Monday, March 29, 2010

feelings, nothing more than feelings

The heat is on! It's suppose to be 88 degrees today. No biking home for me today. I am going to catch ride home from my son. I decided not to ride the bike this morning cause my knee is kind of sore. I pounded, and I mean pounded, out 40 mins on the treadclimber yesterday plus rode the bike home in the wind. That might have been too much for the old knee. I decided to walk this morning outside instead of the treadclimber and the knee feels better.

I am so hungry today I want to chew my arm off. DANG IT! Not one of my better weeks food wise. I am not really stressing out. I am vegging out. I know I have things that I could be doing, but I have chosen to sit around and eat when I am home. My get up and go got up and went. Know what I mean?? I was up 2 lbs this morning. Need to rein in the eating and get back to basics. No worries. I do know what to do. If I have a small gain, it doesn't mean that I am going to out put all my weight back on. It doesn't mean that I have stopped trying eat healthy and move more. Nope it doesn't. Sometimes I just have to remind myself of that.


Raquel Welch was on Oprah talking about aging yesterday. It was very interesting. This is about aging beautifully, but it's really more about aging "into" yourself. She was talking about after 50 you start needing to deal with all the crap you've let slide. I can feel that. I must day that I feel better at 49 then I can remember EVER feeling. I spent my all 20s and 30s using drugs, men and well, everything. I spent my 40s getting and staying fat. I hope to devote my 50s to dealing with deeper more meaningful stuff. I want a really good quality of life. To be really comfortable in my own skin. I thought fitting into a size was going to cure it all. It doesn't. It doesn't cure it all, but it has been a HUGE step in the right direction. I want to be good to all of me. Mind, body and spirit.

I am glad that I have decided to see someone to help me deal with some deep issues. I do feel a sense of urgency about facing some issues and putting them behind me. I am sure that not easing the pain with food as made the issues more obvious to me. More uncomfortable. I am tried of feeling nervous and anxious alot of the time. It's like unexplained anxiety. My life is really pretty good. Of course I have problems, but nothing that lives up to the "hype" I give it. I don't want to just endure life, I want to endure it well.

I hope I made sense. I kind of feel like I am rambling today.

Keep the mood and the food real .....................feelings, nothing more than feelings....

6 comments:

  1. I do have to say i visited a therapist for a year or so and it did me a world of good!!
    Sometimes that hungry monster does come out and it doesn't matter how much i eat but i just can't seem to stop. Hate that!!
    Take care of your knee and look after yourself :)

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  2. Makes sense to me. I have to let go of my past before it eats me alive. Literally and figuratively.

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  3. As is the case for some of us, none of this stuff is REALLY about weight. It's about other stuff that just manifests itself that way - but you've already figured that out. Good on you for getting some professional coaching. A new perspective can be very enlightening.

    Hope the knee does better.....

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  4. Very good attitude with the scale results. :-)

    I hope your knee is continuing to feel better!

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  5. You already know how I feel about therapy "love it". I'm sure you'll get a lot out of it. Feeling our feelings is tough sometimes *hugs*. I always want to eat when I'm feeling them too.

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