TO THE BEST OF MY ABILITY

I managed to loose 1 lb this week. For not really working it I will be very happy. I am very close to Onederland. I think I am going to skip walking today. Or just walk a couple of miles. I hate to leave crazy L.L. alone, but I might if I feel like she will be ok for 30 mins. Tomorrow will be a long walk. Then I am going to watch my 5 year Gson play football. It will my S.I.L.'s baptism tomorrow. He asked me to give a talk on the Holy Ghost, so I am going to work on that today at work. Yesterday I asked L.L.'s son to give us both blessings. I need some Divine Intervention. It seemed to go better. She wasn't any less crazy, it's just I seemed to endure it better. I tried to detach from the begging and insisted on doing what "I" (the professional) thought was best. She was very upset, but it was a quite rage. Her son was there and he just did what I did. So she was mad at both of us. Better she be mad then in a paranoid delusion. It's sad and it just makes m...

Holy Cow! Where did the week go? I have been uber busy. My L.L. is beyond crazy this week. I am really starting to question if keeping her at home is really the way to go. She does alright in the morning but by noon or so she goes off the deep end. Frantically wanting to go home. She is home. It's an argument you can't win. I have been taking her for car rides so she can see that she really is in her house. It seems to just make her mad. Yesterday she is so bad. Her sons came yesterday to relieve me and were at the end of their rope too. She is on meds, but they don't seem to work anymore. After 2 weeks. I am sure the family will figure it out. Sometimes I wonder if I am just forcing it to work for her at home because I need the money so bad. Wonder how much of my actions aren't motivated by selfishness. I am scared out of my mind about what I will do next. Relax.....Dana. Easier said then done. I am kind of dreading going to work today. Wish it wa...

Got in almost 4 miles Saturday. It was a B.E.a.utiful morning that morning. Actually the weather has been gorgeous. I have been taking advantage when I can. We are rescheduling the baptism. Everyone was sick at there house. so my weekend ended up kind of disappointing. Saturday I spent the entire afternoon at a MaryKay party for a friend's daughter. UGH! I did buy some stuff that I didn't need. My friend is always so generous with my kids and Gkids I thought it was a nice thank you. Really I just wanted to get the hell out of there, so I bought something. I have decided that I have done something to my back. While I was sitting at church yesterday I got a terrible stinging in my butt and down my leg. I felt like I pulled my butt muscle a while ago. It does this every now and then. Especially when I am driving. I am making an appointment for an adjustment then a massage. It was a good enough excuse so I cut out of church early and came home and just vegged. I then put myself int...

Aren't they a cute couple. They are their way to being an eternal couple. I am going to Dan's baptism this afternoon. They are such a great couple. They are both kind and passionate and generous people, by themselves. Together they are in stoppable! Glad they are on my side..lol. The weekend got off to a great start. My "crush" came to visit his mother and sent me home. Don't have to ask me twice. I went bra shopping. Boy did my girls need support. I had pics taken at Christmas time with my sister and my boobs were hanging low. Plus my shirt was see through. Why oh why don't people tell you if your boobs look like low hanging headlights on your chest. Believe me I gave all my friends and family what for. Found a great sale on "age defying" lift bras. Thank you bra fairies.....and NASA...lol Can I just say that I love Kohl's...L.O.V.E. I found some Nike "width" walkers too. Have been wearing them around the house and I ...

Oh Happy Day! This morning was the official 1st weigh in after recommitting. I am pleased with a 3.2 lb loss. Very pleased. I wasn't perfect. I did however pay attention and I tried. I drank a butt load of H20 over the past 3 days. I walked. I continue to put on real clothes EVERYDAY. This is huge cause I could easily stay in sweats all day. I stayed away from drive thrus. Actually I did eat some pizza and one McDonald's hamburger. I treated the Gkids last weekend. I didn't even think it tasted good. Just yick. I am really close to Onederland again. Go Me!! So the scale love has me in a pretty good mood. I am not looking forward to going to work this morning. I left early yesterday and worked it out to where I can leave early every Wed. That will be good. She isn't eating anything. She is drinking very little. It can't last forever. Bless her heart. She just isn't really ready to give it up just yet. She keeps saying she wants to go home...

I need to post today cause I didn't do it yesterday. I promised I would post something everyday. So, yesterday was kind of a tough day. My Little Lady is just as anxious and agitated as she can be. This in turn makes me nervous and stresses out. I have enjoyed going back and forth all day. I was able to settle her and leave for an hour or so at a time. Since the beginning of the week that has become less and less possible. So I stay. Her house is a horder's house. It's dark and kind of gloomy. Anyway. Today I am getting her out of the house. I am going to go for a long car ride. That seems to settle her down. I feel like a new mother driving around to get her baby to sleep. The weather has been so great, and I need to ride the bike back and forth at least once. And for crying out loud Dana, if you need a break, call one of her kids. They offered, you should take them up on it. Food has just been ok. No drive-thrus. I was down a couple of lbs on the scale...

Good Monday morning! I had a great weekend. I wanted to post these weekend pics so I can remember how much joy I was feeling this weekend. I don't know why it was that way, but I am going to ride the joy while it lasts. I loved Roxie's post about tampering her joy. Totally do the same thing. However, I think that happiness and joy or 2 different things. Happiness is motivated my something outside myself. Like a raise or a cute pair of new shoes. Joy I think is motivated by my relationships. Including and especially the relationship I am building with me. This is Carson. I love it that as soon as we get there they find their fishing stick. Notice what her shirt says....I want chocolate ice cream and cookies for dinner.....I didn't buy her that I swear...lol Got to jump in the shower. My little Lady is back to being agitated and anxious. Poor thing. she was on the floor this morning when I got back from my walk. She will require alot of time today. I have se...

