TO THE BEST OF MY ABILITY

Well the loosing streak was broken. I kind of figured that I would have a small gain. You can't eat a tub of buttered popcorn and expect to get away with it. I was ok with the WI. Like I've said before, I am not going to freak over that little of a weight gain. I can poop and loose more weight then that! Gross but true. I enjoy my group. They are so funny. It's good to get back to my regular group.....the over 50 lbs group. My friend from church had gained alittle also. I weighed in the evening, last time I weighed in the morning. I have done well overall. Lots more movement, lots more water, much better attitude. On Sunday morning I had an anxiety attack. I was more then freaked out, about what, who knows....yes that is frustrating. This isn't the 1st time this has happened. Instead of hiding out in my room I FORCED myself to get my ass up and go for a walk. I went down to the bird preserve and walked for about 2 hours. LOVED IT. Totally turned me back around. I was ab...

Well I have tried really hard ( ok, not that hard I guess ) to be good this weekend. Yesterday I was really wanting to eat. I had a small bowl of spagetti right after work (that's another bad time for me ), then I went to my friend's and had a smal enchilda, little bit of salad with this really good cilatro dressing. Then about a half cup of home made ice cream. So I went to bed really full. I do not like that feeling. Then today I had a turkey BLT for breakfast. Then I took my grandson to the movie right after his game. I was so hungry that I ate a bunch of popcorn and some red licorice. Then again felt sick after. Too much. I am going to make myself scallops and steamed squash. So if things aren't as good on the scale has hoped for I'll know why that happened. I am not going to be freaked out about this and continue to eat. I am leaving the house for a part time job and I won't be home to eat the rest of the night. I read on someone's blog ( ca...

I had a good day yesterday. I did eat at a salad bar place ( my daughter was already there, or I wouldn't have picked it ) I only had a small salad......that was it. I had little dressing and no cheese. Then I had left over spagetti for dinner. Last night was the 1st night in a while that I wanted to eat in the evening. I went upstairs and just went to bed early. So good for me! I walked on the treadclimber at work and around the park at my grandson's football practice. Saw the surgeon about my knee. I asked him if I could wait awhile and see if what happens. Cause for one thing I don't have the deductile yet, another is if I can loose a little more weight I can could put it off for a while. The doctor told me that the tear isn't going to repair it's self and I shouldn't wait too long. Well I guess I better really start thinking of a way to get the money. I can't afford another monthly payment right now, so I hate to do a payment plan thing. I wish I didn...

Ok, I'm tried of being a pisser all the time. I had a great day yesterday. I really tracked, drank my water and walked. Went shopping, got that new bra. It's amazing how much better I feel this morning. I hate being in those funky times. I really have a good life. I live in a country where I get to worry about a thing as aburd as eating too much. I have great family, friends, a job, WILLINGNESS, and a Heavenly Father who loves me and wants the best for me.....and that sometimes mean doing hard things. It's not suppose to easy. Right now my food seems managable. My emotions... not so much. I have been struggling with this knee thing, and the pills for the knee thing. I have been all over the place emotionally, but I can feel a sense of calm coming back into my life....hope. I can do this. I have a great support system both in real life and here. It's all my choices. I am in the drivers seat. I am the STAR of my own movie. Am I going to choose to be the hero or the villan...

Well, I stayed pretty good on track yesterday. I ate an entire avocado. I had fish for lunch with steamed zuncinni. Then had a BLT...with turkey bacon of course, that's where the avacodo comes in. I didn't walk yesterday, cause I still felt sick to my stomach. Feel better today, and slept better last night. My knee is feeling better, and I haven't used any pain meds in 2 days, so good for me. I am still drinking my Seven plus juice and it seems to be making me feel better. In like a general way. So that is good also. I have an appointment with the surgeon tomorrow. I am going to ask him since I have lost 17 lbs since this started, and my knee feels better can I wait for the surgery. I don't want to start up again with the pain, so I am wondering what is the best thing to do. I keep forgetting about the Biggest Loser. I haven't watched this season, and want to, but can't seem to remember to set the DVR. I went out and helped my daughter last night. That keeps me...

