scale shock

I got on the scale this morning and was shocked....203lbs. How did that happen?? Last time I weighed was last week. I think I was like 195 lbs. Now, before I freak and cry my eyes out, I need to just recommit and go food shopping. Walked 4 miles this morning and jugging the H20. Crap food caught up with my butt!

Remember too much good for me food is still too much food. Have a great weeekend.

keep the mood and the food real............

I needed that!

I saw someone the other day that hadn't seem me for a while. They were amazed. They told me how great I looked. I was grateful. I needed that. Sometimes I forget how far I've come. Especially when I am trying to regain my mojo. Still trying to eat good for me food and drink the water. Doing better then last week. But hell last week I ate a Whooper and fish tacos. Bar wasn't set too high. I KNOW! I told you I was eating pure crap last week. This week so far - no fast food. Food that is real. Too much of real food, sigh. I will count it as a step in the right direction. I think I might be having hormone crazies. I have been extra anxious and I have a third eye coming out the side of my head. When you are "changing" you forget that you still have raging hormones....sometimes. Sleeping has been spotty, no sweats, so I will be grateful.

Walked 3 miles yesterday and rode the bike a couple of miles. Today I am heading back into downtown Phoenix on the lightrail this morning. I think it will be fun. Got some grown up stuff to do. I signed the new agreement at the old work and should have a check soon. It will be good to get that over with. Going to get my Gson tomorrow overnight. He is at the age when he is a handful. The kids could use a break. I could use the company.

I have really been in a food coma mood. Kind of sank into one over the weekend. It takes less food to induce the coma, but the feelings are just as intense. Not good. You know the feelings. Shame, frustration, anger, denial. Some where in there I felt some hope. So I am back at it. Not planning on giving up.

Getting ready to go for a long walk. The weather has been gorgeous! The sunset a couple of nights ago was simply breathtaking! I think I have another little lady take care of. So that is a good thing for sure. Probably just for a month while her family is out of town. Whatever I can get! Feeling positive about the future. No real reason why...lol. Attitude is more important then fact.

Keep the mood and the food real..............

Zander Pics

Well here are some pics They aren't the best. My daughter has great ones on FB. This is what I look like after being awake almost 36 hours. He is just minutes old in this pic. The nurses and Doc were great. Mostly. Thank goodness for epidurals. How did mothers watch their daughters go through that before they were invented?

Aren't they just the cutest! My daughter did awesome. Daddy did his part well too.

I love how this pic looks. He had to stay an extra day cause he was alittle jaundice. It broke Mom's heart to leave him that one night. So it was under the light for him. This kid is really in the spotlight.

This has been a crazy week. I have learned alot about my kids, Gkids, and myself. I am so grateful for my family. There is just myself and my kids here in AZ. My sisters and other family live far away. We depend on each other. We can count on each other. We love each and like each other. That is a gift. I have a SIL and DIL that I consider my own. I am grateful for a loving Heavenly Father that still performs miracles. Just take a look at that baby. My daughter had genetic testing and she carries the gene for hemophilia. Zander was tested and does not have the disease. A God of miracles for sure.

The Gkids are so excited for their baby brother. I will post of those pics tomorrow. I have been eating pure crap for the last week. It was really hard to eat well and take care of 4 kids. I don't know how mothers do it. I only had 2 kids, 4 years apart. It is freaking hard. My hats off to all you young mothers. I only rode my bike once and walked once this past week. So tomorrow I am getting back on track. Up early to walk. Food shopping I have yet to buy food since I emptied out the old fridge and got he new one. I haven't been home long enough. H20 is going to be awesome. I am so ready to get back on track.

Keep the mood and the food real............

Z boy is here!

