Tuesday, September 21, 2010

To the Best of My Ability??

I just got off the scales. Holy crap! The pity party I threw myself yesterday is over . You have heard of EAT PRAY LOVE. Well yesterday it was EAT SLEEP REPEAT. I made the mistake of going back to bed after my walk yesterday morning. I felt like crap the rest of the day. Plus I ate to the extreme. I have eaten more calories in the past 10 days then I have in a long time. What with birthdays, being treated and having meals brought to me, I have not been making the best choices. Better then what it used to be, for sure, but not "To the Best of My Ability".

All 4 Gkids came over last night. They ganged up on me. Tried to keep eating to a minimum. They are truly relentless when it comes to begging for food. I was too tired to argue. I just ate with them. UGH! Luckily it wasn't all crap. Still using food, is using food.

So.... got up and walked 4.5 miles before 6am. I will be riding about 8 miles round trip to my new job. I plan on pushing the water. I had lots of salt yesterday...low fat chips. Never buy those things. I did yesterday. I set myself up for a fail. I will be busy today. Too much sitting home yesterday. It it record heat here in the desert. 107 degrees....OMG! Still to hot to ride after the morning hours. Just my luck. It was so muggy this morning. I was not feeling it. It felt so hard, but I feel good I got in over 4 miles.

Feeling discouraged. No specific reason. Need to get that out and admit it. I plan on doing the things I know work to drag me out it. Got to feel it and move on. I also feel like something hormonal is going on too. I have a huge zit coming on the side of my face. How old am I again? Just like a teenager. When I eat crap I break out. I just kind of feel exhausted. I had crazy scary dreams last night. Dreamed I was at the school and kept trying to hide from being thrown out. Then I was pregnant and hiding in a house from "them". Not sure who "them" is. Not sure how I got pregnant. I kept trying to wake myself up to stop dreaming it. Didn't work. Every time I'd go back to sleep the anxiety associated with the dream was more intense. I hate it when I do that. Years of drug abuse really have messed with my brain. Just another reason to "Just Say No".

So I am going to a meeting today. I need to remember to give up what I can't control. I have been really trying to stay spiritually centered. It is the only way I am going to make it through this without gaining back 100 pounds. Food is my drug of choice now.

I have been trying to keep up with everyone, but I'm not feeling bloggy either. Forgive me. This too will pass. I feel better when I can support others in their journey. Hope everyone has a good Tuesday.

Keep the mood and the food real.............

195.6

12 comments:

  1. Glad you're getting to a meeting - I'm sure that will help. Also, I'm wondering if your low mood kind of correlates with all of the excess, junky food you've been eating lately? I know for me, when I'm eating very little processed foods (and sugar), I feel like I can take on the world...but that feeling diminishes when I add in too much soduim, chemicals, etc. Just a thought.

    Hope you have a good day, and your crazy weather breaks - 107 is just.not.right. ;)

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  2. I agree with Shelley above, processed/junky foods really do make me have no energy and all i want to do it eat and sleep. Lots of both! Most of the time i try to eliminate sugar/white flour etc. Small amounts don't bother me but when i dive into them watch out!
    Hope your feeling better soon. "hugs"

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  3. Today is a NEW day my friend. Sending you lots of hugs! :)

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  4. Hope the funky feelings go away soon - I think it is good you are acknowledging it and going to a meeting too. Hugs Dana xoxox

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  5. AT times like this-when the funk will not pass-I find my greatest help is to just go into rote habit. Take the thinking out of it. It sounds like a very good path that you're on. You'll get there.

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  6. Hope you get to feeling better soon. I'm here if you need me. *hugs*

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  7. Funks-just posted about them today. If I get any good suggestions to break out I'll pass them on to you! Keep your head up!

    Polar's Mom
    www.polarspage.blogspot.com

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  8. Awww, I dislike those days. Congrats for getting up and walking 4.5 miles though. That's awesome. A lot of people let everything go when the eating goes astray. Please, pat yourself on the back for that one and keep it up...the exercise will help. Feel better soon.

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  9. I hope you had a better day, Dana. I'm thinking good thoughts for you. I hope your meeting provided you with what you needed.

    Hugs to you.

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  10. Im glad that you are focusing on YOU and not keeping up with us, Dana!
    Love the phrase not feeling bloggy...and hope today is a FEELING IT! day in all realms for you.

    a much much better wednesday.

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  11. What is your new job? Best wishes!

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  12. aww i have mmissed your blog! I swear last time we caught up you were in the 200s?? so you must have had that milestone, so late congrats on that :) brilliant

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