Be Confident
Ok....I must say that this is a hard one for me. Right now I feel like I am in the honeymoon phase. Everything seems new and wonderful. I am on a self imposed retreat and I don't have the day to day worries or temptations that I would have at home. I realize this. I also know that I have a long and difficult road ahead of me when I get home. This time to reflect and get back to some kind of "normal" is a gift. I have been doing much reading and meditation. Prayer is a must for me. Faith and confidence go together. I do have confidence that I can do this. I have confidence that I can do it and not gain back to 100 lbs I lost. I just have to do the work and make choices that will take me were I need to be. I know what I need to do. I have lots of people that I can rely on. I am really grateful for that. In the end it is ME who has to the next right thing. Am I scared. Hells yes. But I will not let it consume me. I refuse to let anger and resentments rule my mind. I need to let go of that stuff.
I still have a resentment against the family the fired me in Sept. I have tried everything I can think of and still it will crop up. It isn't constant but it really does take up too much space in my head. UGH! It bothers me that I let it bother me. I have decided that I am going to try to move when I get back. I still rent a townhome from that family. The place is falling apart. Instead of bringing it to their attention I just put up cause I don't want to have to interact with them. I want to sever all relationships with them. I want to have peace where I live. I have drug my feet. I should have moved out when I got fired, but I was too lazy to do what was the right thing for me. I am going too keep my eyes open and find another place in the complex that I am in now. Only one that is nicer. One that doesn't have a dark cloud over it. Cause I feel the place I am in now does. It shouldn't be hard. I just have to be patient.
My friend's hubs is the cook here. Boy does the guy like butter I thought I was going to be easy to eat healthy here. So far that hasn't been the case. He made Mexican food yesterday. It was delish, but full of grease. Today we are going shopping in Cortez. I am going to get salad stuff and veggies. Saturday I pigged out to the point of not being able to move. I don't want to do that again. My saving grace is my walks. I feel strong. I need to get the food part under control with a quickness. I will. I am going through a hard time. I am going to give myself a break. Prioritize things and then follow through. I never followed a diet when I was on my way down. I tried to eat sensible. It worked then it will work for me again. I just don't want to undo all my hard work of the past 2 years.
Well I am getting my shoes on and going for my walk. I want to watch the sun rise!
Keep the mood and the food real.........
I still have a resentment against the family the fired me in Sept. I have tried everything I can think of and still it will crop up. It isn't constant but it really does take up too much space in my head. UGH! It bothers me that I let it bother me. I have decided that I am going to try to move when I get back. I still rent a townhome from that family. The place is falling apart. Instead of bringing it to their attention I just put up cause I don't want to have to interact with them. I want to sever all relationships with them. I want to have peace where I live. I have drug my feet. I should have moved out when I got fired, but I was too lazy to do what was the right thing for me. I am going too keep my eyes open and find another place in the complex that I am in now. Only one that is nicer. One that doesn't have a dark cloud over it. Cause I feel the place I am in now does. It shouldn't be hard. I just have to be patient.
My friend's hubs is the cook here. Boy does the guy like butter I thought I was going to be easy to eat healthy here. So far that hasn't been the case. He made Mexican food yesterday. It was delish, but full of grease. Today we are going shopping in Cortez. I am going to get salad stuff and veggies. Saturday I pigged out to the point of not being able to move. I don't want to do that again. My saving grace is my walks. I feel strong. I need to get the food part under control with a quickness. I will. I am going through a hard time. I am going to give myself a break. Prioritize things and then follow through. I never followed a diet when I was on my way down. I tried to eat sensible. It worked then it will work for me again. I just don't want to undo all my hard work of the past 2 years.
Well I am getting my shoes on and going for my walk. I want to watch the sun rise!
Keep the mood and the food real.........
I think a move might make a nice, fresh start. Not a geographical solution, but a place without the constant interaction. It might be easier to process letting go of the resentments if you weren't having to deal with them on a routine basis. I think it's a good choice.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you today, Dana.
I thing a move would be great - get completely detached from that family, and give yourself a fresh start. Hope you continue to have good insights, and don't stress over the meals too much - now it the time to put your energy into getting and staying clean. Food can be secondary - focus on the most important thing for today. Hugs to you!
ReplyDeleteRegarding resentments - I just gave a sponsee the assignment of reading the next to the last story in the Big Book - "Freedom From Bondage". It has some excellent thoughts on resentments towards the end.
ReplyDeleteI've found that sometimes it takes years to really "let go" of resentments - exp. when I've been emotionally wounded. I've come to realize that all I can do is become entirely willing (which I have to pray for daily!) to "let go". When finally it's gone, it's clear that more than letting it go, God removed it from me because I just couldn't do it myslef. Take care, Dana, and give yourself a hug from me!
Breathe!
ReplyDeleteIt's all good.
Just looks like crap when you are in the mix of it!
Just like when you take your hikes/walks.....
One....
Step....
At....
A.....
Time!
I am emerging from behind the door of lurkdom Dana to say that in my experience cutting ties one hundred percent is the only way to achieve peace. I know what it feels like to have your head space dominated by hurt. Best to you in your journey of healing.
ReplyDelete