I really have changed....who knew?

My dear sweet friend and me. I took care of her hubs till he passed away. I love this family so much. I don't know what my life would be without them. It's no exaggeration. We are at the cemetery visiting his grave. I had such a nice weekend. One of the best 4ths of my life.

Well I am back home. It was a quick trip with lots of driving but I had such a great time. I walked the Blanding UT 5K Saturday morning in about 40 mins. I wasn't even dead last...almost, but not quite. Then the parade. In the evening we went to a melodrama. Complete with booing and hissing the villain. They even sold popcorn to throw him. So cute. Then a fantastic firework show. I never go the the fireworks anymore. It is just too damn hot here in the desert. So this was a treat. We were sitting right under them too. Loved it.

I was shocked by something while I was there. I refused to eat eat fast food. I truly did not want to eat crap. No milkshakes and onion rings. Just a bite of someone else's and a few fries were fine. I ate lots of ham sandwich's. It just seemed like that was the healthiest thing to eat. That tells you how bad the food was. I spent everyday for a year and a half with this family. I gain at least 60 lbs. Maybe more. I was just getting clean and really turned to food. They made it so easy. I noticed just how much they focus their life around food. I knew that, but it really hit home for me while I was with them this time.

I really have changed. I am really proud of that. It hasn't happened over night. I hardly even really noticed it. I have changed. I am not the same person I was 2 years ago. I like this person alot. I am not perfect. Not by any stretch of the imagination. I do have a greater sense of myself and my capabilities. I can do hard things. I have a strong and capable body and mind. I have faith that I really do have a chance of living up to my potential. I have spent most of my life knowing....KNOWING I was capable of doing so much better. I like the feeling of knowing that I am treating myself with loving kindness. I am choosing things that are good for me in the long run. Not based on what feels good in the moment. Not perfect, but lots better. Yep, it feels damn good. I insisted on walking that 5K when I found out the city was having one. Nobody wanted to go with me. I went alone. I knew I could do it no problem. I had just walked almost 5 miles the day before. Yes sir, feels damn good.

I just decided this morning hat I am going to go to San Diego this week with my walking buddy and her daughter. Just overnight. To the beach. The schools are closed. I deserve to get away from the office and all the bullshit. So I am. It will be cheap. I am excited.

WOOHOO summer of 2010! Keep the mood and the food real........now to get caught up with everyone. And check my mail box!!