Monday, January 4, 2010

the "skinny bitch" jeans...the wait is over!



Well here are the Skinny Bitch jeans. A huge thank you to TJ and her generous offer to send the traveling pants to me! I have to say that I love these pants. They fit great. 2 weeks ago I don't think the legs would have fit. I have had to ask myself why I would procrastinate posting the jeans picture. I have decided it is because I have an image in my mind of how I look in the jeans. In my mind I am the Skinny Bitch (I am quite aware that I still about 40 pounds to be "skinny"). I started out as a size 24. These jeans are a size 14....FOURTEEN! Excuse me while a weep. I am still amazed by that number....FOURTEEN!

I have the disease of addiction and it centers in my mind. I don't care what my ass says! I am addicted to food, among other things. I have come to realize that the way I see myself is altered. That's part of "The Crazy Brain" syndrome that I suffer from. That's my own diagnosis, ok actually it was Roxie's, but it fits. When I was 270 lbs I saw myself as thin. Even when I saw a picture of myself. I am sure this was some kind of a self preservation. If I saw myself how I really looked in all my 270 lbs glory, well I might hae ended it all...I am only sort of kidding.

Now I see myself as fat. Some days are better then others. I really don't like any pictures of all of me. I just didn't want to have a picture of me in the jeans. I want to live in my little fantasy for as long as possible. I just "felt" so damn good in the jeans That's why there is no head....just the jeans. Looking at just the jeans, without putting my face on the top, I see a Skinny Person ( I can be a bitch, but not today...lol). It's like I can be my own worse enemy. The mind....she is fickle....no?? Anyway, I hope that makes sense to someone.

I am waiting to walk out the door this morning. It's not even 5AM. I am excited to get back to normal. I am going to make a food list and check it twice....going to include all the nice food, none of the naughty food. I have filled my H2O jug. I am looking forward to getting back to work.

I have some big girl calls I have to make today. One of them to the IRS....yick. I hate it when I have to act like an adult. I don't know why I put stuff like this off. I have been so focused on work and my old people that I have no energy left over to do things for me. That is one of my resolutions. Stop living life by default.

Hope that your 1st Monday morning of 2010 is great. Keep the mood and the food real....set your intentions!

P.S. - Karen, if you are reading this, can I be part of your team. You were missed. I would love to leave a comment.

24 comments:

  1. Dang, woman - you look fantastic in those jeans! Your legs are so thin...congratulations on fitting into size 14!!!

    I know how you feel about looking at a pair of pants and thinking that there is no way your legs will fit - I still do that. When I started my journey I was in size 24 pants also - it's stunning to be in 14's, isn't it?!?

    You have worked your tail off and it really shows. But it does take a long time to see yourself as a thinner person. Enjoy those jeans and all of the good feelings that came with them.

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  2. Those jeans look hot!

    Next time, start taking whole photos. I find it helps with the realization that I'M getting fitter. Sometimes there's that whole disconnect from reality after losing a lot of weight!

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  3. Oooooooooh I can't wait to get into size 14s!
    I started in 24s as well & just barely into my 18s (as in don't take deep breaths or do deep knee bends, lol, so I'm really in baggy 20s still) so I 100% understand the euphoria that goes along with fitting in those pants.

    Congrats on having such a terrific non-scale victory!!

    Best wishes,
    Lynn

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  4. Wow, Dana - you look great in those jeans! Congrats on all the progress you've made! And size 14 - way to go!

    I know just what you mean about how you see yourself. I look back on pictures from 20 years ago when I thought I was huge and I was perfectly normal and wonder why I wasted so much time being hard on myself. Pictures these days are few and far between because the outside bears no resemblance to the person inside. I think it's a process a lot of us go through and will hopefully find peace with at some point. You deserve to feel better about yourself.

    Now go get all those big girl things done and then you can really enjoy yourself in those skinny jeans!

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  5. Big congrats on the skinny jeans...don't that just feel so good!!!

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  6. Mental image is so funny. After the big loss, I would still go into clothing stores and go straight to the end of the rack looking for the size 20/22. It took me a long, long time to go the size 8/10 where I belonged.

    I maintained my loss for 10 years until my thyroid crapped out. By then, I'd mentally changed my body image to a size 10. As I gained and gained (GRR!), I'd walk into the store and go right to the size 10 instead of the 16/18 wear I belonged.

    You're most definitely not alone in struggling to see your body as it is. Taking the photos definitely helps. Good for you. And if I can be so bold...nice tush in those jeans!

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  7. They look great and I know just what you mean about the mental image we have of ourselves. I am permanently confused these days.

    And I am struggling with the grown up girl things too. TCB just won't allow me to deal with those difficult things.

    I am so glad you are getting back into the groove with your walking etc - go you!

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  8. For me it has always been a thing of seeing a before and after picture. I never thought about taking a picture of myself without my head...I may have to try that!

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  9. WoW, believe me when i say you are my HERO!!
    You look AMAZING.

    Wow SAVOR your success!!!

    We are own worst enemy...so sad for so many of us....

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  10. Definitely skinny jeans Dana, looking hot woman *smile*. Think I prefer you with a head though lol. I know what you mean about how you see yourself. Some days are good for me and some not so good. I think it's all about what's going on in our head really.

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  11. WOWOWOW what a WOMAN!!!
    Skinny Sexy Bitch Jeans.

    Oh I wish...
    Oh I want...

    You look Fabulous My Darling Girl!!

    hugs

    Sheilagh

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  12. You look awesome you Skinny Bitch. :)

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  13. Those jeans DO look great on you! Aren't good-fitting jeans just one of the best things in the world? I swear, whether you're a size 0 or a size 20, it's hard to find jeans that look just right on your body. Glad you found some. :)

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  14. wow...good fitting jeans are the barometer for us all huh?
    seriously and no matter the size on the tag.

    makes me wonder (still. again. :)) why anyone uses a scale.

    love the pic...

    Miz

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  15. As I'm posting a comment, I see your old picture of you mentioning something about a shelf bra...girl, you look good! Put those pics together so you can see the difference!

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  16. BABES! BABES! BABES!
    love the picture *high fives* looking good! I am soooooo soooo happy for you I cant even begin to describe my huge wide smile!

    everyone has warped sense of thinking when it comes to body image. i dont think it will ever change not matter what shape you become.

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  17. I wanna look like you! My goal is to not have to wear "women" sizes any more. 14 is a dream. Keep the jeans!

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  18. First of all...."fat" is NOT ad adjective I would use to describe you if I saw you walking down the street in these jeans. You might still be 40 pounds to your goal....but...you passed "fat" a ways back and I don't think you are headed back to fat-town! YOU LOOK MAAAAAAARVELOUS! Love it!

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  19. WOW, you look great in those jeans!

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