I am in the midst of a GeGe weekend. The kids came over Friday night while Mom and Dad went out to eat. The girls stayed over Friday and the boys slept over last night. We are going to go to the bird Park before church. I took the girls to see Tangled. It was so cute. She is my new fave Disney character. She had spunk! Then instead of going to the movie with the boys they wanted to buy fish. So I did. We had a ball bringing them home and setting things up. Then we went to the park till dark. Then we went and checked up on the Little Lady. They love her little black dog, Raven. I have really enjoyed my weekend. I have really missed the sleep overs. I haven't had one in a long time. Next Saturday my SIL is getting baptised into the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. He made the decision after his new son was given a name blessing. The 7 year old is due to get baptised in June and he wanted to be able to do that baptism. SIL is a great man. I tell him tha...

Note to self.....Dana, just because you went alittle over board on Dove chocolate last night doesn't discount all the good things you did this past week. Let it go and move on. Enough said. Walked this morning. Trying to break in some new sneakers. OUCH! The ball of my foot was killing by mile 3. Help! They are Puma sneakers. They felt great walking around the house and I love how they look. Does anyone know if they are even walking shoes. I know, silly, but they were on sale and so stinkin cute. I am thinking maybe I tied them too tight. Any suggestions out there.....besides take them back...lol. I was back into my size 14 jeans yesterday. I wore them comfortably all day. That is a huge step in the right direction. Eating my fake eggs and fake bacon ( turkey ) for breakfast. Yummy. Still doing good with eating what I make at home. Ok, this is going to surprise everyone, cause it surprised me. I am almost embarrassed to say this, but I have a little crush on my Little Lady's so...

Well Happy Friday Eve everyone. I really have had a great week this week. I have stayed true to my intentions and it has made all the difference. I have taken time for me this week. I have been able to see a good side to situations that have presented themselves this week. The Little Lady has toned it down quite a bit. Thank you modern medicine. I wore real clothes all week and made an attempt to look like I put in some effort in on me. I have eaten good for me stuff....for the most part. I was good enough to satisfy me, and that is good enough. I have made plans for the weekend. I haven't had Gkid sleep over for months. So this is my weekend. Girls do a quick Friday to Saturday morning. Then the boys on Saturday, after the 5 year old gets done with football. The girls and I will be going. This I have to see. then I'd like to hit the movies. I haven't been to the movie in what seems like ages. All this after I walk 4 miles with both my walking buddies. ...

Another GeGe bragging picture. He is getting so big already. I really can't help myself. Had a great time last night with the Fam. Carson was so stinkin cute and both my kids made it. Since my son moved out, it's kind of hit and miss. Sometimes he can make it, other times not so much. He has another family to please now too. Getting used to it still. I am still on the straight and narrow. Walking. Increased my water. Alot. Eating only good for me food. Had just a very small piece of cake, and that was enough. I dressed up today for my Little Lady. Feels good. Feeling so much better this week then last week. Nothing has really changed but my attitude. Feeling positive and peaceful. Huzzah! Going to enjoy it while it lasts. I am treating myself with kindness. Feels lots better then the self abuse I put myself through last week. Huzzah! Keep the mood and the food real..............

Checking in real quick. Yesterday went very well. At work and with my health goals. No drive thrus Drank more water. Walked and biked both. Food was good. Ate too much, but all good for me stuff. I also did some food shopping and some fridge cleaning and feel alot better about what's in there for me to eat. All good things! I was reading Leslie's blog this morning and could relate to what she was saying about when you make one good for me choice it leads to more good choices. Last week I spent too much time in my sweats. This week I am going to shower and GROOM. I don't wear make up and really spend very little time on my appearance. So it's really isn't a matter of time. I am setting another intention this week to maintain this. I remember when I 1st started to change my life style, getting dressed everyday and taking pride in my appearance was one of the most helpful things I did. I called yesterday and finally got an eye exam for today. I really got alot done yes...

I had a very low key weekend. Saturday I was feeling like crap. I was feeling pretty good yesterday and rode out and went to church with my Gkids. They are enough to cheer anyone up. It feels so good to see how happy they are when I get there. Baby Z laughed for the 1st time yesterday. I cackle when I laugh and it seemed to just crack him up. The more I laughed the more he would laugh. It was sweet. My daughter started to cry. He's growing up fast. Getting his own little personality. Tomorrow my 4 year old Gson will turn 5. I can't believe it. Fastest 5 years ever. I am giving the job another week. If I can get into some kind of routine it will be better. I can't keep doing this to my body. I picked The Little Lady off the floor last week. Stupid. I get into caretaker mode and forget about anything else. I get so busy trying to anticipate others needs. I have no clue what I need. I feel stuck. This isn't fun anymore. I feel like I am suppose to move on to the next thing...

I am still alive. I've been doing ok. Lost 2lbs last week. Which is great considering I wasn't really trying and I've not walked consistently in 2 weeks. I am working 13 hours a day. I feel wiped out. Both mentally and physically. I really forgot what a toll this kind of work can take on a person. I have the entire weekend off. Well I was suppose to. The Little Lady called at 2 and at then again twice at 5. There is suppose to another person working with her overnight and weekends. I can see that won't last long. She really should probably go to a care center, but her family really wants her at home, yet they don't realize that now she is really a 2 person job. Anyway, I need the money. I need to be looking around for something easier. For sure. I have got used to the money, now I almost feel like I can't quit. I feel like I am right where I was in Sept. Hating the thoughts of going to work. UGH! In other great news I am sick for my 2 days off in 8 weeks. I ough...