Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Riding my butt off.....literally!

I can't believe it's Wed and I haven't posted since Friday. Been reading your blogs, but not commenting much. I have felt kind of like I'm in limbo. I am still traveling about 15-20 miles a day in the bike going back and forth to my job. My therapist told me he thought I looked good today. Happier, calmer, healthier. I would have paid just to hear that alone. Forget about the other 50 minutes.....lol. I feel calmer. I just wish I could just focus better. My mind seems to be all over the place. Plus I can't remember shit. Seriously. If I call someone and it takes longer then 3 rings for them to answer the phone I forget who I've called. I know alot of this is because there is still alot going on. A lot I am not certain about. A lot of living by faith.

The Boss responded to my letter and we agreed on back vacation pay. Nothing like what he owed me, but I really didn't have a legal leg to stand on with that anyway. It should be enough to buy a little car. A CAR! I am so nervous about the thought of it. Like getting excited might jinx it. It was just a verbal agreement, so I will believe it when I see it. He told me he would have a check for me by the end of the week. That's what really makes me nervous, I'm afraid he won't follow through. Nothing I can do about that. Worry will not make it happen, so I need to stop worrying. I just really want to put this behind me. I want to be done with them for good. He didn't even apologize for the way things went down. That is something I need to let go of as well. I have a plan if he doesn't hold up his end of deal. So I will proceed that way.

Went downtown for a Trustee meeting and found out that my case had been dismissed. WTF?? I guess I mailed paper work to the wrong place. Oops. It's easily fixable. I will have to get back downtown though (no small endeavor without a car ). It just makes the process longer. UGH!

My weight has been down. All the bike riding. Plus I am still walking in the mornings as well. Not eating anything crazy, but not being strict either. Maintaining. Feeling good about what I eat and the way I eating it. No binging. No food comas. I wonder if things will ever settle down so I can focus on loosing again. Many kind people have been feeding me. I can't freak out because I am not eating meals prepared by me. Or that aren't as healthy as I would like them to me. The price is right (free), and I am trying to save every little penny. I know that I am doing the best I can for my situation.

Making sure to weed out discouragement and fear. They are both poison to me. Staying positive. This is going to be my year! I can feel it.

Keep the mood and the food real.......

190.3

Friday, September 24, 2010

Do Something Wonderful!

Continue to love my little job. It's so wonderful to have them look forward to seeing you and telling you how much they appreciate you. This little couple are desperate to stay together. They are just so grateful that I am willing to come and do the dirty work. It takes all off about 15 mins. then I am ready to go. I keep telling the hubs, "Dude you are making this too easy on me". He just laughs. The wife has dementia but the hubs is adamant that he doesn't want to be alone in the house without her. A.Dor.Able. I am holding out for that kind of sweet man. I have low expectation, I will be single for ever I am sure. Which is ok with me. I do like my life. Most of the time, just like most of the human race.

Feeling so much calmer and less frantic. Feeling ok about work. It looks like I will have another client by the 1st of next week. I am going to be focused on getting that car. Even if it's just a beater right now. Something it can get me from point A to point B. Then I will start saving for something more reliable. I am feeling like things are coming together. Still have some other things I would like to explore as well.


Trying to still take it easy on the knee. Woke up to a stiff knee. Ugh! Makes me crazy worried. I will not have insurance after the end of the month. Nothing I can control. I can however be smart about what I am doing to my body. Plan on walking a little till this morning. I will have access to a ride for all my visits to my little couple. What should I call them? Thinking Ozzie and Harriet. They have an old time house like that too. Or Ward and June. LOL. I could go on and on.

Have a great weekend. Get out and do something wonderful !!

Keep the mood and the food real................

193.8

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Standing Up for Myself

Getting in a routine again is just what I need. I started the new home health job. It is going to be a breeze. Except, that until that car appears I will be making 3-4 , 5 mile round trips a day to and from their home. It will take longer to ride there then for actual time at the house. The hubs of the sweet little lady with dementia has made it worth my while, so I will ride. Like the wind! He really wants to keep her at home. I love old people. I am also set to get another client, so I think I am going to be ok. At least for a while.

