TO THE BEST OF MY ABILITY

I can't believe it's Wed and I haven't posted since Friday. Been reading your blogs, but not commenting much. I have felt kind of like I'm in limbo. I am still traveling about 15-20 miles a day in the bike going back and forth to my job. My therapist told me he thought I looked good today. Happier, calmer, healthier. I would have paid just to hear that alone. Forget about the other 50 minutes.....lol. I feel calmer. I just wish I could just focus better. My mind seems to be all over the place. Plus I can't remember shit. Seriously. If I call someone and it takes longer then 3 rings for them to answer the phone I forget who I've called. I know alot of this is because there is still alot going on. A lot I am not certain about. A lot of living by faith. The Boss responded to my letter and we agreed on back vacation pay. Nothing like what he owed me, but I really didn't have a legal leg to stand on with that anyway. It should be enough to buy ...

Continue to love my little job. It's so wonderful to have them look forward to seeing you and telling you how much they appreciate you. This little couple are desperate to stay together. They are just so grateful that I am willing to come and do the dirty work. It takes all off about 15 mins. then I am ready to go. I keep telling the hubs, "Dude you are making this too easy on me". He just laughs. The wife has dementia but the hubs is adamant that he doesn't want to be alone in the house without her. A.Dor.Able. I am holding out for that kind of sweet man. I have low expectation, I will be single for ever I am sure. Which is ok with me. I do like my life. Most of the time, just like most of the human race. Feeling so much calmer and less frantic. Feeling ok about work. It looks like I will have another client by the 1st of next week. I am going to be focused on getting that car. Even if it's just a beater right now. Something it can get me from point A to point B....

Getting in a routine again is just what I need. I started the new home health job. It is going to be a breeze. Except, that until that car appears I will be making 3-4 , 5 mile round trips a day to and from their home. It will take longer to ride there then for actual time at the house. The hubs of the sweet little lady with dementia has made it worth my while, so I will ride. Like the wind! He really wants to keep her at home. I love old people. I am also set to get another client, so I think I am going to be ok . At least for a while. Yesterday my knee was killing. I am not going to be able to walk 4 miles and then ride 20. Not right now. My daughter is letting me borrow her bike. Mine is a Goodwill special and is very old and hard to pedal. If the wind is blowing ( like yesterday) it's a killer. Luckily I was able to catch a ride all day to work. Back and forth. This morning I walked around 2 miles and I only have to ride to work once. The rest of the day I have a ride. I hav...

I just got off the scales. Holy crap! The pity party I threw myself yesterday is over . You have heard of EAT PRAY LOVE. Well yesterday it was EAT SLEEP REPEAT. I made the mistake of going back to bed after my walk yesterday morning. I felt like crap the rest of the day. Plus I ate to the extreme. I have eaten more calories in the past 10 days then I have in a long time. What with birthdays, being treated and having meals brought to me, I have not been making the best choices. Better then what it used to be, for sure, but not "To the Best of My Ability". All 4 Gkids came over last night. They ganged up on me. Tried to keep eating to a minimum. They are truly relentless when it comes to begging for food. I was too tired to argue. I just ate with them. UGH! Luckily it wasn't all crap. Still using food, is using food. So.... got up and walked 4.5 miles before 6am. I will be riding about 8 miles round trip to my new job. I plan on pushing the water. I had l...

This is proof that many otter pops have been eaten.....see the blue tongue....lol. I had a great Saturday. Slept in till 5:30. That's unheard of. I almost feel gulity knwoing that Roxie is suffering at Chez Menopause. Begged off of the walk. Then decided that was stupid. Got on the bike. Found them. Got in alittle over a 2 mile walk. Then biked to see how long it will take to ge to my new job. Yep. I have an elder care job to start Monday. Not full time but it will keep the wolves at bay for the time being. I 'gridded up my loins' ( my dad's expression ) and finally wrote the letter to my boss. Haven't sent it. Waiting on some feedback. I want to be sure about it before I do that. I have put so much energy into this stupid letter. I want to move forward. I'm sick of talking about it. I am sure everyone is sick of me talking about it. I met up with a friend and we took her kids and went to the library. I heart the library. They had a charity boutique so i browsed...

Hanging in there. Felt like eating all day yesterday. There are some good things about not having a car. No drive thrus...lol. I am feeling stress. Then when I am not stressing I feel guilty for not stressing. It's my attempt to control. Accept the things I can not change. Easier said then done. Like if I am am freaked I am not reacting appropriately to this scary situation. I am doing my best. Things aren't going as I had hoped. I had hoped for easy breezy. It's not going to be like that. I had hoped people would do the right thing. Worked on my resume and sent a bunch out this morning. Feeling hopeful in the job search. Spent time with a dear friend yesterday. Tomorrow I am helping out another friend and will be able to get some errands done. She's letting me use her car. It seemed like it was going to cool off here in the desert, but alas, it's back up to 103 again today. Skipped biking this morning to come home and get organized. I am still trying to deal with m...

Well I have been thinking about training for half marathon. The Rock and Roll Marathon is in January. My walking buddy and I have really been talking about it. I know I can do it, so I need to read up and decide how to start training. Why not, right?? I've got nothing but time and I need something big to work towards. Well that and a job....lol. I have been riding the hell out of my bike. Long leisurely rides. Listening to podcasts and enjoying the cooler mornings. I don't think I will be with out a job for long. Things are looking good in that department. I think. I am willing to do anything, so it shouldn't take long. I have to decided to move or not. I rent from the boss's Gdaughter. Probably should move out. I want to be able to stay within my ward boundaries. That's the way the LDS church sets up their congregations (wards). You go to church with your neighbors. I love it and am thankful for it everyday. I know the Lord's hand was in th...

