed that way ( girlie ) but still. My mind is playing tricks on me. Focusing on areas of my body that I hate. (stomach and arms) Instead of being DAMN proud of my accomplishments.

WTF!!! I have decided to wear what I feel comfortable in. I have borrowed so much stuff that I don't even feel like myself. I have WAY over packed, cause I need someone to help me. I think I look stupid, but again, I have TCB. My sisters will help put me together.

I am going thru other emotions too. If my sister is reading this (and I know you are, love ya) remember this is about the way I feel. You have done nothing, EVER, to make me feel this way. I compare myself to my sisters, too much. They are beautiful women inside and out. They always look like the stepped out of a magazine. I on the other hand, dress like a slump-a-dunk ( i don't know, I just made it up) and don't even wear make up.

See what I mean. I hate that I have focused so much on what to wear and if I will look good "enough". Good enough for what, to visit my sisters, that love me. This journey is about so much more then what I put in my mouth or how much I move. It's about believing that you're good enough. That you are worth all the work and sacrifice it takes to loose 60 + lbs. Believe that no matter how I look on the outside, on the inside I ROCK! And that my friends, is where it's at!

I love that I just kicked ASS on the treadclimber. That I am even willing to climb aboard is a miracle. So my bags are packed and I am ready to laugh my ass off. Cause really, who cares what I look like. It's how I FEEL that matters. Always has been, always will be.

Keep the mood and the food real.............BELIEVE!

20 comments:

  1. This post makes me smile. Not that I'm laughing at your dis-ease, just that I so know where you are coming from here.

    I am the "non-fixy" one in a family of "Mary Kay's". And sometimes, I let it bother me, but mostly, I try not to. Sing with me now, in your best Sammie Davis, Jr. voice "I gotta be me". No comparisons, just loving kindness. So things aren't perfect, nothing ever really is.

    Just take a breath, Dana. Don't let the superficial even blip on your radar. Just go and have fun with your sissies.....

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  2. I think you and I share the same brain! lol I have all new clothes (not many-just had to get SOME, since I have no clothes from last fall/winter. But Each time I put a pair of pants on I look at my HUGE thighs (always been my problem area) and I take the pants off. I wont wear them. :( I have been wearing my baggy shorts and capris that are now starting to fall down off of my hips. lol I only see how much more I need to get rid of, never how far I have come and how good I look now.

    They dont teach ya that part at the WW meetings. lol

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  3. Slump-a-dunk is now officially a word and I plan to work it into a conversation today. Losing 60+ pounds is a HUGE accomplishment. You know you rock - you said it yourself. Go and bask in your sister's love.

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  4. Enjoy the time together with your sisters! They won't give a care in the world about what you are wearing!

    I do like the 'slump-a-dunk' & am pretty sure my wardrobe falls in that catagory, too. No makeup here either. You are so not alone there. :)

    Best wishes for a great time!
    Lynn

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  5. Gah! I HATE feeling that it's never enough. Woohoo, lost 80 lbs...damn look at the rolls on my stomach or my shelf butt. Yup. I know how you feel.

    I saw something once and posted it on my fridge, I think I need to make multiple copies to tack all over my house...it says

    "Feel pride in how far you've come and confidenced in where you're going."

    I think it's time we started paying attention to cliches like that eh?

    Chin up girl! You're beautiful!

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  6. The thing is, Dana, is that you DO look great! Your eyes aren't telling you the truth of your beauty.

    I hope you have a blast with your sisters! That's all you need to *worry* about.

    {{{HUGS}}}

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  7. I know the feeling, trying to dress a little differently and not being able to walk out of the house in the new clothes! Just try little bits at a time. Remember, your body has changed and you do look great in clothes now!

    Hope you have an awesome, wonderful time with your sisters - can't wait to hear what they have to say about your new, fit body!

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  8. Boy from the comments it seems we all could have written this post. Just have fun Dana!!!

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  9. You look wonderful and there is sometimes a disconnect between what we see and what others see. I know this first hand!

    Have a lovely time with your sisters - enjoy every single moment.

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  10. Funny how we compare ourselves to our sisters. Maybe they're comparing themselves to us! My sister is the polar opposite of me. Her closet is very coordinated. Mine.. well... you've seen the pictures of what I wear.

    Hey... wear what you want! When you want! It's your body. GO forth & celebrate your accomplishments.

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  11. "Enough" is certainly a word - and concept - that hangs all over me like a cheap suit. I think it's human nature to compare ourselves to others - always thinking that everyone else has it better than we do. It always comes as a big surprise to me when I hear they all have a lot of the same problems that I do.

    Relax and have a great time with your sisters. Can't wait to hear about it when you return.

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  12. It's amazing how distorted our own image of our bodies are. I remember this show I saw once where they had a line of women in sports bras and undies and the person had to choose where they thought they fit into that line of women. They ALWAYS chose a woman at least two sizes bigger than they actually were.

    And "slump-a-dunk"....I'm going to have to use that one this weekend!

    I just finished up a weekend with my sister and time seemed to crawl by which is what I prayed for. I savored every single moment since I don't get to see her but once a year...twice if someone gets married or dies.

    Have you ever thought that your sisters might envy YOU? You're confident enough to go out au natural while most of us are slaves to the compact, cover-up and misc war paint.

    Just take a deep breath and savor every moment you get to have with your family. Have fun!!

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  13. Oh girl--I am so with you. Remember that you are beautiful! Your sisters love you and don't care what kind of pants you wear. Be comfortable and be yourself. Hope you have an excellent time!

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  14. I can't really add anything profound Dana. I hope you have a wonderful time with your sisters and I too will be adding slump-a-dunk to my vocabulary :-)

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  15. Haha, I just thought of that brand--I think it's Loreal?--who's line is, "Because you're worth it."

    That should be good nutrition and exercise's new motto: because you're worth it, damn it!

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  16. we have ALL walked a mile in your "wait were we supposed to wear heels? I only brought my birkenstocks" :) shoes.

    you are enough because youa re YOU.

    Like Katie J said that isnt profound---but it is true.

    HAVE FUN.

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  17. Our brains do have crazy moments. eh? I still love you even if you are not case ;) Just got to be strong, missus, do not listen to those crazy brain moments. You should be PROUD of your accomplishments.

    you are good enough. you ARE WORTH all the work. you do rock, babes! <3

    i puffy heart love that you just kicked ASS on the treadclimber.

    <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
    i believe.

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  18. I freak out all the time so I can relate. Comparing myself with others always gets me down so I try not to do it so often.

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  19. OMG - I just did the exact same thing about not liking the way I looked the other day! Why are we so critical of ourselves?

    You know that you have done brilliantly and your whole body is totally wonderful now. You are livelier, fitter and look so much better.

    Your sisters will love you as you are!

    Hugs xxx

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  20. I'd never heard the term TCB before. But it definitely describes my brain too. We are so self critical...yes, you should be SO proud of all your accomplishments...weight loss and drug free. Your sisters love you and so do I!

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