Yesterday my knee was killing. I am not going to be able to walk 4 miles and then ride 20. Not right now. My daughter is letting me borrow her bike. Mine is a Goodwill special and is very old and hard to pedal. If the wind is blowing ( like yesterday) it's a killer. Luckily I was able to catch a ride all day to work. Back and forth. This morning I walked around 2 miles and I only have to ride to work once. The rest of the day I have a ride. I have the best friends ever! I am hoping that this will give the old knee a chance to feel better

Had my son and his GF over for dinner last night. It was nice. It has been kind of weird since they still work at the school and I don't want to toss around my negative feelings. Better talk of more important things. Like the wedding. I never realized how much time I spent bitching about that place. I am so glad to OUT of there and away from all the craziness. It really was a blessing.

Food was not so good yesterday. Though the scales showed me down yesterday morning from the scary high from the 1st of the week. I have lots of free time and I need to get a hobby. I can only straighten and organize just so much. I've even started watching Oprah again. Not so good for Dana. Once the knee feels better and the temps DROP (fingers crossed.....I have pretty much decided that this summer is going to last till Spring.) I can get out and about more.

Still have some hope that the old employer will soften their hearts and be fair with me about the back vacation. Note, I said some hope. I am prepared to move forward with filing my claims if not. I am over feeling anxiety over it all. I am prepared to stand up for myself. No matter what it takes.

Keep the mood and the food real.............stand up for YOU.

193

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

To the Best of My Ability??

I just got off the scales. Holy crap! The pity party I threw myself yesterday is over . You have heard of EAT PRAY LOVE. Well yesterday it was EAT SLEEP REPEAT. I made the mistake of going back to bed after my walk yesterday morning. I felt like crap the rest of the day. Plus I ate to the extreme. I have eaten more calories in the past 10 days then I have in a long time. What with birthdays, being treated and having meals brought to me, I have not been making the best choices. Better then what it used to be, for sure, but not "To the Best of My Ability".

All 4 Gkids came over last night. They ganged up on me. Tried to keep eating to a minimum. They are truly relentless when it comes to begging for food. I was too tired to argue. I just ate with them. UGH! Luckily it wasn't all crap. Still using food, is using food.

So.... got up and walked 4.5 miles before 6am. I will be riding about 8 miles round trip to my new job. I plan on pushing the water. I had lots of salt yesterday...low fat chips. Never buy those things. I did yesterday. I set myself up for a fail. I will be busy today. Too much sitting home yesterday. It it record heat here in the desert. 107 degrees....OMG! Still to hot to ride after the morning hours. Just my luck. It was so muggy this morning. I was not feeling it. It felt so hard, but I feel good I got in over 4 miles.

Feeling discouraged. No specific reason. Need to get that out and admit it. I plan on doing the things I know work to drag me out it. Got to feel it and move on. I also feel like something hormonal is going on too. I have a huge zit coming on the side of my face. How old am I again? Just like a teenager. When I eat crap I break out. I just kind of feel exhausted. I had crazy scary dreams last night. Dreamed I was at the school and kept trying to hide from being thrown out. Then I was pregnant and hiding in a house from "them". Not sure who "them" is. Not sure how I got pregnant. I kept trying to wake myself up to stop dreaming it. Didn't work. Every time I'd go back to sleep the anxiety associated with the dream was more intense. I hate it when I do that. Years of drug abuse really have messed with my brain. Just another reason to "Just Say No".

So I am going to a meeting today. I need to remember to give up what I can't control. I have been really trying to stay spiritually centered. It is the only way I am going to make it through this without gaining back 100 pounds. Food is my drug of choice now.

I have been trying to keep up with everyone, but I'm not feeling bloggy either. Forgive me. This too will pass. I feel better when I can support others in their journey. Hope everyone has a good Tuesday.

Keep the mood and the food real.............

195.6

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Treating myself

This is proof that many otter pops have been eaten.....see the blue tongue....lol.

I had a great Saturday. Slept in till 5:30. That's unheard of. I almost feel gulity knwoing that Roxie is suffering at Chez Menopause. Begged off of the walk. Then decided that was stupid. Got on the bike. Found them. Got in alittle over a 2 mile walk. Then biked to see how long it will take to ge to my new job. Yep. I have an elder care job to start Monday. Not full time but it will keep the wolves at bay for the time being. I 'gridded up my loins' ( my dad's expression ) and finally wrote the letter to my boss. Haven't sent it. Waiting on some feedback. I want to be sure about it before I do that. I have put so much energy into this stupid letter. I want to move forward. I'm sick of talking about it. I am sure everyone is sick of me talking about it.


