I just got off the scales. Holy crap! The pity party I threw myself yesterday is over . You have heard of EAT PRAY LOVE. Well yesterday it was EAT SLEEP REPEAT. I made the mistake of going back to bed after my walk yesterday morning. I felt like crap the rest of the day. Plus I ate to the extreme. I have eaten more calories in the past 10 days then I have in a long time. What with birthdays, being treated and having meals brought to me, I have not been making the best choices. Better then what it used to be, for sure, but not "To the Best of My Ability".
All 4 Gkids came over last night. They ganged up on me. Tried to keep eating to a minimum. They are truly relentless when it comes to begging for food. I was too tired to argue. I just ate with them. UGH! Luckily it wasn't all crap. Still using food, is using food.
So.... got up and walked 4.5 miles before 6am. I will be riding about 8 miles round trip to my new job. I plan on pushing the water. I had lots of salt yesterday...low fat chips. Never buy those things. I did yesterday. I set myself up for a fail. I will be busy today. Too much sitting home yesterday. It it record heat here in the desert. 107 degrees....OMG! Still to hot to ride after the morning hours. Just my luck. It was so muggy this morning. I was not feeling it. It felt so hard, but I feel good I got in over 4 miles.
Feeling discouraged. No specific reason. Need to get that out and admit it. I plan on doing the things I know work to drag me out it. Got to feel it and move on. I also feel like something hormonal is going on too. I have a huge zit coming on the side of my face. How old am I again? Just like a teenager. When I eat crap I break out. I just kind of feel exhausted. I had crazy scary dreams last night. Dreamed I was at the school and kept trying to hide from being thrown out. Then I was pregnant and hiding in a house from "them". Not sure who "them" is. Not sure how I got pregnant. I kept trying to wake myself up to stop dreaming it. Didn't work. Every time I'd go back to sleep the anxiety associated with the dream was more intense. I hate it when I do that. Years of drug abuse really have messed with my brain. Just another reason to "Just Say No".
So I am going to a meeting today. I need to remember to give up what I can't control. I have been really trying to stay spiritually centered. It is the only way I am going to make it through this without gaining back 100 pounds. Food is my drug of choice now.
I have been trying to keep up with everyone, but I'm not feeling bloggy either. Forgive me. This too will pass. I feel better when I can support others in their journey. Hope everyone has a good Tuesday.
Keep the mood and the food real.............