I am a GeGe again. Zander was born at 3:30 am an Oct 20. It funny because Learning to Less had her baby the same day. Her and my daughter were blogging preggers Buddies then they have there babies THE SAME DAY! I think that's a great story. My kid was a real trooper. She was great. The is nothing more wonderful or spiritual then to watch a Gchild being born from your own child. It was very humbling and emotional. It was a privilege to be there. the other kids were so excited. Livi just gets the cutest smile when you even talked about her new brother. Life is good and God is a God of miracles! I have been on call for kids since Wed morning.I am exhausted and ready go to back to my regularly scheduled programing. Whatever that is.....lol.

I have managed to maintain this week as well. I have not walked since Monday and I have been eating what the kids eat. Lots of take out and cafeteria food. Holding strong at 194. Totally ok with that.

Suppose to sign a new severance contract and be done with that old job. I hop it works out that. Blogger is being stupid and not uploading my pics. So expect them soon. I have them all on facebook.

Have a great Friday and better weekend! Keep the mood and the food real............

Maintaining

I woke up feeling grateful this morning. I got in alittle over 3 miles this morning and had a nice talk with my walking buddy. She is having to make some really life changing decisions and I am in awe of her courage. My other buddy has been MIA this week. She went too Mexico, plus she is having feet problems. She's doing acupuncture. The sun rise was gorgeous this morning. I think that's what trigger the gratitude. My little car passes emissions and was only $15 to slap a plate on it. So that is done. I need to replace the windshield. The officer that pulled me over the other day was kind enough to not give me a ticket for it. It got me all the way out to my daughter's and back. 60 mile round trip. It is a gas hog for sure. I won't be doing that regularly. Though it's nice to know I can.

I have had the past couple days off from my little lady. I really need to start looking into school. At least something. Not that it's a bad job, it's just not I think I am suppose to be doing. Decisions, decisions. I feel like a kid again at 50. What do I want to be when I grow up?? I want too study something that really interests me.

I have been doing ok with my food. I have been making good choices, though not perfect. I am happy with maintaining for awhile. I would like to loose about 20 for my son's wedding. It's still doable. The wedding is in March. It's crazy how fast time is flying. I haven't lost any weight since Christmas time. I got down to 179. I know what to do. It's just a matter of doing it. Maintaining through this crazy year has been ok with me. I am proud of that. I am.

No baby yet. My poor daughter is so over being preggers. She goes to the doctor again today. We are in a state of High Alert. Could happen at anytime really. She is being a good mama and following orders. Bedrest is getting very old for her. In fact her protein was down yesterday so they didn't induce her. I really thought it would be up. she was borderline the last test.

I am getting my new fridge new. It will be nice. I haven't really missed it though. I haven't really been home. It just truly died yesterday. I feel weird having to see the old boss family, but hey, it's ok. I can do this. It's like I don't want them anywhere around me. And this girl is a sweet heart. I am acting silly.

Keep the mood and the food real..............have a great weekend

What are the odds?

What are the odds?? I got pulled over again. This time I think they targeted my crap car. For not coming to a full stop before crossing onto the sidewalk. I was only given a verbal warning again. It's like he chased me down. There were 2 patrol cars. Seriously scared me. Back in the old days I went to jail every time I got pulled over. I always had a warrant for something. So it was like a flash back when that happened yesterday. I thought my heart was going to explode. I knew I hadn't done anything wrong, but man it freaked me out. Anyway, alls well that ends well.

The fridge is out. For sure. I am suppose to get a new one today. I might have to wait till tomorrow. I am going back out to my daughter's today to spend the night. My SIL deserves to be able to sleep in one day. He has been up half the night with my daughter and then up early with the kids. I am hoping to be less stressed this time. Last week I came home with a sore jaw from the tension of it all. When you're not used to kids it can get nerve racking. Sometimes I am feeling all "grandma-y". Other times not so much. Daughter still has the bun in the oven. Waiting is so hard.

Walked 4 miles this morning. Food still not great, but ok. No food comas. No binges. I count that as a victory. H2o is been lots better. Feeling better emotionally. Settling in to a new routine. I feel calmer. Less anxious. So good for me.