I met up with a friend and we took her kids and went to the library. I heart the library. They had a charity boutique so i browsed. I never browse. I am always in a hurry. Always in a hurry and never really very much forward. I have been thinking about lately. My mind races, but I don't feel like I am going anywhere. It's exhausting and frustrating. I am going to put some intention toward that.


We had lunch at a great little place. Had pita bread and yogurt. Then splurged on a chicken and asparagus pita sandwich. Holy cow was it good. I had the Ggirls over again last night. Mom and Dad were at childbirth class. Not much longer now. They had to tell the girls that, no the baby wasn't coming yet. We went swimming and watched movies. They are bottomless pits. This time I held firm. No overeating for anyone. I didn't make the best choices for dinner however A small piece of lasagna and left over Greek salad. Yesterday wasn't my best eating day. I was 'treated" with food all day. On to better choices today. Plan on treating myself...lol. That means cooking for myself.


Heading out for a podcast and a bike ride. Keep the mood and the food real............

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Heart Condition

Hanging in there. Felt like eating all day yesterday. There are some good things about not having a car. No drive thrus...lol. I am feeling stress. Then when I am not stressing I feel guilty for not stressing. It's my attempt to control. Accept the things I can not change. Easier said then done. Like if I am am freaked I am not reacting appropriately to this scary situation.



I am doing my best. Things aren't going as I had hoped. I had hoped for easy breezy. It's not going to be like that. I had hoped people would do the right thing. Worked on my resume and sent a bunch out this morning. Feeling hopeful in the job search. Spent time with a dear friend yesterday. Tomorrow I am helping out another friend and will be able to get some errands done. She's letting me use her car. It seemed like it was going to cool off here in the desert, but alas, it's back up to 103 again today. Skipped biking this morning to come home and get organized. I am still trying to deal with my financial crap too. I have to turn in some paperwork. that kind of stuff can really send me into a shame spiral. Not this morning. I just plowed thru. Tried to take the emotion out of it. It worked. It all got found and is ready to go for tomorrow.



I walked over 4 miles this morning. I am excited about the half marathon. Thanks for much for all your suggestions. We are starting alittle earlier. 4:45AM. It's early but I'm awake and I wouldn't want to start my day any other way. I was suppose to spend the night last night at my friend's house, but I just wanted to come home and sleep in my bed and hit the road with my girls this morning.

I started this post yesterday morning. So today is really a new day. I go this morning to check on an elder care job that looks very promising. It's close so I can bike. It will get me thru till I decide on my next move. I am going to try to stay where I'm at as far as my living arrangements. I am feeling hopeful.....scared but less stressed this morning. It looks like I am on my own as far as trying to get any back vacation pay. I am going to write a letter and try to appeal to my former employers' sense of fairness. One way or the other he will have to put money out either to pay me what's fair or pay a lawyer to defend against violations I will file with a couple of Federal agencies. I hope he does the right thing. I am prepared to do what ever it takes. I have lots of love and support to see it through. It will just take along time if I have to file the violations myself. What the hell.....I've got nothing but time.

I don't want this to harden my heart. I am on constant watch for "vindictive" to rear it's ugly head. I am guarding against resentment and discouragement. My worst enemy now is SELF PITY. I am not the 1st person to get canned and I won't be the last. I am trying to be mindful of my intentions and motives. I am glad that I have people around me that will tell it like it is. No 'yes men" for me.

Even though I was munchie yesterday, I resisted the food coma. Went to cheer on at Young Women's softball last night. then a small yogurt with friends. I need to keep busy and stay off the pity pot. Woke up late, only walked 2 miles. Making good for me choices all the way around.

Hope everyone has a nice weekend. I have no plans but it seems like I am busier now then when I had a job. Gotta love support!

Oh and I LOVE DAWN!

Keep the mood and the food real..............

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Half Marathon?? Yes, I think I will

Well I have been thinking about training for half marathon. The Rock and Roll Marathon is in January. My walking buddy and I have really been talking about it. I know I can do it, so I need to read up and decide how to start training. Why not, right?? I've got nothing but time and I need something big to work towards. Well that and a job....lol. I have been riding the hell out of my bike. Long leisurely rides. Listening to podcasts and enjoying the cooler mornings.

I don't think I will be with out a job for long. Things are looking good in that department. I think. I am willing to do anything, so it shouldn't take long. I have to decided to move or not. I rent from the boss's Gdaughter. Probably should move out. I want to be able to stay within my ward boundaries. That's the way the LDS church sets up their congregations (wards). You go to church with your neighbors. I love it and am thankful for it everyday. I know the Lord's hand was in that decision when the church was organized.

