TO THE BEST OF MY ABILITY

Dana....STOP EATING! Throw the rest of this binge in the trash. Do it now. Message received now follow through. Hell I will eat in good times and bad. Deal with your feelings don't eat them.

Life can change in an instant! I always believed in"The Secret". You know, radiating positive energy begets positive things. I really have tried to remain hopeful despite everything going on around me. When I wrote yesterday that it was going to be the best week ever, I really meant it. Well, the cute little old couple LOVED ME. It's more hours and they even offered me more money then I asked for. They are sweet, clean, and petless!! When I asked for Sunday's off she straight away told me that is the Lord's day. When I gave her my list of references she said she could tell I was a Christian. That I radiated it. WOW! Yes, Mormons ARE Christians....the official name is the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. No more explanation needed. So I left there walking on air. Then my walking buddy called and said that a young couple in our ward had posted on FB that they were moving and needed to rent their townhouse. Called right away! I wasn't ...

Good Monday morning. I have lots on tap this week. A resume class. A meeting with an adviser for school. Walking. Food shopping. Yoga. Personal training session. This morning I am going to focus on prayer and meditation. Especially the meditation. I really need to learn to slow down and listen and think things through. I was reading Roxie's blog this morning and my mantra this week is going to be "don't believe everything you feel". In church yesterday I read a story about an ancestor that loss her mother and father by the age of 6. She then was part of a handcart company that left to late in the season and got caught in an early winter. This little girl loss both her legs just below the knee and learned to walk on her stumps. She made her living by sewing with a treadle machine. Raised 8 children, loosing 2 of them to disease. I woke up with the "self pities" yesterday morning. Prayed for an attitude of gratitude. After I read that story I...

Well what a week! The room mate is gone. It was her decision, but I am really glad it's over. I will hate loosing the money, but things will work out. Some things are worth more then money. Like my mental health. She still owes me some money, but I am cutting my losses and moving on. One crappy thing. I got the record cleared, but in Arizona you can not get your record expunged. Which means that all my "past" is still on the internet for prospective employers to see. UGH! I thought that when I got everything set aside that it would be CLEARED off the court website. Not so I guess. I have put a call into a lawyer to see what I can do. Who knows?! It does say that all my right are returned, but it also says all my charges. Even the ones that were dismissed. Can I just say I hate Arizona. If my kids were not planted here I would get the hell out out of here. The heat, the politics, the policies. A very unforgiving state. Ok, done with that rant. Have a jo...

Well I got the letters in the mail over the weekend and all my charges have been set aside. I have all my rights returned. I can vote or even carry a gun if I wanted to. Not that I really want to. I can't thank my sister enough for hooking me up with that lawyer that helped me. It made me think, why didn't I do that a long time ago. Did I feel that I wasn't worth it? It didn't cost me a cent. That was the major draw back. That was my excuse. I didn't even really check into it. I have let my past define me for way to long. I am going to make it a priority to focus on my future. I am going to focus on feeling like I am worth every good thing that I deserve and I know that Heavenly Father wants me to have. I am going to try and not be my own worst enemy. You know sometimes pride is a tricky thing. It doesn't always have to be thinking your the best of the best. It can also be thinking that you are the worst of the worst. Pride in reverse. I am not...

What a wonderful day. My SIL did a great job with the baptism. Here I am with my Gson. Here is my daughter's cute little family. So proud of them. We had a nice little party after. Lots of family and friends and food. I must say I think I have the cutest Gkids ever. Of course I am sure some of you other GeGe's would say it was yours :) Going to hit the gym here in a minute. Then I am heading out to my daughter's to help with the kids at church. Make it a great Sunday!

TGIF! I am happy to report that I am happier. Things haven't really changed, but the way I responding to things have changed. I am going back to Mrs H's today. I am not dreading it. I really am just happy to be making some cash. Yesterday I went and started the admissions process for school. I have an appointment with an adviser in a couple of weeks, but think that I will take a morning and sit for a couple of hours so I can be seen sooner. I am getting excited that I am following through on something! I am still waiting for the papers to come back from the court so I can start applying for a real job. I am still enjoying having a clean head, and I have not had an urge since I have returned. I still feel very motivated to maintain my recovery. One thing that is bothering me is my thighs. They still ache like the dickens from the training session from last week. I put in a really good walk yesterday. 15 min miles. I did 3 miles. This morning I just felt so achey ...

This is going to be quick. I am up like .2 lbs. It's ok. It's just a moment in time. I am doing my best and I am ok with it. I went to see Larry Crowne. Skip it. I thought it was a snoozer. I took my niece out driving yesterday. First time she has ever driven on the street. I like being the cool auntie. I took here out on a very quiet street after we practiced in a church parking lot. She did great and I am taking her out again after I post this. I went to Mrs. H today. I am getting more hours in so I am happy with it for now. I have just been being a companion for her this week. Doing errands and lunch. It's been fun, really. I got another line on 2 more jobs so things seem to be looking up. I am feeling less crabby today. I had a nice talk with the room mate. I think she will only be here a few more weeks. She wants to go back and be with her mother if she has to have kidney surgery. I think that's a great idea. I told her I didn't want to k...

