I just heard on the news it's National Margarita Day. Too bad I don't drink. I have had an up and down weekend. Why can't I just be happy. BTW....loosing 78 lbs doesn't guaranteed that you are going to be happy. Now mind you, I know this in my head....yet when this happens I have the nerve to be surprised. I don't think I am depressed, but I do have these "episodes" where I feel really sad. Usually after spending too much time alone with TCB (the crazy brain). It's almost like I can think myself unhappy.
I have been freaked out over money, again. The car is worse then they thought...blah blah blah. I won't bore with the details, but I feel like I have created this money prison for myself. I know that I am the problem. I refuse to do anything to increase my earning potential. Like going to school. It's at times like these that I kind of wish I had a husband. Don't ask me why, I would be just as miserable ( or just my luck more miserable ). Plus I'd have that added bonus of being responsible for someone else's happiness. Yes, sometimes I feel all powerful...lol.
So because I have money problems I decided to buy myself some happy over the weekend. This is how I punish myself. It must be or why why why would I do it. I don't what's sadder that I constantly sabotage myself or that a trip to the thrift store, spending less them $12 can make or break my bank account.
I left church early yesterday due to a sudden sweating episode. By the time I got home the back of my shirt was drenched. Then tried to meet up with my daughter to see the Gkids and she kind of acted like she didn't want to. I have the work van, but I didn't want to take it out of town. So I haven't been able to get out to see them. I can understand. It's alot of extra work for her. Plus, the kids would just get upset when it was time to go, cause they always want to go with me. I was disappointed though. I just sat around with my wonderful thoughts the rest of the afternoon. Hence the discontentment. I think that is a good word for it.
I can be grateful that I bounce back verily fast. If I can just keep thinking that this feeling won't last I will get through this. Food wasn't bad. Didn't walk yesterday. That was probably part of my problem right there. I always feel better when I walk 1st thing. Started the day out right this morning with a 3 miler with my friend. Walking and talking is so good for me!
See I am feeling better already....keep the mood and the food real