Saturday, February 26, 2011

We have lift off

Well I am back online. I got a new laptop, which I love. However, I found out that it wasn't the computer's fault I couldn't get online. I could have crippled along with my old unreliable laptop. I spent money, and it darn near killed me to pull the cash out of the bank, but in the long run I think it was a good decision. My money habits have changed for sure. I am doing good on not spending. The new laptop is much smaller and I do love it.

Things around here have been good. Was in Onderland last week. This week I am back up 4 lbs. Come On Dana! Anyway, I felt kind of isolated without my internet life, sad I know. I went to bed early every night and over ate on my way there. Had moments of food controlling me. I really hate that feeling. I don't mind having a treat, ONE treat, but I hate it when I can't stop eating something that doesn't even taste good. Yep, I am an addict. Anywoo....

Walking has been next to nothing. The L.L. freaked out about me leaving in the moorings for a half hour to walk. She acted like a fruitcake for an entire day over me leaving her. After she said I could leave her. Anyway, not worth the fight for now. I have been able to get her out and walk in the afternoons. Maybe a mile and a half. If I am lucky. It has been great weather here lately so I should have walked after work, but I feel drained when I get home and just want to collapse. Which drives me crazy, cause it's not hard work. It is however mind numbing sometimes. I know it is important work. Truly, I do. But by Friday quitting time I have had more then enough. I have a line on another job, but it probably won't pay the bills or be something long term.

Enough of that. Really it's not that bad and I need to put up or shut up about it. I wish I knew what the hell I wanted so I could get on with my life. Stuck. In all areas. Not just weight. Funny how that works. How me feeling out of control in my life shines through in a layer of fat. 25 lbs my friends. From my lowest. I am tired of using my crappy year as an excuse to use food. COME ON DANA. Why can't I see the good stuff that happen this last year as well. IMPORTANT STUFF. Real life stuff. Like a miracle baby. Like my son moving forward in his life with a sweet girl that really gets him. By seeing first hand the power of the Lord in my life . By angels disguised as friends and family. It just dawned on me. I feel everyone is moving forward but me. ouch.....

I have been letting myself dwell in the past. I am finding out just how much it's going to cost to get my cholesterol and BP meds without insurance. I have used this an excuse to blame my past employer for situation. How dare they fired ME and leave me without insurance. blah blah blah. Why the hell do I do that. I hated it there. They were racists and idiots. Why would I want to go back. I am doing fine financially. I will get the med thing worked out. Not the end of the world. Me hating them certainly isn't going solve my problems. Wasted energy. But, that's what I do when I have nothing really to do but think. Again, I can change that. I have options. I am so sick of feeling stuck. I know things can and will be better. Like I said, they don't really suck now. It's what I choosing to do with my time. I need to find a new routine. Routine is my salvation.

I need to wrap this up. I am walking the Heart Walk today with my buddy. Should be fun. Then I HAVE to go dress shopping. Then shoe shopping. I wish I was 20 lbs thinner. I am not and it's not the end of the world. There is a dress out there with my name on but it's not coming to my house, so there you go.

Keep the mood and the food real.......

5 comments:

  1. Glad you are back online. I've missed you. Good luck with your dress hunt.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Glad to have you back Dana I've miss you too. Hope you have a good weekend and I look forward to seeing you in a new dress. *hugs*

    ReplyDelete
  3. I have more than one computer now and I love it, they all are good for certain things. The old big one in the kitchen is good for downloads because i don't want to chance a virus on my newer ones. The small netbook is great to throw in my purse and to take to meetings or work. The new laptop is great in that it's got a full screen but I can use it downstairs so that I get to spend more time with the hubs :) A few years ago I would have laughed if someone had said i'd have this many!!
    Have fun on your walk with your buddy!! I'm hoping spring gets here soon.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Congrats on the new computer.

    Do you ever think that when we are going through spells like this (I could relate to so much in your post) that it's just laying the groundwork for something big to happen to us? I mean it's the groundwork for a great shift and change. I don't know, my life seems very chaotic right now and I just can't help but wonder if it's just to prepare the way, KWIM?

    ReplyDelete
  5. Welcome back! Google the actual calorie counts of fast food on your new computer if you really want a jolt. It totally freaks me out when I remind myself what those jerks are trying to pass off as "food" to all of us.

    Buy a pretty dress, give the finger to the drive thru and know that we are all pulling for you!

    ReplyDelete

Tell me what you think!