Hope everyone has a good hump day. Keep the mood and the food real......

New day New week

It's a new day. A new week. I started the day with a 3 mile walk and a good talk with my friend. Then I went to work this morning and then realized that I work this evening instead. Not until the other girl showed...lol. Rode the bike around awhile after I left. It was a gloriously cool this morning. 65 degrees. This afternoon 93 degrees. Not so glorious. Then I came home and cleaned and organized. Did some errands. The little beater is getting me where I need to go. I really should get some pics of my cool retro car. It's got a big Thunderbird on the hood and trunk. I am grateful for it. Then I went and met my daughter and family. I took the kids to the bird park again while the parents went to the Drs visit. They love that place. I found some long sticks today. So there was lots of "fishing" going on. There was a ton of people there today. It's Fall Break. It was hot by 11 am so we headed for an ice cream.

I think I got the fridge fixed. The guy came and took a look at it and cleaned it and checked it out. He said if that doesn't fix it, I will need a new one. So no food shopping till I know if it's going to work. I am holding steady with my weight. I just feel crappy cause I am not really eating good for me food. Still feeling kind of sluggish. I am feeling better over all. Still trying to find my routine. It's coming along. I know things will cycle back around. It always does. That gives me hope. Like I said feeling better over all.

My daughter has still got the bun in the oven. Baby Z is still cooking. She will probably deliver after they do this next rounds of tests. She looks miserable. I love that she is really staying in the moment and trying to enjoy every part of this. My Gson was so funny the other night. I got in the van and he had ranch dressing smeared under both eyes. I was like what are you doing? He says I'm a football player GegGe. Made me laugh so hard. How can you get mad at the kid.

I'm off to sweep my patio from the storm the other night. It really did a number in my complex. 21 trees down. I wasn't even home for the event. I am trying to find my blogging mojo again. Trying to get in a routine of reading and commenting instead of just reading. I feel bad. It's like I am being selfish. I will figure this out. It seems like I have less free time now then when I had a job...lol

Keep the food and the mood real...........

194.4

Almost time for Baby Z

A very big thumbs to Insomnia Cookies. A gift from my most favorite insomniac, Roxie. Thank you so much. The kids give the cookies 2 thumbs up. Even if Carson looks scared....lol. I liked them alittle too much. I had to leave them with the kids. I have been out to my daughter's the past few days. I am exhausted. She is on bed rest now till baby Z is born. Her hubs will be home with her now till after she delivers. They are so excited. It's cute. They kids are excited for the baby too. My daughter has been a real trooper. She has really been through the ringer. They want him to cook alittle longer.

No walks the past 3 days. The kids were early risers, or I was a late sleeper. I am just not feeling it lately. I went this morning, but had to wear old sneakers cause I left mine out at my daughter's. Only got 1 mile and a blister. UGH! then I rode the bike to work this morning. It's not even a mile. Coming home I got pulled over ON MY BIKE for running a 4 way stop sign. Dude had the lights going and everything. I was thinking he better not ask me for my papers. No purse with me. I am referring to the new SB1071 law. Of course he didn't. He could have though. Really he should have. No ticket, just a verbal warning. When he got out of the car I asked him if he was kidding. He was nice. It could only happen to me.

Food hasn't been very good either. Being out there with the kids and all those cookies....lol. I got home and my fridge isn't working. I am glad I didn't get to the store. It would have been all spoiled. I feel very lethargic. I can't seem to get enough sleep. Even if I do I still feel tired. Going to clean up my food and get back to walking ASAP. I can always feel it when I have been eating crap.

Now I need to get caught up with all of you.....keep the mood and the food real

It rained, finally!

I walked in the rain this morning. Felt good. It was just drizzling. Cleansing. I feel like I am a big ball of sweat lately. The woman that I am working this like to keep your house hot as hell. I am dripping when I leave. Oh well. She is an interesting woman for sure. It's not bad. I do like her. Walked over 3 miles this morning. Felt it. The wind was blowing too, so some resistance.

