TO THE BEST OF MY ABILITY

WTF! I have been awake since 3 am. I was kicked put of my bed by my adorable Gson. DO NOT waste your money on The Tooth Fairy. It didn't hold any one's attention, therefore the boys got antzy. It was still fun, but we didn't stay for the double feature. I have lost my glasses and had to put on my sunglasses to really see the screen. That cracked the boys up. Been reading blogs and catching up a bit. Wondering what to do today. I think we will go to the bird park for sure. Then when I get out to my daughter's I am going to take the girls for a ride in the wagon. It's suppose to be a beautiful day. I have Spring Fever for sure. I have really enjoyed all the weather we have this year. It's sunny all the time....too much of a good thing, is still too much. I know, don't hate me. Then some cleaning and a nap for sure. My life is good. Boring, but good. Not much else really. I would love to link you to TJ's Test Kitchen. She is having an awesome give away. Blo...

Making plans for the weekend. I am taking the Gsons to the drive in and then a sleep over. Bird Park in the morning with them. So it won't be much of a workout. I will probably go for a long walk out by my daughter's house when I drop the boys off. The boys want me to make hotdogs to take to the movie, so I will. Then some popcorn (healthy) and then maybe a few tootsie rolls. We'll se how in control I feel. If I just take a few I can't eat too many. I love the drive in. This time I am taking my car and we are going to stay in it. The only kids movie at the drive in is The Tooth Fairy. I guess I could force myself to look at The Rock for about 90mins. I got in a good walk on the treadclimber this morning. Very sweaty. I didn't feel like walking in the dark by myself. My walking buddy has been sick. Hopefully she will get back to it next week. Food has still been pretty good. Not perfect, not suppose to be. So glad that I have had a good week this wee...

Up early again this morning, though I did last till 4 am. Was out walking by 5:30. I am kind of getting ready for it to light early again, though I don't want the heat. While I was walking this morning I listened to 2 Fit Chicks and a Microphone podcast. See my blog roll for Mizfit or Dietgirl. Anyway, I was listening to the last podcast of 2009. They had so much good stuff to say. I was agreeing with everything. I still have some to play in the morning. I love the Q&A. They really work well together. They are getting alot better. Especially since they have never even met each other. They are getting used to talking with each other. I highly recommend listening while you workout. I love them both! I don't want to jinx this, but I don't feel like eating today. I do not feel like I need to be stuffing my mouth compulsively. Why? Who the hell knows. I will take it, and be thankful for it. Next time I am having a rough day, someone remind me of this..ok? LOL. Went out to my...

Down 2.4 lbs. So good for me. Though I did only manage to loose like a pound and half this month. Oh well. I lost 6 in December. Feeling good. Trying to catch up with all of you. So this is fast! Keep the mood and the food real.......catch up!

That is my youngest Gdaughter. Love her smile, it's kind of how I am feeling today. This will be quick. I checked out for most of weekend. I had a bad week last week food wise. This week it's kind of been a good week food wise, but emotionally not so good. I was reading Dawn's last post (fixing myself thinner, see my blog roll) the 1st sentence started off "Why do I insist on punishing myself"? I could totally relate. If there isn't a problem, sometimes I will make one up. Stupid, I know this. Yet I do over and over. The many ways I do this to myself are surprising, if I really think about it. Today, I will put the bat down and step away from the bat. I will not beat myself up for the past, but make choices for a better today. I wanted to give another shout out to my Darling Daughter. Her new blog is budzinskis.blogspot.com. I do not know why it won't link up.GRRRr She has fixed it so you can leave comments now. She is going to have some great money savin...

HELLo. Yes I am still alive. I haven't been in a blogging mood. I told myself that this weekend I wasn't going to do anything that I didn't want to do. I didn't make any plans at all. No Gkids sitting, no errands with an old person. Just what I want to do. So What did I decide to do? Well yesterday was a good day. I was able to sleep till 7am. Not straight thru the night, but it felt great. Then I got up and went to TJ's Test Kitchen and looked for some recipes. I made list and went food shopping. I did not buy any tootsie rolls ( I haven't talked about those little buggers for some time. That does not mean they went away. I just try not to buy the bag of 400 very small ones...yes I said a bag of 400. Anywoo, Went on a good food shop.I spent too much money. I know have to eat in, because all my money is gone....lol. That's a very effective appetite suppressant. Then I was trying to decide what kind of exercise I wanted to do. I had planned on going to the of...

This is my daughter's family. I hope that links you to her blog. I am hoping that she has enabled any and all commnets. I think she will ove it as much as I do. Just trying out the linky thing. Will post post more later. Hope everyone is keeping it REAL!

Thank you very much to Sheilagh, Katie J and Anne from CrabTripper for the Happy 101 award. I don't do real well with following the rules here, so let's see how I do. TEN things that make me happy. Here the are in no particular order. 1. my kids 2. my grandkids 3. my sisters 4. my mom and dad. Even though they are gone, not a day doesn't go by that I thank A Loving Heavenly Father for the gift of my parents. They weren't perfect, but I always knew they loved me, even at my most unlovable. 5. My church. I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latterday Saints. The gospel saved my life amd continues to give me purpose and direction everyday. 6. I love a good laugh. Usually something a juvenille as a fart will get me going and then I can't stop. I LOVE to laugh like that. 7. I love rock concerts. Music makes me happy. 8. A good book. Oh I love me a good book! 9. a long drive in the car. 10. Last but certainly not least are my friendships. B...