I have a fight in front of me and I am going to need all the love and support I can get. Got some bad news yesterday. I put myself into a food coma last night. Half a loaf of raisin bread. STUPID. Not the worse thing in the world. Oh and about a thousand of those damn otter pops. Throw in a few Yorks that I got for my Bday and well....food coma. Went to sleep early, up early. Lots of reading and praying, and thinking this morning. Gonna head out now for another long ride. Clears the head and makes me grateful.

keep the mood and the food real............

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Memories and Moving On

Well what a wonderful weekend. Let me 1st say that I have the most wonderful daughter in the world. She and my friend made me a Book of Memories. A scrapbook full of memories family and friends wrote about me. IT was one of the best nights of my 50 years. 1st she gave me a card that called me a "Skinny Bitch". Who doesn't like that....right? Made me laugh. My eyes are bad, my arm just isn't long enough...lol.

I started looking through the scrapbook and I was amazed at who had wrote memories. A dear friend that I was in Salvation Army rehab with years ago. Cousins that I haven't seen for a while. My aunts and sister. My nieces. I received notes from family members of loved ones that I cared for in their last days. High school buddies that I haven't seen in years. I even had a note from the old boss lady. She wrote very nice things. How I made her laugh and how I was always there for her. She submitted it to my daughter a couple of weeks ago and Cassie included it. I am glad she did. Even other members of her family submitted stories. Sweet stories.

I was shocked to see how fat I was. I don't have alot of before pics, but other people did and I was just in awe. So was every one there. It really was a celebration of me. Of the good things in my life. Loosing 100 lbs was the gift I gave myself. I was floored by what I have accomplished. I really can do hard. We all can.

That's when I had to cover my face and go into the ugly cry. The entire week last week was a mixture of really good stuff and really crazy bad stuff. I am still over whelmed by peoples kindness and love. Then I get over whelmed with the seriousness of my situation. I have been on an emotional roller coaster. I feel like I need a to just take a deep breath and appreciate it all. The good, the bad and the ugly. I feel strangely calm about it all. I really have a feeling that no matter what happens, I will be ok.

Now it's business time. The birthday fun and fog is over. It's Monday morning I have no where to go. I have been up for my walk and plan on a bike ride to the food store. Maybe the library. I went on a super long bike ride yesterday. Not sure how far. Did some good thinking. My biggest hurdle now is going to be discouragement. I can't let those thought over power my good thoughts. Life is difficult. It's not suppose to be easy. I am going to press forward with faith. I am going to be better for this experience.
I have not turned to food over this. I have allowed myself a few more things then I would normally, but nothing big. There were lots of things to celebrate last week. This week I am going to focus on doing the next right thing in all areas of my life. Like Roxie says....1st do no harm. To myself or others. I need to remember that I can only do my best. I can not control the actions of others. I am planning on staying busy doing good works. Doing things that I have wanted to do, but that I haven't had the time or energy to do. I have a line on an elder care jobs. I filed for unemployment. So things are looking up. I am thinking this might be the time to take a few classes. Update my skills. I have lots of options. I just need to keep reminding myself of that.
Keep the mood and the food....











Friday, September 10, 2010

Get Low

It's great being a GeGe. Had a nice Gparent Day at school. Kids are so honest. Gson is black and I'm white. Kids looked at us and said, Is she your grandma?? Time after time I watched my Gson just put up is palm and say "Yep she is". I love it. Our palms are alike. I don't even know if he realized what he was doing. It touched my heart.

I then went with my daughter to her OB/GYN appointment. That was fun. She is such a good girl. She is my rock and my secret weapon. She is so smart! She fights mightily for those she loves. I have seen her take on Child Protective Services and win. I am so proud of all my kids. Inlaws be damn, they're all mine.

I am still scared out of my mind, but I am excited for the changes to come. I went to the movie yesterday afternoon and I'll be damn if the Old Lady Boss wasn't there. WTF. I was so shocked I wanted to throw up. I damn near ran into her. I was able to avoid her and left thru the emergency exit and out the back. Quick get away.

My family is taking me out to dinner tonight since my real Bday was so messed up. It should be fun. We wanted to wait till my SIL could be there too. It should be a good time. I will take pics. I forgot this morning. Have a great weekend all. Go see the movie Get Low. Hands down best movie of the summer. Loved Robert Duval was so good in it. It was just the right amount funny, suspenseful and touching.