Well what a wonderful weekend. Let me 1st say that I have the most wonderful daughter in the world. She and my friend made me a Book of Memories. A scrapbook full of memories family and friends wrote about me. IT was one of the best nights of my 50 years. 1st she gave me a card that called me a "Skinny Bitch". Who doesn't like that....right? Made me laugh. My eyes are bad, my arm just isn't long enough...lol. I started looking through the scrapbook and I was amazed at who had wrote memories. A dear friend that I was in Salvation Army rehab with years ago. Cousins that I haven't seen for a while. My aunts and sister. My nieces. I received notes from family members of loved ones that I cared for in their last days. High school buddies that I haven't seen in years. I even had a note from the old boss lady. She wrote very nice things. How I made her laugh and how I was always there for her. She submitted it to my daughter a couple of weeks ago and Cassie included...

It's great being a GeGe. Had a nice Gparent Day at school. Kids are so honest. Gson is black and I'm white. Kids looked at us and said, Is she your grandma?? Time after time I watched my Gson just put up is palm and say "Yep she is". I love it. Our palms are alike. I don't even know if he realized what he was doing. It touched my heart. I then went with my daughter to her OB/GYN appointment. That was fun. She is such a good girl. She is my rock and my secret weapon. She is so smart! She fights mightily for those she loves. I have seen her take on Child Protective Services and win. I am so proud of all my kids. Inlaws be damn, they're all mine. I am still scared out of my mind, but I am excited for the changes to come. I went to the movie yesterday afternoon and I'll be damn if the Old Lady Boss wasn't there. WTF. I was so shocked I wanted to throw up. I damn near ran into her. I was able to avoid her and left thru the emergency exit and out the b...

Well what a crazy 50 th birthday. I did get fired. It was hands down one of the top ten worst experiences of my life. Not that I got fired but the way I got fired. I am able this morning to see it as a good thing. Yesterday, I was just so hurt. I'm still hurt, but I am looking at all the positives. The best gift I got yesterday was all the support I got from family and friends IRL and here in blogland . I get teary again just thinking about all the love I felt yesterday. I spent most of my time telling and retelling the story to people. It was good therapy. I cried till my face was swollen. Lot of tears brought on my the kindness and love that was so freely given to me. I might not be rich in money or things, but I hit the jackpot in freinds and family. My church family really rallied around. It's so wonderful to have a bunch of "cheerleaders" show up at your door, take you for yogurt, telling you that you are going to be fine. Things will work out....

This is what I woke up to this morning! My buddies "heart attacked" my front patio! I am officially 50 years old today. I feel better at 50 then I have in my life. I got up this morning and the scale gave me a gift of 190.2. Thanks scales. I am going to make this short cause I feel like all I do is complain about work lately, but it has become unbearable. I would not be surprised if I got fired today. Happy Birthday! I am trying very hard to be brave and just go in and put on a happy face. I have cried till my face is swollen. I can not control other people. I can only control me. I have to remember that I did nothing wrong. I have to have faith that Heavenly Father can see the what I am going through. I know that I am loved. Not only by Him, but I have a wonderful family and awesome friends. I need to have faith. To think of this as a growth opportunity. I almost am trying to convince myself that this is a blessing. Keep the mood and the food real...........

Off to a good start for the long weekend. Got a very early morning walk in with the buddies. I didn't walk with them yesterday morning cause I spent the night at out my daughter's house. I got in 3 miles Friday morning too. I love walking out at my daughter's. It seems the sky is bluer out there in the the desert. I wogged actually. I spent more time running then ever before. It felt good. After my walk this morning I decided I can't be cooped up in this house, so I went for a bike ride. Got to get out early, before the heat advisory. Rode the bike home in a heat advisory yesterday. Wasn't that bad, really. Like I said, I can do anything for 20 mins. I could have gotten a ride home. I wanted to see if I could do it. And I can. I have been watching Joyce Meyers on the computer. I love her. I would highly recommend her for anyone of any religion. She has a series on Changing Your Heart. It has been very helpful to me over the past week. I have bee...

Well the long awaited day has come. My late hubs was a Redskin fan. Excuse me, super fan! My son is now a Super Redskin fan. In April his sister gave him 2 tickets to the Cardinal vs. Redskin game. Today is the day. Everybody is meeting at my house. I am thinking I will make a big pot of spaghetti. Then I will send the big kids off to the game and the Gkids and I travel the 30 miles back to their house for a sleepover. I am going to have a long walk in the morning out at my daughter's. Then I will ride back into town with a friend. I truly have the best friends ( and sisters who are friends ). I will still make it to work on time! I love early mornings! Posted an ad for the elder services in a couple of places. We will see. I am doing the word of mouth thing too. I have lots of satisfied customers....yes, some of them are still alive...lol. Families. I can always tell when someone is missing their mother, father or their hubs. They will give me a call and we wi...

Okay today is a new day. I walked 3 miles and rode the bike to work. It is cooling off in the mornings.....alittle. That gives me some hope that summer might just be coming to a close. Whoopee. I have dressed in my cutest outfit and am trying to look my best. Fake it till I make it. I need to market myself as an elder caregiver. Roxie came up with a great idea. I have always had an extra p/t elder care job until my car broke down. Roxie thought that I might offer my services as an "excellent" ( I put that in there, not her lol ) caregiver in exchange for the use of a car. A car that belongs to a older person that probably doesn't use it anyway. GENIUS ROXIE! So help a Sista out. Give me some advertising ideas. I can put the word out in my church and they actually have a job center as well that I could use. I am looking for something more creative. Anybody have a Great Aunt Agnes in Phoenix that needs some help. I'm your girl! I deleted yesterday's rant. It serves ...