Went and picked up the car. It is a true beater. Smells like it's been sitting in the backyard for a couple of years. That can be fixed with some TLC. I turn the lights on with pliers...lol. I really am grateful for it. Believe me. I have to take it to get the brake lights fixed and then we'll see if it passes emissions. Fingers crossed. I don't want to put any real money into it. I am really going to have to scale back my food since I am not going to be riding the bike as much. I am up on the scale alittle even with all my bike riding.

Today is about food shopping. Going to try some new recipes. Maybe, I say that and then lazy out. When it's just me a sandwich is always easier. Anyway, I am feeling alittle better. Have some more phone calls to make today. I don't now why I let this stuff bother me. It won't kill me. Have a good Tuesday.

Keep the mood and the food real.....

193.8

single and loving it

Made it through the weekend. Wished I could say I snapped right out of my self pity and worry, but alas that didn't happen. Eating was just ok. Though I did over eat on good things. Fell just short of calling it a food coma No going out to eat lately. I ran out of my Yorks a couple of days ago and I had forgot to freeze any otter pops, so I haven't had alot of treats. Which is good. It's still so hot to ride the bike after about 10 AM. I didn't feel like riding anywhere. I rode to and from my new little lady twice both Sat and Sun and called that exercise. That's about all I did. I listen to LDS Conference both days. I just wasn't feeling it. Not sure why. I put my headphones on to watch on the computer and I kept falling asleep. Both morning and afternoon sessions. I have repented and plan on downloading it to my Ipod to listen again when I am upright. I always feel spiritually uplifted when I listen with real intent.

Feel better today. I walked 2.5 miles on my own this morning. Went and got the title to that beater in my name and got the temporary registration this morning. A friend stopped by and reminded me that problems are not that big and effect only me really. She has some big decisions to make. I am grateful that I am single instead of married to the wrong person just for the sake of being married. Or out of fear of being single. I am grateful that I am not like that anymore. Becauses I spent most of my life trying to please the wrong men. I am grateful for this opportunity to find out about me without the distraction of a partner. For now anyway. I could change my mind. I am glad that I am content with that part of my life. It makes me think of Roxie's post about new endings. Thought alot about that this weekend.

I will go food shopping later. Hoping to pick up that car tonight. I can do a good food shop with a car. Have to go back downtown for my financial stuff this week. I am going to start looking into school this week. Going to settle this vacation back pay thing this week as well. I am going to be working 20 hours a week with the new woman. It will be enough for now. Will still be trying to find something else.

well I guess I will try for a quick bike ride. Keep the mood and the food real...........

I need a routine

It's so early. I went to bed very early last night. My little job is no more. The hubs was taken to the hospital and so my little patient was taken to a care center. Trying not to freak. doing a pretty good job. I start with the other lady this evening. I still have to see how much I will be working with her. It seems like she has a full time person already. So, I am waiting to see what happens next. It seems like the boss is going to follow through with the money. I have to sign a waiver. I've decided to save alittle more before I buy something. A friend is giving me her beater to use till her kid gets out of rehab. So I won't be forced to buy something out of desperation.

I am feeling exhausted. I really didn't sleep very well. I don't feel worried, just kind of stunned. Just when I think things are going to settle down, they don't. I am sick of the highs and lows. Of the uncertainty. I do not do well when not in a routine. I feel kind of lost. Didn't walk yesterday morning. Only rode the bike once. Didn't feel like eating.....shocker. I did what I always do when I feel like shit, I sleep.

So.....I will walk this morning. I have to go for a long bike ride to have a friend's lawyer hubs take a look at that waiver before I sign it. Then I will start with the new lady this evening. Feel like I am just faking it......till I make it.

Have a good weekend.................keep the mood and the food real