Thursday, September 16, 2010

Heart Condition

Hanging in there. Felt like eating all day yesterday. There are some good things about not having a car. No drive I am feeling stress. Then when I am not stressing I feel guilty for not stressing. It's my attempt to control. Accept the things I can not change. Easier said then done. Like if I am am freaked I am not reacting appropriately to this scary situation.

I am doing my best. Things aren't going as I had hoped. I had hoped for easy breezy. It's not going to be like that. I had hoped people would do the right thing. Worked on my resume and sent a bunch out this morning. Feeling hopeful in the job search. Spent time with a dear friend yesterday. Tomorrow I am helping out another friend and will be able to get some errands done. She's letting me use her car. It seemed like it was going to cool off here in the desert, but alas, it's back up to 103 again today. Skipped biking this morning to come home and get organized. I am still trying to deal with my financial crap too. I have to turn in some paperwork. that kind of stuff can really send me into a shame spiral. Not this morning. I just plowed thru. Tried to take the emotion out of it. It worked. It all got found and is ready to go for tomorrow.

I walked over 4 miles this morning. I am excited about the half marathon. Thanks for much for all your suggestions. We are starting alittle earlier. 4:45AM. It's early but I'm awake and I wouldn't want to start my day any other way. I was suppose to spend the night last night at my friend's house, but I just wanted to come home and sleep in my bed and hit the road with my girls this morning.

I started this post yesterday morning. So today is really a new day. I go this morning to check on an elder care job that looks very promising. It's close so I can bike. It will get me thru till I decide on my next move. I am going to try to stay where I'm at as far as my living arrangements. I am feeling hopeful.....scared but less stressed this morning. It looks like I am on my own as far as trying to get any back vacation pay. I am going to write a letter and try to appeal to my former employers' sense of fairness. One way or the other he will have to put money out either to pay me what's fair or pay a lawyer to defend against violations I will file with a couple of Federal agencies. I hope he does the right thing. I am prepared to do what ever it takes. I have lots of love and support to see it through. It will just take along time if I have to file the violations myself. What the hell.....I've got nothing but time.

I don't want this to harden my heart. I am on constant watch for "vindictive" to rear it's ugly head. I am guarding against resentment and discouragement. My worst enemy now is SELF PITY. I am not the 1st person to get canned and I won't be the last. I am trying to be mindful of my intentions and motives. I am glad that I have people around me that will tell it like it is. No 'yes men" for me.

Even though I was munchie yesterday, I resisted the food coma. Went to cheer on at Young Women's softball last night. then a small yogurt with friends. I need to keep busy and stay off the pity pot. Woke up late, only walked 2 miles. Making good for me choices all the way around.

Hope everyone has a nice weekend. I have no plans but it seems like I am busier now then when I had a job. Gotta love support!


Keep the mood and the food real..............


  1. I find that being stressed is the hardest time to not over eat. Your doing great and i'm definitely sending positive vibes your way. Have a great weekend and try to stay stress free.

  2. You said that you were scared because you were not reacting appropriately? What do you mean by that? What about your reaction is inappropriate?

    As for the scary financial stuff - I understand that whole thing. What my sponsor told me just this week about dealing with stuff we find scary is that our fear is usually worse than turning around and actually facing it. I think you are doing the right thing by "just plowing through".

    I think you are doing a brilliant job in the face of a very difficult and scary situation. I couldn't be more impressed, Dana.

    Have a wonderful weekend!

  3. I just wrote an entry about being an emotional eater. I understand how hard it is to resist it when you're feeling down. I'll be sending positive vibes your way as well. Hope you feel better!

  4. I think you are doing terrific too with all that's going on. Hang in there! Love ya too. Way to go on all the walking too.

  5. Muddling your way through this can't be easy - it's not like you went to school to learn how to deal with what crap life throws at you. You ARE doing good, my friend. And I love that you were able to remove the emotion from the financial crap. I need to take a page from your book.

    Hope you have a good weekend!

  6. That's fantastic. Not turning to food under a stressful situation. Patting you on the back. You deserve it.

  7. It sounds like you are staying as positive as you can in a bad situation. Good for you. :) Just take it day by day and things will look up soon. I hope you get that elder care job so that you won't be as stressed about financial stuff, and good luck with your former employer. Also, great job and not using food right now. That is something you should be very proud of.


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