That's down 4.2 lbs again this week. Kind of freaking out cause I didn't track very well this past week, plus I have been really sick the last 2 days. But I thought for sure I would have gained since last week I had a 4.6 lb loss last week, which I chalked up to weighing in the morning instead of the evening. But that loss stayed plus 4.2 more. I feel totally blessed, I have been watching what I eat, but it hasn't seemed hard this week, maybe because I felt like I was sick and not hungry. Whatever, I will take the loss, be totally thankful for it, and then move forward to the next weigh in. I will do the same things I did last week but I am really going to walk everyday and drink water more. Track better. Look at and be graetful for the life and the body that I have. Remenber Fatty, this is not a race to loose weight...this is about getting healthier. So that being said, I still don't feel real well, and I missed yesterday, so I'd best get back to work.

Well really I have had good days, stayed on track, walked, worked, you know, lived. But this morning I was having a rough time. I was crying and kind of anxious. The crying was because I feel totally blessed with the life that I have. It is a total 360 from the life I used to live. But some of the crying was because, well I really don't know why. I feel sometimes over whelmed with how short I fall from the expectations that I put on myself. And I am not a perfectionist or anything, it's just well, my life hasn't turned out the way that I would have wanted it too. Thru years of active drug addiction I miss out on lots of things, memories, opportunities. I have been clean for about 8 years, but I sometimes get so pissed at myself. I don't think I would change things, I just wish I would have channged my life before I was 41 years old. I got clean and then I got fat. Being fat has made my life unmanagable, and still does. I have acted out on one addiction or another most o...

Well another day of vacation gone. I had a good day, got up early and clean up alittle then went to work for a while. Stopped by and visited with my84 year old friend Nadine. I love their family. She hasn't been doing that great. To tell you the truth she just wants to go home. She's tired and she misses her husband of 64 years. He passed away almost a year ago. I love old people. The crabbier the better. They make me feel young. I was a nurse for 15 years and worked mostly in nursing homes. I really did love that job. Too bad you had to work so DAMN hard. The money was not the greatest either. Anyway.....today was good with eating. I tried to roast green beans tonight. they turned out gross. I think the green bean were old. I also kind of burned them (so cooking challenged) They were suppose to taste like frys, they didn't. I will try again. I walked for 20 mins on the treadclimber. That felt good. My knee has been holding up pretty good. I didn...

Had a good day today. Walked with a friend this morning. For almost an hour. So ar so good with the knee. Then I went visiting teaching and out to dinner with the friend I visit with. In my church you are assigned a couple of women to check in on every month. I feel this idea is so inspired. I have 2 women that visit me every month. I love this aspect of my church. I stayed on track today. I went to Chipotels tonight and probably used a few flex points, maybe 3. It was really spicey hot tonight. I haven't been doing very good with my water this week. My coworker and I were talking about that today. I had been getting at least a half gallon of water. Not so much this week. So I will have to kick it up a notch. I told my friend at work about my blog, so Angelene, if you read this I LOVE YOU MAN. She really is my best friend. She is always so supportive. So today was another great day, so great! I think I will hit the sack. Also I highly recomend the most rece...

OK, really quick, if anyone out there knows of good things to do with flat bread let me know. They told me at WW yesterday it's only 1 point. So feel free to enlighten me. I know I can count on my fellow blogger friends.

Cause I weighed in at WW this morning and I was down 4.5 lbs. I know that some of that has to do with the fact that I weighed in the morning instead of the evening, I usually go to the over 50 lbs. group on Monday night. But....and here's the sick thing..... I have been thinking that I don't want the scale to decide if I am feeling good about being on the program. I don't want to put too much emphesis on the number thing either way.......but I am OVERJOYED. So I feel kind of guilty that I feel this good. I just have too much weight too loose to be freaked out over a small weight gain or loss. I am really seeing how that is helping the bloggers I follow that are doing everything right but still don't loose. You know who you are. I admire that they stick to it, and are doing it for the right reasons. I am worried about that. Am I really doing this for the right reasons? I DO WANT TO BE HEALTHIER AND MORE ACTIVE. I don't want to focus on the appearance part of it. Yes ...