This is me and the Bday boy. I can't believe he is 4 years old. When I look it the picture I see my daughter's unwavering belief. When she found out that they may or may not be able to have kids she did the infertility thing for a few months with no success. They then decided that there were plenty of children already here that need a home. Now I want to remind you that they were 23 and 24 at the time. They put their paper work in the got certified. I was never 100% excited about the idea. I had heard horror stories about the way the system works and I was afraid she would get her heart broken. She was absolutely certain that she was going to get a baby. The people at work gave her a baby shower and secretly I was alittle sad for her. Thinking she is going to get her hopes up, ect ect ect. Two weeks later she got the call about this little boy. He was a sick little guy and came home with a tube in his nose for feeding. She loved that tube right out of him! She has never looked ...

I decided to show my self-image who's boss. So here are a couple of pics of me and the jeans! I really felt like I was having good ass day.....lol Token over the shoulder pose. lol. I was feeling sassy ( see what those pants do for me )and I actually felt ok about posting jean pictures with my head on. Something about that whole thing kind of messed me up. I decided that this is not about what I look like. It's about the journey and having fun. I am happy with the body I see in those pictures today. It feels good after feeling so crappy the past week or so. I had a great day yesterday. I really feel like the fog is lifting. My co-worker has been there all week. That makes it fun. It gets lonely working in that house all by myself. TLC was filming at the little sandwich shop we love. They were picked as a best bakery. Anyway, I thought it was yesterday but it was the day before. Story of my life. A day late and a dollar short. We did have a nice lunch. I di...

I weighed in this morning for the "official" weigh in and no surprise, I am UP 2.4 lbs. I am taking it in stride. The weight is actually down a pound and half since yesterday. The scales are now safely in the trunk of my car ( thanks Shelley ). No more jumping on and off those suckers this week. My head is in a much better place this morning. I did 45 mins on the treadclimber yesterday and really pushed myself. I walked this morning and yesterday's food wasn't AS BAD. So I am moving in the right direction. I can almost feel the fog lifting. My sister said something to me yesterday that I have been thinking about since. She said sometimes you need to eat yourself into oblivion so you can remember how miserable you CAN be. I ate that way ( so full you want to hurl )on a regular basis. I can't believe I really ate like that. No wonder I was a miserable person. No wonder I never wanted to go anywhere. No wonder I never really groomed myself. I wore PJs and bed head to...

About a month ago I made the decision to buy a scale. I even wrote a post asking myself if I was emtional ready to have a scale in the house. Well as of this week the scale is going to a friend's house. I have been on and off that damn thing all day yesterday and then I hopped on again this morning. My head is just not in a good place. I am still struggling food wise. Totally over eating. So then I end up with stomach problems. No walking this morning. Plus my knee is hurting as well. I am not eating total crap, I am just eating too much. I am using food. For some reason I am trying to sabatoge myself. I don't know if this is a depression or hormones or what. I feel tired as hell all the time. I have not really pushed myself physically in a week. For some reason my head as gone back to "diet" mode. I have been trying to figure out calories/points. I haven't done this since I 1st started. It is not working for me. I liked it better when I just ea...

I am sitting here watching the football highlights from the Cardinals and Packers game. HOLY CRAP!! It was an exciting game. I went out to my daughter's house to fix dinner and watched the game. My daughter has become interested in football this year. I love that kid. When she "gets interested" in something she REALLY gets interested. She was hilarious! Yelling and jumping. She had the little girls screaming "GO CARDINALS". I am feeling very emotional this morning. Crying at my every thought. It's a good cry. A grateful cry. Not sure what's going on, but I am sure it has something to do with my hormones. I am waiting to walk out the door to walk this morning. Going to start a few minutes earlier. A new woman asked to join my buddy and myself. She wanted to start early, I said why not. I went for a long bike ride yesterday after church. It really has been glorious weather lately. I rode and listened to Wait, Wait Don't Tell Me. ...

I have been eating everything in sight. I stayed home again last. Just feeling exhausted again. I know this crazy cycle of going to bed too early, getting up too early is killing me. I just can't seem to make it past 8pm. Get a life Dana. I know, I know there is plenty to do, it's just I don't feel like doing anything. I also know that doing the uncomfortable at the time thing is the thing to do. Again, it's just doing it. I am thinking this pity pot is getting OLD! I can hardly stand myself! This morning I am going to the bird park with a friend. Then it's back home to do some more cleaning and organizing. That really does make me feel better. It makes me feel like I have some kind of control....lol. Then out to my daughter's to sit with the kids. I am thinking about taking the boys over night tonight. It's just I like to go to church. It's hard to take 2 little boys to church. So we'll see. I don't know what's going on. I did so good food w...

