TO THE BEST OF MY ABILITY

Well a quick check in.  I have been waiting around all afternoon for them to deliver a new dishwasher.  I took the opportunity to screen a few episodes of Downton Abbey.  The first 4 episodes were awesome.  Holy cow!  I really have been missing out :) I have decided to not stress out over Spanish.  I am going to end up failing anyway.  I am going to consider just sticking it out as victory.  I found out today that nobody is getting an A.  That even the smart kids are not getting above a C.  I didn't go today.  I am glad I skipped out.  I have been beating myself up over Spanish over far too long.  I have stressed and cried for a D.  I am going to relax.  What's the worse that could happen?  I get an F?  I need to relax about a lot of things.  I have been so hard on myself lately. I am feeling better about a lot of things.  I had another interview and I should know by tomorrow.  I have...

I walked a 5K this morning!  Been a while since I have done that.  It felt so good.  My plan is to eat whole foods.  That means I can not buy crap.  I am looking into TOPS ( thanks Dawn).  I plan on drinking LOTS of H20.  I can do what I can do.  My sister is not over weight and she has high cholesterol as well.  I might not be able to get it down, but I can change my attitude toward the problem, and then work with my doctor to improve.    It will do wonders for me to just treat myself well......like I am worth the effort.  I need to be cheerfully engaged in doing kind things for myself.  I need to be looking for ways to help others.  I need to anxiously engaged in good works.  I need to get out of myself.  I need to have faith that things  will work out.  I have been praying very hard for the confidence I need to do all these things.  I spend way to much time in front of the boob tube, as a...

Today it's back to school for me.  I have had a pretty good few days.  Went to my son's yesterday to do some cleaning for them.  My DIL is about ready to have my new Gbaby.  Four weeks if she goes to term.  She is feeling it and is very uncomfortable.  She is still teaching, though she wishes she didn't have to. It was their one year anniversary on the 12th.  They surprised each other with the same thing......they had a book of their love story made into a hard back book.  Too cute.  Can't wait for them to read the story to their daughter. I did got to the Dr. office Friday.  My cholesterol is threw the roof.  The number is 395.  The high range is 150.  So I am going to have to do something.  They told me to get some fish oil and just kept my med the same.  They did add an anti depressant.  Cause, well I have been depressed.  No surprise there.  I am scared to death to tell you the truth.  I...

I am feeling much better this morning.  The only reason I was complaining the places didn't call me back is because they told me to expect a phone call that afternoon, or in the case of the receptionist job, as of yesterday morning, he wanted me to call him back yesterday at 2 pm.  He didn't answer his phone.  I left a message telling him to call me back if he decided to hire me.  People are weird.  Anyway, I have decided that I am taking this all too personally.  It's not personal, they don't even know me.  Things will work out, this I know, they always do.  I have so much support in my RL, and help.  I am just so tired of looking for the job.  My sister called from Japan last night.  They had 2 earthquakes yesterday, that I had to tell her about.  She cracks me up.  Anywoo, she pinned the tail on the donkey.  When I told her it's so hard for me to concentrate at school and I just feel so "up in the air".  She s...

Well, I am just so discouraged.  Neither place called me back.  You think they would be professional enough to let a person know.  I can't figure it out.  I really thought I put my best foot forward.  I went out to my daughter's last night and got in a huge fight with her.  That rarely happens and I am just sick about it.  I acted like a fool and left in a huff.  I am stressed out.  I cry all the time and I feel exhausted.  I have a doctor appointment on Friday that I can't afford.  I am afraid that they are going to add diabetes to the list of stuff wrong.  I probably need to get some counseling.  Is this a reasonable reaction to all the stress?  I don't know any more.  This is not where I wanted to be at age 52.  I have gained back 20 lbs.  I feel and look fat.  People do double takes that haven't seen me in a while.  I know that I am the only one that can change my outlook and the defeati...

