Monday, February 22, 2010

there's no guarentee

I just heard on the news it's National Margarita Day. Too bad I don't drink. I have had an up and down weekend. Why can't I just be happy. BTW....loosing 78 lbs doesn't guaranteed that you are going to be happy. Now mind you, I know this in my head....yet when this happens I have the nerve to be surprised. I don't think I am depressed, but I do have these "episodes" where I feel really sad. Usually after spending too much time alone with TCB (the crazy brain). It's almost like I can think myself unhappy.

I have been freaked out over money, again. The car is worse then they thought...blah blah blah. I won't bore with the details, but I feel like I have created this money prison for myself. I know that I am the problem. I refuse to do anything to increase my earning potential. Like going to school. It's at times like these that I kind of wish I had a husband. Don't ask me why, I would be just as miserable ( or just my luck more miserable ). Plus I'd have that added bonus of being responsible for someone else's happiness. Yes, sometimes I feel all powerful...lol.

So because I have money problems I decided to buy myself some happy over the weekend. This is how I punish myself. It must be or why why why would I do it. I don't what's sadder that I constantly sabotage myself or that a trip to the thrift store, spending less them $12 can make or break my bank account.

I left church early yesterday due to a sudden sweating episode. By the time I got home the back of my shirt was drenched. Then tried to meet up with my daughter to see the Gkids and she kind of acted like she didn't want to. I have the work van, but I didn't want to take it out of town. So I haven't been able to get out to see them. I can understand. It's alot of extra work for her. Plus, the kids would just get upset when it was time to go, cause they always want to go with me. I was disappointed though. I just sat around with my wonderful thoughts the rest of the afternoon. Hence the discontentment. I think that is a good word for it.

I can be grateful that I bounce back verily fast. If I can just keep thinking that this feeling won't last I will get through this. Food wasn't bad. Didn't walk yesterday. That was probably part of my problem right there. I always feel better when I walk 1st thing. Started the day out right this morning with a 3 miler with my friend. Walking and talking is so good for me!

See I am feeling better already....keep the mood and the food real

8 comments:

  1. Weekends/Sundays are just hard, I think. I do understand the feeling of just wanting to have someone to share the hard stuff with - just to shoulder a bit of the burden. But that's like everything else with that whole "the grass being greener" or being thinner will solve everything. It just doesn't.

    I am glad that you are feeling better and the realization that this is just a feeling and it will pass is huge. Feelings are not facts.

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  2. Good job on the walk with your friend today. Sometimes getting out and clearing your head with a nice walk helps me! :) Hang in there my friend! xoxo

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  3. Ugh, hot flash in church? Not fun. I love my alone time, but too much of it in a row and my head gets a little screwy. So I can relate to your weekend, especially trying to solve your money problems by spending...why do we do that?!?

    Ah well. Sounds like things are feeling more normal today, so I'm glad for you. Hugs, my friend.

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  4. babes <3 i am going to have to shake that crazy brain right out of you!

    money problems suck. sorry to hear that.

    theres a national margarita day? how come no one told me....

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  5. walking and talking are good for me too!

    I hope you get to see the gkids and daughter soon.

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  6. I actually listened to my crazy brain today.
    She had her say, and I had mine.
    The difference was that THIS time, I listened and didn't judge.
    And THIS time, I made real progress!

    Glad you are in a good spot, blogging friend!

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  7. Being a healthy weight, or even close to one, most definitely does not guarantee happiness. It makes it so you don't have to worry too much about your health, and you have the freedom to do the physical activities that you want to do, but there are so many more things that make up our happiness.

    I wish I'd had a margarita today.

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  8. I think I just left you a comment on yesterdays blog, instead of today's. Anyway, I just realized I referred to the wrong blog. I found yours from "TJ's test Kitchen". I'm not stalking, I promise. :)

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