Well I had an awesome weekend. On Saturday I went to the Aloha Festival. I did have some sticky rice and spam....and some noodles. But I did pretty good. Then on Sunday I spent the entire day out at my daughter's house. Has a great time with her and the kids. Dyed my hair a faint red, love it. I walked 2 miles and seemed to do well, but then I couldn't go to sleep cause the damn knee ached so bad. Same thing today. I got up this morning and took a car load of my little old lady friends to Mexico so they could stock up on their medication. We crossed at Yuma, and everyting was good, nothing scarey. I had a fun time, and laughed my ass off. But, I didn't get any sleep last night, so I am so tired and don't feel like weighing in tonight. I will go 1st thing in the morning. I had an upset tummy all day. I think I will do ok, but last night I kept eating those Healthy Choice fudgesicles when I couldn't sleep. I hope I didn't screw things too much. I had a great time...

Good thing I am not supersitous. Only bad thing that happened today is the traffic sucked, my entire 4 mile drive home....I know, stop complaining. Work was fast today, it seemed to fly by. Now I have all next week off for spring break. Yippy!! I need to be careful with my eating. I will plan something to do each day and see how it goes. I will try to walk every day, outside. My knee was alittle tight this morning, but it seems ok, so YEAH! I need to go out and help my daughter some next week. Bless her heart, I just am not a kid person, and she has 4. I do try to help out, but I get freaked real easy by kids. Although I think I am a better grandma since I started working in the nursery at my church. Tonight I am going to visit my old lady friend. Bless her heart, she's 84 and is still so bright, and funy, and with it. She loves to watch Walker Texas Ranger.....I hate that show and talk crap the enitre way through it, just to tease her. Anyway, she cracks me up. So if I just come h...

I almost made a very expensive mistake at today. It wasn't really my fault, but I sure felt like it was. Luckily I caught it before anything happened, but I was pretty upset about it. Crying, the works, I was so upset that I can still feel the sick feeling in the bottom of my stomach. Things worked out fine, I had to tell my boss, but she was nice about it. I think she just wanted me to calm down. The best thing was I didn't feel like I needed to eat over it. That was great. It even happened around lunch, and thought about getting a splurge for lunch, ( you deserve it, you really didn't bankrupt the company) but I went home and left over fish instead. Felt good about that too. WHO AM I?? I walked for 25 mins on the treadclimber, knee still feels good. That just makes me really happy. So I have been busy today. All in all it was a good day. If I have time after work and before my meeting tonight I might walk around the neighborhood. Life is good!

Well I walked on the treadclimber for 20 mins. I hope the knee stays ok. So far so good. I went to bed early last night so I stayed OP all day yesterday. I have meals planned out for today and the fridge here in the office is stocked with good healthy things.....and S/F tropical popsciles. I love those damn things. Not really much else to post at this time. I am really enjoying reading everyone elses blogs. Some of them make me very grateful for my own problems. I feel so bad for all the people who's scales aren't movong or gaining even though you are doing everything right. I hope that by the time that starts happening to be I will go thru it as well as alot of you out their. Thanks to all of for your examples of sticking to it! Best get to work......have a good day.

Ok...I will take it! I was shocked I had even lost, but I stayed pretty good with my tracking. I am going to do some kind of activity this week...ANY. Now that I am dieing to get moving I can't. IRONIC. Plus I think I did really good with my water too. I really enjoy that WW meeting. The leader is fun and we laugh alot. 2 lifetime members there last night. That gives me hope. Just like all of you give me hope. I was watching Oprah yesterday and she had on the woman that had lost I think it was like 250 lbs. And she still has another 200 to go. Anyway, this girl had such a sweet, outgoing way about her. She gets out there and walks and goes places does stuff with her family. I am not nearly that big, but I might as well be, since I hide away from the world right now. Not wanting to go places or do things becasue I am too fat, or too tired or too out of breath, or too sore BLAH BLAH BLAH. Luckily my knee has gotten better. Not nearly as sore and easy to walk also. I am grateful for t...