I am still plugging along. I am really feeling annoyed and crabby, still. My walking buddy has moved on to running and I am left out. Going to the gym this morning. I have an appointment with a trainer. Then it's on to the job search. I am taking my niece out for lunch and the movie for her birthday. Some where food friendly. I think we are going to see Larry Crowne. Then we are going to Harry Potter this Friday. Not a fan, but it's a fundraiser for my Gson's football team. So I go. I went back to Mrs H's house yesterday. She had called and asked if I wouldn't help her. It wasn't as bad I thought it was going to be. I have another lady to call as well. The daughter of L.L. referred me. It will do till I find a real job. I am still waiting for the legal papers to come back on my motions to dismiss. Still doing great in the other "area". It's been hard, but not impossible. I have hit a meeting each day and for some reason my heart...

Happy Saturday! Yesterday was interesting. My lunch with my friend's from my old work didn't turn out the way I planned. They planned to get drunk. Me?? Not so much. I felt bad but I was feeling like the odd man out, so I left them there and one of the girls had her hubs pick them up. Oh, and if your trying to get rid of a resentment against the old work, going out with people still employed by them isn't the way to do it. I love my "girl" that I worked in the office with. I love her like my own kid. Seriously! She has every right to drink. I just felt weird. It's no fun being the only sober one. She understood. I will get with her and her kids another time. I am feeling overly sensitive. Looking for a reason to get pissed. Maybe looking for a reason to smoke or binge?? DUH! I have had to apologize to few people for being so crabby. I can hardly stand myself at times since I have been home. At least I am acknowledging my feelings, owning t...

I am sure enjoying my family since I got back. I spent the entire day at my daughter's yesterday. The kids were so stinkin cute and I missed them so much. Nothing like a greeting you get from a 4 year old. If I could bottle the feeling and sell it I would be rich. I have overslept the past 2 mornings. Yesterday I woke up so SORE from yoga the morning before. I had no clue that that would happen. I mentioned it on FB and my cuz calls yoga the "silent killer" That made me laugh. It's so true. Anyway when I am done with this I am going to check out the gym. Kind of excited. I know it's my problem, but my room mate is kind of driving me nuts. I must just be extra irritable. I need her half of the rent and it's nothing I can't live with. I tell her what bugs me. I don't know if that's going to force her out. I have such few nice things I want to keep them nice. I mean, sleep in your bed and not on my couch. I wouldn't even let my s...

WOW! what a difference it makes to be back in my own bed. I was so exhausted that I slept right through a huge dust storm that forced the front door open and blew dust and leaves in my house and blew all my pics over. My room mate ran upstairs woke me up to tell me, and I still just thought she was nuts. So I missed it. I woke up this morning feeling kind of anxious, but I have a schedule today and I am sticking to it. I am going to try yoga for the 1st time this morning. Then I am going to lunch with my son and daughter in law. Then this afternoon I am going to see the movie 17 Miracles. It's about the Martin and Willey handcart company. A group of pioneers that pushed a handcart across the U.S. to Utah. My ancestors were part of that handcart company. They endured A LOT. Going to get a meeting in there as well. It is good to be home for sure. Though I did have a great time in Blanding. The 4th was fun, but I fell asleep and missed the fireworks. Plus I don't...

Well it's been a good weekend. I went to the Melodramaon Friday night. It was cute. Then all day yesterday was spent visiting with my friend's family. They were having a family reunion. 100 years since their Gparents settled here in Blanding. Half the town was there. Lots of good food. I have another friend that came to town for the 4th as well, so I have been visiting with her family too. On Friday I felt kind of weird. Like my heart was going to explode out of my chest. I took my BP here with a machine they have and it said 170/104. I was like WTH?? I went to the ER here and had them just take my BP to make sure the machine at hone was right. It was even higher. I decided that I would monitor it at home. I felt ok by the evening and by morning it had come way down. I think I started something crazy with my running that morning. No more of that and I am not going to do hills either. This morning I went for a walk clear around the huge lake and didn't listen...

Ok here's the deal. I am not sleeping very well. At all. It's the withdrawl coupled with the fact that I am not in my own bed and that makes my back hurt. Boo freakin hoo.I know. This too shall pass. I know that but it doesn't make it suck any less. However, that is all I have to complain about this morning. :) I have had a glorious morning this morning. I listened to music instead of podcasts this morning and it really got me pepped up. I don't listen to music as much as used to. I just feel there are more important things to listen to. Stuff that will teach and enlighten me. This morning music is just what I needed. I also RAN this morning. Not far but it was up hill and boy did I feel the altitude! I really was huffing and buffing. Then I got in the car to see how far I walked/ran this morning. I took a different route with more hills. 2.5 miles. While in the car I turned up the music and went for a drive. Then I sang. At the top of my lungs! Tha...