TO THE BEST OF MY ABILITY

Good Morning! I had a good Thanksgiving. Ate too much and it has spilled over into this week. Eating isn't the best. In fact it has been pretty crappy. I am fighting going to the food store. It's like I don't want to have good stuff in the house to eat so I have an excuse to do take out. which I really can't afford anyway. Stupid. This is another thing. My Little Lady takes meds to increase her appetite . So she is really enjoying her food. What else does she have, right?? Well she get her feels hurt if I don't join her. I don't give in every time , but I do more then I want to. I plan on having good for me snacks on hand so I am not eating crappy ice cream bars. Again, fighting going food shopping. Just the thought of making a list freaks me out. Oh Addiction how you baffle me! It's been close to freezing the past few days. No biking to work in the morning... brrr . Waling Buddies were not available for early morning. I think I have walked maybe 2 times i...

Happy Thanksgiving! I have so much to be grateful for. My family, and friends. My job and my church family. I am grateful for a car to drive. I am grateful I am able to support myself and stay in my home. I am grateful for my church. I am grateful to know where I come from, why I am here. I am grateful for a loving Heavenly Father and Savior. I am grateful for the knowledge that I don't have to be perfect to be loved and blessed. I am grateful that life isn't fair. I would be screwed. After my visit to a new patient last night I am grateful for the very breath I take. This woman has a degenerative lung disease and she is slowly suffocating. It's like trying to take a deep breath thru a straw. I can't even imagine the terror of that. They keep her pretty well medicated, but my heart goes out to her and her family. She is a courageous woman. She has an exceptional family. I am grateful for mine and my families health. I may not be at my "goal" ...

Having a great weekend. This picture is of us at Gson's football game....last week. I couldn't get there in time this week. Gson made 2 touchdowns. I was so sorry I missed it. the weather has been so nice. I took the kids to the park yesterday. Then home and my Little Lady. food wasn't as bad yesterday, but I really need to make better choices. I noticed at church today that it was harder to keep my legs crossed. OMG! I am hoping that its because I put lotion this morning. Making them slippery.....denial is not a river in Egypt. This is my Little Lady and her little dog. She loves the freedom of the scooter. I ride the bike and she drives along. It's fun. Note the little fur ball in the basket. She loves the wind in her hair! I am working some extra today with another lady. I am friends with her daughter. I have been able to get alittle Christmas shopping done. I KNOW! Who am I?? I want to try to enjoy the holidays this year. I usually hate the...

WOW! The week has gone by fast. It seems like I am busier now then I ever was when I had a 9 to 5 job. Tuesday was book club. I love our little group. We read the book The Message. It was about a man's experience with life after death. I loved it and would recommend it. Wednesday was super busy. I put in some extra time with my Little Lady and then helped a friend get ready for an estate sale. Thursday I had the kids over for dinner. I used that as the excuse I needed to finally do a deep clean of my house. Yesterday I rode the lightrail into downtown Phoenix to do some grown up stuff. I ate lunch in fun little cafe all by myself. Nothing wrong with that. I thought about the link Roxie had on her blog about spending time alone with yourself. Then I took my Little Lady on a car ride. She was showing me all the different places she has lived. She came to Mesa, AZ in 1930. She was telling me her 1st home cost her $325. She really is a fascinating person. Someday I will do a post all a...

Man, were did the weekend go? Feeling better. Went to watch my Gson make a touchdown at Pee Wee football Saturday morning. I love those games and I was so glad I was able to make it. I stayed and babysat the 4 oldest and we had a nice day. I came home and checked in on my Little Lady and then went to a friend's house for dinner. I stayed up fairly late, for me. I kind of slept in yesterday morning (6am). Skipped walking. Went to work, then I went to church. We had a live broadcast from our church leaders. It was uplifting and I am glad I went. I woke up Friday morning to find that I am not finished with menopause. I haven't had a period for almost a year. I thought I was done with all that, but alas, that's not the case. My body decided not to mess around this time. OUCH! That answers the cause of my anxiety and sadness the past week. Also I think that this is the reason for the foggy brain. Plus, I am having a hard time concentrating. Hormones! Pul...