Keep the mood and the food real........

Thursday, September 9, 2010

When God speaks, LISTEN

Well what a crazy 50th birthday. I did get fired. It was hands down one of the top ten worst experiences of my life. Not that I got fired but the way I got fired. I am able this morning to see it as a good thing. Yesterday, I was just so hurt. I'm still hurt, but I am looking at all the positives. The best gift I got yesterday was all the support I got from family and friends IRL and here in blogland. I get teary again just thinking about all the love I felt yesterday. I spent most of my time telling and retelling the story to people. It was good therapy. I cried till my face was swollen. Lot of tears brought on my the kindness and love that was so freely given to me. I might not be rich in money or things, but I hit the jackpot in freinds and family. My church family really rallied around. It's so wonderful to have a bunch of "cheerleaders" show up at your door, take you for yogurt, telling you that you are going to be fine. Things will work out. And you know what...they will.

This needed to happen. I've been so paralyzed with fear for so long that I've ignored all the little pebbles a loving Father in Heaven was tossing at me to get my attention. I do things the hard way, when I don't have to. Pain, the Great Motivator! I have put up with verbal abuse, I have compromised my standards, just so I could keep my job. I don't think this is going to be easy. I will probably have to move.....that's the worst case. I went and talked with my bishop last night, I think that I will have a elder care job soon. A group of "employment specialists" that meet one night a week at the church. It's their goal to help find me a job. The Mormon church as many resources when it comes to employment. For any one, anywhere. Check it out at providentliving.org. So I will be there Tuesday. I have no doubt that I will be ok. Remind me of this when I start freaking out, cause I am sure I will.

I don't know what the future might bring. Today I am going to clean out my fridge, organize some things, bike to the food store and go have lunch with BFF where she works. It's her Bday today. It was actually cool this morning....COOL! 72 degrees. I am going to take advantage of this morning weather....96 this afternoon.

My Gson called and so sweetly invited me to his school for Gparent Day tomorrow morning. His selling point was breakfast and our picture. He had me at hello...lol. I am so there!! I am spending the night at my daughter's. Yep.....I am loved.

Got my 3 miles in and yesterday I drank lots of water. No cake for my Bday. This is 2 years in a row. Didn't miss it. Actually when my stomach is in knots I can't eat anyway. Goal is to stay in gratitude, apply for unemployment, and enjoy what I do have. You the same thing...not the unemployment thing, unless of course you should....lol

Keep the mood and the food real...............

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

I feel great for 50!

This is what I woke up to this morning! My buddies "heart attacked" my front patio! I am officially 50 years old today. I feel better at 50 then I have in my life. I got up this morning and the scale gave me a gift of 190.2. Thanks scales.

I am going to make this short cause I feel like all I do is complain about work lately, but it has become unbearable. I would not be surprised if I got fired today. Happy Birthday! I am trying very hard to be brave and just go in and put on a happy face. I have cried till my face is swollen. I can not control other people. I can only control me. I have to remember that I did nothing wrong. I have to have faith that Heavenly Father can see the what I am going through. I know that I am loved. Not only by Him, but I have a wonderful family and awesome friends. I need to have faith. To think of this as a growth opportunity. I almost am trying to convince myself that this is a blessing.

Keep the mood and the food real.........please keep me in your prayers. Thanks

190.2

Saturday, September 4, 2010

off to a good start

Off to a good start for the long weekend. Got a very early morning walk in with the buddies. I didn't walk with them yesterday morning cause I spent the night at out my daughter's house. I got in 3 miles Friday morning too. I love walking out at my daughter's. It seems the sky is bluer out there in the the desert. I wogged actually. I spent more time running then ever before. It felt good. After my walk this morning I decided I can't be cooped up in this house, so I went for a bike ride. Got to get out early, before the heat advisory. Rode the bike home in a heat advisory yesterday. Wasn't that bad, really. Like I said, I can do anything for 20 mins. I could have gotten a ride home. I wanted to see if I could do it. And I can.

I have been watching Joyce Meyers on the computer. I love her. I would highly recommend her for anyone of any religion. She has a series on Changing Your Heart. It has been very helpful to me over the past week. I have been trying to rid myself of resentment. Not something that I can do alone. I need Heavenly Help. I have found the AA trick for resentment to be the quickest cure. That is to include the person I have a resentment against. Ask that they be blessed with what ever they need. Do it for 2 weeks. I've never had to do it past a few days....until this past year. So I am getting alot more help this time.