Ok, here's an update.....I went to TWO job interviews yesterday.  The home health care job, which was a killer interview.  Spent 2 hours there answering questions.  Holy cow!  I understand the process, I am going into other people's home and they are responsible.  I have to do a drug test too.  I saw that coming.  No worries there, lol.  Plus I have to have my own insurance. The classes have already cost me over $50.  Anyhoo, then a guy called me from a receptionist job.  I was so excited about that.  It's a2-10pm shift, but I think it's the best fit and the least hard on my body.  I am not as young as I used to be.  Eight hours a day, 5 days a week, of home care, is bound to break me, sooner then later. It's .50 cents less an hour, but does have some extra ways to make money. Plus, I would be able to get insurance after 90 days.  So, I need everybody to cross their fingers for the receptionist job.  Really, it...

I finally remembered not to eat this morning, so I can go get my lab work done.  Go me!  I was suppose to get it done last week.  Kept forgetting NOT to fill the ole pie hole first thing in the morning.  I went to church yesterday, though I really didn't feel like.  Then after I was glad I went.  That's always how it is.  Over the weekend I went to The Aloha Festival.  Got to see some old friends.  That was nice.  It's Spring Break this week.  I have the job interview this morning at 10.  Cross fingers.  This is the home care job.  I am pretty sure I have it, but nothing is ever set in stone until the deal is done.  To tell the truth, I am a little nervous.  I almost scared myself into not going.  What's wrong with me??   I AM going no matter what.  I hope to be able to spend some time with the Gkids this week as well.  It's been a while since I've seen anyone.  Hope everyon...

Well it looks like I have a job.  It's with a home care agency.  I can still go to school and keep my hoarder lady and my house cleaning jobs.  I went to CPR and 1st aid class on Monday night.   I was going to get my TB test yesterday afternoon, and instead I fell asleep. Can you believe I fell asleep at around 4 pm and didn't wake up till 10??  Fell back asleep around 11pm and slept till after 5am.  My sleep is all crazy.  I don't think I have been getting good sleep, so I needed the extra sleep I guess.  I was exhausted from taking my "listening" Spanish test.  I really hope I did better then I ever have.  I took my time ( I was the last one in the lab ) and I felt like I understood more then usual.  I have been practicing my oral presentation,so I hope that goes well.  I am finding that since the financial stress isn't hanging over my head, it's kind of fun.  Ok, fun probably isn't the right word.  I was still sw...

Hope everyone's weekend was good.  I had a great weekend.  I hit the all day sale at Macy's.  Found 2 new bras.  I so needed them.  So I go them.  I decided I needed some dressy flats for an office job or for church.  Found 3 cute pairs at Target on clearance, bought those.  It's been a long time since I spent a penny on myself, it felt good.  Saturday morning I went to the Mormon temple just in time for the Spanish session.  I was so glad I did.  I took the translator headphones, but turned it way down so I could listen in both languages.  It was great.  I really felt the spirit and left feeling joyful.  I went for a long walk both mornings.  Listen to some wonderful podcasts.  Then Saturday after shopping my old lady hoarder friend called and wanted to go to the movie.  She paid my way to see The Artist.  I didn't like it.  Too long.  Too boring.  The man in the lead is very hand...

Good Friday morning! I have had a good week. I aced my Spanish sentences and my Sociology essay. In fact, after a heart to heart with the Spanish teacher she said that my sentences were better then the youngsters. Oh, how I needed to hear that. My daughter keeps telling me that I am just not confident enough. She stresses to me that I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like me. :) I love that kid. She really does speak my truth. My fear rules, and I am very hard on myself. Gotta stop that. It's so self defeating, and just what the adversary wants. He laughs at me every time I indulge my fear. I keep that thought in my head, and pray every morning for courage! I know I can't change myself, I need His help. I have a pretty low key weekend. Tonight I am sitting for a young mother in my church. Her husband left her with 4 little kids under the age of 5. Seriously! So I am getting ready for a interesting night. I really am not much o...