Thursday, July 29, 2010

It's Up to Me

I have been up since 3 AM. I went to bed really early last night. I had a better day eating yesterday and drank an entire gallon of H20. I got in 40 mins on the treadclimber and really worked up sweat. I decided to get on the scales this morning. I saw 200.2 staring back at me. I got that sick feeling in my stomach. That's up 3 lbs in 3 days. I got to thinking that this is how this weight came back. QUICKLY. I am not going to freak out. That never helps. I was reading about Bitchcakes reaching her goal. She had 2.5 years where she didn't loose or gain. Then she recommitted. Then goal. See how that works, when you work it.

This is all up to me. I have been feeling out of control food wise for along time now. I have gained almost 20 lbs back by eating just little bit more and moving just alittle bit less. Not by eating ice cream or fast food or calorie filled crap. Nope that would have been too obvious. The disease of addiction is very subtle when it has to be. It started out by doing just enough to get by. I was "resting on my laurels", as the Big Book of AA says. I heard once that laurels means victories. I was on the high of loosing 100 lbs. I was not moving forward. There really is no standing still. I started backsliding then.

So I am going to recommit. Started yesterday, no matter what the scale said this morning. I ate better then I have for awhile. I wasn't perfect, I was better. What I need to remember is that I got here by doing just a little bit less. So that means that to start moving in the right direction I need to do just alittle bit more. Seriously, my lifestyle hasn't changed that much. I still walk and bike everyday. I have kicked up the walking this week. It feels good. I need to walk away from the food. Just say no.

I also have to remember that things that I have done or that were done to me in the past are just the past. I have been dealing with some really difficult stuff. I am grateful for the willingness to address this stuff. I am not going to use that shit as an excuse anymore. I don't want to. It doesn't serve me. I serve it. That sucks. It is my choice. It's always my choice. I know I can do hard things. I also know that I don't have to deal alone.

This is more about what in between my ears then what's on my plate. When my head is right I make better choices. I have been feeling more isolated. No car and 114 heat. That's what helped ( or is the excuse I use ) to lay around after work. To go to bed too early. To check out from life after 5 pm. All choices I have made.

I am going to start posting my weight like Roxie does. I like her system. I don't want to put too much focus on the number, but I need to know it. This is a process. It's life. I am going to make good choices today. I know what to do. Now I am going to do it!

Keep the mood and the food real............



  1. You can..and it. You know what they say, "keep on keeping on"

    I've done that with my present weight loss.."rested on my laurels" I think. I started to slack..and it is creeping back.

    I think about my friend who lost 140 lbs 12 years ago and he tells me "every day is a battle"

    great. but he's doing the after day.

  2. Fanfuckingtastic.

    I'm with you. Leaving the past where it belongs, and making the small changes that snowball into the big successes.

  3. Great honest post, Dana, and insightful. I was really struck by your noting how the gain creeps back by eating JUST a little bit more and moving JUST a little bit less. The next wrong thing - I've been in the same place for a few months. Your recommitment motivates and inspires me. We can do this, and we will.

  4. That's what i did a couple of weeks ago i recommitted! We have to do what works for us. You, my friend, are a success :)

  5. "What I need to remember is that I got here by doing just a little bit less. So that means that to start moving in the right direction I need to do just a little bit more."

    Great post, and one which I could have written - except that I haven't succeeded in losing as much weight! I am stuck too, but if I am honest I know why. That bit above says it all. I have to up my a little bit more. Thanks for reminding me.

  6. Yay to recommitment! You are one strong can do it!

    This post is me to a tee.....I could have written it. I recommitted about a week ago. The scales have not been showing good things in the last two days (hey, I'm a female, there is always that week that's rough on the scales) but you know what....I'm not worried about it...I'm doing what is right and it will come off!!!!

  7. Hooray for recommitting! I am doing the same thing. Although taking it a step further. It always seemed if my food choices were good, I never exercised, or if I exercise, I ate whatever I wanted.

    This time I am doing both together - one thing I need to kick to the curb is alcohol - I am toying with the idea of going alcohol free the month of August. I just get used to having my glass of wine while I make dinner - then inevitable one or two more get poured during the night.

    Any defecit I get with exercise and eating right gets consumed in a glass!

    Sending hugs your way!!

  8. Your post hit home for me as I am sure it did to others. It is a difficult journey to regain your health and loose weight.The first step you have done, making the decision to get back on track, the second is that you are surrounded by lots of cyber support. You can do it! You can do it!You can do it!You can do it!You can do it!

  9. My scale broke a few months ago and I've yet to replace it. I weigh in weekly at the doctor's office and that's good enough for me. The scale can quickly descend into an obsession for me. Way to pump the brakes and get back in the driver's seat! Good luck!

  10. I sure wish it came off as quickly as it goes on! Good for you for recommitting!

  11. To eat a little more and move a little less ... that's all it takes to gain. I'm finding that what it used to take to lose is not just good enough anymore. Some weeks it's a struggle to stay the same. Autopilot isn't working anymore. It's time to re-evaluate my system.

  12. yesyesyes!
    on the basics
    on the Roxy love
    and SADLY on the upsincecrackofdawn yesterday too.

    and today.

    coffee time :)



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