I need a change. So what does a person do that is fearful of change. I get stuck. With things they way they are in this economy I know I should just be grateful for my job. I really do try to look at that way. My co-worker has decided my boss lady is jealous of me. I doubt that, but it is starting to make me think. My boss lady has never treated me this bad. It's just since I've lost weight. She put back on around 60 pounds as I was taking it off. She has a son that is over 400 lbs. Since he's been on disability he hasn't lost anything significant, while I have lost 80 lbs. 100 lbs since she has known me.

So maybe that's true. I don't know. Just typing the above paragraph makes me feel grateful. Grateful to have loss the weight and have really changed the way I eat. Grateful that I am able to be active. That I am able to bike and walk and not HAVE to depend on a vehicle. There really is a sense of freedom in that. If it's true then really I can't do anything about it. I can't do anything to make her change her feelings. I can change how I react. That's were the real power is. In changing me. Can I accept this thing that I can not change? It really is so hurtful when people you love do cutting things to you. It makes a wound that has to heal. At least I know where to turn for healing.

Going to go to the cheap movie this morning. Seeing "Get Low." It looks pretty good. Sissy Spacek and Robert Duvall. Then I am going to get my youngest Gdaughter and she gets to have an alone over nighter with her Gege. Church tomorrow, naps and and DVDs. Then Monday my walking buddies and I all have Bdays this week. So we are going for breakfast after the walk. Then who knows. I am going to enjoy my long weekend and truly try to leave work behind.

Nothing yet on the elder care front. Something will happen. I know it will. This is a great opportunity to practice patience. Something I need much practice in.

keep the mood and the food real.............


192

Thursday, September 2, 2010

REDSKINS BABY

Well the long awaited day has come. My late hubs was a Redskin fan. Excuse me, super fan! My son is now a Super Redskin fan. In April his sister gave him 2 tickets to the Cardinal vs. Redskin game. Today is the day. Everybody is meeting at my house. I am thinking I will make a big pot of spaghetti. Then I will send the big kids off to the game and the Gkids and I travel the 30 miles back to their house for a sleepover. I am going to have a long walk in the morning out at my daughter's. Then I will ride back into town with a friend. I truly have the best friends ( and sisters who are friends ). I will still make it to work on time! I love early mornings!

Posted an ad for the elder services in a couple of places. We will see. I am doing the word of mouth thing too. I have lots of satisfied customers....yes, some of them are still alive...lol. Families. I can always tell when someone is missing their mother, father or their hubs. They will give me a call and we will tell stories about the family member. Have a good laugh, maybe a good cry. It's great to be able to there for people during an extremely hard time in life. Really, this has been about the longest it's been that I haven't had a old people sitting job. Oh well. I will keep on keeping on. Actually, is there is no other choice. Well no other good choice.

Still no food comas. AMAZING! Simply amazing. Holding steady at 196. Steady being the key word there...lol.

Keep the mood and the food real...........

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

It's a New Day!


Okay today is a new day. I walked 3 miles and rode the bike to work. It is cooling off in the mornings.....alittle. That gives me some hope that summer might just be coming to a close. Whoopee. I have dressed in my cutest outfit and am trying to look my best. Fake it till I make it.

I need to market myself as an elder caregiver. Roxie came up with a great idea. I have always had an extra p/t elder care job until my car broke down. Roxie thought that I might offer my services as an "excellent" ( I put that in there, not her lol ) caregiver in exchange for the use of a car. A car that belongs to a older person that probably doesn't use it anyway. GENIUS ROXIE! So help a Sista out. Give me some advertising ideas. I can put the word out in my church and they actually have a job center as well that I could use. I am looking for something more creative. Anybody have a Great Aunt Agnes in Phoenix that needs some help. I'm your girl!

I deleted yesterday's rant. It serves no real purpose staying up. I did feel better after I wrote it and got some feedback. thanks everyone. Now I just want to move forward.

My food has not been the best. Though I am still really surprised that I have avoided a full-on food coma in spite of all this. Up another lb. I am not freaking. When things settle down, and they will. They always do. I know how to get the weight off. I trust myself in the respect. Weird, but a nice feeling.

Thanks for all your support. I have lots of support in real life too. I really do feel the love! The picture is of the fun I had this weekend with the boys. Took them to see the Karate Kid. Plus it was cool enough for the bird park.
Keep the mood and the food real................