I made it to Friday! Hip hip hooray! I have walked every morning and even gone for some extra bike rides this week. However food has been a huge issue. My son brought home a tin of butter cookies that a friend made us during the holidays. I have eaten almost the entire tin. WTHell?! I have been noticing that I am letting bad habits creep in. I am not eating as healthy as I could b. I have been eating too much BREAD this week. For some reason I have craved it. I feel I am entitled to alittle something special to nibble on when I go to the store. Nothing big or high calorie, just some thing. It's just I can feel that I am using food. I don't like it. I am having kind of a bad week. Just kind of blah. Not depressed or anything. Plus I am trying to get used to having extra time on my hands. I have felt really tired this week. For the past couple of days I have noticed that I just start aching all over about mid morning. Then it gets worse from there. It is gone by the next morning ...

That's me all bundled up for my walk in the 45 degree weather. Please do not hate me. You can throw it all back in my face this summer when it's 120 degrees. Another day another post. I have posted everyday this week. Good for me. Actually I am BORED. I have lost both my old people and now after work all I have is time. I did go on a nice bike ride yesterday after work. So what does Dana do when she's bored. Well she eats of course! GRRR. Hey, at least I am upping my exercise. I am in awe of people that go to the gym and work out for hours. I just don't have it in me. Maybe one day, but for now I am happy with my little routine. I got on the scales this morning for shits and giggles and found an eight after the one. It's not official, but it does make me feel good. The last time I weighed in the 180's I was in rehab at the Salvation Army. That was in the late 90's. I wasn't even a really skinny tweeker....just my luck. It still took me another 3-4 years ...

Wed Weigh In. I was up .4 lb. I will take it and back quickly away from the scales. I drank water up the wazoo yesterday. A gallon before noon. I was peeing all day. I am waiting to go walking. My hips have killed me. I felt like an old woman yesterday. Every time I stood up I felt like I had a catch in my get-a-long. I had a hard time getting "started". Felt totally weird yesterday. Nervous as hell over nothing. Slept better last night. Slept all the way to 4:30. So go me! Today will be better. Went out to help my daughter with the Gkids last night. I took the kids on a long walk. Half way the 4 year old decided he didn't want to ride the scooter, and would I please take it. So I was trying to lead the scooter home and pull the girls in the wagon home. I think I pulled something again in this stupid arm. It is just so annoying. The doc called and said that my cholesterol is much better, but that my fast blood sugar was alittle high. I am not going to do the blood glucose...

Here are some pics from the New Year's Day trip to the bird park with the Gkids and a family friend. This is going to be quick. I was CRAVING bread yesterday. Grrrr. Fixed healthy soup, then I bought potato rolls. WTHell. Anyway, my kid will eat the rest today, but I ate half the bag before it was over. I set myself up to FAIL. I shouldn't have bought the rolls. But, today is a new day. I weighed this morning and yikes...hope that it's water. We'll see tomorrow morning. Offical weigh in day. Went to get in my car after coming out of the food store and saw my car had had the hood crumbled in. WTHell. I was freaked for about a minute, till I realized my car was just 2 spaces down. I had to laugh at me. That was an easy fix. Still trying to do some big girl stuff today. I am waiting to hear how my cholestrol levels are. My dang arm is still killing me. She said it would take awhile for the tendonitis to get better. I am a boob and hate any pain, so ye...

Well here are the Skinny Bitch jeans. A huge thank you to TJ and her generous offer to send the traveling pants to me! I have to say that I love these pants. They fit great. 2 weeks ago I don't think the legs would have fit. I have had to ask myself why I would procrastinate posting the jeans picture. I have decided it is because I have an image in my mind of how I look in the jeans. In my mind I am the Skinny Bitch (I am quite aware that I still about 40 pounds to be "skinny"). I started out as a size 24. These jeans are a size 14....FOURTEEN! Excuse me while a weep. I am still amazed by that number....FOURTEEN! I have the disease of addiction and it centers in my mind. I don't care what my ass says! I am addicted to food, among other things. I have come to realize that the way I see myself is altered. That's part of "The Crazy Brain" syndrome that I suffer from. That's my own diagnosis, ok actually it was Roxie's, but it fits. When I was 270...

Hello and Good Sunday morning to all. This is how I spent my New Year's Eve. At the drive in movie with my daughter and the Gkids. We took them to see The Princess and the Frog. I had given the girls cheap little tiaras for Christmas. How was the movie you ask? How the hell would I know! Did I mention there were 6 little kids and 4 yammering adults ( me being one of those yammering ). It was loads of fun though and I would do it again in a minute. We brought lots of blankets and hot chocolate and snuggled. I brought the 3 oldest back to my house for a sleep over and then a trip to the bird park New Year's morning. Not much of a workout physically, but they were so stinkin cute. I will post more pics tomorrow when I am work, where the computer is not psychotic. Blogger let me download exactly one picture....thanks blogger. grrrr. So you get the drive in picture. I have been reading lots of New Year posts. Trying to decided just what I want out of year. Somehow I feel just stay...