My weekend was good. Got alot done on Saturday, my grandson spent the night Sat night and then I took him morning Sunday morning. I did do alittle walking, knee felt pretty good. Cleaned out my room, my car and grocery shopped on Sat before I rode out to pick up my grandson. Sunday was a lazy day. My knee hurting a bit from all the running around on Sat. I didn't go to church, and I mostly just slept all Sunday. I think I might have been trying to get a cold. Stayed OP all weekend with my eating. Tonight is WW and I will be happy just not to have gained. I haven't been able to walk, so I will not get my mind wrapped around loosing. I had big numbers the 1st and I don't expect anything like that tonight. I really like my WW group. They have a group of loud mouth broads ( you know the kind I mean ) that I think are a hoot. We do have a good time. I am going with my friend from church and her husband, I will be anxious to see how they have done. Work should be a breeze, the bo...

Things went pretty good for me today. Tracked and stayed program. Work was real good. Went by pretty fast. Then I went to see the Madea movie. I just wanted a laugh, and to keep from eating out the house. The knee felt lots better today. I am going walking tomorrow, even if it's just at a slow pace. i am not going to be a freak if I don't loose this week, without being able to walk I just don't know how the weight will come off. I have to figure something out about the deductible. $2600 is a danged lot of money. I am trying to figure out something. I really want to get it taken care of so that start getting better. Maybe this is the way it's suppose to be. Maybe it will heal"enough" for a while. And I can put it off for a while. In the mean time I will keep trying to think of a way. I bought bunch of fruit and veggies yesterday. I will glad when it's watermelon season again. I love watermelon. I am really pretty tired tonight, so I think I am going to get ...

Feeling good this morning. Knee is feeling sore, but not actually pain. I am calling the insurance company today, and I have to go the Social Security office today. (may God have mercy on my soul) I hate to wait, so this ought to get me in a really good mood. I am just going to be cool, bring a book, and chill! we'll see what happens. Read lots of good things to get me going this morning. I loved Carla's last 2 posts. She has hit the nail on the head. This food addiction thing is totally centered in my mind, not in the food. This I know to be true. Then my mind tried to tell me that it's ok, I can handle a little sugar without binging.... it's a total mind F**k. Gotta love the brain. I have been trying this super juice called Exfuze. I wasn't very hungry yesterday, we'll see if it happens again today. Truely, if I only ate when I was hungry.....I wouldn't be a Fatty Mcbutterpants! Can I get an AMEN. I am hoping to have my computer at work fixed today so I ca...

While I was on blogger a couple of days ago and my computer at work got a virus. For some reason I haven't been able to post from my co-workers computer. Anyway it was weird, I couldn't write all dayI. Not that I have anything earth shattering to say, still.......what if?? Stayed on points and have been tracking everything. The doctor says that the cyst in my leg somehow leaked into my leg. That's why the swelling. Plus, I have torned medicsas(totally wrong spelling) something, and they want to do a scope to trim and clean the area. I am concerned about the procedure. How I am going to pay the deductable, where I am going to stay when I have it done. I have about 9 stairs to climb to get to my room. The pain pills aren't really working, then I have that whole am I really in that much pain or do I just want to take the pills. Say hello to my addict friend, ME. I am sure it will all work out, it always does. Since I can't really even walk, I really can't exercise,...

I can't believe it, I loss 7 lbs. Who knew?? I was shocked. I really didn't even count the last 2 days. I know it's just the 1st week, so I will be glad when stays down. I can't believe it, I am sitting in the meeting and I feel like I want to tell everyone just how important blogging is, what a help it has been over this last week. What great tips can be found FOR FREE with this network of people. If I feel like a meeting, I just click, and I have lots of help and encouragment. On to next week......I feel good, now if he can just fix my knee tomorrow life would be perfect. Keep inspiring me!!

Well it's weigh in Monday. I think I will do good, I cheated and got on the scales at the daughter's house last night. I was down like 7 lbs., but that can't be right. I would be happy for just any lost. I ate so many sugar free tropical popsciles, and so much diet jello with FF cool whip. Plus, I ate an entire pineapple over the weekend. I just couldn't stop. I went to church yesterday with my daughter, and I ate dinner out there also. She had chicken pot pie, but I just had a smaller portion. It was Costco kind, it really wasn't that good. I really didn't do much this weekend. I didn't go to any movies ( rare ). Didn't do any housework either. I feel like I spent most of the weekend driving to my daughter's house. She live about 30 miles away. My knee was so sore last night. I was kind of ( ok I was a big ) brat. I whined all day yesterday. I hate it that I can't walk the way I want to. I have noticed that my gait is even differant. I have an a...