I started looking through the scrapbook and I was amazed at who had wrote memories. A dear friend that I was in Salvation Army rehab with years ago. Cousins that I haven't seen for a while. My aunts and sister. My nieces. I received notes from family members of loved ones that I cared for in their last days. High school buddies that I haven't seen in years. I even had a note from the old boss lady. She wrote very nice things. How I made her laugh and how I was always there for her. She submitted it to my daughter a couple of weeks ago and Cassie included it. I am glad she did. Even other members of her family submitted stories. Sweet stories.
I was shocked to see how fat I was. I don't have alot of before pics, but other people did and I was just in awe. So was every one there. It really was a celebration of me. Of the good things in my life. Loosing 100 lbs was the gift I gave myself. I was floored by what I have accomplished. I really can do hard. We all can.
That's when I had to cover my face and go into the ugly cry. The entire week last week was a mixture of really good stuff and really crazy bad stuff. I am still over whelmed by peoples kindness and love. Then I get over whelmed with the seriousness of my situation. I have been on an emotional roller coaster. I feel like I need a to just take a deep breath and appreciate it all. The good, the bad and the ugly. I feel strangely calm about it all. I really have a feeling that no matter what happens, I will be ok.
Now it's business time. The birthday fun and fog is over. It's Monday morning I have no where to go. I have been up for my walk and plan on a bike ride to the food store. Maybe the library. I went on a super long bike ride yesterday. Not sure how far. Did some good thinking. My biggest hurdle now is going to be discouragement. I can't let those thought over power my good thoughts. Life is difficult. It's not suppose to be easy. I am going to press forward with faith. I am going to be better for this experience.
I have not turned to food over this. I have allowed myself a few more things then I would normally, but nothing big. There were lots of things to celebrate last week. This week I am going to focus on doing the next right thing in all areas of my life. Like Roxie says....1st do no harm. To myself or others. I need to remember that I can only do my best. I can not control the actions of others. I am planning on staying busy doing good works. Doing things that I have wanted to do, but that I haven't had the time or energy to do. I have a line on an elder care jobs. I filed for unemployment. So things are looking up. I am thinking this might be the time to take a few classes. Update my skills. I have lots of options. I just need to keep reminding myself of that.
Keep the mood and the food....