Friday, May 14, 2010

addiction, it sucks!

Good Friday morning! Not yet 5 am but I have been up since 2:30 AM. I got some pretty disturbing news last night. A very dear friend that I have know since I was in the drug recovery half way house years ago has just been busted for drugs. I am shocked and more then alittle surprised. I kind of knew she had a pill problem, but I truly had no idea about all this other stuff. A cop called me from her number to ask me to go pick up her kids from school yesterday afternoon. I don't have a car and couldn't help her. They released her, but they will be back. They will put out a warrant in a few months. The same thing happened to me. YEARS AGO!

People this is not something that I am proud of. Most of my readers know that I was an active drug addict (drug of choice was meth) for most of my adult life. Today I am a recovering addict. An ADDICT. I can use anything to try to make me feel different. Food, spending, ect. Food is now my drug of choice. I am in recovery from food everyday, the same as the drugs.

This hits so close to home for me. I remember what it feels like to be locked up. To feel that incomprehensible demoralization I am so grateful that I do not have live like that anymore. She seems upbeat. Really?? Denial is not just a river in Egypt. This woman has a very good job, a wonderful family, money. Everything that should make life enjoyable. Addiction is such crazy ass disease. It is a disease that tells you that you aren't sick. She refuses to tell her family, who would support her and help her. PRIDE! UGH! That is a disease too. The WORST of all spiritual maladies.

Today I am just going to try to stay objective and not get sucked into her craziness. I want to help, but I refuse to blow smoke up her ass either. Oh and I am going to hit my knees and thank my Heavenly Father for my soberiety, then hit a meeting to tell others. That's how it works, folks.

Best get dress.......it's walking time!

Keep the mood and food real.............be honest with yourself!

16 comments:

  1. I am so sorry for your friend who continues to be out there. I know you worry for her and for her kids.

    I hope you know what a powerful story you have. That it is possible to regain a life, to be in recovery from a long term addiction, that addiction - in it's many forms - has many faces. And the first step to overcoming them is admitting our problem. I hope your friend gets some help. All you can do is be the example that you are. If you met her in a recovery program, then she knows help is there if she chooses to get it.

    Thank you, always, for your honesty and your integrity. You are an amazing, resilient woman, Dana - with a powerful story of recovery.

    Hugs to you this morning, my friend.

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  2. "...and not get sucked into her craziness" - it's so easy to do in situations like this. Glad you recognize what you can and cannot do for your friend, and what you CAN do for yourself. If she still isn't being honest with her family, if she can still be upbeat after being arrested and locked up, then she hasn't hit rock bottom. And that's freakin' scary - if jail didn't do it, what will?

    Hang in there and keep doing the next right thing, Dana.

    Oh, and Fashion Friday will be making an appearance next Friday! :)

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  3. Wow - thank you so much for sharing this. You give me courage to be honest about my addiction too. Mine was just booze, but it was plenty bad.

    I love what Roxie said about how powerful your story is, and how you are a living witness to the possibility and abundance of recovery. I have a friend who was a very low bottom drunk who strives to be "woman of dignity and grace" today. She's doing it and so are you.

    So sorry for your friend's relapse. That really rocks us to the core, when we hear about someone going back out or picking up.

    The two commenters above me clearly have experience with recovery in some form, given their verbiage. You know I do as well. We all just keep striving to do the next right thing.

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  4. Addiction does suck. My ex-husband is addicted to crack. When he's clean, he is in total denial that he is an addict. That is why it always creeps back into the picture and takes over. He has lost everything (including his family) because of his addiction, but he still denies that drugs is the reason. It's always someone else that is causing the problem.

    I think you are an awesome person for fighting to be sober. it is a fight, and you are so strong to wake up every day and make the choice to be sober!

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  5. I'm so proud of you. I also love the comments above, and I really don't know how I could add to what has already been beautifully expressed. But, if you're like me, numbers help in support.

    You prevented me making icing under the countertop and eating it all myself. You made me realize that I'm not just flirting with sugar to help through jetlag. I need to NEVER go there again. I need a new stress reaction.

    Thanks for helping me face my addiction of choice at the moment. ANd for helping me choose NOT to engage it today. You are really wonderful.

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  6. I thinks you are always the best, no matter what!

    And that river in Egypt? I think of it as either a mirage,
    or a source of life-giving water. Denial has a place - as a defense mechanism...it protects us.
    Denial SUCKS as a coping skill!

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  7. It's such a troubling situation. It's very easy to have your desire to help your friend suck you into her abyss.

    Sometimes the best help you can offer someone is to live as proof that recovery is attainable. You're doing that - not just for your friend, but for a lot of people.

    Stay strong.

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  8. You are living proof that recovery is possible!!

    Dave (my BF) is in recovery for Alcohol and has been sober almost a year. He is 59 so it goes to show you that if you really want to change that you can do it

    Thank you for sharing your story Dana. I think more people can relate then you know.

    xoxo Try to enjoy your weekend and NO tootsie rolls!

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  9. Kudos for sharing your experiences with others....because there are so many people out there struggling with addictions. Be it alcohol, drugs, sex, or as in my case....food.

    Stay strong!

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  10. <3 babes.
    this post makes me a little sad. addiction is killer.
    But I love the strength you have for talking about it.

    right now I am trying to be honest with myself.

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  11. I can't say any more that the previous comments, other than you are such an abiding light in the Blogsphere. Your honesty,your weakness, your strength of character make me so humble. I admire a lot of folk out here Dana, but you are right up there at the top of the list. Beating addiction is a daily battle, you don't need me to tell you that. But you fight your battle with such grace. I hope your friend can take some strength from your example of living clean.

    Love and hugs

    Sheilagh

    xxxx

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  12. addiction is a powerful thing to go thru... so I am wowed that you showed strenght and battle it every day.

    Sorry to hear about your friend but maybe this is what she needs

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  13. So sorry to hear about your friend, and her kids especially. Addiction takes on many forms, for those of us struggling with weight its...food, that's me!
    Thanks for sharing!

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  14. Hang in there, Toots(ie Roll) :D
    Don't let her sh*t fall on your shoes.

    I've always admired your candidness about your past, you know that. It makes me feel uninhibited to share my own story.

    Be well, my friend. ♡

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  15. thank you for your honesty. I'm new to your blog, and i didn't know. You hit the nail on so many heads in this post. Pride being a huge one. Humility and honesty will get you so much further on the road to health, joy and fulfilment.

    so sorry about the sad news. (hugs)

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  16. Addiction treatment is just one of the avenues that substance abusers need to undergo to live a sober life and be the persons that they should be regardless of what addictions they might have. Surely, these people need prompt help from knowledgeable and expert people.

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