Tuesday, January 12, 2010

holding on

About a month ago I made the decision to buy a scale. I even wrote a post asking myself if I was emtional ready to have a scale in the house. Well as of this week the scale is going to a friend's house. I have been on and off that damn thing all day yesterday and then I hopped on again this morning. My head is just not in a good place. I am still struggling food wise. Totally over eating. So then I end up with stomach problems. No walking this morning. Plus my knee is hurting as well. I am not eating total crap, I am just eating too much. I am using food.

For some reason I am trying to sabatoge myself. I don't know if this is a depression or hormones or what. I feel tired as hell all the time. I have not really pushed myself physically in a week. For some reason my head as gone back to "diet" mode. I have been trying to figure out calories/points. I haven't done this since I 1st started. It is not working for me. I liked it better when I just eat good food and focused on feeling healthier. Not focusing on the size of the pants. I can't comfortably wear the skinny bitch jeans now either. This has been messing with my head TOTALLY. For the past few days it has been that STUPID all or nothing mentality.

Pride has snuck into my thinking. I have been getting so many compliments lately. That is always dangerous. I am worthy of every nice thing said to me. In my head I know that. But, is it really the way I FEEL? Me thinks not. So what am I going to do about it?

HOLD ON.....that's what! This will not last forever. I refuse to be thrown totally off track. I will stay the course, and I will hold on. I didn't want to do another poor me post. Oh well, it is what it is. What's so frustrating is that I know it's up to me. Yet I fight my every good intention. Try to do better today. It's all I can do.

Today's tender mercy is the fact that I have so much support. Between my family and friends amd all my blogger buddies I know I am not alone. Plus I have lots of people rooting for me. All that positive energy can't hurt, it can only help.

I love this quote from the new Mitch Albom book Have A Little Faith. "We fail until we don't".

keep the mood and the food real. Hold On!

11 comments:

  1. This whole deal is a learning process for all of us. We didn't get here because we had a donut for breakfast from time to time. We got here because something big and internal is/was mis-wired. We are learning how to deal. I find that I usually always find a way to stop myself from being completely successful. It's the damndest thing.

    Take good care.

    ReplyDelete
  2. this weight loss journey is so much more than losing weight- it is definitely a wake up call to all of the reasons we got to the weight we were. I turn to food when I am down...and I know that is not the answer. I think a scale can be a BAD thing in the house...It only matters ONCe a week for me adn OUTSIDE of the house- yet I still peek from time to time. This is not easy, and during these tough times it is so helpful to read that another blogger is challenged as well. Thank you for being so open and honest with your blog!!! You have no idea how many people you are helping just by being able to relate to what you type! :) HANG IN THERE! Those jeans will be back on in no time I have faith in you!!! xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  3. I admit i have a love/hate relationship with the scale.
    Good for you on banishing it from your home :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. I'm sorry you're struggling. I know I go through the sabotage thing sometimes too, I haven't figured it out either. But the big thing is you have learned to be aware of it. I too know what you mean about just wanting to live healthy and not have to worry about calorie counting etc. But I know for myself when I'm struggling journaling the food does help me. If nothing else I know I will have to write down what I'm eating and often that keeps me from eating the bad stuff. Hang in there you'll get your head turned back around and be back in those skinny jeans before ya know it. *hugs*

    ReplyDelete
  5. Oh My Girl you are writing my thoughts right now, I am struggling. My husband has expressed concern about me and my relationship with the scales. I have never been a scale hopper but I am now and I don't know why. We need a group hug!!

    ReplyDelete
  6. I have a problem with the scale, too. Currently mine is in my closet because I was on it every day for about a week and it was making me CRAZY!!! I've promised myself that if I pull it out of the closet before Saturday, it's going into my car. (Can you imagine if I got pulled over and my car was searched? "Ma'am, why are there chocolates and a scale in here?" lol)

    You are not alone in this, Dana. Hang in there, my friend!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Sounds like you really do better psychologically without the scale. Would you consider ditching it or do you think that there is more to this rough patch than the scale?

    ReplyDelete
  8. totally know what you are talking about,. the downs are heard to get through, but there is always an end. Keep doing the things that are good for you and you will come through. Getting a scale is tough... I did just a few weeks ago... hard to stay off it and only weigh in once a week... but I'm doing okay, you can too!!

    :)

    ReplyDelete
  9. If it was working for you before the scale, it will work for you after you get rid of it.
    Have you tried journaling your thoughts about eating and the foods you are eating for one whole day and then looking back on it? Just a thought.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hugs.

    Consider throwing some weights around a bit...kettlebells, barbells, dumbbells. The weights have helped me build more self condifence and helped me reconnect better with my body.

    You absolutely completely deserve health and wellness and fitness. You are wonderful!!!

    Be good to yourself. Respect yourself. Take care of yourself. We're all here cheering you on!

    Check those vitamin D levels, too....I'm telling you...low D can really screw with your head and make things VERY difficult!

    ReplyDelete

Tell me what you think!