Ok this is going to be a random crazy post. Since I got clean I have vivid crazy dreams. Almost every night. I have been experiencing "high anxiety" for the past few days. Last night I had a dream that I was in prison and that was bad enough. Then it became apparent to me that I was going to executed. For a crime I didn't commit. Talk about some high anxiety. I felt sheer terror. Then at the last minute it was given a reprieve. I felt sheer relieve. I woke up and the 1st thing that came to my mind was...See things could be worse. I reminded myself that real life is pretty good. The anxiety is a little better. I have created this anxiety. Nursed it and allowed it control me. There really is nothing "new" that has triggered this latest wave. Just the same old concerns. I have used this anxiety as an excuse to eat. I am hoping that I have seen the last of this panic feeling for awhile. I am going to clean out the fridge, plan out my food, make a...

I have started this post about a million times. Still going strong. Don't have really anything new. I am maintaining below 200. Iffy food choices. Big church dinner. Not going crazy. Still not feeling the mojo. After the peace Friday I had a down day Saturday. Food coma for sure. No matter how hard I tried to coax myself I couldn't get myself to snap out of it. Sunday was alittle stressful. Had alittle falling out with my son. Sometimes you just need to clear the air. All is well now. Monday I went to visit a friend for lunch and a nice long visit. Very nice. I had the salad bar at Ruby Tuesday. And the chili, it was kind of ick. Didn't finish it. Last night was a wonderful woman's event with my church. They did progressive dinner. Where you have each course at a different home. There was a great turn out. Lots of good food and conversation. I love Relief Society. That is the women's organization for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Lots of differen...

While getting my soda at Q.T. yesterday I saw the man that fired me on my Bday. I poked him gently in the arm to say hello. Just a quick "how are you" and he ran out of there like his pants were on fire. I can honestly say that I had no ill feelings or anger toward him. No nausea either....lol. I almost hurled when I saw his wife at the movies a couple days after my Bday. I go to pick up my check from his son this morning. I must say that little fit of rage cost him a pretty penny. Probably not has much as it should have, but I feel good about the amount. So I say thank you........for doing for me what I could not do for myself. Funny how life is. Amazing! I took an old N.A.. friend out to see my daughter yesterday. I haven't seen her in about 10 years. She wasn't really impressed with my weight loss till she was looking at some pics at Cassie's and then her jaw dropped. Made me feel good. I was glad to see her. Also kind of made me glad that we aren't as clo...

Have had a busy and productive day. Been thinking alot about Roxie's post this morning. I love how she is just so damn sensible. Never a Drama Queen. She told me along time ago the secret of getting back on track. No limits on the amount of food, just the kind of food ( real to her/me food ). The 20 minute trick is a good one too. I just tell myself I will at least do 20 mins . of exercise. Usually ends up being more. Good suggestions that have really helped me. Thanks again Roxie! I have an odd situation. I received food from my church. Good food, but full fat food. Meaning milk, cottage cheese, sour cream, cheese. I need to use this food in order to make my dreams of NOT living in my daughter's garage come true. I am only part way kidding. So I have been having back and forth feelings about it. I have decided that this is what I have to do for now. I will HAVE to control myself the best I can. Load up on the good food, use the other stuff sparingly. So f...

Had a great weekend! Too cute Gkids for Halloween. Look here for the cutest Gkids EVER. This is my daughter's blog and she has lots of cute pics. http://budzinskis.blogspot.com/ . I know I am partial, but still take a look. My daughter's little family is doing great. My SIL is still able to be off work to help take care of the kids. I spent all day out there yesterday and had a great time. My Gson had a speaking part in the Primary Program, I went to their church. It was packed!! Lots of Grandparents. Don't see enough of my son. He's in love, so I guess I will cut him some slack. I miss him though. Too funny.....I was with my friend on Saturday night and she got pulled over. Holy Cow! She didn't get a ticket either. Pretty soon I will know all the police officers in Maricopa County. It's just weird how many times I've been pulled over the last few months. And no tickets for anyone! My laptop is in for repairs so I am at the library us...